Dear Sugars
374 episodes - English - Latest episode: 20 days ago - ★★★★ - 7 ratingsRadically empathic advice. Produced by WBUR.
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Episodes
Dear Sugar: Do I Wait For My Ex?
June 24, 2017 13:07 - 26 minutes - 24.5 MBIn this episode, the Sugars take a question from a young woman whose boyfriend recently broke up with her because of uncertainty about his sexuality. The letter writer is heartbroken, confused, and wondering if she should wait for him while he figures it out. The Sugars are joined by Dan Savage, author of the sex advice column "Savage Love" and host of the "Savage Lovecast."
More Money, More Problems
June 18, 2017 13:44 - 39 minutes - 36.1 MBMoney makes us crazy. In this episode, the Sugars take questions from two letter writers struggling with their relationships to money. The first, an aspiring playwright, feels guilty about all the advantages that her parents' wealth has provided to her. The second, a divorced mother, is unable to control her spending and is on the verge of bankruptcy. They're joined by the writer Sean Wilsey, who wrote about his own complicated relationship to family wealth in the acclaimed memoir, "Oh the G...
Am I Too Young To Get Married?
June 10, 2017 10:00 - 14 minutes - 13.6 MBIn this short episode, the Sugars take a question from a 23 year-old woman who is engaged to the man she's been dating since she was 19. As a child of divorced parents who married young, the letter writer knows there are risks. As she prepares to tie the knot, she wonders whether she should be more concerned about those risks.
Former Hellraisers
June 06, 2017 18:31 - 31 minutes - 28.5 MBEvery child has wondered of their parent: What were you like when you were my age? Who were you before I was here? And every parent has to decide how honestly to answer those questions. The Sugars discuss with poet and author Mary Karr, who has written three memoirs about her reckless youth and raised a son who was intimately familiar with those years.
The Infidelity Episodes, Part 4: The Other Woman
May 23, 2017 19:34 - 47 minutes - 43.8 MBIn our Infidelity series thus far, we've heard from the cheaters, from those who have been cheated on, and from a psychotherapist and expert on the topic. In this final installment, the Sugars focus on the often-overlooked experience of "the other woman" and the moral responsibility that comes with the role. They discuss with the novelist and biographer Susan Cheever, who was "the other woman" in an affair...twice.
The Infidelity Episodes, Part 3: Esther Perel
May 16, 2017 12:27 - 51 minutes - 46.9 MBThe Sugars' exploration of infidelity continues with a conversation with Esther Perel, a relationship therapist with extensive insight and expertise on the subject. What qualifies as infidelity? Why do we go through with it? And, perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to us? If you haven't already, listen to Parts 1 & 2 of the series, in which the Sugars heard from the betrayed and the betrayers.
The Infidelity Episodes, Part 2: The Betrayers
May 10, 2017 17:16 - 35 minutes - 32.6 MBThe Sugars continue their exploration of infidelity by hearing from people who have betrayed their partners. They discuss a letter from a desperate wife, whose husband gave her a second chance after an emotional infidelity, only for her to do it again; and another from a young mother who has gotten herself tangled up with the neighbor after years in an unhappy marriage. In Part 1, the Sugars heard from the Betrayed. And in Part 3, the Sugars speak to a leading expert on infidelity, who will ...
The Infidelity Episodes, Part 1: The Betrayed
May 04, 2017 22:05 - 45 minutes - 41.8 MBThe Sugars will be spending the next couple of months working on new episodes. During the month of May, by popular demand, we're listening back to our 4-part series on Infidelity, beginning this week with an episode on people who have been betrayed by their partners. They're joined by writer and performer Lauren Weedman, who experienced one of the more nightmarish clichés of infidelity.
Letters From Teenagers
April 27, 2017 17:16 - 54 minutes - 49.5 MBFor most of us, our teenage years were marked by feelings of insecurity, loneliness and uncertainty. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they discussed questions exclusively from teenagers. They're joined by Tavi Gevinson, founder and editor of Rookie, a digital magazine for teenage girls.
Dear Dad, It's Over
April 20, 2017 20:22 - 41 minutes - 38.2 MBWe can't choose our parents, but we can choose whether or not to have a relationship with them. This week, the Sugars discuss parental estrangement. It's a follow-up to a conversation the Sugars had recently on the show about parents who feel alienated by their children. After that episode was released, an email appeared in the Dear Sugar inbox from a woman who believed the Sugars had discussed her father's letter. She wished to share her perspective -- that of the child who has chosen to es...
