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Failure To Launch

116 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 4 years ago - ★★★★★ - 29 ratings

We’re all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they’re cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade into obscurity.

But Melbourne comedy troupe The Consumption say “No more!” We are reaching deep into the bowels of television history to bring you back hot, steaming piles of TV's many bizarre miscarriages. All while mixing the most disgusting metaphors possible.

We’ll seek out and expose ourselves to the worst television pilots ever made so you don’t have to. Each episode will see us dissect and discuss another horrible failed pilot for our amusement. Join us in our schadenfreude as we talk about wrestlers solving crimes, invisible monsters, kung-fu ravers, talking dogs solving crimes, teleporting stand-up comedians, cross dressing misogynists, magicians solving crimes and a whole bunch of other terrible ideas, most of which involve crimes being solved.

Welcome to Failure to Launch! The only TV podcast about shows that don’t exist.

Comedy TV & Film
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Episodes

508 - Defenders of Dynatron City

April 12, 2020 20:30 - 1 hour - 30.8 MB

In the midst of Turtle mania, surrounded by Street Sharks, Battletoads and Martian Biker Mice, one studio decided to do things backwards: What if we made the tie-in videogame first, and made the cartoon second? Unfortunately the game was a disaster, so obviously the adventures of Bullet-head Man, Horny Buzzsaw-for-legs Girl, Sentient Toolbox and uh... some other ones. They're a team, they fought crime, probably. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

507 - Bermuda Triangle

February 19, 2020 23:06 - 1 hour - 42 MB

Wouldn't you know it, John doesn't spend enough time with his family! But that's ok, they're going on a long cruise, just the four of them. But oh no! The boat sank, they're drowning! But that's ok, they washed up on an island, with people and everything! The people tell them they've been there for decades and you can never leave, but that's ok! The beach is nice! Also one of the kids needs insulin and is running out, but that's ok! There's magic dolphins! That's ok! That's ok! That's ok T...

507: Bermuda Triangle

February 19, 2020 23:06 - 1 hour - 42 MB

Wouldn't you know it, John doesn't spend enough time with his family! But that's ok, they're going on a long cruise, just the four of them. But oh no! The boat sank, they're drowning! But that's ok, they washed up on an island, with people and everything! The people tell them they've been there for decades and you can never leave, but that's ok! The beach is nice! Also one of the kids needs insulin and is running out, but that's ok! There's magic dolphins! That's ok! That's ok! That's ok T...

506 - Suburban Beat

February 05, 2020 19:00 - 1 hour - 41.9 MB

Our first Failure to Launch for 2020 is the super-1985 Suburban Beat, the story of 4 suburban housewives thrown together by circumstance (they wanted to) to solve the murder of their friend. I say friend, but to be honest they're kinda glib about the whole thing. This quickly changes, however, as the details of the murder become more and more serious, forcing them to come face to face with the dark underbelly of Middle America- I lied. They stay just as glib, but the rest of that stuff h...

505 - Creating Rem Lazar

December 23, 2019 19:30 - 1 hour - 38 MB

Two kids cuddle a shitty mannequin who turns into a man with a blue mullet. He avoids getting stabbed in 80s New York City while teaching the kids about centrist politics. None of them can sing, but they do and you can't stop them. This is Creating Rem Lazar, and it's madness. You can find Sarah and Michael's podcast, Sarah and Michael Save Christmas here, or find them on twitter at @meandmyeasel for Michael, or @why_in_the_heck for Sarah! Reviewers: James Ferris, Sarah Baggs, Michael Wi...

504 - Madame Sin

December 08, 2019 02:58 - 1 hour - 50.2 MB

This week we're looking at our oldest pilot ever, Madame Sin, a 1973 attempt to kinda do Bond on TV, but what if the villain was the protagonist and also Bette Davis? She's got everything: weird gadgets, a secret lair, underground lab filled with mad scientists, a delightfully camp second-in-command, even a plan to steal a nuclear submarine! The only thing she's missing is someone willing to tell her to stop adding steps to her plan, or maybe suggest she think about using that mind contr...

