372 Pages We'll Never Get Back
176 episodes - English - Latest episode: 11 days ago - ★★★★★ - 524 ratingsConor Lastowka and Michael J. Nelson are reading books they're pretty sure they're going to hate. Read along with us for a podcast book clubs of Ready Player One, Armada, The Eye of Argon, Dan Brown, and more!
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Episodes
Episode #117 – Antigua Ep 4 – Animal Collective
February 11, 2022 05:00 - 2 hours - 60 MBSupport the Podcast on Patreon to get fun stuff like a Meet The Authors with Bill Corbett, Conor’s breakdown of an iconic hip-hop sample, and every episode early! patreon.com/372pages Just a few of the animals mentioned in this episode’s reading: dogs, cats, cows, roosters, chickens, pigs, goats, horses, cattle, foxes, squirrel monkeys who make all … Continue reading "Episode #117 – Antigua Ep 4 – Animal Collective"
Episode #117 – Antigua Ep 5 – Animal Collective
February 11, 2022 05:00 - 2 hours - 60 MBSupport the Podcast on Patreon to get fun stuff like a Meet The Authors with Bill Corbett, Conor’s breakdown of an iconic hip-hop sample, and every episode early! patreon.com/372pages Just a few of the animals mentioned in this episode’s reading: dogs, cats, cows, roosters, chickens, pigs, goats, horses, cattle, foxes, squirrel monkeys who make all … Continue reading "Episode #117 – Antigua Ep 5 – Animal Collective"
Episode #116 – Antigua Ep 4 – Holograms
January 28, 2022 05:00 - 2 hours - 63.7 MBSupport the podcast on Patreon and see what you’re missing! It’s the only place to hear Mike’s amazing bonus real or fanfic! http://patreon.com/372pages You know how when a friend says, “You have to see this video!” and then thrusts his phone in your face and stands awkwardly watching your expression as you watch a video … Continue reading "Episode #116 – Antigua Ep 4 – Holograms"
372 Pages #115 – Antigua Ep 2 – Timothy!
January 18, 2022 15:00 - 2 hours - 60.6 MBSupport us on Patreon! It’s the only place to hear the legendary Bonus Real or Fanfic we did in between episodes! patreon.com/372pages A jam-packed episode for which we will not apologize: there are roughly 8300 characters mentioned in this reading alone. And we barely touch on the Great Wizard Agnessa! We’ve got fairies, fairiettes, pixies, … Continue reading "372 Pages #115 – Antigua Ep 2 – Timothy!"
Episode 115 – Antigua Ep 3 – Timothy!
January 18, 2022 15:00 - 2 hours - 60.6 MBSupport us on Patreon! It’s the only place to hear the legendary Bonus Real or Fanfic we did in between episodes! patreon.com/372pages A jam-packed episode for which we will not apologize: there are roughly 8300 characters mentioned in this reading alone. And we barely touch on the Great Wizard Agnessa! We’ve got fairies, fairiettes, pixies, … Continue reading "Episode 115 – Antigua Ep 3 – Timothy!"
