You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale
244 episodes - English - Latest episode: 2 months ago - ★★★★★ - 144 ratingsYou're Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.
Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.
ABOUT YOU'RE WELCOME
Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read "Free Sex Advice." One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.
We'd like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:
"I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class"
This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.
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Episodes
She Was Real Nice Until All My Drugs and Vodka Was Gone...part 1
December 08, 2014 19:23 - 20 minutes - 18.5 MBI don't know what it is about crack allies that i love so much. Doesn't bode well for my future or speak well of my past. More and more I am just eternally grateful for my life. It's been a really challenging year for me personally and I lost someone I love very much. Through it all, there is so much to be thankful for. My mothers smile, my dogs wet nose, moments of pure joy and deep laughter, so this holiday thanksgiving weird time where we give thanks and remember history that was blood soa...
Help Me Rabbi! My Husband Has A Micro Penis...
November 04, 2014 16:29 - 11 minutes - 10.9 MBI met these two turtleneck enthusiasts during one of my "Free Sex Advice" booths in Washington Square Park. They were two little pokemon balls of positivity and had so much jewish wool over their eyes i'm not sure if they could even see. They made me want to call my mom immidiately and apologize for being such a wayward sheep. Then subsequently have another bat mitzvah for learning so early what a bunch of absolute hooey it all is. We talked about many things but mainly their supposed "virgin...
Why The Watermelon Changed his stripes to gay
October 27, 2014 16:23 - 12 minutes - 11.6 MBSo I often spend my taxi cab rides talking to the drivers. Often times they are sponge bob crazy pants. This one was so so sweet to me, yet so so archaic, misguided, homophobic and misinformed. But he had an incredible amount of conviction about his nasty little ideas that it was fun to banter with him.
What Kind Of Sub Do You Eat in a Dungeon?
September 10, 2014 04:42 - 16 minutes - 37.1 MBgoodness gracious great balls of fire. I knew it would be a good idea to call and secretly record my mother learning that I was about to go to the Kink.com armory building home of such enterprises as boundgangbang, everything butt, public disgrace, sex and submission the list goes on and on, generally totally vicious, ferocious, feral, wild fetish world where there are literally no limits. I had met the vivacious and totally terrifying Princess Donna with my sister back at the AVN (adult vide...
The Only Mystery is What Your Asshole Is Going to Look Like at The End of the Night
May 29, 2014 18:47 - 17 minutes - 20.3 MBThere's nothing like a festival to make you feel awesome about what you look and sound like. Fields of furry hobbit drug monsters sucking on pacifiers, pupils blown, futures questionable. Don't get me wrong, I love raving, I just can't believe what it actually looks like now...I can't tell if it's because i'm older or it's just that much more horrible. The main difference is the music was good! I also don't remember this PLUR shit (the peace love unity respect movement) at all. The music when...
If You Can't Buy it At Wal Mart You Don't Need It
May 20, 2014 20:13 - 3 minutes - 3.56 MBThis is an old episode I never published, but since I actually have a day job that's kicking my ass right now, i'm having a use old material. Never fear, I will be spending the whole weekend searching out the globe for weird characters to share with you! Anyway I loved this women, she looked like a bootleg Joan Jett and had the voice of mike myers in S.N.L Coffee Talk. the title says it all. All you need in life is a big dog, a pair a hose, a saint john's suit and a can of hairspray.
Episode 33: If you ever want to know how famous I Think I am Just Ask Me, An Update with J.R.L
April 30, 2014 18:53 - 14 minutes - 13.4 MBOH BOY OH BOY! Justin Ross Lee has graced us with his pretentious prick once more! This time this big fat dick has a voluntary muzzle on it because the Great Tin Man himself, this heartless charicature of modern jewishness has gone to Oz and found a heart in the ample bosom of one Kate Nardi queen of the Shiksas. It's actually really cute. I know everyone hates him, but the truth is he's merely a moderately clever person whose turned minimal talent into maximum profits and exposure. As a rule...
Episode 31: I Would Not Feel So All Alone, Everybody Must Get Stoned.
