Growth Marriage
330 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 2 years ago - ★★★★★ - 157 ratingsHere at the Growth Marriage podcast, we believe every couple can have amazing communication, deep connection, and passionate, knock-your-socks-off love.
Back in 2012 I quit my fancy corporate job, sold everything I owned, and started traveling the United States with the goal of uncovering the secrets to truly epic love.
I’ve been trained by the world’s top experts, researchers, and authors - and I’ve interviewed the most incredible couples on the planet. And now my only focus is sharing the secrets of what makes amazing love possible with you.
Each week I’ll give you the tools you need take your marriage to the next level… but only if you’re willing take action. You’ll see that legendary love happens by choice, not by chance.
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Episodes
The Curse of Religious Perfectionism
May 06, 2022 10:04 - 52 minutes - 48.5 MBScrupulosity, or religious perfectionism/OCD, can be debilitating for both individuals and couples. The belief that unless you do everything right, keep all the rules, are perfectly obedient, and live according to God's will... something terrible will happen. This episode with perfectionism expert, Dr. Menije explores how our anxiety leaks out into our spiritual life. She provides some great examples of what scrupulosity can look like, and what we can do about it.
What Is Differentiation? | Anxiety Series #2
April 26, 2022 11:00 - 8 minutes - 8.09 MBIn order to master your anxiety, you must become differentiated. Differentiation is the ability to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to separate your own thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others. This is a practice you will be working on for the rest of your life. Today's episode will introduce you to the first part of differentiation, and give you some first steps to start calming yourself down.
Friendship In The Age of Loneliness with Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky
April 22, 2022 12:01 - 42 minutes - 38.7 MBFriendship is the foundation of your marriage. If you can't be a good friend to people outside your marriage, it's unlikely you'll be a good friend to your partner. Also, friendships outside your marriage are CRUCIAL for the survival of your relationship. Your community is your bedrock. In today's episode, I talk to the author of the new book, "," Adam Smiley Powsolwky. We talk about why friendship is important, and give a bunch of ideas of how to cultivate more meaningful friendships.
Your Internal Smoke Alarm | Anxiety Series #1
April 20, 2022 16:26 - 6 minutes - 155 MB VideoAnxiety is basically negative emotions that your brain manufactures to help keep you safe from potential threats... kind of like a smoke alarm. But just like a smoke alarm, there's no special mechanism to help it detect the severity of the threat. Bacon burning on the stove gets the same treatment as a house fire. This is a problem because at some point in your marriage, your partner is going to hurt you, disappoint you, or let you down. That means your brain will detect them as a threat, whi...
The Go-Giver Marriage
April 08, 2022 12:00 - 52 minutes - 47.7 MBSome people have relationships that just look so easy, so smooth, and so natural. How do they do it? Are they just lucky? Or are they doing something that everyone else is missing? In this episode, I sit down with John and Ana Mann, authors of the book "The Go-Giver Marriage." This interview (and their book) uncomplicates love and marriage in a really beautiful way. I hope you give it a listen, and check out their new book at: HTTP://gogivermarriage.com
What Should You Do If You're Caught In An Affair?
March 25, 2022 10:38 - 45 minutes - 41.6 MBAffairs are more common than you'd think. Roughly 50% of marriages are faced with some sort of infidelity at some point during their relationship. So... what do you do if you're caught up in an affair? What do you say if you've fallen hard for someone that's not your partner? How do you respond if your spouse just told you they've been cheating? How can you recover? That's what we're going to talk about in this episode with Kimberly Holmes from Marriage Helper.
Why You Shouldn't "Become One" With Your Parnter
March 22, 2022 10:09 - 4 minutes - 4.5 MBWere you ever told that "Becoming One" was the ultimate goal in marriage? Or if you put your partner's needs before your own (and if they do the same) your relationship would flourish? Every day I see people who buy into these nice-sounding mindsets, only to watch their marriage slowly crumble. If you are: A fixer... Or you avoid negative emotions because you think they're bad... Or you find yourself turning to things like porn, video games, social media, or workaholism... Or you really stru...
Why Is Being A "Nice Guy" Bad?
March 18, 2022 21:31 - 1 hour - 55.7 MBDr. Robert Glover says,"Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are 'good,' they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice." Today, I sit down with 2 other recovering Nice Guys and talk about the...
5 Tips to Change Your Partner
February 22, 2022 11:00 - 17 minutes - 15.6 MBIs your partner checked out, no longer invested, withdrawn, or distant? Do you want to know what you can do to change them? To re-engage them? To get them invested in the marriage again? In this episode, I'll show you how the concepts of animal training can be utilized to help you take responsibility for your actions, words, and thoughts to influence change – and even transformation in your partner. The results often take time, but the proof is in the pudding: If you're truly committed, you c...