Episode 114 – Antigua Ep 2 – Beautiful Horses
January 04, 2022 12:00 - 2 hours - 56.7 MBThanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Please join them so we can have enough supporters to outnumber the centaurs in this book. patreon.com/372pages This book is amazing! It’s an amazing book! Conor, 40 years-old, yelled to Mike, who was made of human parts, “I can’t believe how amazing this book is!” They … Continue reading "Episode 114 – Antigua Ep 2 – Beautiful Horses"
Episode 113 – Antigua Ep 2 – Beautiful Horses
January 04, 2022 12:00 - 2 hours - 56.7 MBThanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Please join them so we can have enough supporters to outnumber the centaurs in this book. patreon.com/372pages This book is amazing! It’s an amazing book! Conor, 40 years-old, yelled to Mike, who was made of human parts, “I can’t believe how amazing this book is!” They … Continue reading "Episode 113 – Antigua Ep 2 – Beautiful Horses"
Episode 113 – Book 19 – Antigua Ep. 1
December 10, 2021 00:00 - 36 minutes - 16 MBConor challenges Mike with a quiz (he does poorly) and then the new book is announced! EDIT: Well this should be interesting. The kindle (CANON) version does not have chapter breaks. We will read until Location 737, ending at the sentence “The rulers of the easternmost province were King Arlexjandrio and Queen Gwyndeth.” This is … Continue reading "Episode 113 – Book 19 – Antigua Ep. 1"
Episode 112 – Irene Iddsleigh Ep 3 – HAWKES! (The Gardener)
November 26, 2021 00:00 - 2 hours - 63.9 MBOur Patreon listeners are our favorite listeners! Join them at patreon.com/372pages and be the first to learn what book we’re doing next Wow, there’s no way around it, we unabashedly loved the places this book went! (If you don’t agree with us please contact our solicitors, Messrs. Hutchinson and Harper. If you find no relief … Continue reading "Episode 112 – Irene Iddsleigh Ep 3 – HAWKES! (The Gardener)"
Episode 111 – Irene Iddesleigh #2
November 12, 2021 12:00 - 2 hours - 59.4 MBSupport the podcast on Patreon, and hear all about Mike’s Time Advocate theory! patreon.com/372pages Just when you thought Irene Iddesleigh was just going to be kind of old-timey funny, the type of funny that would cause Samuel Clemens to sort of let out a little laugh through his nose, it goes completely bananas off-the-rails insane!! … Continue reading "Episode 111 – Irene Iddesleigh #2"
Episode 110 – Irene Iddesleigh #1
October 29, 2021 00:00 - 2 hours - 60.3 MBJoin the 372 Pages Patreon and get early access to every new episode! Patreon.com/372pages This book was a surprise, packed with hidden delights. So too this episode including -A brand new department: Appreciate Mark Twain -Several dives to the Dark Web -More than one improv regarding Sir John’s locked rooms -Dumb Sentences -A stunning Real … Continue reading "Episode 110 – Irene Iddesleigh #1"
Episode 109 – Book 18: Irene Iddlesleigh
October 15, 2021 15:43 - 27 minutes - 12.3 MBOur patreon supporters have known about this book for a week already and are already sending in their dumb sentences! Join the fun at patreon.com/372pages Join us for our 18th book: Irene Iddlesleigh by Amanda Mckittrick Ros. That is, if the Red Cross doesn’t abduct Conor before then. For our first episode we’ll be reading … Continue reading "Episode 109 – Book 18: Irene Iddlesleigh"
Episode 108 – Modelland Extra – Acknowledgments, aka Library Fudge
October 08, 2021 00:00 - 49 minutes - 22.4 MB**Please note that the giveaway mentioned in this ep has obviously already ended** Be the first to find out what our next book is! Support the podcast on Patreon and get early access to every ep and other fun stuff! patreon.com/372pages Reading a 563 Tyra Banks book just wasn’t enough. Listeners insisted we read and … Continue reading "Episode 108 – Modelland Extra – Acknowledgments, aka Library Fudge"
Episode 107 – Modelland Ep 7 – O’Neil Rises
September 24, 2021 00:00 - 2 hours - 60.7 MBThanks to everyone who supports the podcast on our Patreon! http://patreon.com/372pages O’Neil of course does not rise. But this is Modelland’s final episode. Per our stunt Mike did not read it so it’s all in the capable hands of Conor, who, for the first time gets to read a passage to the poor bedraggled “little … Continue reading "Episode 107 – Modelland Ep 7 – O’Neil Rises"
Episode 106 – Modelland Ep 6 – Human Leg Giraffe
September 03, 2021 08:00 - 2 hours - 56.3 MBThanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Join them over at patreon.com/372pages Mike catches Conor up on the the plot, which involves a lot of filth, sores, blood, detached limbs, wounds and severed torsos. In other words, just another Tuesday at Modelland! As this is a Very Special Episode, we’d love your opinion … Continue reading "Episode 106 – Modelland Ep 6 – Human Leg Giraffe"
Episode 105 – Modelland Ep 5 – SHOCKING NEWS!
