Why you must get outside our comfort zone and into our growth zone, regrets and why you should do everything to avoid them

(sorry for the confusion part one of this was released a few weeks ago, but there's no connection other than similar topics)

Ethan and I talk about growth zones living your perfect life, said principle. Living within our comfort zones, contentment, and why we have to get outside of it. There are always a million reasons not to do something. Moving to Thailand by myself and how hard it was, yet how it was one of the best things I ever did.

We talk about looking back at your life from your deathbed, and how everyone has regrets - except a certain group of people, who realized how to live life without regrets. Public speaking and poetry reading for the first time. Why we fear public speaking and how it's never as bad as you think.

Toastmasters public speaking classes — amazing public speaking classes to help you learn the ins and outs of successful public speaking.


Transcript:
[00:00:00] spk_1: What's up everybody? This is the life next level podcast. Got Ethan goodson sable here and uh your boy J

[00:00:09] spk_0: hey?

[00:00:10] spk_1: Yeah, J gross. Uh, so uh, come back at you kind of the second part of a little bit what we were talking about before, but we're kind of burn

[00:00:19] spk_0: into a few things that little, yeah, little recap the said principal and we're kind of rolling with that and uh, comfort zones, growth zones, goal setting, all that good stuff. So,

[00:00:32] spk_1: so too hot. Right. NJ what? So like, how do you feel like you, what does it mean when you say a growth selling? Like how do you identify that?

[00:00:44] spk_0: So, um, so I always, I've always, there's kind of two principles and I know that we'll talk about these a lot more in our future podcast, but two things that I always think that that make you even have the ability to live the life that you wanted to be like, like extremely happy and live your quote unquote dream life, it seems like a overused phrase, but you know, it's out there and we all want to live that life, right? Well we all feel like we're missing, that are a lot of us do um and that is a lot of us, we, we we we sit in our comfort zone and it's very easy to do. I did it for many years. In fact Ethan, like we talked a little bit about about going to when we went to Nazem together where we met and that is honestly when I was, I was freaking 30 years old and that is when I started to jump out of my comfort zone for the first time. Really like really get out and try to do something for the first time. Otherwise I was just content, you know, like I wanted to do stuff, but I never did it because you're, I don't know, internally, just tell yourself it's too much work, you don't have the time, you don't have the money, you don't, there's always a million reasons not to do something and it's very, very easy for us to stay comfortable because comfortable is fine, comfortable is good. Um I lived a fine life, I lived a good life, I was happy, was I ecstatic every day. No, and that's kind of what I'm trying to build towards, and that's and that's what I really realized was that, you know, it could be better, and so I started dipping my toe outside of my comfort zone and do what I like to call our girls own, and that's, you know, that's obviously that's where you grow, you're not gonna grow if you just sit in your comfort zone um and but if you really want to do something, you really want to attain something great in your life, you're gonna have to get into that growth zone at some point, you're gonna have to get uncomfortable and get comfortable being uncomfortable. And it's hard to do honestly, because there's a lot of things that come with that you fear, you fear failure, you fear um you know, I don't have time to do anything anymore. It's it's there's just so much that comes with it, but it's so worth it. And in order to do that, you have to make a commitment to something and ideally you set a goal like we were talking about and you take baby steps outside of your comfort zone, into your growth zone, but baby steps because you jump too far. A lot of times you, something bad happens or you fail and you just get right back into your comfort zone and you're done for a while because it's hard because it's scary, but that that is kind of where you have to go in order to grow and here's the truth, it's that life is gonna, life is going to pull you outside your comfort zone anyway at some point, it's gonna yank you out of it whether you want to or not, and that the more used to it, you are, the better you're gonna be able to handle that stuff. Um So I think that everybody should at least take baby steps out of their comfort zone daily if possible, it's small, you know, just get used to getting out there. Um You know, I took I would take public speaking classes um you know, I would do anything to get out of my comfort zone and just to learn stuff a little bit and it made me so much better at being able to say yes to new things too to um you know something as little as skydiving, swimming with sharks and things like that. It gets you out of your comfort zone but it also prepares you to get out of your comfort zone for other personal growth aspects to like maybe you want to start a business or maybe you want to write that book, it prepares you to get out of your comfort zone for that. Just taking

