Cracker Classics

#171 - Cockblocking You. For Your Own Good.

July 28, 2023 06:00 - 40 minutes - 31 MB

The movie: Under the Yum-Yum Tree (1963) Ian and Joshua watch Jack Lemmon be a creepy pig and Paul Lynde fail miserably at playing a straight man. The movie is about a young couple trying to live platonically, but does love even enter into it? Does Jack Lemmon wear protection? Who's sleeping in the wet spot? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

#170 - In Search of Money, Drugs, and God

July 21, 2023 18:00 - 37 minutes - 28.9 MB

The movie: Stalker (1979) Ian and Joshua enter a mystical Zone and try to comprehend life, the universe, and everything. But is that really what they desire?

#169 - Motorboating the Leather Daddies

July 14, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 25.3 MB

The movie: The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming (1966) Ian and Joshua watch this Cold War spoof and wonder how they will avoid stumbling into World War 3. Are we all stupid, or just the Russians? Joshua also begins to question the feelings that arise from a young Alan Arkin in leather and a moustache. http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

#168 - Don't Neglect Your Teeth

July 07, 2023 06:00 - 31 minutes - 24.5 MB

The movie: Call of the Wild (1935) Joshua and Ian watch Clark Gable and his trademark moustache rough it in the Yukon wilderness with a dog. Does this destroy a classic book or give it a new twist? Did they include Loretta Young just to meet the misogyny quota? How much gold is too much?

An Astronomical Glitter Budget ['80s Edition]

July 04, 2023 14:42 - 33 minutes - 20.7 MB

The movie: Legend (1986) Ian and Joshua were suggested a childhood favorite for this month's '80s movie. At least it was someone's childhood favorite. Tim Curry plays a devilish creature alongisde a young Tom Cruise with unicorns and a metric ton of glitter. What could possibly go wrong? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

#167 - The Jade Monkey In Lace Pants

June 30, 2023 06:00 - 34 minutes - 24.6 MB

The movie: Farewell My Lovely (1975) Joshua and Ian wanted more Marlowe, and decided to go all the way with an aging Robert Mitchum being stalked by a goldigger while trying to solve murders in this '70s film noir in color. Will it be as convulated and awful as it sounds? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

#166 - To Tittle a Tittler

June 23, 2023 06:00 - 34 minutes - 23.6 MB

The movie: The Big Sleep (1946) Ian and Joshua watch this classic Raymond Chandler story of murder, drugs, and pornography and see how the Hays Code handled it all. Is it still good? Or is it cleverly alluded to being good through witty dialogue and innuendo?

#165 - John Hurt in a Space Age Teddy

June 16, 2023 06:00 - 31 minutes - 21.2 MB

The movie: Alien (1979) It's time to venture out into space and see if there's screaming to be heard. Ian and Joshua watch this franchise fountainhead and question the definition of the word "alien". They also explore the effects of capitalism in outer space. Guess it even exists out there, too. crackerclassics.com Patreon

#164 - Poverty With a Little Sex In It

June 09, 2023 06:00 - 37 minutes - 24.7 MB

The movie: Sullivan's Travels (1941) As a fan of Gulliver's Travels, Ian makes Joshua watch the satire of the film industry, hoping for a similar dose of social commentary. But it's a Hollywood film from the '40s, so will it just be self-serving with no substance? https://crackerclassics.com/

#163 - Too Bad They Weren't Searching for Truth

June 02, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 22.9 MB

The movie: The Searchers (1956) It's been long enough. The pain has subsided, and the memories of the last John Wayne movie Ian and Joshua watched have mostly faded. So they give it another in their lifelong quest to find talent within the man, and meaning within one of his movies. The long search continues.

#162 - In 1962, Nothing Happened

May 26, 2023 06:00 - 31 minutes - 21.9 MB

The movie: American Graffiti (1973) Ian and Joshua finally watch this nostalgia classic to see what all the hype is. Just what was so momentous about 1962 that made George Lucas want to reminisce about it? Were cars just cooler back then? What confessions will a teenaged Opie have?