August 20, 2021 08:30 - 2 hours - 62.6 MBThanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Get every episode early plus other fun stuff: patreon.com/372pages Our longest episode yet – making it, clearly, our best. We’ll check in on a loving father reading his beloved daughter a bed time story. Conor breaks out the Pocket Operators to recreate one of the BellaDonna’s … Continue reading "Episode 105 – Modelland Ep 5 – SHOCKING NEWS!"
Episode 104 – Modelland Ep 4 – O’Neil
August 03, 2021 08:30 - 2 hours - 58.4 MBThank you to our Patreon supporters who keep the podcast going and have had access to this episode for a week already! Join them at patreon.com/372pages The underutilization of O’Neil is downright criminal: as though A Confederacy of Dunces just mentioned Ignatius J. Reilly and then moved on. Still, plenty of good stuff in the … Continue reading "Episode 104 – Modelland Ep 4 – O’Neil"
Episode 103 – Modelland Ep 3 – AUGH SORRY SO SO SORRY SORRY
July 19, 2021 07:30 - 2 hours - 56.7 MBSupport the podcast with a few bucks on Patreon. Get every episode early, Meet The Authors segments, interviews with Lauren and Bridget, contests, and more! patreon.com/372pages A testament to how weird this book has become: A “sloppy, love-filled reunion hug” is the most normal thing that happens in this episode’s reading. The Cronenbergian body-horror levels … Continue reading "Episode 103 – Modelland Ep 3 – AUGH SORRY SO SO SORRY SORRY"
Episode 102 – Modelland Ep 2 – Goggle Eyes & Long Fingers
June 24, 2021 12:00 - 2 hours - 50.6 MBPlease support the podcast on Patreon! Get every episode early, access to our Discord, and other fun stuff! patreon.com/372pages Conor and Mike wade into the fever dream like madness that is Tyra Banks’ Modelland but not before Mike gets his comeuppance on an issue of pronunciation. And since no Dark Web recreators could possibly capture … Continue reading "Episode 102 – Modelland Ep 2 – Goggle Eyes & Long Fingers"
Episode 101 – Modelland Ep 1 – Einfach was für ein Loonerherz
June 09, 2021 08:45 - 2 hours - 64 MBJoin the 372 Patreon to get every episode early and other fun exclusive stuff! http://patreon.com/372pages Mike and Conor quickly discover that Tyra Banks’ only novel is Cr8Zee! (Cr8Zee is pronounced “crazeee” because the “t” sound at the end of “8” is silent and the two “ee”s at the end are pronounced like three “eee”s.) They … Continue reading "Episode 101 – Modelland Ep 1 – Einfach was für ein Loonerherz"
Episode 100 – We Announce our 17th Book!
May 24, 2021 13:57 - 30 minutes - 12.6 MBA famous person wrote a book so it would be rude of us not to read and discuss this person’s work. Also: 100 episodes!!! First assignment: Read through chapter 6
Episode 99 – Quilters Ep 3 – Goodbye, Cozyverse!
May 06, 2021 11:21 - 2 hours - 53.8 MBBy the first to find out what we’re reading next by joining the 372 Patreon! Lots of other great exclusive posts and events as well! patreon.com/372pages Get the book here! It’s with wet eyes that we bid farewell to the land of wrongly timed barbecue, snippy and/or flirty waitresses, violent drug-pushing teacher/furniture store managers, open … Continue reading "Episode 99 – Quilters Ep 3 – Goodbye, Cozyverse!"
