Life in Relationship
164 episodes - English - Latest episode: 7 months ago - ★★★★★ - 15 ratingsWriter, licensed clinical social worker, and theologian, Heidi Goehmann, produces resources that advocate for mental health and genuine relationships. She loves her family, post it notes, Jesus, adventure, Star Wars, Star Trek, and new ideas…not necessarily in that order.
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Episodes
Frustration with Chris Kennedy
December 12, 2023 14:26 - 27 minutes - 25.5 MBSpecial guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link) Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset ...
Happiness
November 28, 2023 14:35 - 26 minutes - 21.2 MBHow do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions Tip 3 – We’r...
Anxiety
November 14, 2023 18:58 - 24 minutes - 21.6 MBHow do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s? Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforestthe...
Sadness
October 24, 2023 11:00 - 29 minutes - 26.8 MBHow do I help my loved one when they are sad? Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness - Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time - Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes ...
Zeal
October 17, 2023 11:00 - 23 minutes - 20.9 MBListener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something? Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts Define Zeal - great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) - eagerness and a...
Empathy with Boundaries
October 03, 2023 13:37 - 24 minutes - 21.5 MBListener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience. Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see th...
Pleasure
September 12, 2023 16:00 - 23 minutes - 18 MBHow do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skills 3 stages of pleasure: Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedon...
Season 6 Trailer
August 28, 2023 00:32 - 1 minute - 1.59 MBWelcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy. Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions a...
Breaking Up & Moving On
May 23, 2022 20:02 - 37 minutes - 30.4 MBTopic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it’s healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup? The weightiness of breakups Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy” Keep it classy, kind, and clear Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is long term face to face universally preferred in the research What do you need and what needs healing? Find your support people ...
Taking Care of Your Partner with the Arrival of Baby
March 07, 2022 12:00 - 40 minutes - 32.8 MBHow do partners take care of each other when they have a baby? 1 – Learn together, about baby and each other What are your unique challenges? Gender role complications Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby Embrace flexible curiosity Make space and room for letting the baggage come out 2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another Acknowledge the impossibility of the unpredictable nature of parenting Some common anxieties: Exhaustion A...
Wrestling with Faith
February 21, 2022 18:14 - 35 minutes - 28.8 MBTopic: Where do I turn if I’m wrestling with my faith? Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master Wrestling can be scary, but healthy Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me? Validating your questions and feelings goes a long way in making wrestling feel safer Keep talking to God – step toward relationship and revelation, getting to know God rath...
Talking to Someone about Their Mental Health
February 07, 2022 12:00 - 40 minutes - 32.4 MBTopic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health? Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health Step 1 - changing our beliefs Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs 2019 APA survey: https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey What is my relationship with this person? (4:30) Relationship = vulnerability + boundaries Where are they at? Consider the person’s willingness to have the conversation Can they see ...
Young Adulting in a Family
January 24, 2022 12:00 - 34 minutes - 27.5 MBTopic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult? Developmental realities, independence and angst The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence? A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood baby steps reminds us we are capable telling each other you are capable = part of family life Tip 2 – be mindful of the stages of parenting parenting changes over time and with d...
Household Chores
January 10, 2022 12:00 - 34 minutes - 28 MBQuestion: How do we split up “the chores” of a household? For marriage, roommates, families, etc. Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/ do what works, not what is expected Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions equality doesn’t mean 50/50, it’s seeing each other as equals there is no perfection in ch...
Childhood Friendships
January 03, 2022 12:00 - 27 minutes - 22.5 MBQuestion: How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us? Submitted by listener, Emily our childhood BFFs Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood Children practice being a friend and there’s a learning curve. Children are learning how to be humans and learning relationship is part of that. Cultural misunderstandings – childhood friendships are...
Season 5 Trailer
September 15, 2021 22:00 - 2 minutes - 1.97 MBThe Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day. Hear more about the new format on this short trailer and start submitting your questions to [email protected]. People are always worth the trouble and relationship is worth the effort.
Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Contemplation
June 22, 2021 12:32 - 23 minutes - 18.6 MBThe epistles are what I like to think of as “big-word books.” They teach us about abstract concepts like propitiation, redemption, atonement, and righteousness. This can be intimidating, but also enlightening. Today’s spiritual practice gives us grace for when we encounter big words in Scripture or big ideas. Our goal today is to also build our ability to sit in not knowing “the answer” and discovering new ideas about God or new understanding in our relationship with God by simply enga...
Always Growing: Spiritual Practice of Adventure
April 29, 2021 15:52 - 11 minutes - 9.67 MBAlways Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Adventure Practices for spiritual growth – always focusing on drawing near Greg Finke = Where are we going today, Jesus? Joining Jesus on His mission - https://amzn.to/3u5JAcb God wants to do daily life with us – Name 3 places you go in your day or week that God goes with you Life is an adventure – Seeing the adventure right where you are at What adventures can you spot in your own home or family? How do we encounter trouble in our da...
Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth
April 13, 2021 10:00 - 17 minutes - 14.2 MBEpisode 16 – Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth being with God v. producing something for God We can be doing all kinds of things for God, but very little to draw near to God. Today and to come: four practices for drawing near useful every day and especially useful for connecting to God in and around our challenges Thanks to CPH for letting me pull apart this article and use it a little more. What are your practices for drawing near to God? Organic as well a...
The Truth about Mental Health: Growth & Grief
March 23, 2021 10:00 - 30 minutes - 24.1 MBSpecial guest: Rev. Michael Newman Tell us about yourself and your journey with grief. What aspects of grief make growth challenging? “big” and “small” loses Grief upon grief + grace upon grace Lack of cultural methods for honoring grief shame/disempowerment in loss and grief Relational resources designed to be shared Hope When Your Heart Breaks doses of God meeting you in darkness and pain of grief for self, for others good choice Getting through Gr...
Ministry Moment: The Value of Supportive Adults
February 23, 2021 11:00 - 30 minutes - 24.8 MBThe research: 2017 – 3 part research project – confirmands, young adults (2000+), focus groups YA Relationships Count available for free - https://www.cph.org/p-34106-relationships-count-engaging-retaining-millennials-ebook-edition.aspx Other research available: Fuller Youth Institute Sticky Faith Research https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfaith/research Barna Trends in Youth Ministry: https://www.barna.com/research/the-priorities-challenges-and-trends-in-youth-m...
Always Growing in Relationship
January 21, 2021 12:00 - 38 minutes - 31.2 MBwith guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow best not in meeting with God occasionally or even regularly, but in God’s presence in our life always. When was a moment you had the sense of the presence of God’s Spirit? God invites us to know His Spirit. Psalm 139:7 What places in your life do you find it’s easy to forget that God is present with you? God invites us to know His faces, to connect with every part of His character. Psalm 139:7 What kinds of things do you ...
Always Growing in Remembrance
January 18, 2021 17:46 - 31 minutes - 25.5 MBwith guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow not just in knowledge of God, but when we remember who God is and what He’s done for us. Which are you more comfortable with in your relationship with God: knowledge or experiences? God is omniscient. Psalm 139:4 Where do you see the evidence that God knows us wholly or altogether? God is interested. God sees the details. Psalm 139:3 Name a Scripture story that helps you remember God has the whole plan, our whole path, ...
The Truth about Mental Health: Mentoring
December 29, 2020 11:00 - 52 minutes - 42.2 MBSpecial guest: Darcy Paape, director of the Women’s Leadership Institute at Concordia University Wisconsin and author of Someone to Walk With What is mentoring? Intentional Organic Being willing to share both strengths and weaknesses Creating relationships and creating spaces What is the person looking for? Examples: Affirmation? Coaching? Evaluation? Someone to listen? Building blocks of mentoring: Humility & Willingness Cross-generational mentoring examples: ...
Jesus in Everything: Playgrounds and Production Lines
November 24, 2020 11:00 - 20 minutes - 16.3 MBWhat playgrounds do you remember being in your life as a kid? Purpose of playgrounds Purpose of Being Being + doing is the goal, holding both together God’s relationship to being Examples in Scripture Colossians 3:23-24 Colossians 3:17 God’s relationship to doing Examples of Scripture Mary and Martha in all of our lives In what ways are you being with God? In what ways are you doing for/with God?