April 21, 2014 19:43 - 2 minutes - 2.29 MBHappy 4/20 ya'll! This very short episode comes from a cannibus enthusiast drum circle at Venice Beach where people were just getting silly. I spoke to this seemingly yoga mom hippie dippie type who was waxing poetic about trees and hugging and incense or something but then launched into some a typical sponge bob crazy pants rants that were really confusing considering how high I was. Editors note: not my most attractive face. Also please excuse the horrible shrieking quality of my voice I wa...
Episode 30: MANDY MORBID
April 17, 2014 21:40 - 4 minutes - 3.78 MBOh dear. Meet Mandy Morbid, an amazing spirit who has found a way to overcome extreme adversity. Afflicted with a rare genetic discorder that causes her body to basically fall apart when she stands, she has still mustered the moxy to raise above it and become a porn star. We could all learn a thing about making lemonade from the sourest lemons.
Episode 29 Living Legend: Harry Perry Venice Boardwalk's Musical King
April 10, 2014 14:36 - 17 minutes - 15.9 MBThe great Harry Perry, or Kama Kosmic Krusader, a caramel skinned, ocean eyed yogic musician who has dominated the Venice boardwalk since 1964. Wearing a white turban, a bright white smile, rollarblades, hockey shin guards, and playing his well-loved, target-patterned Fender Stratocaster with a tiny "pig nose" speaker tucked into his belt. At 6'4 before the blades, he is a sight to behold. Harry can be seen in several movies including 1987 - Dragnet (Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks) 1988 - You Can't H...
Episode 28: Fill My Vessel With Your Jesus Love
March 25, 2014 13:45 - 6 minutes - 6.19 MBA travesty occurred. This interview was much longer and I accidentally hit this stupid button and deleted an amazing argument about dinosaurs, homesexuality and anal sex but I was able to salvage the last end of my interactions with this lovely Jesus fanatic who stands all day every day on the Hollywood strip holding a big sign that says "Jesus Saves, Repent Your Sins" and a T shirt that said "Jesus Saves Us, I repent, Amen." He was covered in cheap prison style tattoo's and had almost demoni...
Episode 29: Darling Its Better Down Where its Wetter
March 25, 2014 13:21 - 9 minutes - 8.81 MBTragic. A wonderful lady who like many has come to Los Angeles to follow her dream of working as an actress. The problem is, she has yet to find work so she like many before her, has donned a disney costume and started patrolling the Hollywood strip as a sad Ariel from the Little Mermaid to make money. I met her on her first day trying this out. She was lovely, honestly, and I wish her the absolute best. She had blue glitter eyeliner that looked like it was drawn on by a five year old, purple...
Episode 27: But the Raven Still Beguiling all My Sad Soul into Smiling
March 17, 2014 16:18 - 17 minutes - 16 MBIn case you were pissed off today when Starbucks guy gave you 2 percent instead of soy, or your 4G was slow, your TIVO didn't record your favorite show, the train was late or your flight delayed... Raven is here to give you and your "problems" a much needed reality check. From her miserable childhood which lead her calling the police on her family to only then be shuffled through a litany of terrible foster parents to her years living off the streets and riding freight trains to addiction to ...
Episode 26: Comfortably Numb
March 14, 2014 13:17 - 12 minutes - 11.2 MBI swear this guy might be Bob Dylan. The sound of his voice is epic, melodious and perfectly sums up the sound of the streets of California. I don't spend alot of time out in the wild west but every time I go I am floored at the characters that have sprouted up along the streets on on their perfect beaches. The warm weather lends itself to the creme de la creme of crazies and I spent a full day sitting and just listening to the songs they had to sing. So here we have Paul, a heroin addicted f...
Episode 25: How Much Does it Cost to Resemble an Apple 2 Computer
March 01, 2014 19:02 - 7 minutes - 6.63 MBwhat on earth can i even say anymore. Every single women at the dog show wants to look like an old apple computer, archaic, old, boxy, thick and absolutlely SEXLESS. This is a woman who wears a piece of filet mignon on her arm...
