010: Getting Things Done While Working at Home With Kids

1 hour, 6 minutes
Every day more parents are taking the opportunity to work from home while their children are young. Even employers are seeing the benefit of making this option available to workers in certain industries. As glamorous as working from home with kids sounds, many find it frustrating or even impossible in reality.

Having worked from home for many years as their family has grown, Ben and Rachel bring experience and insight to this topic that will hopefully be challenging and encouraging, help you have realistic expectations, and get the most out of your working from home experience.

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Every day more parents are taking the opportunity to work from home while their children are young. Even employers are seeing the benefit of making this option available to workers in certain industries. As glamorous as working from home with kids sounds, many find it frustrating or even impossible in reality.

Having worked from home for many years as their family has grown, Ben and Rachel bring experience and insight to this topic that will hopefully be challenging and encouraging, help you have realistic expectations, and get the most out of your working from home experience.

Highlights, Takeaways, & Quick Wins:

You cannot do your best quality work when you’re responsible for your kids.
Maximize your limited time by getting into flow faster.
When you set aside time for a specific task, you’re allowing your mind to stop focusing on all of the tasks you’re not doing, and to focus on the one in front of you.
With built in margin, it’s easier to focus on your work with the time you have set aside for it.
Prepare your workspace ahead of time so when it comes time to work, you can jump right in.
Build time for rest and recreation into your schedule so you less likely to be distracted by those things when you should be working.
Don’t just get away from distraction, but remove the possibility of distraction by creating clear boundaries.
Communicate your work boundaries with everyone involved so they can support you in keeping those boundaries.
The value of your work time isn’t determined exclusively by the amount of money you make, but also by the joy and fulfillment it brings you.
The joy and fulfillment you get from your work is a benefit to your family.

Shownotes:

04:22 Ben: First I wanted to give you a peek into our daily lives and how we manage our schedule. For us, there are two seasons: School year, and non school year. The non school year is when all of the kids are home for summer break and a couple of times during the winter and spring. Monday through Thursday, I work in the morning and Rachel is responsible for the kids until 12:30pm. After 12:30pm, Rachel works and I’m responsible for the kids. On Friday we switch, and Rachel works in the morning while I watch the kids, then in the afternoon we switch and I work the rest of the day.
05:51 Rachel: I try to get up at 5am most mornings which allows me to get a few hours of work time in before the kids get up.
06:11 Ben: From 11am until about 2pm is quiet time and nap time, so during that time, the person responsible for the kids can get work done that doesn’t require a great deal of focus. There are pros and cons to “school year” versus “non school year” seasons. The school year is nice because the nap time is generally more productive because some of the kids are away, but because of the school schedule, work time is somewhat broken up. The non school year is nice because work isn’t interrupted by the school schedule, but the house is also pretty crazy because everyone is home.

Establish Clear Work Times When You Are Not Responsible for the Kids

10:05 Ben: In our schedule there are very clear boundaries for when we are working and when we are responsible for the kids. One of the most difficult realities for me to deal with was the fact that if I was responsible for the kids in any way, I could not do focused work. There are varying degrees of focus you can achieve depending on the age and needs of your children, but you are going to do your best quality work when you are not responsible for watching your kids.
11:54 Rachel: That may be discouraging for some parents to hear, but it’s good to remember that this comes in seasons.
12:51 Ben: Once I accepted this reality, I stopped trying to put the pressure on the time I have with my kids to produce work. It forced me to be creative about making time in other areas to get my work done so that when I spent time with my children, I didn’t have to think about work.
13:46 Rachel: Sometimes I try to get work done in the morning with the kids, and something that should really only take 30 minutes takes much longer to accomplish. Not only that, but I also find myself being more harsh with the kids because it’s so difficult for me to focus. It’s so much easier not to work during that time and just enjoy the time with the kids.
14:33 Ben: This could be a discouraging reality for some parents to grasp, but I’d rather start with reality and work from there to find creative solutions for making time to work. Sometimes all it takes is asking for help from the right people.

Maximize Your Limited Time with Greater Focus

15:15 Rachel: Working from home with kids, we’ve trained ourselves to be really focused with the time we do have. Eventually when our time opens up, that focus will help us to accomplish even more.
16:00 Ben: Before I had the responsibilities and the time constraints I have now, I wasn’t nearly as efficient with my time. I’m thankful for the time constraints that came into my life when we had children, because they’ve forced me to change my habits and have made me a better worker. Even if you’re in a situation where you have plenty of time, look at your habits and see where you could maximize your productivity so you can make the most of that time.

Get into flow as soon as possible, so you can maximize your productivity.

17:00 Ben: One of the practices that really helps us to make the most of our work time is getting into flow faster. Flow is a working state where everything else in the world fades away and you are completely focused on your work. Getting into flow can normally take quite a bit of time, but the more you practice and the more you prepare for your work time, the faster you can get into flow.

