No Such Thing As Love
166 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 1 year ago - ★★★★★ - 208 ratingsTerminally single comedians, Jessie Jolles & Claire Burns, no longer believe love exists. Thankfully for us, they’re selflessly in the trenches dating to prove they are right. Laugh with them while they regale us with their dating woes and bring on special guests like a dating coach to dissect their profiles, an ex to explain what went wrong, fellow comedians to share their stories of dating, and actual blind dates that happen in the studio. Listen each week to see what new evidence they’ll have that love will never exist for them.
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Episodes
Failing at Phone Sex
August 05, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 60.6 MBThey may play parts in their profession but role playing in the bedroom is a different story. Jessie and Claire talk about a recent failed phone sex attempt, making eyes and snap judgements, erotic beard pics, Indian Matchmaker, and euthanized monkeys. If you have any questions (or compliments to give), please reach out on instagram (@nosuchthingasloveshow) or [email protected].
I Don't Know
July 29, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 59.2 MBWith Jessie back home and Claire’s family wanting her to move home, the ladies reflect on things they’ve learned, discuss what brings them joy these days, and of course, gab about the guy who recently ghosted. They sign off with a love letter to New York. While she’s tough as nails, she’s got the warmest hug of them all.
Cancel or Show the F Up
July 22, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 92.7 MBThe ladies are back together again! During a quick trip back to the city, Jessie heads over to Claire's to chat about their recent escapades, a magic cardigan, flattery from old crushes, New York energy, hard pen15, deciding if you're a hockey goalie or a Walmart greeter, and being faced with how much alone time they're able to handle.
Smack Dab in the Mirror
July 15, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 63.4 MBJessie went on a masked date. Claire falls even harder for a man on her TV. They both talk about the assumptions and judgement we make when meeting people which can be very dangerous. Then they answer a listener's email about a concern over personal challenges and how they play into a new relationship.
Not the Chillest of Years with Vanessa Hardy
July 08, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 74.4 MBWhat a year it is. Astrologer Vanessa Hardy is back to talk about the year that's been and will continue to be. Jessie and Claire find some reassurance in what this time means for them but understand the rollercoaster isn't over. Before they look to the stars, the ladies talk about new online matches and their new favorite reality show, Labor of Love.
Embracing Farts
July 01, 2020 09:00 - 55 minutes - 50.5 MBJessie and Claire's dating styles have reached extremes. From sexting with strangers to letting dust collect on viable matches. They also chat about relationship milestones like the first nighttime routine in front of them or the first time you shove a 12 inch sub down the hatch. Bottom line, Jessie and Claire are looking for someone who will celebrate their farts.
Dats Me!
June 24, 2020 09:00 - 55 minutes - 50.4 MBJessie's busy swiping through the local inventory now that she's home and has found a few text buddies who are unapologetically themselves. Claire is learning to flirt with her mask on while feeling flirty and fun in the City. They also talk about getting svelte since they just applied for Love is Blind!
69ing The Musical
June 17, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 64.8 MBWhat happens when you want a friend to go on walks with and they turn into a sexter? You talk about it on your podcast. Jessie and Claire share their updates with exes & new interests, get into a heated discussion about the most annoying position, and beg a man named Matt, the lead in their COVID musical.
Tinder Therapy
June 10, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 60 MBIn a time of restlessness and instability, we look for joy in low stakes affairs. Enter Tinder. What no one saw coming was an ex resurfacing. Jessie and Claire breakdown the relationship that was and what could be after a stroll around the neighborhood.
Virtual Speed Dating
June 03, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 63 MBAfter literally running out of a live speed dating event last fall, Jessie & Claire decide to try one virtually. The ladies swap stories about their dates with the same 9 guys.
Is it Love or Allergies PART 3
May 28, 2020 04:00 - 39 minutes - 36.1 MBDating is a rollercoaster and Jessie and Claire are here to share every high, low, and confusing twists. After a Magical COVID Night and sobering revelations, a love letter appeared in an email. Strap in and listen as they read it aloud and respond in real time. But remember to keep your arms inside at all times.
