Delight Your Marriage

193-Abuse, Part 4: I used to "submit"

Here's what is covered in today's episode There are a ton of "submit" verses in the Bible.  They were used to abuse me in my first marriage. I think these also have made men feel that they had the right to abuse & justify their actions with the misuse of these scriptures. But what people don't realize is they are reading the Bible (and even translations of the Bible) through a patriarchial lense. Don't believe me? What does "help-meet" mean? This word which Eve is supposed to ...

192-Abuse, Part 3: Unique but Equal

This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record.  Here’s what I cover: how I hold my opinions about women in the church and I think we all should how women showed up in the Bible I think Christian men should be on the forefront of the movement to end sexual abuse against women (Jesus would have been) women in ministry leadership the things I’m still processing around this your sexual abuse story should be believed, heard, processed, given space and the same goes ...

191-Abuse Part2: Boundaries

 When I work with women, I think the biggest problem is they don’t have boundaries.  And for them to slowly strategically come out of abusive relationships and cause their marriage to thrive instead of the abusive, they have to have boundaries. But it might not look the way you think it will look.   I grew up without boundaries myself. And So I never learned that I was responsible for me: my feelings, my thoughts, my choices, my property, my own things, my privacy... So naturally when I ...

190- Abuse, Part I: Blinders

(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!) -- I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit.  If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and wha...

189-When you’re attracted to someone else

Not discussed… but it’s common to be attracted to someone that’s not your spouse. What do you do about it? First, figure out where you are in your level of attraction and then decide action steps: -1-3 (when you see them/talk to them you feel a chemistry) talk to God, get busy, be an enthusiastic lover with your husband, redirect your thoughts, read the Word, work with your hands   -4-7 (find your mind wandering to this person consistently) confide in a mature friend of the same s...

188-Christian Sex Scandals

Excited we're back together after far too long! We have got some fantastic episodes coming your way in this new season of DYM!   What was the last sex scandal you heard about? What was the last Christian sex scandal? It probably wasn't too long ago. It's really sad. And it happens so much, far too much. Why is this happening? What can we do about this?  On today's show, I talk about why this is so common. I describe the problem and then what you can do in your own marriage. What y...

Summer break

Hi all,    DYM is taking a break for the summer but will be back on late August, early September.    Blessings,  Belah

187-Get Turned on by Him

Questions Discussed: Is it helpful to fantasize about others? How to get turned on How to have an orgasm Female erections How to rekindle your attraction How to get turned on even if you don't "like" him right now How you can be turned on by him  What he can do What you can do   Check out this episode's show notes with links -------- I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So, I’m including VERY practical u...

185-Surrendering 2.0. with Laura Doyle (Part 2)

Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography. Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in! Find out more at delightyourmarriage.com ——- Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy: I’ve released the first 4 par...

185-Surrendering 2.0. Interview with Laura Doyle, Part 2

Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography. Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in! Find out more at delightyourmarriage.com ——- Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy: I’ve released the first 4...

186-Surrendering 2.0. with Laura Doyle (Part 2)

Covered in this podcast:   Resources: Surrendered Wife Surrendered Single Things Will Get As Good As You Can Stand

186-Surrendering 2.0. Interview with Laura Doyle, Part 2

Part 2:  Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography. Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in! Resources mentioned: Surrendered Wife Surrendered Single Things Will Get As Good As You Can Stand ——- Ensure that you’re infusing y...

185-Surrendering 2.0. with Laura Doyle (Part 1)

Well, by now you know that I'm a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions answered like...  -What about when you have fundamental differences? -What about different parenting styles? -Marriage therapy ever a good idea?   -What about when he's nasty but you don't want a huge issue by saying "ouch" and leaving the room? -When you're vulnerable but he hurts you because you're vulne...

185-Surrendering 2.0. Interview with Laura Doyle, Part 1

Well, by now you know that I'm a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions answered like...  -What about when you have fundamental differences? -What about different parenting styles? -Marriage therapy ever a good idea?   -What about when he's nasty but you don't want a huge issue by saying "ouch" and leaving the room? -When you're vulnerable but he hurts you because you're vulne...

Your Questions

This one isn’t a typical episode. Instead I’m asking for your questions: [email protected]

184-How to Apologize

183-Divorce IS an Option

Discussed in this conversation: Divorce is an option, for Christians and non-Christians. I hope I can convince you of the importance of this truth. If you are not aware that this is possible for your marriage, you may be blindsided by this reality. But if you believe you both are free beings who choose everyday to remain faithful to your vows, I think you can walk more circumspectly and carefully.   How do you shift the way you view your marriage? Well, what are things about your husb...