Episode 98 – Quilters Ep 2 – Big Baby Braxton
April 20, 2021 09:00 - 2 hours - 103 MBJoin the fun in the 372 Patreon! Last week we all relived Conor’s humiliating Jeopardy loss together. Plus every episode early, contests, and other bonus stuff! patreon.com/372pages Get the book here! The number of characters continues to rise along with the body count, as the Quilters’ anti-drug battle (aka putting up a modest number of … Continue reading "Episode 98 – Quilters Ep 2 – Big Baby Braxton"
Episode 97 – Quilters Ep 1 – A Small, Intimate Podcast
April 05, 2021 08:30 - 2 hours - 97.1 MBJoin us on Patreon to get every episode early and other fun stuff! patreon.com/372pages Get the book here! Ah, the Clinian Cloud has lifted and the 372 Pages studio is cozy and smells of pork, sauerkraut, beef stew and cake – lots of cake! Conor dives to the dark web, Mike tries his hand at … Continue reading "Episode 97 – Quilters Ep 1 – A Small, Intimate Podcast"
Episode 96 – Book 16: The Quilters Push Back
March 23, 2021 08:50 - 47 minutes - 34.3 MBGet the book here! The task: announce book number sixteen. Forty-seven minutes later the job is done! Why? Because Conor and Mike are incredibly enthusiastic about the new title. I mean, one of our favorite “Real or FanFics” before we even crack the book open?! This is going to be great! Here’s a link to … Continue reading "Episode 96 – Book 16: The Quilters Push Back"
Ep 95 – Ready Player 2 – Suddenly, and Without Warning, We Finished the Book
February 26, 2021 08:30 - 2 hours - 110 MBLearn the next book before anyone else! Join the fun on the 372 Patreon. Bonus eps, Meet the Authors, Discord, and more! patreon.com/372pages An epic podcast! Mike and Conor discuss the deep philosophical implications of Van Hagar, of avatars putting on haptic suits, of the personification of the collective intelligence of all humanity saying things … Continue reading "Ep 95 – Ready Player 2 – Suddenly, and Without Warning, We Finished the Book"
Episode 94 – Ready Player 2 – Apparently, We Were Surprised to Find Ourselves Still Reading This
February 09, 2021 09:00 - 2 hours - 101 MBJoin the fun on Patreon for bonus Real or Fanfic, improv with special guests, and surprisingly, earnest analysis of classical music! patreon.com/372pages If you had taken a second mortgage on your home and placed the entire sum on a Vegas bet that “nothing in this book could possibly be worse than the chapters spent on … Continue reading "Episode 94 – Ready Player 2 – Apparently, We Were Surprised to Find Ourselves Still Reading This"
Ep 93 – Ready Player 2 – Rolling our Locked Wide Eyes
January 25, 2021 08:13 - 2 hours - 94.6 MBErnest Cline’s runaway best seller continues to disgust and annoy us, even as it approaches the home stretch. In this episode we wrap up the seemingly endless John Hughes quest by meeting an actual John Hughes NPC (not actually John Hughes). Then we’re off to Halcydonia, where we all try to pretend that Zoobilee Zoo … Continue reading "Ep 93 – Ready Player 2 – Rolling our Locked Wide Eyes"
Episode 92 – Ready Player 2 – Is It GameFAQs? Or a John Hughes Geocities Fan Page? It’s Both!!
January 12, 2021 10:00 - 2 hours - 110 MBSupport the podcast on Patreon and get access to early episodes, bonus materials, contests and more! Patreon.com/372pages Conor states with confidence that this episode contains a chapter that is the dumbest and therefore the greatest of any that has been covered by 372 Pages! The editor has taken her hand off the tiller and what … Continue reading "Episode 92 – Ready Player 2 – Is It GameFAQs? Or a John Hughes Geocities Fan Page? It’s Both!!"
Episode 91: Ready Player 2 – A Constant Loop of Push It
December 21, 2020 08:15 - 2 hours - 51.4 MBAfter countless pages of Worldbuilding and freeing child slaves when our hero felt like it, Ernest Cline finally lets some things happen in this section. The action kicks off when a Gunter and a Sharter listen to a Morissey song in silence and it doesn’t let up from there! By the time we’re done, there’s … Continue reading "Episode 91: Ready Player 2 – A Constant Loop of Push It"
Episode 90 – Ready Player 2: Bouncin’ and Blazin’
December 08, 2020 08:22 - 2 hours - 87.1 MBDon’t miss out on participating in the read along! Join the 372 Patreon and get early access to episodes, as well as a BONUS Real or Fanfic we did this week! patreon.com/372pagesSo much to cover: Conor is shocked at Cline’s revelation that there may be a downside to the internet Conor is shocked at Cline’s … Continue reading "Episode 90 – Ready Player 2: Bouncin’ and Blazin’"
Episode 89 – Ready Player Two – Sharters and Gunters
November 26, 2020 17:35 - 1 hour - 61.1 MBSupport the podcast on Patreon and get access to every episode early, plus a ton of exclusive bonus stuff! patreon.com/372pages Ready Player Two? Let me ask that again; Ready Player Two?! I don’t think you are!! But Conor and Mike are ready. Having only an evening to read the first few chapters, here are some … Continue reading "Episode 89 – Ready Player Two – Sharters and Gunters"
Episode 88 – James “The Tracker” Trackerathorn III
November 17, 2020 19:12 - 2 hours - 90.8 MBYes, this may be the final episode of Midnight Sun but Alice has looked into the future and Mike and Conor are still reading it in every possibility but this one. We won’t spoil anything about the episode itself but stay tuned to the very end and help us (and 372 listener Josh who sent … Continue reading "Episode 88 – James “The Tracker” Trackerathorn III"
Episode 86 – MAJOR UPDATE ON PHIL!!
