Dear Sugars
367 episodes - English - Latest episode: 6 days ago - ★★★★★ - 5.5K ratingsRadically empathic advice. Produced by WBUR.
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Episodes
Encore: Rapid Fire Letters
July 15, 2022 15:23 - 32 minutes - 29.3 MBIn a heated moment, a mother reveals a dark chapter from her childhood to her daughter, then immediately regrets it. What now? In this week’s episode, the Sugars tackle this and several other questions, including how to handle a brother-in-law who treats your vacation as his own free childcare; what to do when your best friend’s husband asks you to lie; and why we sometimes recoil at very public displays of grief. This episode was originally released July 29th, 2017.
Encore: Talking About Privilege
July 02, 2022 12:00 - 51 minutes - 47.3 MBPrivilege comes in many forms: socio-economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, to name a few. In this episode, the Sugars reply to two letter writers who are facing different forms of privilege. They discuss with Catrice M. Jackson, a leading voice for racial justice. This episode was originally published on August 11th, 2018.
Encore: Sex & Aging
June 18, 2022 12:00 - 36 minutes - 33.5 MBThe erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive? This episode was originally released on May 25, 2018.
Encore: The Stepchild's Dilemma
June 04, 2022 12:00 - 45 minutes - 41.5 MBWhether you’re 5, 15, or 50 years old, it can be difficult to usher a stepparent in and out of the family unit. In today’s episode, the Sugars answer letters from stepchildren who have fraught relationships with their stepparents. What is a stepparent’s responsibility to a stepchild after divorce? And what can be done if you don’t like the person your parent chooses to marry? This episode was originally released on April 28th, 2018.
Encore: The Empty Chair, Part 2
May 21, 2022 12:00 - 33 minutes - 30.6 MBThe Sugars conclude a two-part series on early childhood death. In Part 2, they read letters from parents who worry that their grief may overshadow their surviving children. They are joined by the writer Emily Rapp Black, who decided to have another child after learning that her son had a fatal congenital disorder. This episode was originally released on November 11th, 2017.
Encore: The Empty Chair, Part 1
May 07, 2022 12:00 - 33 minutes - 30.7 MBIn the Empty Chair series, the Sugars discuss early childhood death, an absence that can be ever-present. In Part 1, they read letters from siblings who live in the the shadow of their parents’ grief. This episode was originally released on November 4th, 2017.
Encore: Just Say It
April 22, 2022 16:23 - 28 minutes - 26.1 MBWords can be wielded like weapons. On today’s episode, the Sugars hear from people who have something to confess but are afraid to hurt others with the power of their words. This episode was originally released on December 9th, 2017.
Encore: Love in Doubt
April 09, 2022 12:00 - 41 minutes - 38.3 MBHow many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion. This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.
Encore: Body Weight and Romance — with Ashley C. Ford
March 26, 2022 12:00 - 34 minutes - 31.3 MBIt’s never easy to talk to our romantic partners about their bodies, especially when it’s about weight. The Sugars, along with writer Ashley C. Ford, answer letters from people questioning their relationships because of major changes in their partners’ bodies.
Encore: Rapid Fire: Love & Money
March 12, 2022 11:00 - 44 minutes - 40.6 MBWhen it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? The Sugars take on 5 letters in this rapid-fire episode.
Encore: Dark Fantasies, Part 2
February 26, 2022 11:00 - 28 minutes - 26.5 MBIn part two of our Dark Fantasies series, Dr. Ian Kerner returns to help the Sugars answer questions about where our central ideas about sex and eroticism come from, and delve deeper into the world of sexual fantasy. This episode was originally released on January 20, 2018.
Encore: Dark Fantasies, Part 1
February 12, 2022 11:00 - 32 minutes - 29.6 MBOrgies. Sex in public. Incest. These are the things that some of us think about in the dark. Taboo fantasies can be exciting, but they can also be the source of our deepest shame. In this two-part series on sexual fantasies, the Sugars read letters from people who want to turn off the thoughts that turn them on. This episode was originally released on January 13, 2018.
Encore: The Ugly Truth
January 27, 2022 20:37 - 34 minutes - 31.9 MBMost of us have days when we don’t feel attractive. But in this episode, the Sugars read letters from people whose faces are at odds with conventional ideas of beauty. Writer Ariel Henley joins to talk about her own facial differences. Henley was born with Crouzon Syndrome, and underwent dozens of surgeries that changed the shape of her face.
