096: Silent Battles: Navigating Life with a Father's HIV and AIDS with Melanie Brooks

Welcome to Rock Your Shine: After you’ve been cracked wide open. On this show, I sit down with people from all over the world to hear their transformational stories on their deep grief and loss journeys. 

In this deeply personal and emotional episode, we embark on a journey with Melanie as she copes with her surgeon father’s terminal disease and subsequent death. After receiving a blood transfusion with tainted blood during open-heart surgery in 1985, he learned he was HIV positive. We delve into the profound impact of her father's diagnosis at a time when HIV was highly misunderstood and stigmatized and HIV patients were shunned and ostracized. To protect his family, Melanie's father decided his illness would be kept a secret by the whole family. We  explore the ripple effects it had on her and her family dynamics. Melanie shares the pivotal moment of discovering that her father had AIDS, forever changing her life.

The unresolved grief and anger stemming from her father's diagnosis and passing come to the forefront, as we explore the complex emotions she grappled with. Melanie reflects on the confusion surrounding the need to keep her father's illness a secret, further burdened by the weight of her silent struggle.

Having a confidant outside of her family proved to be a lifeline for Melanie, providing solace amidst the turmoil. We explore the concept of living with anticipatory grief, a constant companion throughout her journey, and the profound impact it had on her perspective.

Melanie recounts the heart-wrenching story of her father's passing, sharing the indelible mark it left on her life. We delve into her decision to start therapy almost 20 years later, unraveling the layers of pain and grief she carried for so long.

Waves of grief wash over Melanie at different moments, reminding her of the deep love she shared with her father. In a transformative realization, she connects her grief to her panic attacks, shedding light on the interconnectedness of emotions and their physical manifestations.

We discuss the emotional process of writing her book, A Hard Silence: one daughter remaps family, grief and faith, when HIV/AIDS changes it all, a cathartic and intimate journey that allowed Melanie to confront her grief head-on. Exploring her path to healing, we delve into what self-love looks like for Melanie today and how she navigates her ongoing journey.

Lastly, we ask Melanie to define hope, providing listeners with a profound understanding of resilience and the transformative power of love. Join us for this raw and honest exploration of grief, healing, and the enduring strength of the human spirit.

Melanie is a writer, a teacher and a mother living in National New Hampshire. She currently teaches professional writing at Northeastern University in Boston, mass and creative writing in the MFA program at Bay Path University in Longmeadow, Massachusetts. She completed her MFA in creative non-fiction through the Stoner Creative Writing Program at the University of Southern Maine, and she is currently completing a certificate in narrative medicine at Columbia University.

**TRIGGER WARNING** This episode covers sensitive subject matter and is not suitable for all listeners. If this topic could be a trigger for you, listen to this episode with a friend, a sibling, a loved one or a parent so you can talk about any emotions that come up for you. The contents of this episode are not intended to replace therapy and should not be taken as such. If you need immediate help, please call the crisis hotline listed below in our resources.

Listen in as we talk about:

[1:35] Her father’s HIV infection after undergoing surgery  

[6:50] The experience of finding out about your father having AIDS

[11:20] The unresolved grief and anger from his diagnosis and passing

[15:45] The confusion around needing to keep his illness a secret 

[18:40] Having a confidant outside of her family 

[22:30] Living with anticipatory grief 

[27:25] The story of her father’s passing 

[33:30] Starting therapy almost 20 years later

[34:55] Grief hitting her in waves, at different moments throughout her journey

[40:30] The lightbulb moment that grief was triggering her panic attacks

[50:00] Writing her book, and the emotional process behind it

[53:50] What self love looks like for Melanie today

[55:30] Hope is…

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Rock-Mining-River-Sibling-Grief/dp/1732888892/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Rock+On%3A+Mining+for+joy&qid=1570199126&sr=8-1 

L.E.A.P 6 week virtual course: https://rockyourshine.com/l-e-a-p-into-light-and-healing-6-week-virtual-course/

BetterHelp

Go to https://betterhelp.com/rockyourshine for 10% off your first month of therapy with
BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help. #sponsored

Grief Hotline: 

https://www.griefresourcenetwork

Connect with Melanie 

https://www.melaniebrooks.com/

https://www.melaniebrooks.com/books-1

https://www.facebook.com/melanie.brooks.1690

https://twitter.com/MelanieJMBrooks

https://www.instagram.com/melaniejmbrookswriter/

Connect with Susan

http://instagram.com/susan.casey/ 

https://www.facebook.com/Susan-E-Casey-101187148084982 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDcl58l8qUwO3dDYk83wOFA 

https://rockyourshine.com/

https://www.tiktok.com/@leapwithsusan?