Is it Love or Allergies PART 2
May 27, 2020 10:00 - 47 minutes - 43.9 MBSome magical nights need an update after the romance has settled. Since a few days had passed and sentiments had shifted, Jessie and Claire jump back on the mics to let you know the latest.
Is it Love or Allergies PART 1
May 27, 2020 09:00 - 52 minutes - 48.4 MBIt was a Magical COVID Night. Both Jessie and Claire had dates. One FaceTiming and one strolling. Did they find love? Does one of them use “like?” Or did one of them attend a TED Talk disguised as a date?
Master Dater and Wine Lover
May 20, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 55.6 MBJessie has become a Master Dater with her third virtual date but this one had an added in-person element! She shares all the juicy details and the ladies talk about dating in this new world. Claire also finds out the harsh truth that her FaceTime is WAY too close.
The Thing about Them
May 13, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 64.8 MBThis week we learn some hard and fast things about Jessie and Claire. Not a fan of change, taking it one day at a time, and loving maps are just a few. They also answer a few questions from the 36 Questions that Lead to Love because if there’s any hope to love a little more, they’ll take it.
Finding Hope in a Success with Myra Withers Pitts
May 06, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 59.8 MBJessie & Claire share their updates from a toxic ex and a shower crush as well as their recommendations for some good TV sex scenes if you’re in the mood. Then the ladies are joined by friend Myra Withers Pitts who tells the heartening tale of meeting her “cat daddy” husband. They texted for a full year before even meeting! Her story inspired the ladies to keep messaging on the apps even though they can’t meet in person any time soon. They’ll at least have the TV sex scenes to return to afte...
Understanding Love at First Sight
April 29, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 57.1 MBJessie and Claire have been taking love classes and they’re here to drop some knowledge. Their classroom? The Lifetime TV show, Married at First Sight. They discuss some of the behaviors and communication styles they identify with and are terribly confused by. People keeping score in fights, crying wolf with compliments, sexual immaturity, daddy daughter issues, and couple with a 17 inch height difference. Claire is livid.
Is That Optimism I Smell?
April 22, 2020 09:00 - 49 minutes - 45.2 MBJessie is hot off a FaceTime date and Claire’s is on Hinge. The ladies are back! Jessie shares her suspicions in everything, Claire shares her discoveries about isolation, and they answer a listener’s question about the craziness of being in quarantine with an annoying boyfriend. The ladies love to answer questions so send them in on Instagram or [email protected].
Love in Cinematic Form
April 15, 2020 09:00 - 39 minutes - 36.4 MBLogging week 80 of quarantine, the ladies talk about Claire’s birthday, memories of going out, getting in fighting shape, walking into glass doors, and the most important part of a pandemic, what they’re watching.
Coming to Terms with Being Gorgeous
April 09, 2020 09:00 - 54 minutes - 49.7 MBJessie and Claire swap quarantine stories about a FaceTime date, quickie cuffs, braless late night escapes, and weeping all the way down the zipline.
Remember Having Sex in the City?
April 01, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 65 MBHypothetically speaking, Jessie and Claire know all the answers to love’s questions. And they prove it on this week’s quarantine episode where they look back on some of Carrie’s greatest questions from Sex and the City. Along the way, they tell some old stories about cheating, dates with sugar daddies, and coming to terms with superficiality. All while looking like filth but thankfully for them this is not a visual medium. *thanks for sticking with us while we get this remote audio sorted out!
Redos & Lost Loves
March 25, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 71.3 MBJessie and Claire hunker down for another week in quarantine and revisit some old dates they’d like to redo and think about the guys that got away. While they’re waiting to make new memories, nothing beats reminiscing about eager oral, insane love letters, and when guys told you they liked you. *Apologies but there’s some fuzz from 15-27min in! Quarantine problems!