#161 - All It Takes Is a Job

May 19, 2023 16:16 - 34 minutes - 22.9 MB

The movie: My Man Godfrey (1936) As another Great Depression looms, Joshua and Ian watch how the rich handled it the first time back in the '30s. Were Harvard men safe from the trouble as well? Just how insane and out of touch are rich people? Can some good come out of not-good actions? And where can one find a bowl of Japanese men and a forgotten goldfish in the middle of Manhattan?

#160 - Maybe That's Part of the Grift?

May 12, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 21.6 MB

The movie: The Lady Eve (1941) Ian and Joshua watch Barbara Stanwyck con a naive and rich Henry Fonda. It's the ride of his life, but who's grifting who? Did Henry learn a thing or two while spending a year up the Amazon? Or is it all just a bunch of card tricks?

#159 - Showing Your Privilege Card

May 05, 2023 06:00 - 33 minutes - 22.8 MB

The movie: Rollerball (1975) Joshua and Ian see what people 50 years ago thought life was going to be like five years ago. Will showing chest hair still be a thing? Are there still dozens of sports for an individual to choose from? And what about that Equal Rights Amendment?

Always With the Sunglasses ['80s Edition]

May 01, 2023 06:00 - 30 minutes - 18.9 MB

The movie: Big Trouble In Little China (1986) Ian and Joshua watch this '80s gem of appropriation and cringe and wonder if Kurt Russell was considered for a role in They Live.

#158 - You Don't Need Weed to Laugh At This Movie

April 28, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MB

The movie: Reefer Madness (1936) Ian and Joshua had intended to do this movie for 4/20, but...some stuff happened and they forgot. Mainly that 4/20 was a Thursday this year, but they digress. Listen as they try to get through this anti-marijuana propaganda film completely sober. Will they make it? Will they change their wicked ways by the end?

#157 - What Does the Fox Even Do?

April 21, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 21.8 MB

The movie: The Court Jester (1956) Joshua heard about this Danny Kaye comedy classic and its epic swordfight scene, so he and Ian just had to check it out depite having never heard of it. Have they spent all these years missing out on a bunch of medieval silliness and a snarky Angela Lansbury? Or have they just been doding a bullet? Listen as they check for the special mark on the baby's butt and uncharestically defend the restoration of the monarchy. But be warned: they might just be unde...

#156 - The Devil Wears Cha Cha Heels

April 14, 2023 06:00 - 33 minutes - 21.8 MB

The movie: Female Trouble (1974) It's about time a John Waters movie got the Cracker Classics treatment, so Ian and Joshua watch how Divine is both the mother and father to her child, becomes beautiful by injecting liquid eyeliner, and takes some acid. But not that kind of acid. Is this just hot, delightful garbage? Or is there something deeper and more meaningful going on amid all the trash?

#155 - The Source of Sergio's Power

April 07, 2023 06:00 - 32 minutes - 21.5 MB

The movie: Yojimbo (1961) Remembering the promise they made last week, Ian and Joshua watch this Kurosawa classic where A Fistful of Dollars got all its ideas from. Which one is better? Just how power hungry is Sergio Leone and did he use Clint Eastwood to get that power?

Our Date With Ego ['80s Edition]

April 01, 2023 23:39 - 36 minutes - 21.6 MB

The movie: My Dinner With Andre (1981) The time has come to sit down to a nice, privileged dinner, and get talked at about how being able to travel extensively teaches a person how to be more spiritual. And proud of it.

#154 - Drink Drink, Pew Pew, Boom Boom

March 31, 2023 06:00 - 30 minutes - 18.9 MB

The movie: A Fistful of Dollars (1964) Joshua and Ian search for meaning in a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western adapted from a Kurosawa film. Will they be sorely disappointed? Is there at least a chance for some cheap entertainment? Saddle up and don't pick a side as they mosey into town to shoot up this film.

#153 - Beer: The First Participation Trophy

March 24, 2023 06:00 - 33 minutes - 22 MB

The movie: The Bad News Bears (1976) Ian and Joshua watch a rag-tag team of misfit kids and their drunken coach stumble their way through the perils of Little League and pre-adolescence. They also examine how different life was for kids in the '70s. Did they get away with more back then? Or were parents just cooler back then?