503 - The Owl

November 24, 2019 08:20 - 1 hour - 50.3 MB

This Failure to Launch covers The Owl, a trapped-between-eras vigilante hero who is both an 80s style down-and-dirty street justice thug and, in 90s style, named for a dumb bird. When The Owl comes up against rapping drug dealer Cool Ice (he has a henchman with a boombox on standby), no amount of carbombed daughters or late city busses can stop him getting shot repeatedly for justice. A quick lie down might be good though. Or a shower. Goddamn this guy really needs a shower. Reviewers: J...

FtL 503 - The Owl

November 24, 2019 08:20 - 1 hour - 50.3 MB

This Failure to Launch covers The Owl, a trapped-between-eras vigilante hero who is both an 80s style down-and-dirty street justice thug and, in 90s style, named for a dumb bird. When The Owl comes up against rapping drug dealer Cool Ice (he has a henchman with a boombox on standby), no amount of carbombed daughters or late city busses can stop him getting shot repeatedly for justice. A quick lie down might be good though. Or a shower. Goddamn this guy really needs a shower. Reviewers: J...

502 - Sniff

November 07, 2019 19:30 - 1 hour - 32.6 MB

It wouldn't be a season of Failure to Launch without a crimefighting dog, so here's Sniff, another pilot from the 1988 CBS Summer Playhouse (pls bring this back CBS it's been so bountiful.) Robert Wuhl, best known for being that reporter in most of Kim Basinger's scenes in Batman '89, is Sid Barrows, a reporter in most of the dog's scenes in this thing. Nominally he's here to solve crimes but as is trad the dog does most of the heavy lifting. Every crimefighting dog show needs a twist th...

501 - Infiltrator

October 23, 2019 22:55 - 1 hour - 38.5 MB

Failure to Launch is BACK, with... essentially the same pilot we left you with. Scott Bakula* gets into an accident with a space probe,* and ends up with superpowers.* He has to fight a billionaire* with the help of a love interest.* This time though, instead of a son, he has... the Island... also the probe is inside him. Right up there. Two years later he'd escape Failed Pilot Island with Quantum Leap, but we're still here, sifting through the rubble for Billy Zane projects. Season 5! ...

432 - I-Man

December 23, 2018 19:00 - 1 hour - 58.6 MB

In this 'Christmas' edition of Failure to Launch, we examine I-Man, a Scott Bakula Sci-Fi vehicle in which he learns the meaning of Christma- wait, no, he inhales a mysterious gas from space. After inhaling it, he finds he has been turned into Jolly Old Saint Nicho- whoops nope he gets blown up and miraculously recovers, as he is now immortal. Actually, this pilot has nothing to do with Christmas really, but it does have laser guns and a truck that falls off a cliff for SO LONG, so there...

431 - M3K

December 19, 2018 01:36 - 1 hour - 49 MB

This week on FtL, we travelled back in time, then forward again, to look at a sexy, revamped version of the Three Musketeers. But these aren’t your grandma’s stogy old Musketeers, all 17th Century and French and shit. These bad boys (and girl! Fancy!) live in America in the year 2000, only… different. There’s no guns (or even, y’know, muskets), and instead of police there’s Musketeers. But also the Cardinal’s men, who are also the police? Plus there’s a Cardinal, and a King, who are at war...

430 - Power Cop

November 29, 2018 19:00 - 1 hour - 54.3 MB

This week in our 101st EPISODE EXTRAVAGANZA (whoops) we treat ourselves with a locally-shot action extravaganza: Irresistible Force, a.k.a. POWER COP. Detective Stone, who's too old for this shit (i.e. getting shot on a weekly basis) is thrown into a Die Hard Lite™ hostage situation with a brand new partner, rookie cop and all-round arse booter Charlotte "Charlie" Heller, played by 90s straight-to-video action star Cynthia Rothrock. There's an angry chief, a weiner kid, a by-the-book, penc...

