In the Boat With Ben
45 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 8 years ago - ★★★★★ - 30 ratingsBen and Rachel Toalson, artists, entrepreneurs and parents of six boys, discuss the real-life struggles of raising a family, offering stories of triumph and failure, encouragement, and practical ideas for living a balanced and whole-hearted family life. At times it can feel impossible to maintain a healthy balance between our families, our work and our passions. In this podcast Ben and Rachel offer ideas and encouragement, using their personal experience and wisdom, to explore how parents can create a more balanced, whole-hearted and meaningful family life. Topics will include emotional intelligence, managing schedules, setting healthy boundaries, establishing routines, incorporating effective discipline, finding more time to connect and much more. Join Ben and Rachel every Thursday for a 45-minute discussion packed with valuable insights and practical wisdom for navigating the rough and wondrous seas of family life.
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Episodes
045: In the Boat With Ben is Moving to Family on Purpose
May 19, 2016 09:00 - 23 minutes - 21.6 MBDue to some recent and significant changes to seanwes, In the Boat With Ben will no longer be a part of the seanwes network. It was a difficult decision among many, but ultimately made the most sense for the sustainability and direction of the seanwes brand. So Rachel and I were left with the decision: do we continue doing the podcast on our own? Do we put it on hiatus? Do we cancel it altogether? If the title wasn't a giveaway, we are going to continue producing a weekly podcast geared tow...
044: The Fine Balance Between Privileges and Responsibilities
May 12, 2016 09:00 - 59 minutes - 54.8 MB1 hour, 0 minutes One of the most difficult tasks when it comes to raising children is teaching responsibility. We eventually want our children to have autonomy and the freedom to make decisions for themselves in most situations, but the road there can be pretty frustrating. Sometimes bestowing certain privileges is a no-brainer, while other times it may seem like your child might never be able to handle the responsibilities of being an adult. In this episode we will share from our experi...
043: Improving Self-Awareness and Relieving Stress for Your Kids
April 28, 2016 09:00 - 55 minutes - 50.7 MB55 minutes Even as adults, it's difficult sometimes to pinpoint where our stress is coming from. Most, or maybe just some of the time, we're at least capable of using healthy outlets to express our feelings and relieve stress. Our kids face different, but significant, stresses daily. Their disadvantage comes when they lack the tools and the practice to identify what is causing their stress and to know how to release that stress. In this episode we will share approaches you can take with y...
042: Running Your Family Like a Business and Getting on Top of Life
April 21, 2016 09:00 - 1 hour - 55.5 MB1 hour, 1 minute Running a business and running a family have similarities. Both have a lot of moving parts, can require you to wear several different hats, and can be simultaneously exciting and frustrating. Unfortunately, you can't fire family members. Keeping a household in order can be very challenging and overwhelming at times. It can feel like you're taking on water and working desperately to scoop buckets of ocean out of your boat. In this episode, we want to talk about borrowing i...
041: Making Time for Exercise When Raising Kids
April 14, 2016 09:00 - 53 minutes - 49.1 MB54 minutes Exercise is a major component of taking care of yourself. It influences our energy level, ability to focus, quality of sleep, and most importantly, our long term ability to be up to the challenge of the work and circumstances life has in store for us. Many of us, especially parents, have difficulty making time or, at worst, feeling like we can justify the time we spend on exercise. In this episode we will make a quick and simple case for exercise and share some ideas for makin...
040: Better Sleep Starts the Day Before
April 07, 2016 09:00 - 1 hour - 62.5 MB1 hour, 8 minutes Whether you yourself, or your child struggles with getting a good night's sleep, you know how difficult poor sleep can make every other area of your life. When Rachel and I were getting ready to welcome our first child into the world, we did some research and learned what we could about babies and sleep. We have been very fortunate to have good sleepers, but the first six weeks were always a struggle, so we are very aware of how lack of sleep can kill your productivity, d...
039: How Much Is Your Time Really Worth?
March 31, 2016 09:00 - 53 minutes - 49.3 MB54 minutes When it comes to making more time for the things we love, it often comes down to how much our time is worth. If we're able to make more money in a given amount of time, we can spend less time working to cover our bills, be more selective about the things we choose to do with our time, and, essentially, have more freedom. But how do we measure the value of our time? How do you determine how much your time is really worth? Today we are going to dive into this question and talk abo...
