Learning & Adjusting (Reclaiming Self Series)

Show Notes:

The process of considering alignment and experimentation involves asking questions about what might fill my bank account back up. What feeds my spirit? What brings energy? What replenishes? Or, at minimum, what limits the rate at which I get depleted? 

Last episode I shared some examples from my own life and what felt noteworthy to me as I shared them was just how small and simple most of them were. Taking a multivitamin, experimenting with when I exercise and what kind of exercise I enjoy most, trying out something silly like crochet…none of it is big or particularly complicated or time consuming. It really is just slowing down enough and leaving my curiosity on that makes the difference. And honestly, what we’re talking about is learning.

The process of learning happens when we try something out, take information from that experience, and adapt that into what comes next. We learn whether we are conscious of it or not – our brains are constantly taking in information, recognizing patterns and adapting expectations to those patterns. For example, if I come home and am greeted by grumpy, snarky kids and a grumpy husband and a messy house, my brain over time learns to expect this and probably creates an adjusted mood of being grumpy too. If you are a brain and behaviour psychology geek like me you’ll know that this is basic conditioning and the model for how we learn pretty much everything. 

Harnessing the power of learning gives us conscious level control over the factors and allows us to shape the outcomes. Let me say that again, because this is key – harnessing the power of learning gives us conscious level control over the factors and allows us to shape the outcomes. 

The thing about scientists is they don’t just run one experiment, write the results and then stop. They ask new questions, better questions, more informed questions because of what they have learned so far. And they use it to keep on learning. They invest not in the specific outcome but in the process of curiosity and learning. They are in it for the growth, not the end result. 

And the thing is, we need to keep that piece at the forefront because we aren’t ever going to be a finished product. The truth about life is that it keeps changing. And the truth about people is that we keep changing because of it and within it. What fit and aligned for you as a teenager probably doesn’t fit or align quite the same way today. That doesn’t mean that it didn’t align way back when…it just means that you’ve grown and need to have what supports you grow with you. It might look like aspects of what once fit for you, but it might have to be adapted to fit who you are now and what your life looks like now. And it might be brand new things you’ve never even considered before, because that might fit better and be more aligned than you ever could have suspected. 

What I am saying is that you need to be willing to try, and when you feel like you’ve found a sweet spot enjoy that but don’t get complacent in it. Keep observing. Keep noticing. Keep being curious – because that sweet spot can be amazing but it won’t last forever and if you keep your curiosity on, you’ll notice when it’s not so sweet a lot quicker and be able to adapt more effectively than if you get complacent and fail to notice that things aren’t feeling like they fit for you quite the same way. To some extent I see this showing up for a lot of clients I work with who struggle with low-grade depression – they keep doing what used to work and fail to account for the fact that it’s not working anymore. They feel caught and have low energy and so trying new things, stepping out of the routine and comfort zone, feels so hard and uncomfortable that their depression just won’t let them do it…but then that continues to feed the depression…and it’s a downward spiral of stuck on top of stuck on top of stuck. If we can be open to curiosity, we can catch it earlier, adapt it and find a new sweet spot rather than getting caught in that spiral.

I know we talk about intention a lot, and it’s for good reason – being an engaged participant in our own lives really makes the difference between a life lived and a life well-lived. We need to have our eyes open, we need to be seeing and noticing what’s going on for us and around us, to be able to be active in shaping the story of our lives. Being passive to this allows everyone and everything else to tell our story, to decide who we are. If you want to be the author of your story, you have to own it. You have to sit down, look at your character and make choices that shape that character to be the fullest version of themselves. Life will try to convince you to put down the pen and just hang on for the ride, and it’s your job to do the hard work of sitting down each day, picking up the pen, and writing the story. Just like a book character, you’ll face bumps and hardship, it will test your character and shape you – but you can be active in that process and you can intervene on behalf of yourself to support an ending to the story you can feel proud of.

Episode Challenge:

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