429 - Our Thirties

November 24, 2018 03:52 - 1 hour - 95.2 MB

This week on Failure to Launch, we raced through Our Thirties, a 2006 sitcom that, like all other sitcoms from the era, was trying to be Friends. Our Thirties hook was a cast of characters with midlife crises on the horizon, examining what they wanted out of life. Turns out it's weddings. Weddings weddings weddings, heteronormative pairings and giving their friend who kissed a girl once shit for it decades after it happened. Also Peter Serafinowicz and Rashida Jones are in it, and thank Go...

428 - The Omen

November 11, 2018 06:13 - 1 hour - 131 MB

At Failure to Launch, Halloween's not over yet!* Closing out this extended spoopy month is The Omen, a mid-90s attempt to serialise the 1970s film. In this version, Hotshot Reporter JACK MAN and two other people we don't care about because their names aren't JACK MAN team up to fight some sort of... possessey, flying, snakey... thing? Also it has human helpers, maybe? Dunno, there's a fair bit going on. Subscribe to Failure to Launch via iTunes (ow.ly/aGJz303czsE) or RSS (ow.ly/xXoU303cz...

427 - Ultraviolet

November 01, 2018 02:30 - 1 hour - 132 MB

This continuation of the spooky month has us watching Ultraviolet, a 2000s attempt by FOX to adapt a British series about cops and vampires. There were cops, and there were vampires, but they might have… forgotten what those are. Anyway, Idris Elba. Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, Lisa Dib, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

426 - Good Against Evil

October 23, 2018 05:06 - 1 hour - 145 MB

This week’s spooky Failure to Launch travels back to the 1970s, dipping into the US’s trendiest fear of the time: Satanists! These particular Satanists are silently guiding Jessica, a young woman, through life in the hopes that she’ll one day birth the anti-christ. Unfortunately her car is struck by DACK RAMBO, a freelance journalist who immediately hits on her, and a whirlwind romance begins. Sounds exciting, but it’s mostly cats and wind. And DACK RAMBO. Reviewers: James Ferris, Davi...

425 - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

October 04, 2018 11:12 - 1 hour - 151 MB

This week on Failure to Launch, we watched a modern version of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, starring Adam Baldwin? …that’s honestly as much as we can say. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

424 - Sorority

October 01, 2018 02:01 - 1 hour - 79.2 MB

This week Failure to Launch examines a late-90s relic from MTV, Sorority. An attempt to riff on classic college comedies like Animal House, but with a twist: instead of misfit dudes fighting the stuck up arseholes in the snooty frat, it’s all about misfit women fighting the stuck up arseholes in the snooty, uh... sorority. Sounds kinda progressive, right? Well it was still the late 90s, so hahaha no. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: David Shaw

423 - The Spirit

September 20, 2018 23:55 - 1 hour - 136 MB

After his boss is killed and then he himself is killed (but not really), he teams up with a hot Walkman fence slash wheelchair-bound child race fixer, hangs out in a crypt and fights crime the 1930s way - wearing a little mask and punching people dramatically. Also, Niles from The Nanny plays an art dealer, but he’s not in it much :( Reviewers: James Ferris, Michael Williams, Alex Malone Soundboard: Skeletor

422 - The Lone Ranger

September 14, 2018 08:18 - 2 hours - 112 MB

This week Failure to Launch takes a look at the 2003 (oh my god guys, it’s so 2003) pilot for The Lone Ranger. It’s got everything a great western should have, cute boys, top 40 hits, an extended drug trip sequence, y’know all the classic western stuff. When optimistic young college boy Luke Hartman is almost killed by a bunch of no good outlaws, he sets out on a quest for revenge that will see him steal from widows, investigate rice and maybe even learn to do sweet fly-kicks. Reviewers: ...