The Truth about Mental Health: Worth
November 10, 2020 11:00 - 30 minutes - 24.2 MBSense of worth = an internal awareness that as created creatures of God we have value How does God’s delight in us inform our sense of worth? Concept of mutual delight, God to us and us to God Struggle with worth - Delight is not determined by what I do. Seeing our worth based on our relationships with people Worth based on what we do or my performance Engaging in God out of response playing from delight v playing for it what is our vantage point of God? Father of Love v. ...
The Truth about Mental Health: Hope
October 13, 2020 10:00 - 36 minutes - 29.6 MBEpisode 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Hope Special guest: Tanner Olson, aka Written to Speak Get to know Tanner Why is hope so important for our mental health and for our relationships? Hope changes the narrative Hope as the bridge between mental health and our relationships The power of sharing narrative Sharing hope on the internet Hope with words Hope without words Honoring the heavy to get to the hope Sitting alongside someone in the back and forth ...
Ministry Moment: Building Kid-Friendly Faith Communities
September 29, 2020 10:00 - 24 minutes - 20 MBWith Special Guest, Sue Steege Director of Christian Education, transformation and discipleship ministry focus Goal – making it safe and doable for parents to be faith growers Moving from Wow to Win How can I set up a win for a parent to transmit the faith? How can I set up a safe way for parents to feel successful in sharing their faith? What opportunity can I set up for families to participate in faith together? Contribution: Allowing and creating opportunities for contribution ...
Jesus in Everything: Stuffed Animals
September 15, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 10.5 MBDid you have a stuffed animal or a “lovie” growing up? What was your relationship to the lovie? What do stuffed animals do for kids? What can stuffed animals teach us about Jesus? Comfort – a physical reminder of the abstract comfort we need as kids a sense of power and agency with something that is smaller than them Representation of the abstract, sometimes hard to access, comfort Jesus brings 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Sensory input, but also knowledge we can...
Always Growing: It's a Process
August 31, 2020 21:10 - 13 minutes - 10.6 MBMarriage as a Process…Not a Product What kinds of things in life do you want instant fruit or instant rewards? What kinds of things would you like your spouse to just know about you? Read Ephesians 4:11-16. Where do you see truth and love alive throughout the timeline of your marriage? What does the process of healing or forgiveness look like in your marriage? Wellness Exercise: Open the conversation in your marriage around this discussion: How have we grown since last month? You...
Ten Minutes of Trust
August 25, 2020 10:00 - 11 minutes - 9.31 MBSpecial Guest: Matt Schuler, pastor and friend What is trust? Heidi’s definitions of trust: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/always-growing-what-is-trust Designed for trust in God Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust impacted by brokenness Psalm 28:7 Is God trustworthy? Cultural norms Boundaries and trust Dare to Lead elements of trust - https://amzn.to/3kH7bf5 (affliate link) Walking forward with trust wounds Find more resources on trust, mental health, and gen...
Always Growing: Physical Touch
August 11, 2020 17:00 - 13 minutes - 10.9 MB12 Days of Physical Touch What are the purposes of physical touch in marriage? What are the benefits of physical touch in marriage? How do physical touch and sexuality change in different stages of marriage? Name a time your partner comforted you with physical touch. What difference in capacities for physical touch do you and your spouse have, if any? Wellness Exercise: Read Matthew 19:13-15. Consider how love, affection, and belonging is communicated in your hou...
The Truth about Mental Health: Attachment
August 11, 2020 10:00 - 35 minutes - 28.3 MBSpecial Guest: Justin Hanneman, PhD, LIMHP, pastor GracePoint Relational Health https://www.relationalhealth.org/ What is attachment? “secret sauce” Trust, sense of safety, and attachment from infancy to adulthood Sense of safety at the subconscious level Implicit memory + early relationships Definition of implicit memory = https://dictionary.apa.org/implicit-memory Love your neighbor and a God as perfect attachment figure while we imperfectly try to love one ...