Career Vs. Love
April 13, 2017 15:02 - 35 minutes - 32.4 MBYou love your partner, you love your career... but they're pulling you in different directions. What do you do? Is it foolish to put your career on hold for the sake of your relationship? Or is it more foolish to give up a great relationship for the sake of your career? Or, is there a way to have both? The Sugars discuss two letters from women in relatively new relationships who are having trouble deciding what to prioritize. They have help from psychotherapist and sociologist Leslie Bell.
Rapid Fire: Inbox Outliers
April 05, 2017 14:58 - 41 minutes - 38 MBInfidelity. In-Laws. Friendship. These are just a few of the categories that help keep the Dear Sugar inbox organized. But every once in a while, we get a letter that doesn't fit neatly into any category. This week, the Sugars discuss a handful of those letters in rapid-fire fashion -- from a woman whose mother-in-law might be faking an allergy to her cat, to a woman whose identity was stolen...by her own sister.
Love In The Digital Age
March 29, 2017 20:10 - 35 minutes - 32.8 MBMany of us go online in search of connection. But when it comes to romance, online interactions can leave us feeling profoundly disconnected. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they explored the different ways we connect online. They discuss a letter from a married woman who finds herself caught up in an illicit relationship on Facebook, and another from a young woman who is obsessed with tracking her boyfriend's ex on Instagram.
Baby Or Bust
March 22, 2017 17:38 - 36 minutes - 33.6 MBYou wants kids; your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants kids, and you don't. Whatever the scenario, few subjects are as emotionally charged and potentially deal-breaking in a relationship as a disagreement over the decision to become parents. The Sugars take on this tricky topic with the help of the writer Danielle Herzog, who's written in the past about ending her own marriage to become a mother.
Haunted By Ghosting
March 16, 2017 15:46 - 38 minutes - 35.5 MBThe term "ghosting" may be relatively new, but the concept -- someone suddenly and inexplicably disappearing from your life -- is not. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But in a time where our devices have made us more accessible than ever, it can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy. The Sugars discuss ghosting with the essayist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. He's the au...
Location, Location, Location
March 09, 2017 20:22 - 37 minutes - 34.2 MBLocation, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky. Home is where the heart is, we're told. But what if "where the heart is" doesn't align with where your job is? Or when your head -- or your significant other -- tries to talk you out of a location that makes your heart happy? The Sugars discuss the significance of location and home with the …
Sexual Fluidity
February 28, 2017 21:28 - 44 minutes - 40.7 MB"Whatever" -- that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity. Maria joins the Sugars this week to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. She wrote about the evolution of her own family structure in her 2013 Modern Love column for The New York Times, "Comin...
Friends With Benefits, Foursomes And Other Messy Relationships
February 21, 2017 18:33 - 46 minutes - 42.9 MBWhat if the man you love wants to break up but keep hooking up? How should you handle jealousy toward a lover's friend of the opposite sex? What happens when a foursome between couples reveals hidden feelings? Questions about messy relationships come in to the Dear Sugar inbox all the time. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they discussed a handful of these questions in rapid-fire fashion.
Sibling Rivalry
February 15, 2017 20:10 - 35 minutes - 32.7 MBWhen we examine the influence our families have on us, we typically focus on our relationships with our mothers and fathers. But what about those with our brothers and sisters? Sibling relationships can be as powerful as any in our lives — and just as destructive. This week, the Sugars revisit their episode on sibling rivalry. They discuss with psychotherapist Dr. Jeanne Safer.
Happy Two Years Of Sugar, Part 2
February 09, 2017 17:34 - 39 minutes - 36.2 MBIt's part 2 of "the year in Sugar," where Steve and Cheryl reflect on some of the most memorable letters and episodes of 2016. Plus, the letter-writer who called herself "Out of Ideas" in last year's "Wedding Drama" series makes Dear Sugar Radio history!
Happy Two Years Of Sugar, Part 1
February 02, 2017 21:27 - 48 minutes - 44.4 MBThe Sugars look back on some of the most memorable letters and episodes of 2016. There are so many that they'll be doing this in two parts. This week, they discuss the feedback they received on "The Past is Present," they find out if the woman who called herself "Crazy and Confused Cat Lady" stayed with her boyfriend, they revisit the controversial two-part series on porn, they hear from "Minding the Gap" from the "May-December Romances" episode, and they talk to "Lost Somewhere in Californi...
Dear Sugar Radio Live: The Writers Resist, Part 2
January 25, 2017 19:09 - 30 minutes - 27.5 MBThe Sugars return for Part 2 of "Dear Sugar Radio: The Writers Resist" at The Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. They discuss how to counteract post-election cynicism with Zahir Janmohamed, writer and co-host of the podcast "Racist Sandwich," and they answer questions from the audience in rapid-fire fashion.
