Dear Sugars - Pod.casts

Dear Sugars Presents: Last Seen

September 18, 2018 10:00 - 36 minutes - 33.3 MB

From our partners at WBUR, a new podcast that looks into the greatest unsolved art heist in history: the theft of half a billion dollars worth of art from the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum in Boston.

Episodes We Love: Can A Sexual Assault Survivor Love A Rapist?

September 15, 2018 10:00 - 29 minutes - 27 MB

The Sugars discuss a letter from a survivor of sexual assault who has just been told by her long-time partner that he raped someone when he was in high school. The writer wonders how she, as a survivor and self-proclaimed feminist, can justify loving a rapist.

Moving On, Part 2 — With Dr. Harriet Lerner

August 25, 2018 10:00 - 43 minutes - 39.6 MB

In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a letter from a woman who calls herself a "serial codependent," as well as a woman who is haunted by her abortion.

Talking About Privilege — With Catrice M. Jackson

August 11, 2018 10:00 - 51 minutes - 47.2 MB

Privilege comes in many forms: socio-economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, to name a few. In this episode, the Sugars reply to two letter writers who are facing different forms of privilege. They discuss with Catrice M. Jackson, a leading voice for racial justice.

Moving On, Part 1 — With Claire Bidwell Smith

August 08, 2018 10:00 - 46 minutes - 42.8 MB

As our final season draws to a close, the Sugars have been thinking about what it means to say goodbye and let go. In this first episode of our two-part series on moving on, the Sugars and Claire Bidwell Smith answer two letters from people struggling to move past their grief after the death of their loved ones.

Emotional Abuse — With Reema Zaman

August 04, 2018 10:00 - 47 minutes - 43.9 MB

He removed her makeup when he thought she was wearing too much. He refused to put her name on the leases for their car and their house. He told her that she had a green card only because he chose to marry her. Reema Zaman, our guest in this week’s episode, was in an emotionally abusive marriage. She helps the Sugars answer two painful letters from women who are struggling to disentangle themselves from their abusive partners.

Dear Sugars Live: The Great Reckoning

July 28, 2018 10:00 - 51 minutes - 47.2 MB

Dear Sugars returns to Portland, Oregon, for another epic live show. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning, and to answer letters dealing with transgressions of love, friendship, the self, and so much more.

Rapid Fire: Love & Money

July 21, 2018 10:00 - 44 minutes - 40.6 MB

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? The Sugars take on 5 letters in this rapid-fire episode.

Young & Isolated — With Shirley Manson

July 14, 2018 10:00 - 44 minutes - 40.7 MB

Feeling like an outsider is one of the hallmarks of adolescence. But in today’s episode, we hear from two 16-year-olds who have cause to feel especially isolated. One girl is home-schooled and suffers from social anxiety. Another feels disconnected from her best friend, who has suddenly become popular at school. Both letter writers wonder if they’ll ever feel comfortable in their own skin. Shirley Manson, the lead singer of the alternative rock band Garbage, joins the Sugars to discuss her o...

Who's Your Daddy? — With Steve Lickteig

June 16, 2018 10:00 - 40 minutes - 37.2 MB

When Steve Lickteig turned 18, he learned that his mother and father, who he thought were his adoptive parents, are in fact his biological grandparents. With the advent of affordable DNA testing and companies like 23andMe, more and more people are having revelations like Mr. Lickteig’s. For some, these revelations can be a welcome and exciting discovery process. For others, they’re shocking and unwanted. In today’s episode, Mr. Lickteig shares his story and helps the Sugars advise letter wri...

Trust Your Body — With Hilary Kinavey & Dana Sturtevant

June 09, 2018 10:00 - 41 minutes - 38.3 MB

“It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” Hilary Kinavey, M.S., L.P.C., and Dana Sturtevant, M.S., R.D., the co-owners of Be Nourished, join the Sugars on today’s episode to offer Body Negative and women like her some hope.

Rapid Fire: There's Just One Thing

May 26, 2018 10:00 - 40 minutes - 37.3 MB

In this "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars read letters from four women who each have one not-so-tiny reservation about the men they’re dating. A black woman is dating a white man who is unwilling to talk about race issues, claiming that she’s “too sensitive.” Another woman’s boyfriend, a Christian, is having second thoughts about dating her because she’s an atheist. The Sugars tackle these issues and more, and weigh in on which can be ironed out and which should be deal breakers.