[00:04:21] spk_1: those little steps. Yeah

[00:04:23] spk_0: yeah we went on a rant there but

[00:04:25] spk_1: it's good stuff to you know go on because it's really true and you know um uh like we human beings and not just physically you know but like in every single regard are the most amazing adaptation machines. We can just like whatever it is you know like we will adapt and uh it's not always necessarily in like what could be air quotes the best way, you know? But like it's adapt, adaptation is going to happen. And so I think to other things that are really interesting is that like you said like life is going to pull you out of your comfort zone and also like inevitably like being in your comfort zone like too long, whatever that too long, you know, time period is for you will become uncomfortable, you know like it's going to happen and like and it might be a slow burn you know? But I feel like all kinds of people, I can feel that and like resonate with things being just fine, you know? But that really not feeling good, that's not feeling satisfying, you know? And also I think what's interesting is that like how quickly um how quickly we forget first of all, but like how quickly um something can become comfortable, like how quickly something that was outside of your comfort zone can ultimately become pretty comfortable, you know? And that's what I mean, that we forget, you know, like we forget when we become like a low key expert at something that we don't even really, you know, notice like even like whatever a person's job is, you know, like, and it could be anything, but just like just thinking about that, there's probably a moment where you're like, ok, am I going to be able to do all of this in this job, Whatever, whatever it is, like, you know? But then there was probably another moment, you know? Uh it was probably a great period in between, but that other moment where all of a sudden now it's easy what you're doing, you're so used to it that it's almost like boring, you know? Like I feel like that pops up pretty quick you know like we get good at stuff faster than we realize and if we can remember that and apply it to continuing you know to get in good at stuff like it it makes it when we remember how good we are at adapting and that we have a lot of utility over how we adapt. Like then that getting out of your comfort zone and I think this is something that you exhibit like that getting out of your comfort zone thing becomes fun you know? Like I feel like even a lot of the stuff that you do, moving your going different places are trying different jobs or industries is like uh kind of like uh you know not in a bad way but like an adrenaline rush, you know like like going out there in a growth rush, you know, you're

[00:07:06] spk_0: getting a what I um I'm afraid, I will say uh some of the yeah man, some of the hardest stuff I did, like moving to Thailand by myself was incredibly hard, I was so excited when the day came and I was like, what the hell am I doing man? And yeah, I was, it was ultimately, it was ultimately scary, but one of the best things I've ever done, um and then there's a lot of things like that, but you know, it took me a lot of, a lot of steps to get to the point to be able to do that, and now I could do it again, it would still be scary, but way less so um you know, I will tell you, uh so I got a promotion at work that I wasn't expecting, I was expecting someone else to get it. And all of a sudden I was I had an opportunity to manage uh three teams, not even all in my location, different locations, three teams and you know, it to manage them all. And I almost turned it down because I was scared as hell. I'm like, how the hell can I do this? And within three months it was, it was an annoyance more. I mean, I love managing people don't get me wrong, but it was more of a nuisance that, like, it didn't bother me and then my manager would come and say, hey, can you manage this team? Was like, all right, Yeah, no big deal. Within months. It wasn't a big deal, but at first it was very, very scary and like if they if they had posted the job, I probably went, it went for it, you know, they pulled me in and offered it to me, you know, they were posted its people and I won't even try. So sometimes you have to take those opportunities and that's a big piece of growth to um is a sidebar, you know, taking opportunities. But um yeah, so I think that that that was one of the major things that made me realize like I can do a whole lot more than I'm doing, um you know, I was just comfortable where I was, I was making decent money and whatever, so