Episode 24: Good Girls With No Options
February 28, 2014 16:31 - 16 minutes - 15.4 MB. Coming from small catholic towns....rebels with a cause. Beautiful, smart and funny I wanted to just shake them and scream YOU HAVE SO many options. They assured me that this wouldn't be their career for long.. that they will one day hang up their v's and own their own line of toys, and production company and be directors instead. I tried to tell them perhaps they were too young to understand the severity of their actions and that perhaps staring in incest porn wouldn't be something they wo...
Episode 20: What do Ani Difranco and St John Have in Common?
February 27, 2014 12:53 - 2 minutes - 2.66 MBI met this amazing Jane Lynch look alike at the dog show and I could tell before she even admitted to loving Ani Difranco that she also loved v on her face. I delve deeper into why ALL women in this show wear the same HORRENDOUS boxy sparkley knit lesbo power suit.
Episode 21: Started From the Bottom Now We're...Where?
February 25, 2014 19:06 - 7 minutes - 6.56 MBOh what a lovely knight this was! An epic swordsman, horse rider and defender of chivalry, introducing "Sir Christopher."
Episode 22: Real Knights Do Yoga
February 25, 2014 19:03 - 3 minutes - 3.17 MBA huge bronze man in an epic beaver/lion fur robe stopped to talk to me about what it takes to be one of the main knights at Medieval Times.
Episode 23: PC Master Race Hard Style
February 25, 2014 19:02 - 3 minutes - 3 MBI met the CUTEST boy EVER who had just turned 15. He had this whispy pubey mustache and super long hair and looked like a acned mini rockstar from the 80s. He was there with his mother who couldn't have been older than 30. He explained to me why PC gaming is so much better and his DJ style. Such a cutie...his voice kept cracking!
Episode 19: I Treat My Dog Much Better Than Your Wife Treats You
February 18, 2014 17:01 - 6 minutes - 6.05 MBIntroducing Bogey, the champion Samoyed. We interviewed his owner about the effects showing champion dogs can take on your sex life. Bogey was being groomed, petted and attended to by 3 asians who were literally imported from all over the world to tend to this fantastic specimen. His owner looked like he had come straight from Goldman Sachs and had the deep red lobster glow of a man whose just gotten back from Ft Lauderdale and had been wearing a flowered shirt and a jimmy buffett hat. Shocki...
Episode 18: Get Down on Your Knees and Take One for the Team
February 18, 2014 16:02 - 12 minutes - 11.2 MBYou're Welcome was invited to cover the 2014 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I met the most wonderful people and learned about the complicated politics behind this event. My absolute favorite was this sparkling disco ball, Darla Sue Doherty handler of Castle, a Great Pyrenees and the runner up at the Westminster Dog Show 2014. Hailing from the snowy tundras of Indiana, this woman was straight out of Best in Show and literally had a busy bee.
Episode 17: Hookers For Jesus
February 07, 2014 20:26 - 18 minutes - 16.8 MBWhen I saw the Hookers for Jesus booth I immediately thought it was going to be some sort of obnoxious conversion freaks however these were incredibly eloquent wonderful women who turned difficulties in their life into an opportunity to help others. Yes there is an undercurrent of religion to their work, but they are helping women who have been sex trafficked or fallen through the cracks of the sex industry get a second chance at life. Through cocaine addiction, domestic violence, and cancer ...
Epidsode 16: It Must Be Your Fathers DNA
February 03, 2014 04:33 - 5 minutes - 4.84 MBOne of the best parts of starting this show was my mothers reaction to it. I can't begin to tell you how much fun it is to watch her respond to the different topics I bring up and her shock and confusion over the nefarious people I meet. Basically my mother has this sweet, insanely gullible head in the clouds mindset (She thought my bong was a water vase) and regardless of how many times I trick her, she always has faith that in the future I will "act with gentle loving kindness." It reminds ...