Encore: Rapid Fire: Make the Call
January 14, 2022 20:50 - 39 minutes - 36.3 MBIn this encore "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance.
Encore: A Spy In The House Of Love — With Ariel Levy
December 21, 2021 16:44 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MBSnooping on your spouse is generally ill-advised, but what if he or she has an addiction and is constantly lying about it? The Sugars and writer Ariel Levy answer this question in this episode, originally released on December 2, 2017.
Encore: There's Just One Thing
December 17, 2021 20:37 - 40 minutes - 37.2 MBIn this "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars read letters from four women who each have one not-so-tiny reservation about the men they’re dating. A Black woman is dating a white man who is unwilling to talk about race issues, claiming that she’s “too sensitive.” Another woman’s boyfriend, a Christian, is having second thoughts about dating her because she’s an atheist. The Sugars tackle these issues and more, and weigh in on which can be ironed out and which should be deal breakers.
Encore: Sexless Relationships, Part 2
December 03, 2021 21:18 - 26 minutes - 23.8 MBThe Sugars are joined by the therapist Esther Perel to discuss a letter from a husband who is in a sexless marriage and is looking for a way to help his wife heal from trauma.
Dear Sugars Presents: Woman Yelling at a Cat
November 19, 2021 19:51 - 42 minutes - 39.1 MBThis week, we're sharing an episode of another WBUR podcast, Endless Thread.The show is in the middle of a series all about internet memes, and they recently featured the woman at the center of the popular "Woman Yelling at a Cat" meme, Taylor Armstrong from the original cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The story behind the image featured in this meme is surprising and painful, so please take care when listening.
Encore: A Night of Bad Stories
November 05, 2021 17:20 - 41 minutes - 37.6 MBDear Sugars returns to Portland, Oregon, for another raucous and uplifting live show. The Sugars get a surprising update from a letter writer from their past; discuss a new letter with a special guest, Omar El Akkad; and ask the audience, “What’s the ‘bad story’ you tell yourself?” “Bad Stories,” the title of Steve Almond’s new book, are the false narratives we tell ourselves that undermine our happiness. “You’ve got to revise those narratives,” encourages Cheryl Strayed. “You have the capac...
Encore: Sexless Relationships, Part 1
November 05, 2021 16:56 - 32 minutes - 29.8 MBA sexless relationship is often a symptom of deeper dysfunction. The Sugars, along with couples therapist Esther Perel, advise a letter writer whose loving partner is erotically absent. This episode was originally released on September 9th, 2017.
Encore: The Other Half of Sexless Relationships
October 08, 2021 14:41 - 24 minutes - 22.3 MBThe Dear Sugars inbox was flooded with responses to the two-part episode “Sexless Relationships” with Esther Perel. In those episodes, the Sugars answered letters from people who were longing for sexual intimacy with their partners. But many readers asked why we didn’t address the other side of sexless relationships: the people who want less sex than their partners. This episode was originally released on October 28th, 2017.
Encore: Should I Intervene?
September 24, 2021 16:51 - 41 minutes - 37.6 MBWhen we decide to meddle, it can often backfire. The Sugars, along with the writer Meghan Daum, answer letters from people who see loved ones heading down the wrong path, but worry intervention might be the wrong move. This episode was originally released on August 12th, 2017.
Encore: Rage Is A Red Lesson
September 10, 2021 18:02 - 40 minutes - 37.3 MBShortly after the birth of her first child, a letter-writer who calls herself “Tantrum Daughter” lost her mother to suicide. Now, with a second child on the way, Tantrum Daughter is overcome with pain and anger. After reading Morgan Jerkins’s essay “How I Overcame My Anger as a Black Writer... Content warning: episode mentions suicide. This episode was originally released on May 12th, 2018
Encore: Young & Isolated
August 27, 2021 20:27 - 44 minutes - 40.8 MBFeeling like an outsider is one of the hallmarks of adolescence. But in today’s episode, we hear from two 16-year-olds who have cause to feel especially isolated. One is home-schooled; another feels disconnected from her best friend. Shirley Manson, the lead singer of the alternative rock band Garbage, joins the Sugars to discuss her own journey as an outsider.
Encore: Lovers & Friends
August 13, 2021 20:50 - 42 minutes - 39.1 MBIt’s healthy to cultivate friendships outside of your romantic relationships. But sometimes, they can be the source of jealousy and resentment. So when is jealousy actually justified? In this rapid-fire episode, the Sugars weigh in on this question and offer ways to confront and neutralize feelings of jealousy. This episode was originally released on March 31st, 2018.