182-What Makes Intimacy Exciting

What is included in this show: Why is amazing intimacy important in marriage? Why the lure of Sex is so great Marital love making is supposed to be intoxicating Should you try to make your sex life exciting? Could God wants our sex life to be exciting What I think is the biggest barrier to amazing intimacy Why the enemy want to destroy the excitement in your sex life The attitude behind something is actually more important than the action themselves Shift your attitude. Col 3...

181-Connection Goals

What do you want your marriage to look like? Is it at the level of the connection and depth of love that you desire? If not, what does it look like? And the follow up question is what you can do to change it? We cannot change what we do not notice. I encourage you to take stock of your intimacy which is your husband's fuel of your connection. How often are you making love and how are you making it a priority in your life? It often isn't as easy as it sounds, but I have some tips and encour...

180-Sex is Better In Marriage

Sex is Better In Marriage. If it's better, why is there so much divorce and so many unhappy marriages? Its better but it's also harder. Here's why sex is harder in marriage: You see the good, the bad & the ugly. You have to be vulnerable and that's messy & uncomfortable. You see them in the mundane...when you're brushing your teeth... how can they be sexy to you? You have to maintain attraction to one person You have to be intentional about passion, spice & excitement Why sex is ...

179-The Missional Marriagebed

Main Points: The safety and stability of a home is due to the spouses' generosity in the bedroom Making love is God's work. "Yes, God changed me. But he changed me through [our intimacy]." -my husband Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. God was talking about sex.' What a wife needs to make love is a man living out the fruit of the Sp...

178-Stoke His Desire

The specific steps to seduce: Get him to want it Tease him Give him a little bit Pull away Give him what he wants Why Seduction is important, helpful tips on what will help you seduce and next steps.   The Seduction Course P1 will be released next week! Purchase now to have the most discounted price! (It will go up on Tuesday!) I am SO excited to share this content with you. I think it will really get you to the place of implementing and doing, practically, those things that...

177-Body P6: Be Released

Main points: -God's might and glory is shown in the uniqueness of creation. And in the tiniest of details of your body.  -The way you feel about your body affects the way you interact with your spouse and the rest of the world.  -Children are released in their bodies. Body insecurity is learned (and its unattractive).  -Our self-perception is tied to so many different things. Time of the month, what we've been eating for the last couple of weeks, what stresses are in our lives etc. A...

176-Body P5: Value Touch

How to enjoy sex as a woman. We as women have so much going on. So many commitments and responsibilities. Busy.  For women its a slow process to transition from life to physical intimacy. (For men, not so much). For us, its slow and it should be. Its an opening. Its a releasing. Its a being invited into her divinely orchestrated womanhood.   What does it feel like to be in touch of your body? Why does touch matter? Being in your body. Being attentive to the touch of your body will help...

175-Body P4: Honor Your Ressa

Embodying your Sexuality P1 & P2, Episode 160 & Episode 161. "Save sex for marriage". A wise piece of advice. But because I didn't learn anything about it's value, I just assumed it was nasty.  But I never learned about my Ressa. Why your Ressa needed to be reframed and renamed:  Ressa = Receiving him into your Essence  (Feel free to keep the name you feel most comfortable with. However, I don't feel comfortable using the words publicly on this show, that to me either evoke negative/po...

174-Body P3: Flaunt, Don't Seek Approval

When you're confident in your body you're not being prideful, you're humbly acknowledging His gift of your body. Your beauty is not a question is a statement. God knit you together, counted your hairs. He cares about all the incredible intracacies of your body.  It matters what you do with it. God is all about the spirit and mind and soul. But He also says love the Lord with all your strength. Your body is important to God. Jesus talked about the body when describing a husband and wi...

173-Body P2: Know Your Worth & Freedom with Food

I thought my body was gross. I thought God didn't give me a good one. God changed my perspective. Now that insecurity has become fierce respect for this wonder God has given me.  Now I'm convinced that we as women are jewels. Our bodies are of the highest value. And we should not put our jewels before swine. Your body should be adored by someone who deserves it. By someone who serves you, respects you and makes you feel worth it. Your husband (though he himself is a work in progress) is th...

172-Body P1: Behold Your Body

Welcome to this brand new series all about body. Body image, food issues, body acceptance, comfort in sex... all of it affects how you make love.  But who made it? Is it yours? Are you responsible for how it looks? My body image struggles caused me great pain throughout my life. It was my "project." It was my obsession. It was my thing that made me feel OK but also horrible. But as my eating increased, so did my body. And I hated it. I wanted to get liposuction. I prayed God would make m...

171-New Year's Reflection That Will Change My Life

In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?  I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God's will and way for my life. I don't believe I was pursuing it in God's timing.  And that is one of the central themes around today's podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now.  From there, what ...