Always Growing: Love and Respect
August 07, 2020 00:08 - 16 minutes - 12.8 MBLove and Respect Got to Do with It Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/whats-love-and-respect-got-to-do-with-it Read Ephesians 4:32 and Ephesians 5:21. How do each verse impact the whole of how we understand love and respect within our marriages? How is respect important in a marriage? How is love important in a marriage? How do the two overlap? Which is the most challenging for you – assuming the best in your spouse, talking nicely when emotions are high, or dealing wi...
Always Growing: The First Year of Marriage
August 04, 2020 10:00 - 15 minutes - 12.2 MBWhy the First Year of Marriage is So Hard Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/family/first-year-marriage-stinkin-hard Radio spot: https://www.kfuo.org/2017/12/01/faf-120117-first-year-marriage-hard/ What memories do you have from your first year of marriage? Be sure to include at least one hard memory and one happy memory. What kinds of things do you think can or do make that first year of marriage more growth-oriented? How did you respect and create your own new fami...
Always Growing: Treasuring Up
July 30, 2020 21:02 - 13 minutes - 10.4 MBTreasuring Up in Marriage Read Luke 2:16-19 What kinds of things do you think Mary was pondering or treasuring up? What kinds of things in marriages, in general, are helpful to “treasure up”? What kinds of things can you treasure up in your own marriage? What moments are in the treasure store of your marriage? Wellness exercise: When you look across the difficult times in your marriage or life together, consider 2-3 things that can be treasured up from those experienc...
Always Growing: When Your Spouse Gets on Your Nerves
July 09, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 9.7 MBWhat to Do When Your Spouse Gets on Your Nerves How do kindness and a sense of humor help when talking about difficult things or prickly things in marriage? Read Matthew 7:3-5. What kinds of things do you think are worth discussing and getting upset about in marriage and life, and what kinds of things are not? What is the difference between internally reflecting and responding when your spouse gets on your nerves? Wellness exercise: Kindly discuss one thing...
Always Growing: Love & Honor Your Mother-in-Law
July 07, 2020 10:00 - 13 minutes - 10.8 MBLove & Honor Your Mother-in-Law How does our culture represent mother-in-laws? Read Genesis 2:24-25. Brainstorm any relationships impacted by leaving and cleaving and what impacts you see in your own marriage. How can we care for one another in the family through the transition of leaving and cleaving? Wellness exercise: Name a few ways your own marriage has been impacted in both positive and more challenging ways by in law relationships. Rejoice over the gifts tho...
Always Growing: When Contempt Threatens
July 02, 2020 10:00 - 14 minutes - 11.6 MBWhen Contempt Threatens Describe contempt in your own words. Which aspects of contempt stick out to you the most? What does respect do for a marriage? Consider the list of concrete ways contempt is given. Which of these strongly effect you, no matter where they are given? Read 2nd Samuel 6:16-23. What emotions are behind Michal’s contempt? Wellness Exercise: Watch a tv show together and watch for ways the characters show contempt in home life. Imagine ways toge...
Always Growing: Will You Fight for Me?
June 30, 2020 10:00 - 13 minutes - 10.9 MBWill You Fight for Me? What do you each remember most about your wedding? In what ways do you fight for one another in your marriage? How is forgiveness part of fighting for one another in marriage? How do you show each other you are fighting for one another? Wellness exercise: Make a list together of three things you value together in your marriage and discuss concrete ways you fight for these things in your marriage, or new ways you can prioritize them in your marr...
Always Growing: 3 Places to Never Argue
June 25, 2020 10:00 - 13 minutes - 11.2 MBThree Places to Never Argue Questions: Where have you argued and it hasn’t gone well? When and how have you experienced struggles in arguing in any of the three places: Riding in the car In the bedroom (especially preparing for bed) In front of other adults What value is there in letting an argument rest a bit? Why is this hard at times? Wellness exercise: Consider what are two of your “hot button” topics that often lead to arguments in your house and use G...