Episode 15: Moby Dick is the Only Dick Jesse Jane Hasn't Seen
February 02, 2014 17:30 - 10 minutes - 9.21 MBI learned so much from Miss Jesse Jane, Queen of Porn. First lesson, you can be a serious professional and not even know what LinkedIn is!! Second, how to give the perfect blow job. Third, not everyone paid attention is English Lit Class like I did. Surprisingly, my Melville reference was completely lost on this blonde bombshell. Jesse has appeared in several mainstream films and TV shows including Entourage, and starred in more than 75 adult including the most expensive Porn to have ever bee...
Episode 14: You Can't Jew a Jew
January 31, 2014 15:51 - 6 minutes - 6.37 MBBrian Pumper and His Little Love Muscle How do I even begin. I saw this teeny tiny black man dripping in diamond jewelry leading a giant black woman dressed in white lace lingerie (who had a foopah so large that it could have doubled as a waterbed) ON A WHITE LEASH. It was so wonderful that I ran through the casino to ask him for an interview. Let me be clear, Brian or "B" Pumper is eloquent, educated, and hilarious, and has an AMAZING list of Porn Titles under his belt. Some of my favorite a...
Episode 13: Frankly My Dear, I Have Erectile Dysfunction
January 29, 2014 20:10 - 7 minutes - 7.2 MBOh how I loved this lovely old man...(he was born in 1938!) I found him strolling around the convention hall, his leather sholder bag stuffed full of films titled things like Mothers Vs. Daughters...He had recently lost his life long wife and was spending his days volunteering at the Zoo (i mean how adorable) and jerking off to 18 year old girls who have to hold up their passport in the beginning, probably from an eastern european country just to prove they aren't 12...Anyway I digress, he wa...
Episode 12: I Don't Want no Short Short Man
January 27, 2014 15:31 - 3 minutes - 2.87 MBI met this kevin federline (KFC version) looking man who claimed his name was Hung Low and he was from Singapore. Problem was he was wearing a collection of claire's jewelry which he called "real fake" and sounded like a cast member of jersey shore. He admitted to me with very little probing why he uses dildos...
Episode 11: Could You Please Spell Squirter?
January 23, 2014 18:46 - 4 minutes - 4.1 MBUgh, where to even begin. Imagine a real life Pinata, only filled with STD's and a boob job that was done by someone who was visually impaired (unless she specifically asked for tits that looked like water balloons filled with cement.) Then pour that concoction into a 14 peso turquoise dress that has cut outs so you can see her cesarian scars. She was there with her boyfriend/producer who looked like Ricky Martin's little brother if he was missing a chromosome. I had to take 12 showers after ...
Episode 10: The Wonderful Life of Evan Stone, Porn Legend
January 21, 2014 16:44 - 17 minutes - 16 MBHow can I even begin to describe what an absolute legend this man is. He's dominated the Porn industry for the last 12 years, and I couldn't get enough of his style, humor, and razor sharp wit. From a small town in Texas where he worked at a slaughterhouse, to the big dick king of adult films, sit back and enjoy the ride.
Episode 9: I Could Get 50,000 dollars for Your Kidney.
January 20, 2014 18:56 - 6 minutes - 6.1 MBI met Tan, a lovely quiet Malaysian man with a wonderful laugh and fabulous bond villian accent. He had been standing in line for two hours trying to get Jesse Jane to take a picture with him (the Queen of Blowjobs and Princess of Digital Playground) and i decided to keep him company while he waited. We talked about his masturbation habits, and his inability to keep a girlfriend due to his rampant porn addiction.
Episode 8: The Flashman - There should be no Hair below the Eyelashes
January 20, 2014 03:27 - 4 minutes - 4.04 MBI met an absolutely terrifying man in my trip to Las Vegas Porn Awards this weekend. His name was "Flashman" he was holding three open Budweisers, and claimed to be on something called "Miley Cyrus Extacy" he was wearing the entire claire's collection of jewelry from 1993 and his breath smelled like china town in august. Enjoy
Diego's Story
December 10, 2013 14:37 - 12 minutes - 11.6 MBIntroducing Diego. One of the best men I've ever met. Wonderful, charismatic, homeless man living in Thompskin Sq park since 1999. I have never wanted to help someone as badly as I did this man. He was sharp, funny and his story broke my heart. I have tried to find him, for over a year since I met him. I fell in love with his story, and I've never been able to get the sound of his voice out of my head.