[00:08:59] spk_1: totally Yeah, well, and it's cool to think about those like slices of time when, because a lot of times it's like hindsight, retroactive, retroactively when you like look at it at like seeing those, those looking back out of the growth zone, you know, is usually where it's like, oh look at all of those other comfort zones so far away now, you know? And like, But but thinking about being able to identify those points, you know, in real time, like kind of what we were talking about to like, like noting when you get to a position where it's like, oh, this maybe I'm not in this growth zone yet, because those are the snippets of time, that's the event horizon of the black hole of growth, where it's kind of like, it's so easy to just be like, oh, never mind. You know, like you said, and just like, there's no way I can do this and I'm not I haven't grown to this point, you know? It's funny, I have to jump outside of the circle to get there.

[00:09:52] spk_0: Well, it's interesting. Well, okay, so I have two points. So you are I mean, we all have regrets. Right? Look back at your regrets. Why are they regret? I have regrets because I didn't take a chance when I had him Because I just didn't take a chance of something. And I have regrets because of missed opportunities. I had an awesome job opportunity in Chicago and I didn't do it for a variety of reasons. I look back and regret it every day. This is when I was like 25 or something, you know, and then there's the chances that you just don't take and you look back and you're like, why the hell didn't I take him? What was so hard about that? But in the moment it's scary, you know, like taking the chances or taking an opportunity that presents itself. And those are I think two of the biggest things I have, I used to walk to watch out Ted's talk all the time, or Ted talks all the time. Yeah, and I still do once in a while, but I used to watch like one a day for a long time and there was this one man I was searching for and actually wrote an article about it. I'll put it in the show and it's been anything I'll send it to you. But um it was about this this uh let's see how how did it go? So this, oh so they did a study of people on their deathbeds and the vast majority of them were we're would look back in their life, unhappy, they had regrets, they didn't spend enough time with their kids. They didn't work as hard as they could have had their job. They could have didn't start the business, they always wanted to because they just stayed in their comfort zone. Um And then almost to a t uh sorry. So they did another study or it's the same study, but another group of people and they were a group of people who had at some point in their life um been on their deathbeds. Like they have been in a car accident. They didn't know if they were going to survive. Something that happened. Maybe they had a cancer or something, but something bad had happened where they didn't know if they were going to survive. And when they were at the point they looked back and they had all these regrets but they survived And then when they were on their deathbeds they had like 100 of them had zero regrets. I'm sure I could have said that better, but none of them had any regrets. Yeah they were now able they came to this point in their life where they were like, Holy Shit, I have all of these regrets, all of these things that could have done and I didn't, I just sat here. Yeah. And then they changed and then they realized and what that enabled them to do was around you.

[00:12:16] spk_1: We have a rig light, but it's got a little glitch in it, where it's not a glitch. I think it's somebody else's remote and our building and it changes to party mode. Uh, it

[00:12:29] spk_0: just turned into a party over

[00:12:30] spk_1: there, like what you're saying is what what it

[00:12:32] spk_0: was. So what happened in my mind, it is they were able then to identify those moments and you kind of alluded to it. They were able to identify those moments in real time like this, that holy shit, here's an opportunity. I can't pass this up again. I already did that like, oh my gosh, you know what? I'm going to take this risk because I didn't take risks like this before and I regretted it. So they were able to then I kind of see that in real time instead of just saying I can do that tomorrow, I don't have to do that now or another opportunity will come, they were like, nope, I'm going I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm starting the business. I always wanted to like I'm asking about the person I always wanted to, you know, there is big and small things and that always wrong. That always hit me really deep. Yeah, unfortunately, I can't find that freaking ted talks anymore,

[00:13:21] spk_1: so yeah,

[00:13:22] spk_0: yeah, but it was really good, but I did, yeah, I wrote an article about it. That one's been sticking with me for a while, so yeah,

[00:13:27] spk_1: yeah, yeah, It's crazy man, you know, they're uh Alan Watts or whatever I think is his name, you know? Uh kind of, I think the word is