The Quarantine We
March 18, 2020 09:00 - 43 minutes - 39.7 MBJessie and Claire risked their anxiety & ‘Rona fears to hang together and chat about how they’re feeling. They discussed what it means to date now, wanting to be a “we,” video speed dating, and the hottest commodity around, TOILET PAPER! Stay safe and wash those hands!
Demanding Certainty with Jules Mahon
March 11, 2020 09:00 - 52 minutes - 48.3 MBJessie and Claire are joined by one of their best gal pals, Jules Mahon, to gab all about her exciting dating life and new relationship. They talk about protecting yourself, reprogramming assumptions, delusional love, Attached, and how much her mom loved their show. They don’t know much but they do know flattery always wins.
Beyonce Retrograde with astrologer Vanessa Hardy
March 04, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 57.9 MBMercury Retrograde has Jessie & Claire all sorts of exhausted so they called in for help from astrologer extraordinaire, Vanessa Hardy. They chat about what role astrology plays in dating, how retrogrades can be a catch-all for problems, and what’s in store for the ladies. Get ready for a hot mess summer!
Tense or Release and Live from Carolines
February 26, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 68.6 MBAfter the success of Jessie’s blind date on the live show, she gives an update about what happened next. The ladies also talk about another date that wasn’t as successful and listening to their bodies when they’re telling you maybe it isn’t a great fit. Stay tuned for the blind date from their live show at Carolines to hear what all the hubbub is about.
Panic Room Double Blind Date
February 19, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 88.1 MBIt’s time for another live double blind date but the ladies raised the stakes. This one is in a panic room. Will the high stress & claustrophobia make the love sparked fly or create a terrified memory. Listen from pre to post date with no interruptions as Jessie & Claire chat with John & Sean about first crushes, pet peeves, turn ons, & fighting styles. Can you feel if sparks were flying? Or is the terror of the panic room?
Debunking The App with Matt Cutler, Head of Customer Experience at Hinge
February 12, 2020 09:14 - 1 hour - 96.6 MBThe ladies have become avid users of Hinge so they were absolutely elated when they got a chance to sit down with the Head of Customer Experience at Hinge, Matt Cutler. They chat about all the ins & outs of online dating but also the human element of dating. The ladies start off with some recent date stories including Jessie responding to touch like an aunt.
Lip Lickers and Nice Guys
February 05, 2020 10:00 - 34 minutes - 32 MBWould you rather go on a date with a nice guy from Jersey or a lip licker drug lord? Well Jessie and Claire went on dates with these guys and live to tell the tales. They both show growth in their dating lives as Jessie initiated touch and Claire refused to go to Brooklyn. Join them Tuesday, Feb 11th at Carolines on Broadway in NYC at 7:30pm. $10 tickets when you use the code “love.”
Communicating Through Boundaries with Margaret Doherty, LMFT
January 29, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 72.6 MBThe ladies continue to honor their dating intentions with Claire setting up a date near her home and Jessie staying true to her authentic self. They’re also joined by marriage and family therapist, Margaret Doherty to discuss the #1 complication is relationships: communication. With finances as a close second. They also chat about freezing eggs, the Gottman Method, adjusting walls, and their love of ketchup. They also get some therapy for their own communication issues because we can all use...
No Episode Episode
January 22, 2020 10:00 - 7 minutes - 6.56 MBJessie & Claire got caught up in some fun projects but didn’t want to miss giving everyone an update! Fresh off a weekend of shooting Jessie’s new pilot (Forgotten Animals), they share the VERY exciting news they have a live show scheduled. Mark your calendars! Tuesday, Feb 11th at 7:30pm at the iconic Carolines on Broadway in NYC! They can't wait to see each & every one of you in person!
Intentions and Opinions with Keith Malley
January 15, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 72.8 MBThe ladies set some new dating intentions. Claire is going on more coffee dates near her home and Jessie is going to have fun & thrive when she feels safe. They’re later joined by Keith Malley (Keith and The Girl). Keith has figured out love but has some opinions on their profiles and dating ways. They all laugh about dating yawners, taking a break from sex to work out a leg cramp, the low bar for guys to be decent, and Keith’s current catfish saga with his dad.