Practices for Getting Into Flow Faster

Schedule Your Tasks
19:00 Ben: Having a schedule has been a huge help for me. It’s good to write down a task list, but you also need to schedule set aside time for each of those tasks. It can kill your productivity when you are faced with several tasks that all seem equally important and you’re not sure which of them to do first. When you set aside time, you’re allowing your mind to stop focusing on all of the tasks you’re not doing, and to focus on the one in front of you.
20:13 Rachel: I have my day structured out like that where I have everything scheduled, and sometimes that’s hard when unexpected things happened. On the day that I broke my foot I lost a few hours of work time and when I came back to my computer I was asking myself, “Ok, what do I do now?”
Build Margin Into Your Schedule
20:45 Ben: When our schedules are as tight as they are, there is a tendency to feel like we need to fill every available hour with work and not leave any margin. The problem with that is things will inevitably come up and we will constantly come up against that. It’s better if we manage our expectations and build margin into our schedules. When you have margin, it’s easier to focus on your work with the time you have set aside for it because you don’t have to waste any mental energy thinking about the circumstances that might threaten an overpacked schedule.
Prepare Your Workspace Ahead of Time
23:23 Ben: When you can anticipate what you’re going to be doing during your next work session, you can set up your workspace in such a way that allows you to get right to work the next time you sit down. It’s best to do this at the end of your work day or work period when you’re winding down, so you’re not met with the temptation of being distracted by unnecessary things the next time you sit down to do your work.
24:38 Rachel: Setting up your workspace looks differently for different people. I have my space ready to go for writing, but I also know what I’m going to write about for each slot in my schedule.
25:14 Ben: You’ll have to apply it to your own situation. Maybe your next task isn’t sitting in front of a computer. The point is to think ahead and prepare in whatever way necessary so that when you get to your work, you can jump into it immediately which will help you get into flow faster.
Build Social Media Time, Breaks, and Rest Into Your Schedule
25:37 Rachel: Another thing I’ve started doing is scheduling my social media time. We all know that social media can be a black hole, but it’s something that we have to use if we have followers. I schedule 20 minutes in my day where I allow myself to use social media and communicate with my audience through those platforms, this way I’m not tempted to use it at other times when it would distract me from my work.
26:50 Ben: It’s equally important to schedule time to take a break. Taking scheduled breaks protects your productivity. Even when you’re in flow, sometimes you hit those spots of resistance that make it feel uncomfortable to continue working. When you’ve got a break scheduled, you’re more likely to work through the discomfort because you know there will be relief.

Create Clear Boundaries

28:56 Ben: Creating clear boundaries is not just about not having to be responsible for the kids while you work, but it’s also about removing the possibility of distraction. When the possibility of distraction exist, you can’t focus.
Remove the Possibility of Distractions
30:06 Ben: Your workspace should be separate from where you’re kids are. Not only should you not be able to see them, but if you can manage, you should not be able to hear them. We are fortunate in that our workspace is upstairs, away from where the kids are, and if I need to, I can either play some music through the computer speakers or where some headphones so I don’t hear them.
Don’t Let Your Work or Your Family Be Indebted to One Another
31:30 Ben: I wanted to talk about how the rule of reciprocity works with protecting the boundaries. Here’s how the rule of reciprocity works: if someone gives another person something, that person feels indebted not just to pay the person back in kind, but beyond the value of the original gift. When we’re working from home and we make exceptions where we work during our family time, we are going to feel indebted to give time to our families when we should be working. If we’re not careful, those exceptions can create a cycle that causes us to have very poor focus with our work and can take away from the quality of the time we have with our families. If you recognize that cycle, put a stop to it and re-establish those boundaries.
Communicate Boundaries With Your Spouse
33:40 Ben: You have to have a clear conversation with your spouse about what the boundaries are and what your expectations are for protecting those boundaries. If there are established rules being broken or exceptions being made, set time aside to talk through those things. You want your spouse to work with you to maintain those work boundaries.
Communicate Boundaries With Your Children
34:30 Bryan in the chat asks, “How do you make your child understand that you cannot be there for them just because you’re in the house, without making them irreparably sad?”
34:48 Rachel: This is a hard one. When our boys were in school, as soon as they got home they would rush up to the room to see me. It used to annoy me because I was trying to work, but at the same time I could understand because they haven’t seen me all day. Instead of trying to fight that, I would actually set aside that five minutes so I could hear about their day, then they would go on and I could get back to my work.
35:57 Ben: If the rules are consistently being broken, it may not be a bad idea to go ahead and account for that in your schedule. It is okay to let our children know that we have set that time aside from work and what our expectations are. It’s good for our children to understand expectations and boundaries and how work relationships operate in the real world.