#152 - Radar Consistency

March 17, 2023 06:00 - 35 minutes - 24 MB

The movie: MASH (1970) Joshua and Ian this black comedy classic and try not to compare it to the TV show. They look at the similarities of war and football, plus examine how army surgeons in the '50s respond to homosexuality.

#151 - Praying For Pachyderms

March 10, 2023 07:00 - 33 minutes - 21.5 MB

The movie: Brief Encounter (1946) Joshua tempts Ian with a David Lean film based on a Noel Coward play. But did they get more than they bargained for? Or will they go on separate trains?

#150 - The Uncut Hunk of Kansas

March 03, 2023 07:00 - 36 minutes - 23.3 MB

The movie: The Wizard of Oz (1939) It's our sesquicentepisode! Join Ian and Joshua as they take the very familiar journey down the yellow brick road and actually take a look at what the hell is going on around them. And there are questions. Is the Wizard a mob boss? Just what is Glinda up to anyway? And just how attracted is Dorothy to those farm hands?

Forget it, Eddie. It's Toontown

March 01, 2023 07:00 - 32 minutes - 20.1 MB

The movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) Joshua suggested watching one of Ian's childhood favorites. But was that a wise choice for Ian and his nostalgia? Just how awful is the justice system in 1940s Hollywood? What is dip anyway?

#149 - Discount Lion King

February 24, 2023 07:00 - 31 minutes - 20.3 MB

The movie: Robin Hood (1973) Joshua hopes that they are finally going to watch a good Disney movie, while Ian just wants to rip everything including billionaires and folklore to shreds.

#148 - Lifting Balzac

February 17, 2023 07:00 - 33 minutes - 22.1 MB

The movie: The 400 Blows (1959) Time for another movie not in English, and Ian exposes Joshua to French New Wave. The semi-autobiographical story about youth and its misgivings. Will it be epic and inspiring? Or is it just well-done boredom?

#147 - Dogs Are Better Than Men

February 10, 2023 07:35 - 34 minutes - 23 MB

The movie: The Women (1939) Joshua was inspired by Anna Kendrick and so he and Ian watch a movie with no men and lots of divorce. The train to Reno is calling and though the men may be stupid, there will be dogs.

#146 - Pursued By Nuns

February 03, 2023 07:00 - 34 minutes - 23.7 MB

The movie: Lilies of the Field (1963) Joshua and Ian watch Sidney Poitier do the bidding of some nuns. They discuss God and racism, getting paid for labor, and how hard it is to say no to a nun.

Mr. Hand and the Problematic Boobies ['80s Edition]

February 01, 2023 16:18 - 35 minutes - 22.9 MB

The movie: Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) Ian and Joshua go back to high school and discuss jailbait while admiring Judge Reinhold's work ethic. Is this a time capsule capturing life at a time when Reagan was still though to be competent? Or is it just a front to score some underage boobs?

#145 - Teacher-Lickin' Good

January 27, 2023 07:00 - 30 minutes - 18.9 MB

The movie: Grandma's Boy (1922) Ian and Joshua examine Harold Lloyd and the silent era and wonder if there's any connection to that one cringetastic movie from a few years back. There is also an inquiry into what it means exactly to lick your teacher.

#144 - The Ten Plagues of Hollywoodland

January 20, 2023 07:00 - 33 minutes - 21.5 MB

The movie: The Day of the Locust (1975) Joshua and Ian watch this commetary on Hollywood in the 1930s that is supposed to have some horror. But is it just horrible? Ian thinks it's going to be like Fame without the music, while Joshua just hopes for lots of frogs.

#143 - The C.K. Dexter Haven Variety Hour

January 13, 2023 07:23 - 32 minutes - 20.9 MB

The movie: The Philadelphia Story (1940) Joshua and Ian hope for some good ol' romantic comedy with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. Plus there's a drunk Jimmy Stewart. What could possibly go wrong? http://www.crackerclassics.com

#142 - Carl Reiner Will Ruin You

January 06, 2023 07:00 - 34 minutes - 21.5 MB

The movie: The Jerk (1979) Ian and Joshua watch this Steve Martin vehicle and wonder why he's called a jerk. They are also reminded of the importance of family and the downsides to capitalism.