Always Growing: A Marriage that Bends
June 23, 2020 10:00 - 13 minutes - 10.7 MBA Marriage that Bends Questions: What magic answers are out there for marriage? What magic answers do you think people utilize to get to marriage growth? How can 1st Corinthians 8:1 inform our marriages? What things in the world attempt to “break” our marriage? Where is the comfort in knowing that God doesn’t break us or our marriage? How do you get the oxygen of Christ into your marriage, even as He is already a part of it when we don’t see it in the busy every day? ...
Always Growing: Repair Attempts
June 18, 2020 10:00 - 13 minutes - 10.5 MBWhy Repair Attempts Matter Questions: What topics of things poke at us and start a negative slide or cycle in arguments? How do you usually switch gears or change focuses when you are having an argument and need to relieve some pressure from the conversation? What repair attempts might you use intentionally? What repair attempts might you be using subconsciously? Wellness exercise: Create a catch phrase or code word to utilize as a repair attempt that you can use i...
Always Growing: Grouchiness in Marriage
June 16, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 10.2 MBGrouchiness in Marriage Questions: What makes you grouchy? Especially in marriage, keeping a household, and family life? How does the law motivate in marriage, or does it? How does the gospel motivate more fully or better in marriage? What does the gospel look like when you’d like to see a change in your marriage? Wellness exercise: Identify one change you’d like to see in your marriage. Consider what the Law would communicate about that problem and what the Go...
Always Growing: Marriage Rockstars
June 11, 2020 10:00 - 14 minutes - 11.4 MBWho are Your Marriage Rockstars? Who do we look to in our culture(s) or as couples to tell us what marriage should look like or be like? Read John 6:67-68. Where does God tell us to go? What difference does the Word of God make in discerning what our marriages should look like? Who are your marriage rockstars? Wellness exercise: If you currently have marriage mentors, give them a call, a card, or a text to say hello and check in. Try asking them a question lik...
Always Growing: The Power of Pursuit
June 09, 2020 10:00 - 14 minutes - 11.7 MBThe Power of Pursuit What are your communications like on a day to day basis? What parts of the statement, “Pursuit is still necessary,” do you agree or disagree with? What benefits are there to still pursuing our spouse in marriage? Song of Songs 8:5-6 What gets in the way of sacrificially pursuing our spouse, both personally and for people in general? Wellness exercise: Consider two ways you can sacrificially pursue your spouse this week and engage in ...
Always Growing: Riding the Storms
June 04, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 10.2 MBAlways Growing...in Marriage Riding the Storms What storms of life come into people’s marriages? What kind of storms or changes have you experienced in your marriage? Matthew 8:24-25 How can we remind one another we are in it together? Wellness exercise: Practice praying together once a day, holding hands, for 5 days straight. YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/g-ccQmXC-Ls
Always Growing: The Marriage Sandwich
June 02, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 10.4 MBThe Marriage Sandwich What might your marriage sandwich check-ins look like? What rituals of connection do you already have? How does your stage of life impact your ability to connect and check in with one another? How do you ease the transitions in your days? Wellness exercise: Consider times you have connected well and other times you have not connected well. Acknowledge both to one another and ask God to forgive the hurts and praise Him for the successes. ...
Always Growing: Marriage in a Fallen World
May 28, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 9.96 MBMarriage and the Fallen World How does the culture around you view people? How do you think those cultural views impact marriages, your own and others? In other worlds, why does the fallen world matter in marriage? John 1:16 What opportunity do you see in recognizing the fallenness in your own marriage? Where do you see grace alive in your marriage? Wellness exercise: Consider three ways you can bring more grace and forgiveness in your marriage today. Y...
Always Growing: Same and Different
May 26, 2020 10:00 - 12 minutes - 10.2 MBSame and Different What is the same about the two of you? What is different about the two of you? Ephesians 2:10 What are the tattoo discussions in your marriage? How can do we grow by talking things out and how do we grow by letting something go for a time? Wellness exercise: Celebrate your sameness and your differences together today in some way. YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/R6bbcf_9NPc