When talking to your child about boundaries, describe the lesson using examples she can understand.

37:18 Rachel: When I talk to our oldest about work related boundaries and interruptions, I try to relate that to him. He’s a very artistic kid and loves drawing and creating things, so I’ll ask him how he feels when he’s in the middle of working on something and his brothers interrupt him. By talking to him about it in ways he can understand, I can help him build empathy so he’ll be less likely to continue interrupting my work.
38:08 Ben: It’s good to grant the audience when your child interrupts. At this point, the focus has already been broken, and we have a chance to honor their request for our time. This doesn’t mean we have to give them the entirety of their request for our time. Something I’ve found to be very effective is to say “Thank you for sharing this with me. I wish I could talk to you about this more, but I need to work right now. Let’s schedule a time when we can finish this conversation.” Once you’ve done that, and you follow through, your child can see that their time is important to you and will be less likely to interrupt your work.
40:09 Rachel: That doesn’t always work on our oldest. Sometimes we need to be a little more blunt and connect their distraction to a real world effect.
40:40 Ben: Our children may not be able to understand the complexity of how lost work time can cause tangible consequences, but as we’ve talked about before, we are helping them build a framework that they will fill in with meaning as they grow and learn.
Communicate Boundaries With Your Clients
41:20 Ben: You want to communicate and uphold boundaries with your clients. It’s a good idea to set expectations about when they can get in touch with you and when they can’t get in touch with you. If they are trying to reach you outside of business hours, let them leave a message. If you answer a call, even to say that you can’t talk right now, the message you are sending is that you answer you phone outside of business hours. Even if you want to reply to an email outside of business hours, it’s a good idea to wait to send it during your business hours, so you support that expectation with your client.
45:26 Rachel: I’ve really had to discipline myself to keep to my business hours even when I see an email that looks urgent. The world can wait.
45:58 Ben: It probably feels more urgent for you because it’s sitting in your inbox than it does for the person who sent it… unless they write in all caps.

Questions

46:26 Ben: Scott Hofford asks, “If you’re the only one at home, watching the kids, how do you keep an eye on them while working? You don’t do your best work when you’re responsible for the kids, but on a rare occasion it may be appropriate to set them up with something that will hold their attention and keep them engaged so you can focus a little more on something you need to get done. You have to deal with that situation, but it’s also good to ask yourself why you’re in that situation and determine what you can do to avoid it in the future. You should also ask yourself if you’re going to be able to do the quality of work you need to do with that time or if you’re going to use that time as efficiently as you would if you wait until a better time.
48:47 Rachel: When I try to write news articles while I’m watching the kids and I go back to look at them later I think, “This is terrible, I’m going to have to just start over.” It depends on the ages of your children too. Our three year old twins make it difficult to focus on anything right now, but when they’re older, I may be able to have an easier time focusing on work.
49:39 Ben: Depending on the kind of work you’re doing, you may be able to set up a similar activity. For example, if I’m going to be doing a hand lettering piece, I might set the kids up with paper and crayons and say, “Okay kids, we’re going to sit around and have some art time.” If you’re used to having some background music or noise from a coffee shop to work against, your kids can be that.
50:48 Here’s the last question from Charla: “When do you decide to call it quits with your project and spend time with the kids, and when do you tell them you need to get this done first?” Because of my values about spending time with the children, I say as long as you’ve got the margin to work on your project at another time, take advantage of your child’s desire for your attention. They’re not always going to seek after your time and it’s a treasure. Make sure you do communicate that there is normally a boundary there and that you could afford to make an intentional decision to spend time with them because of your margin. This makes the fact that you’re willing to spend time with them more powerful, re-enforces the boundary, and demonstrates for them what it looks like to manage your schedule well.

Splitting Work Time With Your Spouse

54:43 Rachel: I saw some discussion in the chatroom about the breakdown of the day and how time is divided between spouses. Right now we divide our time evenly, but you are responsible for the income right now while I’m investing my time writing books that may be profitable in the future. Sometimes I feel guilty that even though I have half the time, I’m not making half the income.
55:34 Ben: That discussion assumes that money is the deciding factor for what makes the time that you spend on something valuable. That is simply not true. There are so many other pieces to that. It could be that the time you’re spending now is going to produce a return in the future, but even if it doesn’t, it’s fulfilling a passion that you have that if left unfulfilled would affect your ability to be a good spouse and mother. It brings you a lot of joy and fulfillment and we need the version of you that is fulfilled. The value of that to the family is not the money. The money is the smallest part of the value of your time. The biggest part of the value is how whole it makes you and how that spills into other areas of your life. When you’re having that conversation I want to encourage you to not think of it in terms of dollars and cents. You certainly need to be practical and make sure your needs are taken care of, but beyond that, there is way more value to your time than the money that time makes.