421 - Night Visions

September 07, 2018 03:22 - 1 hour - 117 MB

This week's Failure to Launch examines a 1990 semi-supernatural cop show created by Wes Craven. Wes Craven! He’s pretty good at stuff! It’s about a cynical cop teaming up with a possible lunatic to hunt a serial killer with a paranormal twist. One of them believes in the supernatural, the other is skeptical. Gee, that sounds like a good show, one that should probably star Mitch Pileggi, just like this one! Welp. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

420 - Exo-Man

March 26, 2018 10:47 - 1 hour - 135 MB

This week's Failure to Launch examines a 1977 sci-fi pilot, Exo-Man. Sounds fun, right? It's about a brilliant scientist who, through amazing technology, builds a bulletproof, invincible robot suit. Sounds cool, right? He faces off against the mob, who are out to kill him before he can testify in open court. Sounds exciting, right? There's car bombs, shootouts, bank jobs, culminating in our hero losing the use of his legs in a targeted hit! Sounds thrilling, right? It is! Eventuall...

419 - Dr Paradise

March 13, 2018 01:10 - 1 hour - 97 MB

This week Failure to Launch ponders Dr. Paradise, the story of the titular doctor, played by Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), and his medical practice on a tiny tropical island. He's your classic grumpy arsehole doctor, so you'd expect him to have some redeeming feature to balance it out, right? Well, add these things to the scale: He owns the island, he runs a casino, he bullies everyone around him and reminds them how much power he has over them and occasionally pulls his goldfish out of it...

418 - B-Men

March 06, 2018 01:58 - 1 hour - 121 MB

This week Failure to Launch examines B-Men, another CBS Summer Playhouse pilot. Jim, a smart, funny & handsome high schooler, & Kevin, a high schooler who’s just smart and funny (ripped off), accidentally catch a criminal with a $25,000 bounty on his head. After this easy payday, they decide to get into bounty hunting despite still attending high school, not owning a gun and being complete idiots. At this point, every other character threatens to kill them, including a really old bounty hu...

417 - 1775

February 22, 2018 09:53 - 1 hour - 106 MB

Failure to Launch enters a new year by going BACK IN TIME! Synergy! This week we drop back to 1992 for a pilot that takes us to 1775, aptly titled '1775'. Someone at CBS thought the year before the violent, bloody American Revolution would be a good setting for some Married with Children alternate-universe fanfic, so that's what we've got. The eldest daughter's kissing boys oh dear, Dad's a dud root, Mum hates him and there's two other kids but who gives a shit about them. It's set in 17...

416 - The Book of Daniel

December 21, 2017 23:19 - 1 hour - 136 MB

Grab your crucifix and hold on tight! This ain’t your grandmas christian television, it’s time to get extreme!! With the book of Daniel; a hard edged and realistic look at the life of a modern christian family. Things are about to get real. We’re talking drug abuse, racism, homophobia, drug trafficking, and internet piracy. NBC are ready to talk about all of this stuff in a direct and brave way that hopefully won’t upset their very conservative audience. What’s that? Complaints? Cancel it im...

415 - Crowfoot

December 14, 2017 21:44 - 1 hour - 155 MB

This week's Failure to Launch covers Crowfoot, the story of Detective Nick, er, Crowfoot, a half-Native American cop working in Hawaii who has psychic powers and may also be able to shapeshift, although he's not sure about either of these things. You'd think this'd be enough to base a show on, but Crowfoot is also about: His partner Det. Lisa, an older Japanese-Hawaiian cop who's psychic for psychics (maybe) Rachael, a lady Nick found washed up on the beach with amnesia who keeps disapp...

414 - Mason

December 07, 2017 21:42 - 1 hour - 89.2 MB

CW: Child abuse This week's Failure to Launch covers Mason, a 1975 sitcom vehicle for child star Mason Reece. Mason was already famous nationally for a number of TV commercials, so getting him is own show was a sensible decision. The next decision the show runners made, though... look, if the content warning didn't clue you in to this pilot's 'comedic' theme, let's just say this is the worst decision we've seen a pilot make in 85 episodes of Failure to Launch, bar none. If you ever wante...