170-Rest in Sex. Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery P2

Sexual intimacy should be a place of rest. It can even become a "haven for me".  In this interview, Juli Slattery, of Authentic Intimacy, talks about the spiritual priority of sexual intimacy in marriage and the passion involved in covenant love. She also discusses which Sexual acts are ok? How do you know if it's a conscience thing or just a comfort thing?  Has God said no to this?  Is this loving and beneficial, is it good for us? Is it only us? We don't grow in anything unless w...

170-Rest in Sex. Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery, Part 2

Sexual intimacy should be a place of rest. It can even become a "haven for me".  In this interview, Juli Slattery, of Authentic Intimacy, talks about the spiritual priority of sexual intimacy in marriage and the passion involved in covenant love. She also discusses which Sexual acts are ok? How do you know if it's a conscience thing or just a comfort thing?  Has God said no to this?  Is this loving and beneficial, is it good for us? Is it only us? We don't grow in anything unless w...

169-Biblical Women--Sensual? Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery Part 1

When you think about the women of the Bible who comes to mind? Ruth, the loyal daughter who served her widowed mother-in-law. Esther, who risked her life to save her people. The hardworking Proverbs 31 wife. Mary, the teenage girl who's heart was so tender before the Lord that He chose her to be Jesus' mother.  Yes. The women in the Bible are incredible and should be aspired to. Did you immediately think of the Song of Solomon? Probably not. Not because she doesn't take up space in the scr...

169-Biblical Women--Sensual? Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery, Part 1

When you think about the women of the Bible who comes to mind? Ruth, the loyal daughter who served her widowed mother-in-law. Esther, who risked her life to save her people. The hardworking Proverbs 31 wife. Mary, the teenage girl who's heart was so tender before the Lord that He chose her to be Jesus' mother.  Yes. The women in the Bible are incredible and should be aspired to. Did you immediately think of the Song of Solomon? Probably not. Not because she doesn't take up space in t...

168-Why He Became Romantic, Part 4 (Belah’s Husband Tell’s All)

He proposed to me over fast food in a parking lot. I think it might have been drizzling.  Well he's not that man anymore. God has changed him. He has brought him in so many ways to a place that I could not have imagined were possible. Truly.  I hope this podcast inspires you. I hope it empowers you to make the hard choices for yourself to see what God might want to allow you to think about.  At the end I tell you about the amazing anniversary experience my husband gave me. And I tell y...

167-Why He Became Romantic, Part 3 (Belah’s Husband Tell’s All)

This is Part 3 of Why we became romantic. I was a generous wife in intimacy and I felt loved in some areas, but I didn't feel loved outside of the bedroom. The romance on dates, the random gifts, the consistent compliments, the surprises were missing.  (Part 1 is more of the theory behind it and Part 2 is the beginning of my discussion with my husband that exemplifies this process.)   Being happy and pleasable makes my husband motivated to plan and give me big surprises  My husband ta...

166-Why He Became Romantic, Part 2 (Belah's Husband Tell's All)

I encourage you to first listen to Part 1 here. Today, you get to hear the gory details of how awful I was...from my husband. He is giving you all the dirt on me, for your benefit (hopefully!). There's a ton of mistakes I made that I thought was helping, but was actually driving a severe wedge between us. I was making it impossible for him to love me in the ways I was desperate for him to love me. God has taught me a ton in my marriage. But by God's grace, He continues to teach me. I thoug...

165-Why He Became Romantic Part 1

You may have thought you chose the right man when you were dating, but suddenly things changed when you got married. He stopped trying. He stopped woo-ing you and just took you for granted. When was the last time he took you on a date? Its so tough to feel that if he just tried a little you'd be happy. Its an awful feeling. The good news is it can change with these steps. Its hard work on our end, but it makes big differences in the marriage. I was totally surprised to find out the very th...

164-Make Sex More Fun. Interview with Amy McKinley Part 2

There's a lot we can do to make our love lives more lively. More than you might have thought. What about making sex into a game? Here's a wife who made a Christian app that makes sex more fun for all of us! Amy's passion has come out of a place of understanding the significant impact that comes out of a place of marital intimacy. This is the second half of her interview and it is so important for us all to prioritize and enjoy making love. We all can only be so creative---Why not get a l...

163-J1: Sex Got Us Through. with Amy McKinley

Financial challenges aren't easy. They are in fact the #1 reason for divorce. How did her marriage survive when things got really stressful financially? When you're stressed tensions run high in the household. Often the last thing on your mind (especially for women) is making love.  And this wife and mother believes it is what brought them through the serious challenges in their marriage.  God doesn't promise us an easy life. We will have struggles throughout this side of eternity. But...