038: Unlocking the Power of Focused Productivity at Home
March 24, 2016 09:00 - 1 hour - 57.3 MB1 hour, 3 minutes Focus is one of the most valuable assets when it comes to making meaningful progress on your work. When your focus is challenged, it can cost you a lot of time due to the fact that you're simply not able to work as efficiently. People who understand the power of focus go to great lengths to ensure their focus is protected by making sure their work environment is as distraction free as possible. But what about when you work from home where distractions abound? In this epi...
037: What to Do When Your Big Goal Scares You
March 10, 2016 10:00 - 1 hour - 64.1 MB1 hour, 10 minutes Have you ever set a big goal for yourself that you secretly thought was ridiculous? I have. I've had a goal so big that when I would try to think about it or come up with a strategy, I would experience crippling anxiety. I'm a pretty confident person and I know that I'm capable of reaching big goals, but for some reason I was experiencing fear. As I pondered why this was, I stumbled upon some great insights for myself and started to feel more equipped to fight and overc...
036: Getting the Help You Need Around the House
March 03, 2016 10:00 - 1 hour - 62 MB1 hour, 8 minutes When I think about the main categories into which our lives are broken up, I generally think in terms of work, relationships, and self care. The health of each of the categories depends on the health of the others. In the "work" category, I include things you would expect like a day-job, building your own business, artistic pursuits, and such. This category also includes things like getting groceries, cleaning the house, and getting the kids ready for school. As your fam...
035: Pursuing Your Dream in Seasons
February 25, 2016 10:00 - 50 minutes - 46.4 MB51 minutes We know life comes in seasons, so it's not surprising when the dream we're chasing suddenly seems like it either doesn't fit with the season we're in, or looks different from what we expected. Still, it can cause us to feel discouraged enough to give up or desperate enough to fight against this natural flow in our lives. In this more conversational episode, we get into our personal stories and experiences of how passing seasons have shifted and changed the pursuit of our dreams....
034: Scheduling Techniques to Free Up Your Time
February 11, 2016 10:00 - 1 hour - 56.9 MB1 hour, 2 minutes With a busy home life and seemingly never ending work to be done, it can sometimes feel like our schedule is running us instead of us running our schedule. It can also be discouraging, when we are trying to find time to pursue our dreams, to look at our calendar and see a packed schedule. In this episode we are going to talk about some things we can do to make our time more efficient and to create time for pursuing our passion.
033: Saying No to Things That Don’t Serve Your Goals
February 04, 2016 10:00 - 1 hour - 65.4 MB1 hour, 11 minutes This year, I made some really ambitious goals. One of the most difficult parts of the process was trying to determine which habits, routines, and activities served my goals, and which ones didn't. Sometimes knowing what to say no to is very obvious, but difficult to do. Sometimes the things we need to say no to are not that obvious. The first month of the year is over and, if you're like me and set some goals at the beginning of the year, you may already be experiencing ...
032: How to Get Your Family On Board With Your Dreams
January 21, 2016 10:00 - 48 minutes - 44.3 MB48 minutes It is exponentially more difficult, nearly impossible even, when you feel you don't have the support of your family. Sometimes that lack of support is explicit, while other times we worry they wouldn't understand and in our fear end up creeping into a cycle of guilt and frustration about making time to pursue our dream. In this episode, we talk about some practical ways you can communicate your desire to pursue your dreams in a way that will help your family be on the same page ...
031: How Important is My Child’s School Career?
January 14, 2016 10:00 - 57 minutes - 53.1 MB58 minutes One of my good friends has 7 kids and is a little further down the road than we are (his oldest are twin boys in high school) and I see him post pretty regularly about how crazy the homework is these days. I remember being a little stressed out about homework and other school activities, but it seems like today's students are expected to take on more and more. When I walk down the halls of my boys' elementary school, I see posters for academic achievement initiatives, banners en...
030: Managing Your Child’s Interests Without Overloading Your Schedule
December 24, 2015 10:00 - 56 minutes - 52.1 MB57 minutes Many parents fear that if they don't get their kids involved in many activities at a young age, they won't have an opportunity to excel at whatever they choose in the future. This leads to overloaded schedules, stressed out parents, and burned out kids. In today's episode Ben and Rachel talk about a healthy approach to managing our child's interests and balancing that with our schedules. Our goal is to discover how we can be supportive of our child's pursuits without jam packing...
029: Balancing Work and Household Responsibilities
December 17, 2015 10:00 - 59 minutes - 54.3 MB59 minutes Keeping up with the home can be very stressful, especially when you're working a job, trying to make time for your family, and pursuing a passion on the side. Running a household efficiently is typically lower on the list of priorities, yet when not giving the attention it needs, can cause everything else to feel like it's unraveling. In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk through some principles that will help you to feel more on top of the household responsibilities, so you can ...