Pussy Power with Cara Kovacs
January 08, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 63.4 MBWhat a year it’s already been! Jessie and Claire revisit their great New Years Eve and Jessie talks about a second date with an unlikely suitor. Spoiler, it didn’t go great. They're later joined by sex coach, Cara Kovacs who breaks down pussy power, sexual numbness, worthiness & safety, attachment styles, and how weird it can be to date in her profession. The ladies join Cara's vow to end ghosting culture and urge everyone to follow. And to turn up Lizzo.
What A Year It's Been
January 01, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 107 MBRaise a glass and have some laughs as Jessie and Claire reminisce on the last year of bad dates and life lessons. They talk about being catfished, turned off by an aggressive heckler, reminded of how bad the bad guy was, and taught sex is over when he finishes. The ladies set resolutions for themselves and each other and decide to switch up their sign off. Jessie & Claire are optimistic about the year ahead but know they’ll still have plenty of missteps to bring the laughs.
Dating Debacles and Smitten Kittens with Leah and Stefan
December 25, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 79.1 MBJessie and Claire wish you a happy holiday by sharing their friend’s, Leah & Stefan, nearly unbelievable love story. But first they share their own updates which are far more believable. Jessie went on a date with a wet tongue and Claire hooked up with a playful ex. Then we hear the cutest darn meet cute that almost didn’t happen 5 different times. May their tales bring smiles to your faces and warmth to your hearts!
Getting Raw with Jessie and Claire
December 18, 2019 10:00 - 1 hour - 61.9 MBTis the season to strip off the pretense and speak our truths. This week, the ladies discuss their bodies’ self defense against bad boys, to wear or not to wear a condom, flirty math teachers, and negging a Bud Light order. Then the ladies get into it when Claire triggers Jessie and we all fall into the emotional spiral together. This episode gets real and gets raw. (UPDATE: the show they couldn’t remember was “Shrill” where they mention women over 176 lbs may need to take 2 Plan Bs)
I think for me...with Shani Silver
December 11, 2019 10:00 - 1 hour - 69.6 MBJessie And Claire start off with some updates on their recent escapades. Claire was awkwardly carried during a makeout and Jessie heard all about prostitution on her last date. They’re then joined by the always hilarious and insightful Shani Silver (writer, podcaster) to discuss her glittery epiphany that being single is an actual gift. They chat about old men in bars, how we’re not always doing something wrong, and the parallel universe where guys sit around and talk about dining alone. The...
Positive Profiles with Meredith Golden
December 04, 2019 10:00 - 1 hour - 82 MBGet out your notepads because Jessie and Claire are getting all the tips from famed dating app ghostwriter, Meredith Golden (SpoonMeetSpoon.com). They chat about gentle nudges, profile energies, and focusing on what you bring to the table. The ladies also dissect their latest bad dates and want to send out another reminder that if you kiss them right, all their inhibitions are out the window.
Calling BS on Bad Communication
November 27, 2019 10:00 - 58 minutes - 53.3 MBJessie & Claire have been on some dates (yes! plural!) and are ready to dish. Jessie’s date was confident and successful yet couldn’t seal the deal with the weak landing. Claire had the most honest discussion about her life goals on a second date which led to the bedroom pretty quick. What else do you do after realizing you don’t want the same thing? Makeout! The ladies then get into a discussion about communication. When do you call BS and when do you acknowledge people just have different...
As Best We Can with Pops and Julie
November 20, 2019 10:00 - 1 hour - 55.6 MBThe ladies are joined by Claire’s dad & stepmother (aka Pops & Julie) to share their love story. Finding love after death isn’t easy but they found it with each other and have beautiful insight and inspiration for us all. Despite their podcast title being “a little off putting,” they have high hopes for Jessie and Claire in their search for men who celebrate their humor.