The Cost of Perfectionism with Dr. Menije [FULL EPISODE]
February 18, 2022 18:32 - 43 minutes - 39.7 MBThis is the full, unedited version of my interview with Dr. Menije, the Queen of Perfectionism.
The Cost of Perfectionism with Dr. Menije
February 15, 2022 18:55 - 8 minutes - 8.01 MBPerfectionism will ruin your happiness and fulfillment in life and in your relationships. Perfectionism is NOT a good thing. It's often a symptom of deeper issues, like depression, anxiety, or OCD. Check out this clip with Dr. Menije, the queen of perfectionism, to better understand what perfectionism is, why it's harmful, and what we can do about it!
Overcoming Despair with Chad Brown
February 05, 2022 12:39 - 55 minutes - 51.2 MBIf you're feeling tired, burned out, or like a failure... If you're feeling unfulfilled, unimportant, or disrespected... it could mean despair is creeping into your life. And despair can lead to resignation, checking out, apathy, and even nihilism. In today's episode, we talk about things you can do to get rid of the despair, and feel good again. For more from Chad, text: 844-479-0134 For the Epic Husband's Experiment, click: HTTP://epichusbandsexperiment.com
Our Struggles With Depression
February 01, 2022 11:40 - 17 minutes - 15.9 MBDepression has been a struggle we've dealt with throughout our marriage. It's even been at the source of some of our most painful arguments. In today's episode, we want to share about our journey with depression, and shed some light on what depression is, what it's like to struggle with it, and how you can help yourself, or your partner if they are struggling with it. Here's the article that helped Angilyn: Here's the service she used to take an assessment and meet with a provider:
Becoming Independently Happy with Seth and Melany Studleys
January 29, 2022 11:59 - 52 minutes - 48.1 MBYou know who has happy marriages? Happy people. If you bring happiness into the marriage, it multiplies. If you rely purely on your partner to make you happy, the relationship consumes all the happiness and leaves miserable, demanding partners in its place. Find out how to create your own happiness in today's episode.
4 Things You Have To Do For An Epic Marriage
January 25, 2022 16:45 - 16 minutes - 15 MBTruly incredible marriages don't happen by accident. In today's episode, we're going to talk about 4 qualities you need to develop in order for your marriage to be truly epic. If you don't... you'll likely get stuck in perpetual conflict, boring routines, and have an unfulfilling relationship. This episode matters a lot. It will change your perspective in a big way.
How To Restore Safety, Intimacy, & Trust To Your Marriage After Porn
January 18, 2022 16:32 - 39 minutes - 36.5 MBToday, I wanted to share a special presentation I did for couples struggling with unwanted pornography use. Most couples focus on the question, "How do we get rid of the porn?" And the porn keeps coming back... because they're focusing on the wrong thing. This episode will show you an alternative that has worked for thousands of couples... and I'm confident it will help you.
The Power Of Receiving with Laura Doyle
January 15, 2022 19:19 - 51 minutes - 47 MBLaura Doyle is the NYT Bestselling author of The New York TImes Bestselling book The Surrendered Wife. Her advice about the importance of being a good receiver in this episode is game-changing. I hope you enjoy it! Check out more of her work at
Would You Put A Shock Collar On Your Partner?
January 11, 2022 16:39 - 5 minutes - 5.21 MBShock collars are used to train dogs not to leave the yard. They use pain and fear to incentivize action. Are there things you're doing in your marriage to inflict pain on your partner in exchange for compliance? What do you think is the cost of that?
5 Steps To Getting Rid Of Resentment with Misty McIntyre, LMFT
January 08, 2022 19:20 - 49 minutes - 45.4 MBResentment is corrosive to your marriage. It can be a gift if you know what it's trying to tell you. But if you sit in it and let the resentment stew, it will corrode the love, trust, and connection in your relationship and leave you feeling angry, bitter, and alone. Today, Misty McIntyre joins me to talk about what to do when we're feeling resentful in marriage.
The 3 Questions That Led To The 5 Love Languages
January 04, 2022 16:15 - 9 minutes - 8.6 MB😱 Most people don't know that Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages (the most popular relationship book of all time), almost got divorced. 💡 As a matter of fact, it's because his relationship was in such a dark place that he discovered The 5 Love Languages. 🚨 If you want to see how Dr. Chapman saved his marriage and came up with the Love Languages concept that was subsequently turned into a book that's sold over 20 MILLION copies... check out this episode.