028: Is It Okay For My Child to Experience Guilt and Shame?
November 26, 2015 10:00 - 1 hour - 64 MB1 hour 10 minutes Many of our issues as adults can be linked back to circumstances or events in our childhood that led to some form of guilt or shame, where we were not able to process through those emotions in a healthy way. The echoes of these feelings touch our daily lives, affecting us and the people around us. Many experience guilt and shame as such negative emotions, it’s no wonder we want to go out of our way to help our children avoid these feelings. There is a slight, but importan...
027: Helping Your Child Avoid "American Idol" Syndrome
November 19, 2015 10:00 - 1 hour - 63.6 MB1 hour, 9 minutes American Idol is a show featuring vocalists who audition and compete for a chance to share their gift with the world. One of the big draws of the show is the audition process, where hopefuls from all over the country sing in front of the judges in hopes of advancing to the next level. The talent ranges from really good to "I can't believe they let that person get this far," which is part of the schtick. It's mildly entertaining to watch someone butcher a song, especially i...
026: What If My Child Has Trouble Making Friends?
November 12, 2015 10:00 - 1 hour - 62.7 MB1 hour, 8 minutes I was heartbroken the first time our oldest came home and told me through tears that he didn't want to go to school because he didn't have any friends. Our second oldest seems to make friends wherever he goes, but for some, making friends can be challenging and frustrating. In this episode we talk about some of the basic skills you can practice with your children and some things you can do to exemplify for them what it looks like to make friends and to be a good friend.
025: Getting Work Done When You Have a Sick Child or Spouse
November 05, 2015 10:00 - 1 hour - 55.3 MB1 hour As a family of eight with three in elementary school and weekly visits to the church nursery, the odds of someone catching some kind of virus or another are stacked against us. We do our best through proper hygiene, diet, and sleep, to avoid sickness, but it's inevitable. Working and maintaining a healthy family life is hard enough, but throw in a sick spouse or child and things can become exponentially more difficult. There were times when a sick spouse or kid would completely de...
024: Helping Your Introverted Child Navigate Relationships
October 29, 2015 09:00 - 1 hour - 58.3 MB1 hour, 4 minutes We want our children to thrive in their relationships; to experience a healthy give and take, to know how to communicate, and to feel the freedom to operate within what comes natural to their personality. The culture sometimes elevates behaviors and personality traits, and even builds social structures around them, making it more challenging for people who don't fit the mould. In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk about how to recognize introversion in your child and how t...
023: Healthy Parenting When Your Child is At a Friend’s House
October 15, 2015 09:00 - 1 hour - 66.4 MB1 hour, 12 minutes When I was growing up, my parents were pretty laid back about where and with whom we spent our time. That's probably why I took a pretty relaxed approach with our oldest when he started spending time at his friend's house. That is, until I went to pick him up one day and found that the environment he was in conflicted with some of our non-negotiable family values. As I went to walk him out of the house, a stream of curse words coming from the video game one of the older k...
022: Helping Your Child Get Out of and Avoid Victim Mentality
October 08, 2015 09:00 - 1 hour - 64.8 MB1 hour, 11 minutes Victim mentality can take on very mild forms, like a child complaining about how it's not fair her brother has a toy she wanted. It can also lead to a life spent pointing the finger and missing out on the fulfillment that comes from taking responsibility. It's easy to simply tell our children life isn't fair. How do we help them to understand this reality while helping them maintain a sense of control over themselves and their environment? How do we empower them to stop...
021: How Much "Grown Up World" Should I Share With My Children?
October 01, 2015 12:00 - 46 minutes - 42.4 MB46 minutes Life seems to just get more and more complicated as you grow up. It's great having freedom as an adult, but with all of that freedom comes a great deal of responsibility. Part of the role we play as parents is keeping our children from having to experience the complexity and stress of all of that added responsibility, but at some point they'll need to know the things we know and have the skills we possess if we want them to be successful as adults. How early is too early to start...
020: Preserving Your Child’s Sense of Self Worth
September 24, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 71 MB1 hour, 18 minutes A healthy sense of self worth is tied to one of our most primal needs: the need to be accepted by our community. Our children are born with this need and, as they grow, look for any bit of evidence in support of or against how acceptable they are. Sometimes we as parents unintentionally lead our child to question their worth through some of the parenting methods we've learned growing up or from our culture. We also have the power to free our children from the trap of beli...