413 - Riverworld

November 30, 2017 19:30 - 1 hour - 112 MB

It’s a packed house on Failure to Launch this week as we examine Riverworld, a 2003 SyFy original, except it’s not because it’s based on a fantasy book series. Strap yourself in for some tedious world building! Basically a bunch of people who died at different points in history wake up together, naked and screaming, in Riverworld; a big ol’ planet run by aliens, probably. Along their journey, our protagonists meet: - A neanderthal, whose savage attempts to kill people are bad - Emperor...

412 - Darklight

November 24, 2017 23:48 - 1 hour - 126 MB

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we shine a light on DARKLIGHT, a 2004 Sci-Fi Channel saga starring Shiri Appelby (Roswell, unREAL) and Richard Burgi (The Sentinel, Desperate Housewives), as they fight demons, mad scientists and the plague with the power of blackface! Based on the Legend of Lilith, who God created to be Adam’s wife, Lilith was supposed to live in the Garden of Eden but had the gall to ask to be treated equally so is cursed to live for eternity as a demon. Lilith isn’t thrill...

411 - Garbage Pail Kids

November 16, 2017 19:00 - 1 hour - 87.8 MB

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we trash GARBAGE PAIL KIDS, starring the voices of Tara Strong (Powerpuff Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, My Little Pony) Cree Summer (Inspector Gadget, Tiny Toons) and Alyson Court (X-Men, Beetlejuice). Based on the popular trading cards of the 80s that were in turn a parody of the popular dolls "The Cabbage Patch Kids", Garbage Pail kids is a confusing fun mess. The toys of the world are mysteriously going haywire and it's up to five garbage children and a hot...

410 - Modesty Blaise

November 08, 2017 19:00 - 1 hour - 126 MB

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we dissect MODESTY BLAISE starring Anne Turkel (Humanoids from the Deep, The Fear), Lewis Van Bergen (Pinocchio's Revenge) and Carolyn Seymour (Congo and Mr. Mom). Modesty and her friend Willie are pair of Jet settin', knife fightin', table hustlin', Kmer Roug-in', Art Stealin', smutty fortune cookie writin' rogues who just stumble upon a very public Kidnapping. After saving Emma Woodhouse from the clutches of... we don't know? Emma is reluctant to give up ...

409 - Shivers

October 31, 2017 06:30 - 1 hour - 88.7 MB

This HALLOWEEN Martin Dunlop joined us as we watched SHIVERS starring Lesley-Anne Down (The Bold and the Beautiful, Sunset Beach, The Pink Panther Strikes Again) and Mark Lindsey Chapman (Titanic, Swamp Thing and FTL favourite ANNIHILATOR!). David and his daughter Amanda move into a new house, but find it's haunted by three American revolution era Ghosts; Jack Marlowe, a highwayman who died with his dick out falling of a barn's support beam; Cassandra, a raunchy Tavern Wench who fell off t...

408 - Venus on the Hard Drive

October 26, 2017 22:27 - 1 hour - 91.1 MB

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we examine VENUS ON THE HARD DRIVE created by Chuck Lorre (Big Bang Theory, Dharma and Greg, Two and a Half Men) starring Oded Gross (Story producer on... Cake Boss?... Cake Boss) and the voice of Maggie Roswell (The Simpsons, Pretty in Pink). Harry is a snarky IT worker who unwittingly uncovers Venus; a government spy program who is also a snarky sexy lady that moves in with him and his snarky snark housemate, Ozzy the snark (Lord Snark of House Snark). Mo...

407 - Timeslip

October 18, 2017 00:15 - 1 hour - 47.7 MB

This week on Failure To Launch we watched Time Slip. John Taylor from Duran Duran is "The Hacker" and he's finally hacked the mainframiest mainframe of all. The mainframe of the future, allowing him to see visions of what is to come. What does this modern Nostradamus do with his power? Watch people getting it on. A la The Twilight Zone, this vision of the future is the story of Greg and Jenny committing the crime of love in a cold robotic future where everything is on fire. When Greg int...

