35: What if my dream is to be stay home mum?

Welcome to Woman Leadership show. I'm Janet and in this episode, I will be sharing with you what if my dream is to be stay home mum. 

When I was younger, I have heard of stories when a woman gets married she has to stay home and be the nurturing mother. My late mum was exception as she has to support me after my father left us when I was 6 years old. My grandparents had provision shop and my Grandmother would be the nurturing one caring after her 7 children while grandfather working hard at the shop. It does occurred to me if I am going to be a house wife when I am married since men has always been favoured to bring the bread home and woman to stay home. 

My late mum told me that I should stay home after my first son was born as it would be expensive to hire full time nanny or having to be looked after at childcare centre as my salary was only SGD 2700 after birth of my first child and it seemed to make sense to stay at home. However, I did not listen to her advice and continued working as I felt that it would be tough to have one income to support the family. I found ways to get a nanny with reasonable fees to look after my child before sending him to childcare. After sent him to childcare we had part time nanny to helped to care for my eldest son when we have to stay late at work.

As the expenses increased after the birth of my first son, it never occurred to me to stop work and stay home. My main motivation to work was for my children so we can afford to pay confinement, education and so I continued to work till after my youngest son was born. I took 5 months career break before I had a regional leadership role in financial industry and that’s where I continue to focus in climbing up the corporate ladder.  

The second time I am taking a career break is when I wanted to care and spend more time with her before she passed on late Nov 2019. She has been requesting me to quit my job and support her as she has only me as her only child by overseeing the helper as she felt that no one was there to supervise the helpers. 

This is the longest time when while exploring suitable opportunities but also starting to think about what to do next in my life. 

I am enjoying the time to see my youngest son after his school, playing badminton with him and board games such as monopoly and uno. I felt like I am catching up on lost times when I was building and chasing my career and promotion that comes with status and financial stability. Though it came much later but I am glad I have the ability to do so now and through careful management of expenses, I am able to take loner break while exploring next steps and spending time with my 3 children. 

Takeaway
- I am someone who is not able to stay home even staying at home, I want to feel financial secure and able to have my own savings to do what I like such as buying things I like, enjoy to pamper myself and travel around. 

- During small breaks when I was at home, though I was occupied with children and home errands but I still miss working where I do not feel I am out of touch or at least learning through online or attending courses. I get to read and listen to audio books complete more books compared to when working and listen to audio books. 

- With careful planning and support from family members, one can choose to stay home mum or working mum. Whatever the decision, we do the best for our family at that time and do not be critical of ourselves what we could have done better. Acknowledge ourselves as mother that we do our best and pat ourselves for everything we do for our children and family. 

I hope that through my sharing, it draws inspiration and personal reflection for you. I believe every woman can be a leader in your own way. I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you tips and ways to realize your full potential as a leader on Woman Leadership.