Roommate Syndrome: Feature, or Bug?
December 28, 2021 22:10 - 13 minutes - 12.1 MBIf you stay with your partner long enough, one thing is inevitable... you will eventually drift into Roommate Syndrome. Some people take it as a sign that the relationship isn't "right." That things are broken, and maybe the relationship needs to end. But what if Roommate Syndrome was a feature, not a bug? What if the miserable state of Roommate Syndrome was built into EVERY long-term committed relationship for a reason? That's what we're talking about today!
Maslow's Mountain: Do You Expect Too Much From Your Marriage?
December 21, 2021 22:27 - 12 minutes - 11.4 MBWe demand more from our marriages today than we ever have in history... And yet we are busier and more distracted than we've ever been. Are these high expectations sustainable? Do we need to learn to "settle" for what we have? That's what we're talking about in today's episode...
Helping Things Go Right with Emma McAdam, LMFT
December 15, 2021 22:01 - 52 minutes - 48.1 MBThere are so many ways a relationship can go wrong... Arguments, values conflicts, broken promises, exhaustion, busyness, the list goes on and on... With so many things working against your relationship, you have to be proactive to help things go right. Today I'm going to talk with Emma McAdam, LMFT. Emma loves helping people change and is willing to be creative in how she helps that happen. With her solution-centered approach and emphasis on building relationships, Emma works hard to help pe...
Are You A Frog Farmer?
December 14, 2021 22:27 - 11 minutes - 10.2 MBSome women turn frogs into princes. And other women turn princes into frogs. Which one are you? Do you take a good partner and bring out the very worst in them? Or do you bring out the best?
The Danger Of Ignoring Your Marriage Problems
November 28, 2021 02:06 - 5 minutes - 5.46 MBIf you ignore your problems, nothing changes and most things get worse. So, how are you going to address them? Well, it takes humility, courage, and wisdom. And you have all 3.
They Left Me...
November 23, 2021 22:32 - 6 minutes - 5.49 MBLast week my wife and daughter went back to the United States and left me alone in Costa Rica. I missed them a lot. And I learned a very important lesson while they were gone.
Can You Really Change Your Partner By Changing Yourself?
November 16, 2021 14:30 - 6 minutes - 6.24 MBCan you really change your partner by changing yourself? Yes... and no. Today we're going to talk about the biggest mistake you can make when trying to change your marriage by changing yourself.
Would You Want To Marry You?
November 10, 2021 19:42 - 6 minutes - 5.65 MBThink about the moments when you're at your worst... When you're pouting cause you don't get your way. When you're passive-aggressive, immature, or whiney. Would you want to be married to you? Probably not. So how do we get access to the best of ourselves when we're at our worst?
Are You Sensitive To Rejection?
October 29, 2021 23:50 - 44 minutes - 41.1 MBJia Jang is an entrepreneur, he's a blogger. He's a TED speaker. He's an author. And he doesn't know this, but he is a personal role model for me. He helped me overcome my fear of being rejected. This episode will help you understand what you can do to deal with rejection from your partner (or anyone else) in a more healthy way than pouting, sulking, complaining, or guilt tripping.
Are You A Fixer?
October 27, 2021 17:01 - 13 minutes - 12.4 MBYou might think being a "fixer" is a good thing. It took me a long time to realize that can actually be detrimental to your relationships and happiness. Today I want to talk about four specific negative impacts being a fixer has on your relationship. And I'm going to give you my favorite tip that I use to help me from going into fix-it mode, and making my relationship significantly worse.
What If You Got Re-Married Every 5 Years? with Annmarie Kelly
October 22, 2021 10:00 - 38 minutes - 35.5 MBAnnmarie Kelly is the author of The 5 Year Marriage. She and her husband have been married 7 times in their nearly 40 years together. In this episode she explains why getting remarried every 5 years has made their marriage so incredible.
How To Know If You Need Couples Therapy
October 19, 2021 21:38 - 7 minutes - 6.94 MBIn today's episode, we're going to talk about how to know whether or not you need couples therapy Nearly every day. I get somebody reaching out to me asking if I know a good therapist, if they need therapy, or what they should do if their partner doesn't want to go to therapy, how is their marriage going to get better? Now I want to start off by saying that I'm a firm believer that everybody could benefit from a really good therapist. But therapy isn't always a good fit for everyone...