November 03, 2020 12:42 - 2 hours - 90.1 MBPhil hears from an assistant coach of the Sidewinders that there may be a backup shortstop position opening up! So Renee and he may drive back to Phoenix!!!!!!!! Also, the tireless and cunning James the Tracker is making plans to watch his collection of VHS tapes in a room with a gold chair rail once … Continue reading "Episode 86 – MAJOR UPDATE ON PHIL!!"
Episode 87 – MAJOR UPDATE ON PHIL!!
November 03, 2020 12:42 - 2 hours - 90.1 MBPhil hears from an assistant coach of the Sidewinders that there may be a backup shortstop position opening up! So Renee and he may drive back to Phoenix!!!!!!!! Also, the tireless and cunning James the Tracker is making plans to watch his collection of VHS tapes in a room with a gold chair rail once … Continue reading "Episode 87 – MAJOR UPDATE ON PHIL!!"
Episode 86 – Charlie says, “Huh…”
October 20, 2020 13:50 - 2 hours - 88.9 MBHow em dash HOW em dash is this book not about Charlie hauling in a world record white perch, or at the very least the story of him getting a treble hook buried into his thigh? Why not page after page of Carlisle being tutored in Courtly Italian by some foppish vampire with a high … Continue reading "Episode 86 – Charlie says, “Huh…”"
Episode 85 – Throbbing Wetly
October 06, 2020 13:48 - 2 hours - 87.9 MBTwilight but as told from the vampire’s point of view, continues to be a collection of words strung together in mostly coherent fashion, with occasional digressions to count thousands of insects. There you go, Little Brown, you can use that as a quote on the cover of the paperback. We hit the halfway mark during … Continue reading "Episode 85 – Throbbing Wetly"
Episode 84 – RIP Orlando Calderas Wallace
September 24, 2020 13:30 - 2 hours - 87.8 MBIf you like Cline-ian pop culture lists you are in for a treat! In this episode Mike and Conor break down Bella’s likes / dislikes, turn-ons / turn-offs, preferences for types of flowers / er, preferring not to encounter other types of flowers, etc. Conor again dives to the dark web to widen our understanding … Continue reading "Episode 84 – RIP Orlando Calderas Wallace"
Episode 83 – Lanny
September 04, 2020 14:31 - 2 hours - 89.8 MBYes, we talk about things other than Lanny. But we don’t want to! You’ll all be thrilled to learn that Mike drained the budget to reunite the 372 Players, that Mike scores, um, pretty, pretty well on the Real or Fanfic challenge. There’s tons of Dumb Sentences and Conor dives to the dark web. But … Continue reading "Episode 83 – Lanny"
Episode 82 – The Comedy Stylings of Emmett
August 21, 2020 17:59 - 2 hours - 82.9 MBSo many words, so many of them “monster”! A jam-packed episode: Conor sails through several Sonic Challenges Mike, ahem, sails through Real or Fanfic Our listeners mail in and we steal it Believe it or not there are plenty of Dumb Sentences. There are GOFFS! (get it?) Special thanks to our patreon supporters! Get every … Continue reading "Episode 82 – The Comedy Stylings of Emmett"
Episode 81 – Book 14
August 07, 2020 08:09 - 28 minutes - 19.4 MBLet’s read another terrible book! But first, a story (By listener request!) about the time Mike inherited a house. It does not go well. This should be a fun one, let’s start by reading through Chapter 4!