163-Sex Got Us Through. Interview with Amy McKinley Part 1

Financial challenges aren't easy. They are in fact the #1 reason for divorce. How did her marriage survive when things got really stressful financially? When you're stressed tensions run high in the household. Often the last thing on your mind (especially for women) is making love.  And this wife and mother believes it is what brought them through the serious challenges in their marriage.  God doesn't promise us an easy life. We will have struggles throughout this side of eternity. But...

162-Why Sex Matters To Him (A Gift For Your Wife)

I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as Dirty Wrong Ungodly Scary He was sinning for wanting it Too much work I didn't like it / it hurt / I didn't know what to do I don't have time I don't have energy What's in it for me? He's way too interested in sex And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got ...

161-Embodying Your Sexuality (Seduction), Part 2

Now that you know the value of your sexuality (from Part 1), what does it mean to share that with your spouse? I was a woman so insecure and unaware of the beauty of my body that it shocked me to realize the attraction my husband felt towards me. It took a while to actually come to accept it was true. But from there, to become fierce in the bedroom, that was another process. That's what we're going into today. What does it mean to captivate your man? How do you "embody your sexuality" wi...

156/157-Encourage Your Wife's Sexuality (For the Good Guys)

After releasing Episode 56 & 57, I realized the good guys needed an episode. I may have been a bit too harsh on those episodes. So, I have this updated/revised/clarified/contextualized episode to give a bit more grace and kindness to the good guys, looking to love and be loved in sexual intimacy with their wives.

160-Embodying Your Sexuality, Part 1

Part 1: You want to captivate your man. Is that even possible, you may ask? Am I captivating? It was a process for me to move from thinking my sexuality (body + "Ressa") was gross to then accept and embody my sexuality as a gift from God to walk out (exclusively) in my marriage. But as I did, I found my confidence and identity began to shift into a woman who knows her value, who is fiercely aware of the jewel she is...and how that informs and transforms her marriage.  How do you walk thi...

159-Why He Didn't Care, But Now Adores Her with Laura Doyle, Part 2

If I told you how my husband proposed to me, you would be shocked that I said yes (well I didn't exactly...but that's a different story...). But that is not the man I have today. Just this past weekend, Mr. Romance, surprised me by making dinner, getting our 2 toddlers ready, packing extra toys to keep them occupied, packing an entire picnic, bringing wine glasses and my favorite bottle of wine... which we enjoyed in the park under the stars.  Stuff like this is pretty normal and I belie...

159-Why He Didn't Care, But Now Adores Her. Interview with Laura Doyle, Part 2

If I told you how my husband proposed to me, you would be shocked that I said yes (well I didn't exactly...but that's a different story...). But that is not the man I have today. Just this past weekend, Mr. Romance, surprised me by making dinner, getting our 2 toddlers ready, packing extra toys to keep them occupied, packing an entire picnic, bringing wine glasses and my favorite bottle of wine... which we enjoyed in the park under the stars.  Stuff like this is pretty normal and I belie...

158-Why He Didn't Care, But Now Adores Her. Interview with Laura Doyle, Part 1

(Part 1)  Her husband didn't want to spend time with her. He was apathetic towards her. He would rather watch television than even make love to her. Now he can't keep his eyes and hands off her :) Dancing in the kitchen, less stress and glorious compliments are just side benefits. Laura Doyle's work began a marriage-changing transformation for me. Laura Doyle, best selling author, speaker and coach. The book I love the most: The Surrendered Wife (though I'd prefer to call it "How t...

158-Why He Didn't Care, But Now Adores Her with Laura Doyle, Part 1

(Part 1)  Her husband didn't want to spend time with her. He was apathetic towards her. He would rather watch television than even make love to her. Now he can't keep his eyes and hands off her :) Dancing in the kitchen, less stress and glorious compliments are just side benefits. Laura Doyle's work began a marriage-changing transformation for me. Laura Doyle, best selling author, speaker and coach. The book I love the most: The Surrendered Wife (though I'd prefer to call it "How to St...

157-Encourage Your Wife's Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) Part 2

This is Part 2 of my advice for men who want their wives to enjoy sex more. Though you may feel so hurt that your wife doesn't desire and/or meet your intimacy with joy the way you crave, there is a lot going on for her too.   "Hurt people hurt people". In this podcast, I hope to shed light on things both of you may be going through. And not even realize that you (men) are undermining the very intimacy you seek to encourage. I hope to help you understand the ways a wife desires to be l...

156-Encourage Your Wife's Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) Part 1

(Part 1) You may want more sex. You may want her to want you more. You may want her to care more about your drive. Maybe all of the above and a whole lot more... Well, the biggest barrier women face is insecurity. An insecure wife can't take off her clothes, can't seduce, can't enjoy physical intimacy. But isn't that her problem? Isn't that something she needs to go do, with the guidance of her husband? NO! Please stop pushing/teaching/correcting/criticizing... your wife on sexual things. ...