Dear Sugar Radio Live: The Writers Resist, Part 1
January 20, 2017 07:26 - 37 minutes - 34.1 MBOn November 9th, 2016 -- the day after Donald Trump became America's President-elect -- the Dear Sugar inbox was flooded with emails asking some version of the question, "How do we move forward as a nation from here?" In this episode, the Sugars bring that question before an audience at The Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon, for Part 1 of "Dear Sugar Radio: The Writers Resist."
Letter From A Closeted Atheist
January 12, 2017 19:22 - 33 minutes - 30.5 MBThe Sugars take on a letter from a self-identified atheist, who doesn't know how to tell her deeply religious parents that she's no longer a Christian. She loves and respects her parents, but worries that she can't be herself around them anymore -- that their beliefs and values are just too at odds. The Sugars discuss with the Reverend Jacqui Lewis, who had her own reckoning with faith.
Rapid Fire: Love In Doubt
January 05, 2017 23:30 - 41 minutes - 38.4 MBHow many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.
The Weight Of Love
December 29, 2016 18:12 - 46 minutes - 42.6 MBThe Sugars revisit an episode in which they explored the fraught relationship between body image and romance. They're joined by the writer Lindy West, who has much to say on what it means to be a fat woman in our society.
Sugar For The Holidays
December 21, 2016 18:19 - 49 minutes - 45.8 MBThe holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and gratitude. But for many of us, they can be filled with anxiety and dread. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they took on some of the big questions of the holiday season. They're joined by Heather Havrilesky, author of "How to Be a Person in the World" and of New York Magazine's advice column, "Ask Polly."
Porn, Part 2: The Dark Side
December 15, 2016 22:34 - 38 minutes - 35.5 MBThe Sugars continue their series on porn with a letter from a woman whose fiancé is "addicted" to porn. They discuss with Noah Church, a self-described former porn addict and author of the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn."
Porn, Part 1: Is It Wrong?
December 01, 2016 20:27 - 35 minutes - 32.6 MBPornography is more abundant and accessible than ever before. So it probably isn't surprising that it appears to be having a greater impact on romantic relationships. This week, the Sugars begin a two-part series on the topic. Part 1 focuses on some basic questions about porn -- is it wrong to use it? Why do people turn to porn? Is there such a thing as "healthy" porn use in a relationship? They discuss with the help of sex therapist Wendy Maltz.
Powerful Women And The Men Who Love Them
November 26, 2016 04:24 - 37 minutes - 34 MB"How's your husband doing?" That was one of the questions Cheryl kept getting after the publication of her memoir, "Wild." What people meant was: How's he handling your success? In this encore episode, the Sugars take two questions on the dynamics of gender, power, and love — a young man struggles with jealousy when his girlfriend gets a career opportunity he wants for himself, and a woman finds she's no longer attracted to her husband now that he's not the breadwinner. Joining them to discu...
Dear Sugar: What About The Stepchildren?
November 17, 2016 18:02 - 40 minutes - 36.7 MBWhen the Sugars answered a letter from a woman who felt trapped in the role of "wicked stepmother," dozens of listeners wrote in asking the same question: what about the stepchildren, who have no control over the restructuring of their family? This week, the Sugars respond with an episode devoted to the other side of the story. They're joined by Jane Alison, author of the memoir "The Sisters Antipodes," which tells the story of how her parents swapped spouses with another couple when she was...
When Your Loved Ones Just Don't 'Get It'
November 10, 2016 23:27 - 32 minutes - 29.3 MBOur loved ones are the people who are supposed to understand us. But what if they just...can't? Where do we turn then, and how do we fight the feelings of resentment that this lack of understanding can stir up? The Sugars discuss with writer and artist TaLynn Kel, author of The Establishment piece “My Husband’s Unconscious Racism Nearly Destroyed Our Marriage."
Rapid Fire: Friendship, Part 2 - Male-Female Friendships
November 04, 2016 09:27 - 32 minutes - 29.3 MBThe Sugars' conversation on friendship continues with a handful of letters concerning male-female friendships. Is there such a thing as a platonic relationship between a heterosexual man and woman? Can male-female friendships be as emotionally satisfying as same-gender relationships? What do you do when a friend crosses a romantic line? The Sugars discuss it all in rapid-fire fashion.
Rapid Fire: Friendship, Part 1 - FAQs
October 27, 2016 20:34 - 41 minutes - 37.9 MBEveryone has had a friendship quandary of some sort in the past, right? This week, the Sugars take on frequently asked questions in "rapid fire" fashion – from hating your best friend's significant other, to hating her politics.
May-December Romances
October 18, 2016 18:38 - 29 minutes - 27.2 MBAge is just a number in many contexts, but when it comes to finding long-lasting love, an age gap between partners can greatly impact the course of the relationship -- both in positive and challenging ways. The Sugars discuss those so-called "May-December" romances with the help of Lucinda Franks, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of the memoir "Timeless: Love, Morgenthau, and Me," which tells the story of her marriage to New York District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, who's 27 ye...