[00:13:37] spk_0: pretty simple, the name rings about who is

[00:13:40] spk_1: he? I think he's like a pretty like, I don't know the exact terminology, but kind of like an esoteric like ethereal type talker. He talks a lot about like, basically. So uh just one thing that he says is that if you picture yourself as a ship, I'm paraphrasing uh you picture yourself as a ship, that it's common, that we almost kind of fall into this trap of thinking, you know, that the wake drives the ship, you know? And it's not the wake is only a product of, you know, that's not propelling the ship forward at all. The ship is propelling the ship forward, you know? And so the point is like, what's wild about thinking about regrets is that like making that association, the deathbed association, whatever, like, you know, if you don't make that little little corkscrew thought process change, then like what's crazy is that considering our regrets? Like is usually what causes us to have more regrets, you know, almost like

[00:14:36] spk_0: so

[00:14:37] spk_1: trapped and thinking about all the things that you regret doing, You start to think that those past experiences are, that's all you do, that's what you do, that's who you are and you're going to do it the same way, it's about you know, being able to always step outside of that um you know, to have it not be a regret to a funny, you know? And so yeah,

[00:15:00] spk_0: That's I mean that's that's a whole another episode two, but you're right, like looking at your past and you regret you regret yeah. And um it's so huge to understand that looking at our past is there to make us grow like look at it, it already happened, Stop regretting it, but understand what happened and learn from it and then do something different going forward.

[00:15:22] spk_1: Yeah, exactly.

[00:15:24] spk_0: So

[00:15:25] spk_1: hard to do, but still good to think about, you know, people are very

[00:15:29] spk_0: hard to do. Yeah, it's very hard to do. Um so we're okay. So I know that we're kind of running low on time, but do you want to get into really quick if we if you have, if one of us has any examples of like something, I don't know like where we either jumped into our girls zone or where we regret not jumping into it or something.

[00:15:53] spk_1: I got a I got a good one. So, so so I was I like to do you know, poetry stuff, word stuff, whatever. I entered a lot

[00:16:01] spk_0: about you man.

[00:16:02] spk_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I entered a erotic poetry slam that was in Minneapolis on valentine's day. And uh, so you do three minute poem in a one minute poem the first year. I did it, I didn't memorize them, I just read them. And then I did it another year and I memorized them. And so the one minute poem, like I was standing up and like they had, you know, like I said, I was going to be next. I was walking up on stage and as I was going to the steps to walk up on stage, I was like, oh damn, I can't. I like as I was trying to just picture, you know, running my one minute poem through my head, I couldn't think of how it went, I couldn't think of the words at all. And I was like, I was like, oh, you know, like this is literally the only thing I'm going up here to do, and I don't remember what the word, you know? And so then it just would have been and it was mostly the pressure of that, I wasn't just about run out the door, you know? But so still I got forced into the girl's own of like walking up and assuming I knew I had practiced enough that I knew I remembered it, I knew I was tripping out a little bit and I just needed to calm down and go up there and just open my mouth when the timer started and I did and I remembered it and it went really well. And yeah, that felt like a point where I'm like, I'm not gonna shrink here, I'm gonna grow, you know? I think I got it, you know,

[00:17:15] spk_0: it's crazy and that's why people don't like public speaking, but here's the thing, so the same thing happened to me when I was taking that public speaking class and there was like Probably 12 to 15 people in it. It was a really good class, by the way, I have to remember the name of it, They have them in every city is really good. Um And I went up, I knew nobody in it and uh and I went up in my freaking froze man, like my brain just scrambling like what the hell was I going to talk about? And I was like shaking and I could feel like beads of sweat on my forehead, It's like, but looking back like it's not even that big of a deal, but that's that's what, that's what keeps us from doing stuff like that, and that's what keeps people from doing it and very rightly so I'm still kind of scared of public speaking. I'm a lot better now, but it took me years to even be able to do that, you know? But um the funny thing is I got when I got done like I had to give a seven minute speech and I memorized it all. Um I got like a standing ovation

[00:18:11] spk_1: man.

