No Such Thing As Love
166 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 1 year ago - ★★★★★ - 208 ratingsTerminally single comedians, Jessie Jolles & Claire Burns, no longer believe love exists. Thankfully for us, they’re selflessly in the trenches dating to prove they are right. Laugh with them while they regale us with their dating woes and bring on special guests like a dating coach to dissect their profiles, an ex to explain what went wrong, fellow comedians to share their stories of dating, and actual blind dates that happen in the studio. Listen each week to see what new evidence they’ll have that love will never exist for them.
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Episodes
Belly Buttons and Makeouts
September 04, 2019 09:00 - 56 minutes - 51.7 MBJessie and Claire both had dates that made them start to wonder, if it isn’t horrible, is it good? The answer is no. But they’re trying and are even willing to suffer through a bad makeout just to make sure they’re not giving up too soon. They’re doing it all for you, the listener. So you’re welcome. They also chat about the different dating apps and the 2 levels of cute: cute enough to swipe right and cute enough to respond to them.
Optimistic Breakups with Lindsay Meck
August 28, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 58.9 MBJessie & Claire rarely have second dates but after their conversation with this week’s guest, Lindsay Meck (Onward: A post-breakup concierge service), they’re excited for a relationship so they can have their inevitable breakups! Jessie also updates us on what happened with her blind date from the show and Claire struggles to remember the last time she felt butterflies.
Claire’s Live Blind Date
August 21, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 76.7 MBIt’s Claire’s turn to be in the hot seat with a live blind date. But before her date arrived, Jessie and Claire had a chance to talk about their “ass”ets, Claire’s last good date, and what level of men fighting turn them on. Then things get awkward when the actual date begins. Did he ask any questions? Did Claire take off her host pillbox hat? And did they survive the compliment round? Listen to find out!
Cleaning Pipes
August 14, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 70 MBJessie was “kittenfished” and Claire just needs her pipes cleaned. This week, they break down Jessie’s recent date, the possibility of F buddies, missed connections, and the desire for a conversationalist. Which is your favorite opening line? A) Would you tell me if I had food in my teeth? B) M&Ms or Skittles?
Concussed with Chanel Omari
August 07, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 77.2 MBJessie and Claire share an update from past guest Brittanie Sheree and the outcome of her on air text. They then dive in head first with Chanel Omari (Chanel in the City, Princesses: Long Island) gabbing about the stress of dating after reality tv, self love, and the concussion that rocked Page 6. Chanel promises to post a reenactment if we get 100,000 downloads so SPREAD THE WORD!
Jessie's Live Blind Date
July 31, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 56.4 MBBe a fly on the wall as Jessie goes on a blind date LIVE in the studio! Have you ever noticed a couple clearly on their first date and wondered what they were saying? Now's your chance to know!! Claire set up the date but left Jessie and her date, Jeremiah, in the booth to get to know each other. It’s scary, it’s fun, it’s awkward, it’s everything you hope a date will be!
Cornucopia of Topics
July 24, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 66.8 MBJessie and Claire dig in an assortment of their favorite topics: phone sex, boyfriend fetishes, infiltrating guy groups, brave behaviors, crippling fears, the beauty and difficulty of their friendship, and how Jessie is going to start picturing guys as older women.
Time Takes Time with Chemda
July 17, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 59.6 MBChemda (Keith and The Girl) has been on a journey and Jessie and Claire are fascinated and inspired by every single step. They chat about working with your partner, gaslighting, al-anon, celibacy, self love, needing sexy business transactions, and fans who couldn’t tattoo all of Chemda’s hair because it hurt too much. Pack some snacks and join them for the ride.
The Study Shows with Marisa T Cohen
July 10, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 61.1 MBIt’s time to break down "love" into research and data. Doesn’t that make you hot?! But first, Jessie and Claire give updates that are worth celebrating. Apparently it takes Claire nearly 3 years to release herself from a bad news guy. Later, they’re joined by psychology professor and relationship scientist, Marisa T Cohen to chat about first date behaviors, kitten fishing, physiological arousal, and the male laissez faire attitude when it comes to dating. Listen to find out why Jessie & Clai...
Fear is Fear is Fear with Brittanie Sheree
July 03, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 60.3 MBJessie and Claire take a break from their disastrous dating lives to help their friend, comedian Brittanie Sheree (@brittisfunny) with her latest crush. Because those who can’t do, teach. And by now they’ve definitely earned some sort of honorary degree. After breaking down all the signs of Brittanie’s date, they construct the perfect cool, let’s hang text and prep for all the possible responses. It takes a village.
What's a spark, anyway?
June 26, 2019 09:00 - 58 minutes - 53.5 MBJessie and Claire dive deep this week with complaints about clingy relationships, the meaning of face sitting, shame spiraling, and some good ole fashioned anal chit-chat. Jessie returns to the scene of the crime and feels a special connection with her waiter. Claire reminisces about a “bull” she once dated that she nearly suffocated. They realize at the end of the day, neither of them understand the meaning of a “spark.”
Bless and Release, Lily Womble of Date Brazen
June 19, 2019 00:53 - 1 hour - 73.5 MBJessie and Claire take a stroll down memory lane and chat about their childhood crushes. But while they were hopelessly in love, they also became master deflectors of any boys that had crushes on them. They dive deeper into their troubled dating lives with Lily Womble, of Date Brazen. Claire realizes she’s not any less of a woman if she wants a relationship and Jessie figures out what she needs to know before she goes on a date.
High Fashion and Long Naps, guest Hannah Berner
June 12, 2019 04:39 - 1 hour - 64.3 MBFrom pajamas to tailored suits with matching glasses, Jessie and Claire’s dates have worn them all. This week they chat about recent escapades where Jessie realized she may be on a date with a man who has elephantiasis and Claire’s body had an involuntary audible reaction when her date “leaned up” to kiss her. The hilarious & insightful Hannah Berner (Bravo’s Summer House, Berning in Hell podcast) joins in to chat about naps, love languages, and being real on reality TV.
One Crazy Night
June 05, 2019 05:19 - 58 minutes - 79.8 MBHave you ever had one of those fun, crazy nights where you then spiral into a self worth analysis for days later? That’s exactly what happened with Jessie and Claire so they’re here to tell us all about it. After a few bars and a few failed attempts to chat with guys, they settled with the guys in front of them. Claire realized sometimes it’s easier to make out with a stranger than have a conversation and Jessie breaks down her romantic night in metaphors. They also discuss what they’re real...
Coming in HOT
May 29, 2019 04:37 - 43 minutes - 59.9 MBJessie & Claire are coming in HOT in their first episode. They launch into the No Judgement Zone with updates about a recent affair, arguing heightism, and introducing everyone to the George of the Jungle analogy. Are you familiar with tapered fingers? Well as soon as Claire sees them, her date is dead to her. Jessie says her date is dead when they go dutch. They can’t figure out why they’re single either.
Our Podcast Vows
May 02, 2019 22:16 - 6 minutes - 9.46 MBJessie & Claire give you a little preview of what to expect with their podcast. Aka listen to them laugh at each other.