019: Avoiding Burn Out From Day to Day Family Life
September 17, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 64.9 MB1 hour, 11 minutes Burnout can come in many forms, ranging from small little hiccups to major catastrophes. It's often not until we start to feel burnout that we think to do something about it, but it's too late to avoid it. Ideally we'd like to be up and running 100% of the time, but amid all the demands of daily life, how do we keep ourselves from overdoing it? In this episode Ben and Rachel discuss how implementing purposeful rest helps us to get the downtime we really need while also i...
018: Getting the Siblings to Get Along
September 10, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 66.5 MB1 hour, 13 minutes One of the biggest frustrations we experience as parents is when our kids aren't getting along. Especially if one is hurting or doing something unfair to another. It's easy to get emotionally involved and express our feelings through our correction, but this can have adverse effects and can end up pitting our children further against one another. In this episode Ben and Rachel talk about a healthy approach to dealing with sibling conflict that will allow our children to ...
017: How to Help Your "Sticky Brained" Child Get Unstuck
August 27, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 58.4 MB1 hour, 4 minutes As a parent who has a sticky brained child and a non-sticky brained child, I can attest to the difficulty this trait can add to a situation. This is where we tend to become broken records, hoping our message can penetrate through our child's concentration. It's tempting to want to see it as an undesirable behavior of which we should try to break them. In this episode we discover more about what goes on inside the sticky brain and how we can help shape the strengths that c...
016: Knowing How and When to Support Your Child’s Interests
August 20, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 59.2 MB1 hour, 15 minutes Do you remember being a kid and having big dreams? I wanted to be an actor. I used to put on plays for my parents starring me and my brother which, most of the time, ended up being me yelling at my brother for not remembering his lines, or cues, or blocking. It may have seemed silly at the time for the practical person, but as a kid I could see no reason that dream couldn't be a reality. We have a great privilege as parents to have a front row seat when it comes to our c...
015: Are Screens Going to Melt My Kid’s Brain?
August 13, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 56.5 MB1 hour, 2 minutes Growing up, we had a fairly neutral relationship with screens. It was regulated like almost anything else we used to pass the time as kids. With today's technological advances and the increasing usefulness of screens, combined with the information we consume about the negative effects of screens on child development, it's easy to be very hard-lined about the use of screens. Maybe you're a parent who allows your child to use screens all the time. Ultimately, this conversat...
014: The Secret to Having Cooperative Kids
August 06, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 57.6 MB1 hour, 2 minutes We are natural boundary testers from a young age. It's in our nature to discover how far we can go and what we are allowed (and not allowed) to do. This process can be a frustrating one for everyone involved. We as parents don't just want blind obedience. We want children who are eventually capable of deciding for themselves what they will do and who also make choices with us that are in the best interest of everyone in the boat. But how do we get there. Ben and Rachel ta...
013: Understanding and Helping Your Child Find Healthy Ways to Express Their Emotions
July 30, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 73.2 MB1 hour, 20 minutes Even as adults, our emotions aren't always under our control. We experience a wide range of emotions and express them in many different ways. Our children are daily having new experiences with emotions and trying to figure out how to communicate what's going on inside with the outside world. In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk about the purpose of emotions, how emotions grow and develop in our children, and how we as parents can guide our children as they learn how to e...
012: Dealing With Outside Influences and Preserving Your Child’s Values
July 23, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 59 MB1 hour, 4 minutes Try as we might to prevent it, our children will be exposed to values that differ from our own. Sometimes they differ slightly and sometimes they are completely opposed. Sometimes the exposure comes from media and culture, and sometimes it’s as close as an aunt, uncle, or grandparent. How do we protect and preserve our child’s values when it’s impossible and unhealthy to shield them from the world? How do we balance our concern with what is truly best for them? In this ep...
011: Teaching Independence and Allowing Your Kid to Make Mistakes
July 09, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 59.4 MB1 hour, 5 minutes As parents, there are few things more difficult than seeing our children make mistakes or take on new responsibilities. When we allow them to experience the discomfort of failure and responsibility, it can feel like we are failing as parents and burdening our children unnecessarily. Ben and Rachel tackle these topics head-on in an episode that is packed with encouraging and challenging thoughts for how we can give responsibility as a gift out of love, and use failure as o...