The Hottest Summer In New York So Far ['80s Edition]

January 01, 2023 07:00 - 31 minutes - 19.5 MB

The movie: Do the Right Thing (1989) Ian and Joshua check out this Spike Lee classic and see how people in New York dealt with the heat back when 90 degrees was considered a heat wave. Those were the days!

#141 - Love. Is It Decent?

December 30, 2022 07:21 - 32 minutes - 20.3 MB

The movie: Gilda (1946) Joshua and Ian watch Rita Hayworth not give a damn as they ponder what a prison in Maine has to do with it. Will they have to tunnel their way out of this one? Just how stupid are men when it comes to love?

#140 - Capitalism Would Like a Word With You

December 23, 2022 07:00 - 32 minutes - 19.7 MB

The movie: Holiday Inn (1942) Happy Festivus! To celebrate this day for the rest of us, we watch this classic tale of a lazy Bing Crosby and his hotel that's only open on holidays. How terrible of a business model is this? Does it look better from the back?

#139 - Primates Prefer Blondes

December 16, 2022 07:41 - 33 minutes - 20.9 MB

The movie: King Kong (1933) Ian and Joshua finally watch this sci-fi classic and wonder if all apes have a thing for blondes. And just how many dinosaurs are there on that one island? Joshua also hopes for bananas because stereotyping.

#138 - Conquers Is Such a Strong Word

December 09, 2022 07:00 - 32 minutes - 20 MB

The movie: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) Joshua and Ian get into the holiday spirit by watching something commonly listed on all-time worst movie lists. They have questions. Why is Santa suddenly in the colonizing mood? Does he use any artillery? Or does he conquer them through the magic of the holiday spirit?

#137 - Animal Ex Machina

December 02, 2022 17:10 - 31 minutes - 19.8 MB

The movie: The Muppet Movie (1979) Ian and Joshua get a little meta and search for Myth as they learn the story of how the Muppets got their start. Is Miss Piggy just toxic and abusive? Is Rowlf actually playing that piano? Why was Dr. Honeydew creating what was essentially Viagra? Will Animal's head ever shrink back down after all that Viagra?

8 to 6 Including the Commute ['80s Edition]

December 01, 2022 07:00 - 30 minutes - 18.7 MB

The movie: 9 to 5 (1980) Time to watch this classic working movie to see if anything has really changed in 40+ years when it comes to equality and fair treatment in the workplace. Or maybe we can just take notes on the best way to keep our boss tied up.

#136 - Have Yourself Some Creepy Little Monkeys

November 25, 2022 07:00 - 30 minutes - 20.1 MB

The movie: Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) Ian and Joshua go all wholesome and see what Judy Garland was like outside of Oz. Joshua gets a bit creeped out by some toy monkeys, and Ian hopes they really do wind up at the World's Fair.

#135 - Pilar and Her Band of Merry Men

November 18, 2022 07:12 - 31 minutes - 20.9 MB

The movie: For Whom the Bell Tolls (1948) Joshua and Ian dive into some Hemingway and try to find the metaphor. Or at the very least, the point of any of it. Is it all just a bunch of talk to hide cowardice?

#134 - A Couple of SIC Men

November 11, 2022 14:39 - 32 minutes - 22.5 MB

The movie: Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965) Ian and Joshua explore the world of forgotten '60s parody with this strange mix of spy flick and beach party spectacular. They also debate the weight of gold and the importance of Vincent Price.

#133 - A Rigid Milk Pyramid

November 04, 2022 06:00 - 31 minutes - 20.6 MB

The movie: A Hard Day's Night (1965) Joshua and Ian throw on their mop-top wigs and scream at The Beatles, giving them a glimpse at what life was like on speed in the mid '60s.

Basil and the Case of the Incongruent Accents ['80s Edition]

November 01, 2022 16:37 - 31 minutes - 18.8 MB

The movie: The Great Mouse Detective (1986) It's time for '80s Disney! Ian and Joshua discuss British stereotypes and how Americans are simply too important to tell the difference between regional accents. All while trying to solve a dastardly kidnapping.

Episodes