Encore: Trust Your Body
July 30, 2021 15:25 - 42 minutes - 38.5 MBHer doctor categorized her as overweight when she was 5 years old. Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” As an adult, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating, restricting food some weeks, and gorging on cake and ice cream during others. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” The Sugars discuss and share ...
Encore: Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work (Most) Women Do
July 16, 2021 18:19 - 44 minutes - 40.5 MBWomen from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus, along with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, “Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up.” This episode was originally released on May 5, 2018.
Redux: Family By Proxy
July 02, 2021 16:39 - 32 minutes - 30 MBWhen a family experiences loss, familial roles are often redefined. In this episode, the Sugars answer letters from people who are unexpectedly charged with caring for new family members. This episode was originally released on February 10th, 2018.
Redux: In The Shadow Of Damaged Parents
June 17, 2021 17:56 - 33 minutes - 30.8 MBA damaged parent can cast a dark shadow over our lives, especially when we inherit some of that damage. Steve’s father, the psychoanalyst Dr. Richard Almond, joins the Sugars to answer letters and offer a way out. This episode was originally released on September 2nd, 2017.
Redux: Consent, Part 3
June 04, 2021 20:45 - 40 minutes - 37.4 MBThe #MeToo movement deluged the Dear Sugars inbox with letters about sexual harassment in the workplace. In the final episode in our series on sexual consent, the Sugars read some of these letters and discuss what happens when non-consensual sexual attention moves from the private to the public realm. This episode was originally published on March 24th, 2018.
Redux: Consent, Part Two
May 28, 2021 20:14 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MBSome sexual encounters are obviously consensual, while others are obviously not. But what about those that are neither black nor white? In the second episode in our series on sexual consent, the Sugars plunge deeper into the gray area. This episode was originally published on March 17th, 2018.
Redux: Consent, Part One
May 21, 2021 19:25 - 39 minutes - 35.9 MBIn the midst of the #MeToo Movement, women and men all over the country were re-examining sexual encounters from their past. Over the course of a three-part series on consent, the Sugars answer letters from some of these women and explore the complexity and nuance of sexual consent. This episode was originally published on March 10th, 2018.
Redux: Cutting The Financial Cord
April 30, 2021 20:25 - 30 minutes - 27.9 MBAt age 18, we are granted the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in the eyes of the law. But for parents of young adults, it’s not so clear cut. When is the right time to wean your children off the family payroll? The Sugars tackle this question with the help of Dr. Kate Gale. This episode was originally released on December 23rd, 2017.
Redux: The Dark Side Of Porn
April 09, 2021 20:38 - 38 minutes - 35.1 MBThe Sugars continue their series on porn with a letter from a woman whose fiancé is "addicted" to porn. This episode was originally released on December 16th, 2016.
Redux: Is Porn Wrong?
March 26, 2021 19:18 - 35 minutes - 32.5 MBPornography is more abundant and accessible than ever before. So it probably isn't surprising that it appears to be having a greater impact on romantic relationships. Part one of a two-part series focuses on some basic questions about porn -- is it wrong to use it? Why do people turn to porn? Is there such a thing as "healthy" porn use in a relationship? This episode was originally published on December 1st, 2016.
Dear Sugars Presents: Double Date
March 13, 2021 16:25 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MBThis week on Dear Sugars, we have a special treat for you. It's an episode of Marlo Thomas and Phil Donohue's new podcast, Double Date. Hear how actress Viola Davis met Julius Tennon and how they found deep love in the land of Opposites Attract.
Redux: Baby or Bust
February 26, 2021 21:08 - 35 minutes - 32.3 MBYou wants kids; your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants kids, and you don't. Whatever the scenario, few subjects are as emotionally charged and potentially deal-breaking in a relationship as a disagreement over the decision to become parents. The Sugars take on this tricky topic with the help of the writer Danielle Herzog, who's written in the past about ending her own marriage to become a mother. This episode was originally published on March 22nd, 2017.
Redux: Career vs. Love
February 12, 2021 20:41 - 34 minutes - 31.1 MBYou love your partner, you love your career... but they're pulling you in different directions. What do you do? The Sugars have help from psychotherapist and sociologist Leslie Bell, author of Hard to Get: 20-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom. This episode was originally released on April 13th, 2017.