How To Save A Marriage Dying Of Busy-ness
October 12, 2021 22:43 - 12 minutes - 11.1 MB“Busy-ness is the enemy of love.” I see this play out in relationships every day. People fill their lives with commitments. Piano lessons, dance classes, football practice, summer camp, PTA meetings, service projects, book clubs, high-demand jobs, zoom calls, credit card debt, mortgages they can't afford... They run around frantic and exhausted telling everyone that they're just so busy, and that life is so stressful. Sometimes they even wear it like a badge of honor... as if living life on t...
Your Anxiety Is Keeping You From Getting The Love You Want
October 04, 2021 23:05 - 3 minutes - 3.49 MBUltimately, we can't have connection with our partner unless we feel safe. Yet often the things that we do to make ourselves feel safe are the things that push our partner farther away. Like storming out of the room in the middle of an argument. Or gossiping to other people, when you need validation that you're right and your partner's wrong. Or emotionally shutting down and withdrawing, when you feel blamed, judged, or like you've screwed up. It kind of makes love feel like this Catch 22. Yo...
Why Most Relationships Get Worse Over Time
September 28, 2021 19:52 - 5 minutes - 4.97 MBDr. Gottman said, "Like the second law of thermodynamics, which says that in a closed energy system, things tend to run down and get less orderly. The same seems to be true of closed relationships like marriages. My guess is that if you do nothing to make things better in your marriage, but not do anything wrong, the marriage will still tend to get worse over time." Essentially what he's saying here is if you want to overcome this natural drift that will pull you apart over time, you have to ...
My Wife Doesn't Want To Have Sex... What Do I Do?
September 22, 2021 01:20 - 34 minutes - 32 MBMy wife does not have seem to want sex, and she never initiate sex. I'm at a loss here. I work hard. I try to help her around the house. I flirt with her she's okay snuggling or kissing, but the moment she feels or the things are moving towards sex she shuts down. She says that I don't give her enough space to initiate. So I back off and then I wait and I wait and then nothing ever happens. Then I feel sad, grumpy, withdrawn, and rejected. When I bring this up to my wife, she gets frustrated ...
How to Recover From a Betrayal of Trust
May 19, 2021 00:16 - 11 minutes - 16 MBMira Kirshenbaum defines betrayal as, "When someone does something that breaks a fundamental promise, or violates a fundamental expectation and does so in a way that significantly hurts your peace of mind." In her book, "I Love You, But I Don't Trust You" she states that between 40 and 70% of couples know they have significant problems with trust. And at least 90% of couples will have a crisis of trust at some point. So... how do you recover when you've experienced a betrayal? What should you...
How to stop over-functioning and start enjoying life with Dr. Kathleen Smith
April 27, 2021 07:00 - 1 hour - 147 MBI didn’t even realize how much anxiety was subtly wrecking my relationship until I read Dr. Kathleen Smith’s book, . Dr. Smith’s book helped me realize that I’ve developed extremely effective anxiety coping mechanisms that kept me confronting my insecurities and weaknesses head-on. There are two problems with this. First, anxiety typically precedes growth. And if I can’t learn to face my anxieties head-on, I will never get the lessons or enjoy the growth that lives on the other side. Second, ...
Stonewalling: The 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse
April 20, 2021 07:00 - 13 minutes - 18.4 MBStonewalling is the 4th of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. Here’s where you can catch the past installments that cover Criticism, Defensiveness, and Contempt. Stonewalling is when you shut down, and completely tune your partner out. You act like you couldn’t care less about what they’re saying. Men are famous for doing this. Statistics show that 85% of the time, the stonewaller is the man in the relationship. It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that this is a conscious, antagon...
Contempt: The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
April 13, 2021 07:00 - 12 minutes - 16.5 MBToday we’re going to talk about the 3nd Horseman of the Marriage Apocalypse… contempt. Click here if you want to learn about the first or second horsemen. Dr. Gottman calls contempt the sulfuric acid of love. Needless to say, contempt is frickin’ dangerous if it’s present in your relationship. So pay attention to this post, because I’m going to teach you how to deal with contempt when it shows up, and then set up protections to prevent it from ever creeping back in! Contempt is dangerous beca...
Defeating Defensiveness: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
April 07, 2021 00:25 - 19 minutes - 26.3 MBDefensiveness is the second of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It typically shows up right on the heels of the first horseman: Criticism. (.) Defensiveness is the trap my wife and I fall into most often. Defensiveness is always an attempt to protect yourself from a perceived attack. A defensive response usually implies, “The problem isn’t me… it’s you!” Defensiveness shows up in two different ways: Cross-complaining, and playing the innocent victim. Here’s an example things of how thing...