Dear Sugar: I Divorced My Spouse, And My Child Divorced Me
October 13, 2016 21:47 - 30 minutes - 28.3 MBDivorce is always a painful process, but it's especially so when there are children in the middle. This week, the Sugars discuss situations of parental alienation caused by divorce. They answer letters from a mother and a father whose daughters have cut off all communication with them after taking the other parent's side.
Dear Sugar: Live In Cambridge
October 05, 2016 21:21 - 1 hour - 58.1 MBThis week, we're revisiting an episode taped last November in front of a live audience at First Parish Church in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Recorded on the release day of Cheryl's book of quotes, Brave Enough, the Sugars discuss the importance of quotations in their own lives. They are joined on-stage by rock star Amanda Palmer.
Rapid Fire: Make The Call
September 30, 2016 01:24 - 39 minutes - 36.4 MBThe Sugars bring you another "rapid fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance.
Dear Sugar: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?
September 22, 2016 18:04 - 26 minutes - 24.5 MBThe Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. This week, they take on a broader, more existential question -- how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.
The Long Goodbye
September 15, 2016 20:57 - 33 minutes - 30.5 MBIt's never easy saying goodbye to our loved ones, but it can be especially painful when a goodbye is drawn out by illness. This week, the Sugars answer two letters dealing with the guilt and heartache involved in a long goodbye to a parent. They're joined by Robin Romm, author of the memoir "The Mercy Papers," which tells the story of her mother's death from cancer.
Rapid Fire: Should I Stay Or Go?
September 08, 2016 20:59 - 34 minutes - 31.3 MBThe Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.
Rapid Fire: Should I Stay Or Go?
September 08, 2016 20:59 - 34 minutes - 31.3 MBThe Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.
Dear Sugar: I'm A Transgender Man, Seeking Acceptance
September 02, 2016 00:29 - 38 minutes - 35.2 MBThe Sugars read the letters of two transgender men who are struggling to find love and acceptance. They discuss with Cooper Lee Bombardier, a visual artist, writer and transgender man.
'Totally Confused' Finds A Resolution
August 25, 2016 20:05 - 40 minutes - 37.5 MBThe Sugars get an update from a 62-year-old, divorced woman who was considering a reconciliation with her ex-husband, even after years of unhappiness inside their marriage. The situation was further complicated by the fact that he was engaged to another woman. Find out how the letter-writer and her ex-husband decided to proceed.
Does 'The Wicked Stepmother' Still Feel Wicked?
August 18, 2016 22:58 - 49 minutes - 45.3 MBThe Sugars revisit a letter from a woman who felt like a fairytale-esque wicked stepmother. When she wrote to the Sugars, she was feeling pressured to love her stepchildren "like her own," but she didn't want to be their mother. The Sugars find out how the self-proclaimed 'Wicked Stepmother' and her husband are doing today.
An Update From 'Head Or The Heart'
August 11, 2016 20:41 - 33 minutes - 30.8 MBThe Sugars get an update from "Head or the Heart" -- a woman who'd fallen in love with a man with a troubled childhood. She worried that the traumas of his past could surface at some point in their relationship. Nine months later, is she still with her boyfriend? The Sugars find out.
An Update From 'Two Truths And Many Lies'
August 05, 2016 00:17 - 49 minutes - 45.2 MBThe Sugars catch up with "Two Truths and Many Lies," whose letter about her husband's infidelity generated significant interest and advice from our listeners. Did she stay with her husband or walk away? The Sugars find out.
Can A Sexual Assault Survivor Love A Rapist?
July 28, 2016 20:16 - 29 minutes - 27.2 MBThe Sugars discuss a letter from a survivor of sexual assault who has just been told by her long-time partner that he raped someone when he was in high school. The writer wonders how she, as a survivor and self-proclaimed feminist, can justify loving a rapist.
Social Butterfly In Love With A Hermit Crab
July 21, 2016 20:26 - 34 minutes - 31.7 MBThe Sugars take a question from a young woman who takes great pleasure in socializing. Her fiance, on the other hand, dreads group settings and gets very agitated every time she wants to go to an event together. She wonders what is so unpleasant for him about spending time with her and her friends.
Dear Sugar Live In Portland: Part 2
July 21, 2016 00:19 - 52 minutes - 48.4 MBThe Sugars record the show in front of a live audience at Revolution Hall in Portland, OR. In Part 2, they take on alcohol addiction with Sarah Hepola, author of the memoir, "Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget." She talks about her years of heavy drinking and denial, and helps take on a question from a letter writer who is earlier on her journey.