406 - Microcops

October 12, 2017 00:00 - 1 hour - 63.8 MB

(Apologies for the audio issues with this episode. Someone absent-mindedly turned their microphone off during the recording.) This week on Failure to Launch we examine MICROCOPS, a 1989 sci-fi comedy about Microscopic Alien Cops who's society is entirely made up rule abiding sticklers. So they come to Earth to learn to loosen up, party down and stop a microscopic criminal who is causing oil spills and advocating, like, you know, whatever man WOOP WOOP. But because they are so tiny, in or...

405 - Slickers

October 05, 2017 22:39 - 1 hour - 67.9 MB

This week's Failure to Launch examines Slickers, a sitcom vehicle for up-and-coming standup Michael Richards (Seinfeld, unfortunate viral footage) and SNL star Dana Carvey (Wayne's World, that film with the egg suit.) Richards is a maverick New York cop sent to teach a young, small town Sheriff Carvey the ways of big city policing, dog training and how to name knives. With this kind of star power, you'd think this'd be a shoe-in for at least one season. Fate, just OK jokes and unjustifiabl...

404 - Blade Squad

September 27, 2017 01:34 - 2 hours - 92 MB

In this week's Bonus! 20% Value! episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Blade Squad, Fox's attempt to take every 90s fad and boil it down to a concentrate, suitable for washing heavily soiled Hypercolour t-shirts. We meet a rag-tag group of cops on their last chance, as they're all loose cannons. A sergeant, hot off being shot in the head, recruits them into a experimental squad of his own design - normal cops, but they've got rollerblades and jetpacks now, plus they're loose cannons. ...

403 - Lost in Oz

September 17, 2017 20:00 - 1 hour - 99.6 MB

This week on Failure To Launch Xander Allan joins us as we follow the journey Alex Wilder (Melissa George from Home and Away & The Slap), a young professional with a bitch of a boss and an approaching marriage that she's not totally sure she's ready for. You know what this calls for! ROAD TRIP! Into a massive tornado. Alex is transported into the magical world of Oz where she meets magical and weird characters who are mostly just normal people. The scarecrow isn't even a scarecrow. It's just...

402 - Turner & Hooch

September 07, 2017 20:00 - 1 hour - 49.2 MB

Australian listeners! Over in the US, our fellow failed pilot historians (deficio-nauclerusists?) at the Couch Pilots podcast will soon dive into a curio from OzTV: Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos, the doomed clip show infamously yanked from the channel 9 airways mid-broadcast. If you're unfamiliar with this piece of Aussie TV history, we suggest you let Jason & Blake run you through it. Look out for the episode on the 11th/12th of September on any reputable podcast service! (╯°□°)╯︵...

401 - Northstar

September 01, 2017 00:28 - 1 hour - 67.5 MB

In the SEASON 4 PREMIERE of Failure to Launch we watch Northstar; the 1989 pilot that was so insane it inspired Dan Harmon to produce the Jack Black action spoof "Heat Vision and Jack". We follow the baffling journey of Major Jack North, an astronaut that gets hit RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE by a rogue solar flare while on a space mission. Now, whenever he is exposed to sunlight, it amplifies all of his mental and physical abilities but it could also make his head explode. His head almost exp...

The Summer of Joe Lara - Hologram Man

March 15, 2017 19:00 - 1 hour - 90.5 MB

In this final instalment of The Summer Of Joe Lara, Rookie Cop Joe *EXPLOSION* his greatest foe; a beefier, taller version of *MASSIVE SHOOTOUT* incredible hair. Just when Joe thinks *FLAMETHROWER* in jail forever, this anarchist-terrorist *BIGGER EXPLOSION* a Hologram Terrorist! *LASER PISTOLS* Joe must *MAD MAX-STYLE RAMMING TRUCK* before he *6 COP CARS EXPLODE* a hologram too! *FORCE LIGHTNING* until *RETIRING COP DIES* *COPS WITH MACHINE GUNS* *ARMS RIPPED OFF* *MULTIPLE RUBBER MASKS...