Worth The Commute with Michelle Collins
November 13, 2019 10:00 - 1 hour - 75.5 MBJessie & Claire can’t stop laughing with the quickest, funniest darn comedians around and friend, Michelle Collins (@michcoll). They chat about dating while tall, the desire to be smothered by Ben Affleck, long toes, licking dirty beards, and the delights of Donkey. But first, the ladies give their latest updates of a frightening date and witnessing love on the MTA.
It’s A Two Date Game
November 06, 2019 10:00 - 54 minutes - 49.7 MBJessie went on a date where she learned things. She learned about a Player’s tell. Her biggest take away is, “They open up emotionally so we’ll open up physically.” Claire called out a man for not wearing his wedding ring and tested her new way of finding out if someone is single.
Man Tells All with Chris Cafero
October 30, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 86 MBJessie and Claire welcome Hinge’s #1 Bachelor and actor/comedian/friend, Chris Cafero (@ccafero), into the booth to talk about all things dating. They peel back the curtains to share the male & female views on the different apps, making plans, signs of a great date, walking out on a date, and dating like our justice system: innocent until proven guilty. But first the ladies chat about being a single wedding guest and when you decide to stop pulling up your strapless bra.
Verbally Cuddling with the Cuddlist, Adam Lippin
October 23, 2019 09:00 - 48 minutes - 44 MBJessie and Claire learn all about professional cuddle therapy from Cuddlist Co-Founder & CEO, Adam Lippin. After realizing they both suffer from touch deprivation and skin hunger, it becomes evident they desperately need sessions with a cuddlist to help with their boundary and intimacy issues. But before they jump in with Adam, Jessie talks about her recent call with an astrologer and Claire breaks down her plan of action after a home invasion murder suicide. Everyone will need a cuddle afte...
Not Kissing But Still Telling
October 16, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 63.8 MBJessie got back on the wagon with a hot new date and Claire spills the tea after a few dates with her previously blind date. The ladies answer the question: if you don’t want to high five, shake hands, or hug, how do you end a date? Salute!
Hanging with the Ladies
October 09, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 84.3 MBJessie & Claire gab about dyslexia & sexting, coupled friends forcing singles together, letting fear pick the music, pausing time, junior high trends, Charlie’s hot bod, and SHOWING UP.
Rubbing Out the Stigma of Sex Work with Kaytlin Bailey
October 02, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 90.8 MBJessie and Claire have been talking about speed dating for a while and they FINALLY went. You’ll never guess what happened. After you get over the shock, keep listening for one of the most informative, fascinating, and enlightening conversations with Kaytlin Bailey (@KaytlinBailey) from Decriminalize Sex Work (dswork.org). Listen and learn. Let's keep this conversation going so we’re all educated on the subject.
Live Double Blind Date
September 25, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 71.5 MBIt’s always better to do it with a friend. That’s why Jessie and Claire decided to go on blind dates together! Listen in as the ladies are joined by Claire’s match on Hinge, Mike, and his friend, David as they answer ice breaker questions and then actually ask follow-up questions, much to Claire’s delight. The ladies also bare all and hand over their phones to their dates before playing the compliment round. Do either of these couples find a spark between them? You’ll just have to listen to ...
Rollercoaster of Emotions
September 18, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 62.6 MBJessie and Claire dive deep into some big fears. Claire reads a goodbye message she sent her toxic ex. Jessie wonders if she even has a matching puzzle piece out there. They also cover manners, death, weddings, family, and sexual worth. There are tears and laughter held together by a one great friendship.
Birthdays and Reappearing Ghosts with Alyssa Amoroso (Publyssity)
September 11, 2019 09:00 - 1 hour - 75.2 MBJessie’s birthday is nearing and she’s freaking out. She and Claire chat about what birthdays mean for them and wonder if the definition of love is when you order a tub of ice cream and your partner still finds you cute. Then Alyssa Amoroso (@Publyssity) joins them to talk about everything from foot fetishes, exposing your feelings, guys who come on too strong too fast, and their 3 month challenge. Join their challenge and share your stories at [email protected]!