You're Welcome - Episode 7 - Diego's Story
December 10, 2013 14:37 - 12 minutes - 11.6 MBIntroducing Diego. One of the best men I've ever met. Wonderful, charismatic, homeless man living in Thompskin Sq park since 1999. I have never wanted to help someone as badly as I did this man. He was sharp, funny and his story broke my heart. I have tried to find him, for over a year since I met him. I fell in love with his story, and I've never been able to get the sound of his voice out of my head.
You're Welcome - Episode 6 - You Could Eat Breakfast off that Ass
December 10, 2013 14:33 - 10 minutes - 9.93 MBA beautiful 25 years old mother and wife to a Marine sat down to talk to me about what was missing in her sex life, her fantasies and called her husband so we could tell him together what he could do to make her more satisfied.
You Could Eat Breakfast off that Ass
December 10, 2013 14:33 - 10 minutes - 9.93 MBA beautiful 25 years old mother and wife to a Marine sat down to talk to me about what was missing in her sex life, her fantasies and called her husband so we could tell him together what he could do to make her more satisfied.
You're Welcome - Episode 5 - Hassids...Russian Mail Order Brides and Prostitution Oh MY!
December 04, 2013 22:31 - 15 minutes - 34.8 MBTwo drop dead gorgeous, on fire gay men stopped to talk to me about monogamy, relationships, and a secret life of prostitution.
Hassids...Russian Mail Order Brides and Prostitution Oh MY!
December 04, 2013 22:31 - 15 minutes - 34.8 MBTwo drop dead gorgeous, on fire gay men stopped to talk to me about monogamy, relationships, and a secret life of prostitution.
Sex vs. Death
November 22, 2013 13:42 - 13 minutes - 31 MBTom, a 60 year old, very handsome Vet of multiple wars came to talk to us about his 5,000 plus sexual partners, what it feels like to take a life, and the wonderful world of 1960's in Spain.
Episode 3 of You're Welcome: Sex vs. Death
November 22, 2013 13:42 - 13 minutes - 31 MBTom, a 60 year old, very handsome Vet of multiple wars came to talk to us about his 5,000 plus sexual partners, what it feels like to take a life, and the wonderful world of 1960's in Spain.
Ladies you're not in Kansas anymore
November 18, 2013 22:25 - 12 minutes - 27.6 MBTwo ladies,dressed in J crew turtle necks, fresh off the greyhound, came to talk to me about their troubles with online dating, their vagina size, and their love of whipped cream schnapps. I must say, they were excellent sports, I was in a feisty mood and they took it with dignity grace and a lot of laughter.
Episode 2 of You're Welcome: Ladies you're not in Kansas anymore.
November 18, 2013 22:25 - 12 minutes - 27.6 MBTwo ladies,dressed in J crew turtle necks, fresh off the greyhound, came to talk to me about their troubles with online dating, their vagina size, and their love of whipped cream schnapps. I must say, they were excellent sports, I was in a feisty mood and they took it with dignity grace and a lot of laughter.
Is My Vagina Tighter?
November 06, 2013 23:05 - 6 minutes - 15.6 MBI met a very cute, very young looking girl in Washington sq park. She immidiately started talking to me about her sex life and boyfriend who was going to meet her there in a couple minutes. When I saw what her boyfriend I was floored. At least 40 years older, algerian guy who looked a lot like a sea cucumber.
You're Welcome - Episode 4 - Is My Vagina Tighter?
November 06, 2013 23:05 - 6 minutes - 15.6 MBI met a very cute, very young looking girl in Washington sq park. She immidiately started talking to me about her sex life and boyfriend who was going to meet her there in a couple minutes. When I saw what her boyfriend I was floored. At least 40 years older, algerian guy who looked a lot like a sea cucumber.