010: Getting Things Done While Working at Home With Kids
July 02, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 60.1 MB1 hour, 6 minutes Every day more parents are taking the opportunity to work from home while their children are young. Even employers are seeing the benefit of making this option available to workers in certain industries. As glamorous as working from home with kids sounds, many find it frustrating or even impossible in reality. Having worked from home for many years as their family has grown, Ben and Rachel bring experience and insight to this topic that will hopefully be challenging and e...
009: 7 Practices to Help Your Child Become a Great Listener
June 25, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 58.2 MB1 hour, 3 minutes Listening is a skill that we develop and maintain throughout our lives. The ability to be a good listener comes into play at an early age and affects many areas of our lives including jobs and relationships. For a skill that is so vital, we often feel frustrated and stuck when it comes to getting our kids to listen well. In this episode Rachel and I talk through some of the vital practices that will make your child a listening pro, while keeping the focus on the relations...
008: How Knowing Your Child’s Personality Type Can Help You Speak Their Language
June 18, 2015 12:00 - 59 minutes - 54.2 MB59 minutes There is a lot of information out there about personality types. You might see how learning more about personality types and how they relate to children could help you better understand your child, but maybe you're not really sure where to start or what to do with that information. In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk about the different personality type frameworks, share a few things you can do before doing any research that will help provide more context, and provide a way of ...
007: Should You Admit to Your Kids When You’re Wrong?
June 11, 2015 12:00 - 52 minutes - 47.9 MB52 minutes As a parent, should I apologize when I wrong my child? Should I talk to them about my mistakes and failures? Will it undermine my authority and cause them to feel less secure? Should I apologize every time I make a mistake? Would that make my apology seem inauthentic? Should I make my child apologize or hope that it will just happen naturally? Ben and Rachel dive into these questions and talk about the role that apology and admitting our mistakes can play in our child's developm...
006: Understanding And Working Through Your Child’s Meltdown
June 04, 2015 12:00 - 1 hour - 55.2 MB60 minutes Meltdowns aren't fun for anyone. Our oldest describes himself as a volcano when he doesn't get his way. As parents, it's hard to resist the temptation to give in or to ignore so that the meltdown will pass as soon as possible. In this episode we talk about a healthy, potentially unconventional approach to meltdowns that will help your child work through their emotions, protect the bond you share while still maintaining your boundaries, and set them up for emotional health as the...
005: How to Help Your Kids Fall in Love With Reading
May 21, 2015 12:00 - 53 minutes - 49.4 MB54 minutes We know that reading plays an integral role in childhood development and is a part of setting a solid foundation for a successful future. How do we go beyond simply teaching our children to read and help them foster a love for reading? In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk about approaching reading in different stages of life, and share the key to helping your kids fall in love with reading.
004: Raising a Family Doesn’t Mean Sacrificing Your Dreams
May 14, 2015 12:00 - 49 minutes - 45.4 MB49 minutes When we're raising a family, it can feel like we have no other choice but to put our dreams on the shelf. Ben and Rachel share from their personal experience about the discouragement and frustration they faced, and the mindset shift that helped them realize that not only can you pursue your dream while raising a family, but your family needs you to pursue your dream. Through managing expectations, focusing on the long term, working in the season you're in, and finding fulfillmen...
003: The Seven Stages of a Successful Nighttime Routine
May 07, 2015 12:00 - 56 minutes - 51.7 MB56 minutes Of all of the "transition times" in daily family life, the nighttime routine can be one of the most stressful. Many parents dread this time. Will my child put up a fight? Will they brush their teeth? Will they keep acting like wild animals? Will I get any time to myself? This episode serves as a guide to a way of doing the nighttime routine that can help you begin to build a framework for your own nighttime routine. We talk about not just the practices, but the motivations behin...
002: Removing the Word "No" From Your Family’s Vocabulary
April 30, 2015 21:30 - 55 minutes - 50.8 MB55 minutes The word "no" is one of the first words we learn to say. While "no" is a powerful and sometimes necessary word, if we abuse it, both as children and as parents, it can cause "no" to lose the power it should have. In this episode Ben and Rachel talk about practical alternatives to the word "no" that will lead to better communication and will give "no" its proper place in the family's vocabulary.
001: How to Get Your Family Out of Survival Mode
April 23, 2015 12:00 - 43 minutes - 40.4 MB44 minutes Sometimes as families we face circumstances that feel overwhelming. Even normal day to day family life can feel overwhelming at times. In these strained moments we often find ourselves in survival mode, just trying to get through the week, or the month, or the year. In this episode, Ben and Rachel talk about what it looks like to be in survival mode, and how to get out of survival mode, even in the midst of difficult circumstances, by shifting our focus to our family's values.