Redux: The Price Of Our Dreams
January 29, 2021 21:49 - 34 minutes - 32 MBThe Sugars, along with fiction writer George Saunders, field letters from people who are chasing their creative dreams but frightened by the practical and financial risks that come with that pursuit. This episode was originally released on August 5th, 2017.
Redux: You Must Change Your Life
January 02, 2021 04:48 - 38 minutes - 35.2 MB“I remember them finding the drugs and holding them up in the sky. And I was like, 'Oh man, I’m going to prison.'” This week’s guest, the writer Mitchell S. Jackson, started selling drugs when he was 14 years old, then went to prison for drug possession years later. When his mother tried to buy drugs from him, he knew he couldn’t run away from his bad decisions. This episode was originally released on October 21st, 2017.
Redux: Buyer's Remorse
December 18, 2020 21:05 - 24 minutes - 22.2 MBBuzz Bissinger owns more than 100 pairs of leather pants and over 200 pairs of leather gloves, having spent more than $600,000 on leather goods in the span of three years. Mr. Bissinger has a spending addiction, and he joins the Sugars to offer guidance to a letter-writer whose therapist and family don’t take her spending seriously. This episode was originally published on April 14th, 2018.
Redux: Haunted by Ghosting
December 04, 2020 22:03 - 37 minutes - 33.9 MBThe term "ghosting" may be relatively new, but the concept -- someone suddenly and inexplicably disappearing from your life -- is not. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But in a time where our devices have made us more accessible than ever, it can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy. This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017.
Redux: Location, Location, Location
November 20, 2020 20:26 - 36 minutes - 33 MBLocation, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky. This episode was originally published on March 9th, 2017.
Redux: When Your Loved Ones Just Don't 'Get It'
November 09, 2020 17:06 - 32 minutes - 29.4 MBOur loved ones are the people who are supposed to understand us. But what if they just...can't? Where do we turn then, and how do we fight the feelings of resentment that this lack of understanding can stir up? This episode was originally released November 11th, 2016.
Dear Sugars Presents: Anything For Selena
October 29, 2020 18:35 - 4 minutes - 4.48 MBListen to the trailer for "Anything For Selena," a new podcast from WBUR and Futuro Studios coming in January 2021. Subscribe now so you don't miss it! About The Show: On March 31, 1995, nine-year-old Maria Garcia came home to find her mother glued to the TV, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. The phone kept ringing. Relatives in Mexico and the States wanted to know if Maria’s family was watching, too. American networks and Mexican programming aired the same top story. Selena Quintanilla,...
Redux: Pet Dilemmas
October 23, 2020 19:16 - 46 minutes - 42.6 MBThe Sugars, along with Julie Barton -- author of the memoir "Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself" -- answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships. This episode was originally released on August 26th, 2017.
Redux: Male-Female Friendships
October 09, 2020 15:25 - 32 minutes - 29.4 MBThe Sugars' conversation on friendship continues with a handful of letters concerning male-female friendships. Is there such a thing as a platonic relationship between a heterosexual man and woman? Can male-female friendships be as emotionally satisfying as same-gender relationships? What do you do when a friend crosses a romantic line? The Sugars discuss it all in rapid-fire fashion. This episode was originally published on November 4th, 2016.
Redux: I'm A Transgender Man, Seeking Acceptance
September 25, 2020 17:45 - 38 minutes - 35.3 MBThe Sugars read the letters of two transgender men who are struggling to find love and acceptance. They discuss with Cooper Lee Bombardier, a visual artist, writer and transgender man.
Redux: Inbox Outliers
August 28, 2020 17:02 - 39 minutes - 36.2 MBInfidelity. In-Laws. Friendship. These are just a few of the categories that help keep the Dear Sugar inbox organized. But every once in a while, we get a letter that doesn't fit neatly into any category. The Sugars discuss a handful of those letters in rapid-fire fashion -- from a woman whose mother-in-law might be faking an allergy to her cat, to a woman whose identity was stolen...by her own sister. This episode was originally published on April 25th, 2017.
Redux: 'Totally Confused' Finds A Resolution
August 17, 2020 16:08 - 40 minutes - 36.9 MBThe Sugars get an update from a 62-year-old, divorced woman who was considering a reconciliation with her ex-husband, even after years of unhappiness inside their marriage. The situation was further complicated by the fact that he was engaged to another woman. Find out how the letter-writer and her ex-husband decided to proceed. This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2016.