Three Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Parent

In this heartfelt episode, we explore the intricacies of supporting grieving mothers with compassion and sensitivity. Dr. B navigates the challenging terrain of conversations surrounding loss and grief, offering valuable insights on what to say and, perhaps more importantly, what to avoid.

Supporting a grieving mother requires sensitivity and thoughtfulness. By reframing questions and responses, we can create a space that allows for meaningful conversations, fostering healing and understanding. 

1. Avoid Asking "What Happened?"

When engaging with a grieving mother, resist the impulse to inquire about the details of the child's death. Asking "What happened?" can be perceived as selfish, fueled by curiosity rather than genuine concern.
Instead, focus on the positive aspects of the child's life by asking, "Tell me about your child." Encourage the mother to share memories, preferences, and the child's unique personality, shifting the conversation towards celebration rather than the circumstances of their passing.
2. Skip the Generic "How Are You?"

Especially in the immediate aftermath of grief, asking a grieving mother, "How are you?" may not yield an authentic response. The complexity of emotions during this time makes it challenging to encapsulate one's feelings in a simple answer.
Instead, inquire about their thoughts and feelings at the moment. Ask, "What is going through your mind right now?" This opens the door for a more nuanced and honest conversation, allowing the mother to express the various emotions she might be experiencing on any given day.
3. Avoid Saying "I Understand"

Grieving is a deeply personal experience, and each person's pain is unique. Refrain from asserting that you understand the specific pain a grieving mother is going through.
Instead, express your willingness to support by asking, "How can I help you?" or inquire about their preferences regarding discussing the loss. Avoid comparisons, such as equating the loss of a child to other experiences, as this might hinder genuine connection and vulnerability.