8: What do I look for in my marriage partner.

TRANSCRIPT OF EP8

Welcome to Woman Leadership show. I'm Janet and in this episode, I will be sharing with you what did I look for in my marriage partner.

As you would have known from my past episodes, my mum divorced when I was below 5 years old. I did not grow up with a father figure and due to my mum’s failed marriage, I always had this fear of having a lifelong and trusted partner. I would enter into a long term relationship and walked out of the relationship afraid of being hurt and not sure if I would like to marry the guy even though we been together for many years.  So I rather hurt my dating partner than getting hurt. I was afraid to commit to relationships and marriage was something not on my mind till I met my current husband. 

While I was dating my current husband, it was not easy for us to make our relationship worked which I felt was mainly my beliefs about relationship and what I really want from the relationship. I was very unsure if he is the right one for me or should I continue to search for the perfect partner whom I can trust completely who will not walk out of me like my dad.  

In the past, I may have feelings for my ex dating partners but it turned into a lot of doubts and if I think I need my partner more than me, I would walk out not wanting to be hurt. 

Many times I wanted to called it quits in my relationship with my husband but he was persistent and continued to be there for me and hope we can work out our relationship and wanted to make it work. There as a time where we went separate ways gave each other space to think if we should continue the relationship. After deeper reflection about what I want in marriage partner, I realized that what I have been looking for is someone who I can rely on and depend on, a sense of security and who is there for me to support. 

I am married now for 18 years and knew my hubby for 20 years.  During my early years of marriage, we were busy with building our career and starting a family and we have 3 children of 15, 13 and 11 years old, Eldest and youngest are boys and middle child is girl. 

Before I decided to settle down with my hubby, I would tell him that I would want certain level of comfort and luxury so I feel secured before I said yes. He would pay for most of the house expenses as he was earning much more than me and with his side income.  After our daughter was born 12 years ago, there were changes in his company structure and he might have to relocate to Bangkok.  He lost his side income at the same time due to some changes. After much and deliberate consideration, he decided to quit his corporate job after almost 15 years so he can have flexible time and think about what he want to do next. It was now or never for him and I supported his decision.  After exploring few options, he went into property focusing more on commercial business. 
Some women wondered why I support such decision as there is not stability and at times I will have to bring the bread to the table. Yes, at times I do feel tired and asked why am I seem to be playing the role of a man. We would have arguments about if he is going to look for corporate jobs when times were not doing as well. 

However, after so many years, I realized that if he hasn’t’ make the decision, I would have still been in my comfort zone doing not investing in myself and progressing much both financially, emotionally and mentally. 

When he was exploring different opportunities such as Multi level marketing, some investment opportunities, I would go with him and learn together.  We attended development programs together, seminars and various talks to increase our knowledge and equipped with skills . Doing together was better than doing alone and those have spurred me on to continue to learn and apply what I learn at corporate. 

Learn to love myself and take care of myself before I can take care of my hubby and family. Take time off to invest in myself, do things I like and do not be affected by what others think about our marriage and how it should work. It is always between me and my hubby not someone’s expectations. 

No one is perfect, what is that I want and the right person will come. Be who I am and I will attract the right person for me. I change myself and remove my limiting beliefs with the right intention and I realized what I needed was a supportive partner and always there for me during my lowest and happiest times. While I was building my career and travelling for work, he will be there to help out with the kids with his flexible time and hours and fetch kids to tuition consistently. 
He is not someone who likes to sweet talk or shower with expensive gifts but his gestures and support was much more valuable than any most expensive gift to me. 
I hope that through my sharing, it draws inspiration and personal reflection for you. I believe every woman can be a leader in your own way.  I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you tips and ways to realize your full potential as a leader on Woman Leadership.