Sex & Aging — With Dr. Pepper Schwartz

May 19, 2018 10:00 - 36 minutes - 33.4 MB

The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive?

Rage Is A Red Lesson

May 12, 2018 10:00 - 40 minutes - 37.1 MB

Shortly after the birth of her first child, a letter-writer who calls herself “Tantrum Daughter” lost her mother to suicide. Now, with a second child on the way, Tantrum Daughter is overcome with pain and anger. After reading Morgan Jerkins’s essay “How I Overcame My Anger as a Black Writer Online,” the Sugars enlist her help to answer Tantrum Daughter’s letter. Ms. Jerkins frequently taps her own anger in her essays on police brutality. The Sugars and Ms. Jerkins discuss the connection betw...

Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work (Most) Women Do

May 05, 2018 10:00 - 44 minutes - 40.4 MB

Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on. Women from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus, along with Gemma Har...

The Stepchild's Dilemma — With Theo Pauline Nestor

April 28, 2018 10:00 - 45 minutes - 41.5 MB

Whether you’re 5, 15, or 50 years old, it can be difficult to usher a stepparent in and out of the family unit. In today’s episode, the Sugars answer letters from stepchildren who have fraught relationships with their stepparents. What is a stepparent’s responsibility to a stepchild after divorce? And what can be done if you don’t like the person your parent chooses to marry?

I'm In Love With My Abuser — With Esta Soler

April 21, 2018 10:00 - 26 minutes - 24.1 MB

For the first time on the podcast, the Sugars answer a voice mail message from the Dear Sugars hotline. The message comes from a woman who reunited with her ex-boyfriend, who once assaulted her. Wracked with shame, she wonders if reconciling with him is acceptable and if it’s possible he’ll change. Esta Soler, president and founder of Futures Without Violence, joins the Sugars to help answer the question: Is it O.K. to love someone who abused you?

Buyer's Remorse — With Buzz Bissinger

April 14, 2018 10:00 - 23 minutes - 22 MB

Buzz Bissinger owns more than 100 pairs of leather pants and over 200 pairs of leather gloves, having spent more than $600,000 on leather goods in the span of three years. Mr. Bissinger has a spending addiction, but when he published his confessional in GQ magazine he was labeled an “obsessive,” a “fancy man,” and a “shopaholic.” Only when he was admitted into rehab did many people understand that he was struggling with a debilitating behavioral addiction. Mr. Bissinger joins the Sugars to o...

Dear Sugars Live: A Night Of Bad Stories

April 07, 2018 10:00 - 41 minutes - 38 MB

Dear Sugars returns to Portland, Oregon, for another raucous and uplifting live show. The Sugars get a surprising update from a letter writer from their past; discuss a new letter with a special guest, Omar El Akkad; and ask the audience, “What’s the ‘bad story’ you tell yourself?” “Bad Stories,” the title of Steve Almond’s new book, are the false narratives we tell ourselves that undermine our happiness. “You’ve got to revise those narratives,” encourages Cheryl Strayed. “You have the capac...

Rapid Fire: Lovers & Friends

March 31, 2018 10:00 - 42 minutes - 39 MB

In this rapid-fire episode, the Sugars weigh in on jealousy -- when is it justified, and how can it be confronted or neutralized?

Consent, Part 3: Working In The Gray

March 24, 2018 10:00 - 40 minutes - 37.3 MB

In the final episode in our series on sexual consent, the Sugars discuss what happens when non-consensual sexual attention moves from the private to the public realm.

Consent, Part 2: Stuck In The Gray

March 17, 2018 10:00 - 32 minutes - 30.2 MB

In the second episode in our series on sexual consent, the Sugars dive deeper into encounters that are neither clearly consensual nor non-consensual.

Consent Part 1: Into The Gray — With Jaclyn Friedman

March 10, 2018 11:00 - 39 minutes - 36 MB

In the midst of the #MeToo Movement, women and men all over the country are re-examining sexual encounters from their past. Over the course of a three-part series on consent, the Sugars answer letters from some of these women and explore the complexity and nuance of sexual consent.

Family By Proxy — With Jessie Glenn

February 10, 2018 11:00 - 33 minutes - 31 MB

When a family experiences loss, familial roles are often redefined. In this episode, the Sugars answer letters from people who are unexpectedly charged with caring for new family members.