Defeating Defensiveness: The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
April 07, 2021 00:25 - 19 minutes - 26.3 MBDefensiveness is the second of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It typically shows up right on the heels of the first horseman: Criticism. (.) Defensiveness is the trap my wife and I fall into most often. Defensiveness is always an attempt to protect yourself from a perceived attack. A defensive response usually implies, “The problem isn’t me… it’s you!” Defensiveness shows up in two different ways: Cross-complaining, and playing the innocent victim. Here’s an example things of how thing...
Criticism: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
March 30, 2021 08:00 - 14 minutes - 20.4 MBCriticism: The Gateway To Marriage Misery In marriage, one thing is a given: At some point you and your partner are going to disagree on something. It might be something small like where to eat for dinner on your next date night, what brand of toothpaste to buy, or which Netflix show to stream next. Or it could be something big like how to manage your finances, how you’re going to spend your holidays, or how often you’d like to have sex and who should initiate. It’s impossible for two people...
Avoidant Attachment with Kyle Benson
March 09, 2021 08:00 - 1 hour - 82.6 MB"I hate conflict... is there a way I can be in a relationship without ever having to deal with it?" "I feel like I'm always the reason other people are disappointed." "I'm never good enough, and my partner will never be happy with me." "I try so hard, but it seems like I can never get things right." "What's important to me doesn't matter to anyone else." "There are different ways we develop an attachment to the people we love." "A lot of this comes from the way we were raised." "I'm a failure...
Anxious Attachmet with Kyle Benson
March 02, 2021 08:00 - 56 minutes - 77.3 MB"I'm too much." "I'm not lovable." "My partner doesn't care about me." "We never resolve things... everything always gets swept under the rug." "My partner always dismisses my feelings." "Why don't my needs matter?" These are the thoughts of someone who struggles with Anxious Attachment. People who struggle with Anxious Attachment are always looking for affirmation, validation, and reassurance from their partner. They want to know everything is ok, and that they are still worthy of love. Ofte...
3 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Burned Out
January 26, 2021 08:00 - 15 minutes - 21.8 MBAre you feeling burned out in your marriage? Are you constantly stressed and overwhelmed? Are you exhausted all the time? Are you feeling lonely and depressed? Maybe you’re growing resentful of your partner. You might be secretly asking yourself, “Did I marry the right person?” Or wondering how long your marriage will last if nothing changes. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Every day I talk to people who are on the verge of burnout. They’re desperate for a change. Most people on th...
5 Questions for Your Weekly Marriage Meeting
January 19, 2021 09:00 - 14 minutes - 20.5 MBDo you have a hard time thinking of things to talk about on your date night other than coordinating logistics, and kids? Are there conversations you avoid, and conflicts that have gone unresolved for too long? Do you feel like you and your partner are drifting apart and turning into that boring couple you swore you’d never be? Well, it’s probably because you’re not having a weekly Marriage Meeting. A Marriage Meeting is like a Staff Meeting. It’s an opportunity to connect, talk about logist...
Why The Communication In Your Marriage Sucks
January 12, 2021 09:00 - 12 minutes - 17.5 MBI talk to couples every single day about their relationships. When I ask them what their biggest struggle is, 9/10 of ten they say, “Communication!” “We keep having the same fights over and over again.” “My partner just gets so defensive. We literally can’t talk about anything.” “We just don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt anymore.” Most people THINK the solution is to learn new communication skills. To follow scripts like, “When you do _______, I feel ______.” But most of the time...
The Wive's Super Power with Laura Doyle
December 30, 2020 23:44 - 12 minutes - 17.4 MBIs your husband more interested in video games, work, or sports than you? Do you feel like he’s checked-out? Has he stopped caring about your marriage? Are you trying to think of ways to convince him to go to therapy? Do you wonder why he doesn’t seem to care about your happiness or your marriage? Do you ever feel rejected, hurt, sad, abandoned, afraid for the future of your marriage? If so, you’re not alone. But here’s the deal… nobody gets married with the hope of having an “OK” marriage. S...
Epic Wives Experiment Testimonial
December 22, 2020 09:00 - 9 minutes - 12.8 MBWhat’s the most productive day you’ve had in recent memory? Do you remember it? You woke up, and just SLAYED your to-do list… You got into a rhythm, your energy was high, and everything was just clicking… I had a day like that a few weeks ago. Folded the laundry. Did the dishes. Mopped the floor. Took care of baby. Then I sat down to take a break. I opened my phone, and fell down an internet black hole watching clips of Taskmaster. (Be careful… you could get sucked into that black hole too!) ...