Episode 80 – ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!11” We shooted
July 24, 2020 08:17 - 2 hours - 88.1 MBMike and Conor try to make sense of this madness. They come up empty. Still, there are highlights: Conor does a sonic challenge sexily. Mike manages not to follow a single plot point. The Dumb Sentences of the Week burst forth like milk and honey from the promised land. (Dumb despite the great work from … Continue reading "Episode 80 – ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!11” We shooted"
Episode 79 – Conor Unveils His Superpower
July 11, 2020 16:44 - 2 hours - 84.3 MBConor is able to somehow follow the plot of My Immortal! A power that comes in handy when having to explain it to Mike who views it as somewhat more abstruse than the Voynich manuscript. A packed if mercifully briefer episode than last time we steal mail (including some amazing mash-ups by our listeners), Mike … Continue reading "Episode 79 – Conor Unveils His Superpower"
Episode 78 – My Immortal
June 30, 2020 14:02 - 2 hours - 89.5 MBThe artists/works to which we compare this 2006 fanfic include: Shakespeare, several times Dickens Sir Arthur Conan Doyle The Bible Thelonius Monk And more! Conor unveils his Cockney > accent, and it is QUITE something. Also, we open with an audio recording of one of the first meetings between Mike and Conor and it turns … Continue reading "Episode 78 – My Immortal"
Book 13 Announcement
June 22, 2020 13:51 - 14 minutes - 9.8 MBWe’re doing a new book, and if you listen to this, you can learn what it is! Just don’t email about the giveaway, the winners have already been announced on Patreon. Here is the free ebook and here is a link to the amazon version.
Episode 77 – Man. Silhouette. LEGEND.
June 03, 2020 13:41 - 2 hours - 105 MBThe Irishman is envious of the length of this podcast. But there was so much to talk about! While Susan sits dazed, stupefied, sooty, unsure of where she is, what she’s doing, how math works, and whether or not she’ll ever get to Stone Manor, the revolting men around her solve the problems posed by … Continue reading "Episode 77 – Man. Silhouette. LEGEND."
Ep 76 – The Sad End of Rafael de la Maza
May 26, 2020 12:32 - 1 hour - 49.5 MBThe Brownisms are coming fast and furious now, like chapters in a Dan Brown book! Conor does Real or Fanfic, we Steal People’s Mail, there are Dumb Sentences galore and Mike discovers the original ending of The Fugitive! And we meet a ninety-pound live wire! Join us on Patreon to get every episode early, plus … Continue reading "Ep 76 – The Sad End of Rafael de la Maza"
Episode 75 – Cuz My Beeper Kept Beepin’
May 13, 2020 17:57 - 2 hours - 59.8 MBLooking for good writing in a Dan Brown book is a lot like looking for a sock in a bedroom the size of Texas while sewage spews forth out of a crystal decanter. And this section of DIGITAL FORTRESS is no exception. As the book theoretically reaches the stage where it will have a point, … Continue reading "Episode 75 – Cuz My Beeper Kept Beepin’"
Episode 74 – Chapters! We Got Yer Chapters!
May 05, 2020 16:02 - 2 hours - 55.6 MBVictor Hugo just texted Dan Brown, “Dude, back it down on the chapters, man! It’s not a contest.” Tolstoy throws in a, “Yeah, cut it out, man.” Yes, the sparse words continue to spill out on the increasing number of pages of Dan Brown’s “Digital Fortress” so Conor and Mike can only counter it with … Continue reading "Episode 74 – Chapters! We Got Yer Chapters!"
Episode 73 – Enter Halite
April 21, 2020 15:20 - 2 hours - 55.9 MBThis episode begins with the introduction of possibly the greatest character in the history of the podcast (apologies to Bleriana, Jack Star, and the Robot Pimp) Greg Hale. He enters like a bull, in all his ogling, olive oil swigging, convicted murderer glory. From there we’ll move on to international intrigue, tired stereotypes, Idiot Switch … Continue reading "Episode 73 – Enter Halite"