[00:18:11] spk_0: Yeah. How did you do? You did pretty well.

[00:18:15] spk_1: I went over time or I would have gotten invited back to the finals and so but here's the next thing that they invited me to still come back and be a poet. That was kind of like the tribute or whatever, but I didn't go, I was too scared. I was like, no, no, no, you

[00:18:31] spk_0: man, you're good at that kind of stuff man.

[00:18:34] spk_1: I know it's funny. But yeah, that's the thing though, is it's like, you know, not remembering remembering the part where I went up and said it, not getting focused on the fact that I was too scared the next day. And I think it's a funny order to you know like I knew I would have won if I hadn't been made just a little simple timing mistake. But it's awesome.

[00:18:51] spk_0: It's such an awesome step for the next time you do something like that.

[00:18:55] spk_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So

[00:19:00] spk_0: so my my real quick example and I have a bunch, I could go, you know, we could talk about moving to Thailand or whatever, but but just just because of this, I mean I think like what we're doing right now, Like this isn't, we don't have a podcast started yet. Just starting next week. We're recording it like to put on a podcast. So you know, 1 to 10, maybe 20 people can listen to what I hope more, but that's crazy to me. It's awesome, you can do

[00:19:29] spk_1: this stuff, but

[00:19:30] spk_0: it I mean I've been talking about it for months and and it really took kind of getting together with you um and I have a couple other friends that pushed me a little bit on it to um and they're in some of the podcast, but um yeah, just just really if it wasn't for you guys, I want to be doing it. It's been on my mind for a long time, but you know, sometimes a little nudge or push in the right direction again, take the opportunity when it's there. Like somebody had mentioned to me and I was like, yeah, let's do it. I got in touch with Ethan, he's like, yeah let's do it. And that's how you can tell, like we're kind of used to at least somewhat getting in that growth, so because this is it's really fun. But yeah, it's a little bit scary. And then next we're gonna, we're talking about doing a Youtube channel, which is even a little bit scarier,

[00:20:13] spk_1: so,

[00:20:14] spk_0: but this is awesome, man. It's, I don't even know what's gonna come of it sometimes, you just have to do it, we'll see, we'll see, you know? So

[00:20:21] spk_1: yeah, it's just fun. I think that's what makes it so fun because exactly like you said, you know, knowing that I'm really hoping that people be listening to this, but at the same time, knowing that right now as I'm talking, I know nobody's listening but you and me, but I still I'm talking to a large group of people. I think it's because of uh you know, like knowing how fun this is, I wanted to do this for a long time to and then just, you know, I always felt like, oh, maybe not. Maybe not. And then poof all of a sudden it's a thing and if you grab it then it is a thing. And so it's really fun to do this and it feels good to do,

[00:20:51] spk_0: yep, I agree, I agree. And I hope, I hope, I hope your listeners think the same. I hope you guys love it. Please let us know in the show notes and stuff. Even you have any final thoughts on this

[00:21:01] spk_1: besides stay groovy. Not really, just

[00:21:05] spk_0: just keep growing. Hey, if you have, if you have questions or anything, you know, leave them in the show notes, we'll get back to you. We'd love to help you out. If you are trying to grow in some way or you're struggling in any of it. We would love to help you. That's why we're here for. So, um, yeah, I don't I don't have anything else either. This was a great episode Ethan. Why don't you sign us out?

[00:21:23] spk_1: Well, until next time? You know, this has been life next level podcast with Ethan, Guttman stable and my boy over here, my name is jane.

[00:21:31] spk_0: I thought you forgot. Maybe you were getting frazzled again,

[00:21:35] spk_1: my boy. That's right. We'll work out the timing. Don't worry. Thanks. All

[00:21:43] spk_0: right, Everyone have a great day. We'll see you next time.