The Summer of Joe Lara - Starfire Mutiny

February 02, 2017 23:07 - 1 hour - 81.8 MB

Our second Joe Jaunt™ is a piece from the twilight of his cinema career, Starfire Mutiny, another post-apocalyptic sci fi, this time with a complete absence of American Cyborgs (boooo.) Joe captains the USS Legacy, a massive cryo ship orbiting a dead Earth, holding the last remnants of humanity in stasis. It's a dull life; a good part of his day to day job is porn distribution (seriously.) But when a band of space pirates show up, led by the world's most low energy white supremacist, thi...

The Summer of Joe Lara - American Cyborg: Steel Warrior

January 15, 2017 23:00 - 1 hour - 97.2 MB

Longtime Failure to Launch listeners will be familiar with the work of Joe Lara, either as Tarzan in Tarzan in Manhattan or DJ Matt in Danger Island. You’ll also be aware of our undying affection for the man, and his superb list of b-movie credits on IMDB: STEEL FRONTIER. HOLOGRAM MAN. FINAL EQUINOX. VERY MEAN MEN. Despite the fact that these are films, not TV pilots, we at Failure to Launch could not leave these glorious titles unexamined. So, over this Australian summer, we’re submersing...

319 - Running Delilah

December 20, 2016 00:25 - 1 hour - 86.8 MB

In this week's episode of Failure to Launch we follow undercover agent Delilah (Kim Cattrall, Sex in the City) working with Billy Zane (Billy Zane, BILLY FUCKING ZANE) to take down a weapon smuggling crime boss from the inside. But when her cover is blown, a deadly game of cat and mou... nope, nevermind, they kill her straight away. Delilah is brought back to life with a science montage and turned into a crime fighting machine (literally). As Delilah and BILLY ZANE (Billy Zane!) work toget...

318 - Starstruck

November 29, 2016 00:00 - 1 hour - 70.2 MB

1979 was the perfect time to cash in on the Star Wars craze, so what better way than to make the Beverly Hillbillies in the Mos Eisley Cantina. We follow the Mcallisters getting through breakfast, a singer desperate for a job, a talent agent who can't get no respect, a megalomaniacal Billionaire intent on buying up all the apple pies, a pair of very sexual Scottish robots and a black guy punching a really big egg. This may be one of the most insane shows we've ever seen. So get yourself ...

317 - Mr. Ed

November 23, 2016 19:00 - 1 hour - 65.1 MB

This week’s Failure to Launch sees the return of a horse of course. Of course, if you’re making a show about a talking horse, of course that horse will be a family-friendly lovable horse, unless of course that horse is Mr. Ed. Fearing that the concept may be a bit dated for modern audiences, Fox cast George Jefferson himself (or at least Sherman Hemsley), to transform Mr. Ed from a talking horse into a straight-talking horse. Apparently in 2004, we really wanted Mr. Ed to be edgy. If you...

316 - Journey to the Center of the Earth

November 14, 2016 19:00 - 1 hour - 81.1 MB

This week’s Failure to Launch journeys NOT to the center of the Earth, but just a bit under it to The Inner World, a land of miniature sets, puppet Space Manta Rays and liberal Yetis. After his uncle Harlech’s attempt to get to this Inner World fails (spectacularly, if also predictably), Captain Chris Turner assembles a crew of generic TV sci-fi types, the world’s most English Englishman and one really angry bloke and sets off after him. At least, we think for him. They’re also after the...

315 - Jessica

November 07, 2016 19:00 - 1 hour - 64.5 MB

This week’s episode sees the return of Failure to Launches most divisive star, Jessica Simpson, in a 2004 pilot built on one simple fact of life; Beautiful women will instantly turn any male into a desperate blabbering idiot and any woman into a raging ball of jealousy. We meet Holly and Joe, two snobbish, intellectually elitist journalists - who we’re supposed to love I think? - who are forced to work with the kind-hearted, yet dumb as a post singer Jessica Sampson. Cruel sniping and hilari...

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