Updates Part 2: Step Into Your Spotlight

February 04, 2018 15:54 - 36 minutes - 33.6 MB

In part two of our updates series, we find out what happened to two letter writers who let self-image sabotage their love lives. The Sugars find out if “Scared to Choose Wrong” married her fiancé, and they give “Aspiring Warrior for Love” a call to see how he’s changed since hearing the Sugars’ advice more than a year ago.

Updates Part 1: Change Is A Work In Progress

January 27, 2018 11:00 - 35 minutes - 32.3 MB

In today’s update episode, we check in with some of our most memorable letter writers from previous episodes. The Sugars find out if “Struggling” was kicked out of his mother’s house, and they give “Bad Mom” a call to see if and how her views of motherhood have changed since hearing the Sugars’ advice more than two years ago.

Dark Fantasies Part 2 — With Dr. Ian Kerner

January 20, 2018 11:00 - 28 minutes - 26.5 MB

In part two of our Dark Fantasies series, Dr. Ian Kerner returns to help the Sugars answer questions about where our central ideas about sex and eroticism come from, and delve deeper into the world of sexual fantasy.

Dark Fantasies, Part 1 — With Dr. Ian Kerner

January 13, 2018 11:00 - 32 minutes - 29.6 MB

Orgies. Sex in public. Incest. These are the things that some of us think about in the dark. Taboo fantasies can be exciting, but they can also be the source of our deepest shame. In this two-part series on sexual fantasies, the Sugars read letters from people who want to turn off the thoughts that turn them on.

Cutting The Financial Cord — With Dr. Kate Gale

December 23, 2017 11:00 - 30 minutes - 27.8 MB

At age 18, we are granted the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in the eyes of the law. But for parents of young adults, it’s not so clear cut. When is the right time to wean your children off the family payroll? The Sugars tackle this question with the help of Dr. Kate Gale.

The Ugly Truth

December 16, 2017 11:00 - 34 minutes - 31.9 MB

Most of us have days when we don’t feel attractive. But in this episode, the Sugars read letters from people whose faces are at odds with conventional ideas of beauty. The writer Ariel Henley joins the Sugars to talk about her own facial differences. Henley was born with Crouzon Syndrome. As a child, she underwent dozens of surgeries that permanently changed the shape of her face.

Just Say It

December 09, 2017 11:00 - 28 minutes - 26.1 MB

Words can be wielded like weapons. On today’s episode, the Sugars hear from people who have something to confess but are afraid to hurt others with the power of their words.

A Spy In The House Of Love — With Ariel Levy

December 02, 2017 11:00 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MB

Snooping on your spouse is generally ill-advised, but what if he or she has an addiction and is constantly lying about it? The Sugars and writer Ariel Levy answer this question on today’s episode.

The Double Bind of Female Ambition — With Hillary Clinton

November 18, 2017 11:00 - 23 minutes - 21.2 MB

The Sugars are joined by Hillary Clinton to answer a letter about female ambition.

The Empty Chair: Part 2 — With Emily Rapp Black

November 11, 2017 11:00 - 33 minutes - 30.5 MB

The Sugars conclude a two-part series on early childhood death. In Part 2, they read letters from parents who worry that their grief may overshadow their surviving children. They are joined by the writer Emily Rapp Black, who decided to have another child after learning that her son had a fatal congenital disorder.

The Empty Chair: Part 1 — With Jessica Handler

November 04, 2017 10:00 - 33 minutes - 30.7 MB

The Sugars begin a two-part series on early childhood death. In Part 1, they read letters from siblings who live in the the shadow of their parents’ grief. They're joined by the writer Jessica Handler, whose two sisters died from different blood disorders. “I grew up knowing that I would be the only one left,” says Handler, “and I very often feel the need to live for three people.”

The Other Half Of Sexless Relationships

October 28, 2017 10:00 - 24 minutes - 22.2 MB

In this episode, the Sugars answer letters from letter writers who want to have sex less frequently than their partners do.

You Must Change Your Life — With Mitchell S. Jackson

October 21, 2017 10:00 - 38 minutes - 35 MB

In this episode, the Sugars talk to writer Mitchell S. Jackson, who started selling drugs when he was 14 years old and went to prison for drug possession years later. “There was no way for me to escape what I was doing,” he tells the Sugars. Jackson helps the Sugars answer letters from people who also feel stuck and aimless. One writes: “Here we are two abortions, two failed college attempts, a list of dead end jobs later, I’m stuck in a job I despise and I go home …

When Friendship Ends

September 30, 2017 10:00 - 33 minutes - 30.5 MB

Friendships are different from any other type of relationship in our lives. They are purely voluntary, which can make them feel more tenuous. In this episode, the Sugars take questions from two letter-writers who both feel exhausted by a friendship and want out. They discuss with the writer Emily Chenoweth.

Sexless Relationships, Part 2: Esther Perel

September 16, 2017 10:00 - 26 minutes - 23.8 MB

The Sugars are joined by the therapist Esther Perel to discuss a letter from a husband who is in a sexless marriage and is looking for a way to help his wife heal from trauma.

Sexless Relationships, Part 1: Esther Perel

September 09, 2017 10:00 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MB

A sexless relationship is often a symptom of deeper dysfunction. The Sugars, along with couples therapist Esther Perel, advise a letter writer whose loving partner is erotically absent.

In The Shadow Of Damaged Parents — With Dr. Richard Almond

September 02, 2017 10:00 - 34 minutes - 31.3 MB

A damaged parent can cast a dark shadow over our lives, especially when we inherit some of that damage. Steve’s father, the psychoanalyst Dr. Richard Almond, joins the Sugars to answer letters and offer a way out.

Pet Dilemmas — With Julie Barton

August 26, 2017 10:00 - 47 minutes - 43.1 MB

This week, adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton -- author of the memoir "Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself" -- answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships.

Body Weight And Romance — With Ashley C. Ford

August 19, 2017 10:00 - 34 minutes - 31.3 MB

It’s never easy to talk to our romantic partners about their bodies, especially when it’s about weight. The Sugars, along with the writer Ashley C. Ford, answer letters from people questioning their relationships because of major changes in their partners’ bodies.

Should I Intervene? — With Meghan Daum

August 12, 2017 13:10 - 40 minutes - 37.4 MB

When we decide to meddle, it can often backfire. The Sugars, along with the writer Meghan Daum, answer letters from people who see loved ones heading down the wrong path, but worry intervention might be the wrong move.

The Price Of Our Dreams — With George Saunders

August 05, 2017 10:00 - 34 minutes - 31.8 MB

The Sugars, along with the fiction writer George Saunders, field letters from people who are chasing their creative dreams but frightened by the practical and financial risks that come with that pursuit.

Rapid Fire: Summer 2017 Edition

July 29, 2017 10:00 - 32 minutes - 29.3 MB

In a heated moment, a mother reveals a dark chapter from her childhood to her daughter, then immediately regrets it. What now? In this week’s episode, the Sugars tackle this and several other questions, including how to handle a brother-in-law who treats your vacation as his own free childcare; what to do when your best friend’s husband asks you to lie; and why we sometimes recoil at very public displays of grief.

The Power Of No, Part 2: Oprah Winfrey

July 22, 2017 10:00 - 25 minutes - 23 MB

"What do I want?" This is the question Oprah Winfrey finally asked herself, after years of struggling to say "no" to people in her life. In the second of this two-part series, the Sugars continue their conversation with Oprah Winfrey on when, why and how to say "no."

The Power Of No, Part 1: Oprah Winfrey

July 15, 2017 10:00 - 35 minutes - 32.1 MB

There’s incredible power in saying “yes.” It opens up avenues and allows us to be brave. In Cheryl's case, it’s what led to her becoming Sugar. But saying yes to life's opportunities can also have its risks. This week, the Sugars are joined by Oprah Winfrey to discuss when to say no, how to say no, and what happens in the wake of that.

Rapid Fire: A Wealthy Sister, An Impatient Girlfriend, An Unshakable Love

July 08, 2017 10:00 - 39 minutes - 35.9 MB

The Sugars are back for another batch of rapid-fire questions and answers. In this round, the Sugars take on six questions, ranging from a letter writer who is jealous of her sister's wealth, to a young woman who is growing impatient for a proposal from her longtime boyfriend, to a person wondering if people ever really change.

When Bad Things Happen

July 03, 2017 18:10 - 33 minutes - 30.4 MB

In this episode, the Sugars grapple with a difficult question — how do we make sense of the fact that very bad things can happen to people who have done nothing wrong? They discuss a letter from a visual artist who has just learned he is losing his sight, and another from a woman whose life has been transformed by her daughter's life-threatening condition.