What's Lightsabers, Precious?
96 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 12 ratingsIn this inspirational, hyper-informational encyclopodcast, husband-and-wife team Ryan and Joanna attempt to explain their respective nerd passions to each other. Each week, Joanna schools Ryan on one topic drawn from the web's oldest J.R.R. Tolkien resource, the Encyclopedia of Arda. In return, Ryan learns Joanna a thing or two about one topic drawn from the deliriously comprehensive Star Wars database, Wookieepedia. Will they turn each other into Lord of the Rings and Star Wars aficionados or get swallowed alive by two of the most complex fictional universes of all time? There's only one way to find out!
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Episodes
WLP Episode 38 - Our Beautiful Bestiary
September 29, 2018 21:37 - 1 hour - 63.2 MBWhich fantasy animal did Tolkien introduce to the world? Why does a tauntaun stink so bad? The answers to these questions, plus demon possession, misguided attempts at camouflage, and Michael Fassbender. New Yorker LOTR article: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2001/12/10/the-hobbit-habit Episode gallery: https://imgur.com/gallery/Mov2gmh Lucasarts Game Informer article: https://www.gameinformer.com/b/features/archive/2015/04/04/fall-of-the-empire-how-inner-turmoil-brought-down-a-legendary...
WLP Episode 37 - There and Back Again/A Last Turn to the Dark Side
September 23, 2018 21:23 - 1 hour - 67.1 MBWhat's more important: pacing, or Riddles in the Dark? How fares the Star Wars prequel trilogy without the antics of Jar-Jar Binks? Is it really possible to successfully condense three movies into one? The answers to these questions as we dive into the world of fan-edits, plus mothagrams, identical boys, and a shocking upset in the Worst Name Challenge. There and Back Again - https://thenamelesseditor.wordpress.com/ A Last Turn to the Dark Side - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N59gabo9lqc
WLP Episode 36 - Sauron/The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis
September 15, 2018 21:33 - 1 hour - 66.9 MBWhich Star Wars character drove a toddler to suicide? What was Tolkien's beef with cats? The answers to these questions, plus hints from Mark Hamill, calls to our mothers, and a crack-addicted dad who heard the devil laughing at him.
WLP Episode 35 - Galadriel/Mon Mothma
September 08, 2018 18:19 - 47 minutes - 49.1 MBWhy does everyone want to sniff Galadriel's hair? How did the founding fathers plagiarize Mon Mothma? Answers to these questions, plus trophy husbands, the canonical heights of fictional characters, and Bothan pies.
WLP Episode 34 - Elvish/C3PO
September 02, 2018 14:50 - 55 minutes - 58 MBHow do you tell someone to eff off in Elvish? How is C3PO like Mr. Mime? The answers to these questions, plus Billy Madison parallels, hopefully-interesting discussions about grammar, and our very first Worst Name Challenge!
WLP Episode 33 - Nazgul/Sarlacc
August 12, 2018 19:08 - 48 minutes - 49.3 MBWhat happens when you send nine dudes with attitude to the wraith world? How is a 20,000-year-old plant monster a feminist icon? The answers to these questions, plus in-depth interviews with screamin' fiends and gurgle pits. Sarlacc cross-section: http://wiki.starwarsminute.com/images/4/43/Sarlacc_cross-section.jpg
WLP Episode 32 - Romance in Middle-Earth/Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes
August 06, 2018 01:24 - 53 minutes - 59.2 MBIn our most G-rated, family-friendly episode to date, we discuss Elves and their good Catholic values, aliens and their completely non-butt-shaped faces, and a genre of music that in no way sounds like something dirty. It's a happy, shiny, all-holds-barred deep-dive into decency and morals that will never in a million years get blocked by content-scanning robots on social media. Strap in and prepare for a mild ride!
WLP Episode 31 - Return of the Shadow Part 3/Adventures of Luke Starkiller
July 28, 2018 22:36 - 1 hour - 65.9 MBWho are the unsung heroes of the Star Wars production? When did Frodo Baggins straight-up murder a dog? The answers to these questions, plus New Zealand rednecks, ponies with poor body image, and the shocking truth behind Trotter's shoes. The Secret History of Star Wars by Michael Kaminski: http://a.co/fAbePpT Deleted Magic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2r4Nffrc6Y Luke as a girl: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f9/11/01/f9110119c0b71d280d6cf19824aae025.jpg
WLP Episode 30 - Return of the Shadow Part 2/The Star Wars
July 21, 2018 12:54 - 59 minutes - 62.8 MBWhat kind of hero cold clocks a princess in the jaw? What kind of villain names his pony after himself? The answers to these questions, plus goop, casual grave robbing, and bickering DMV employees.
WLP Episode 29 - Return of the Shadow Part 1/Journal of the Whills
July 14, 2018 13:00 - 45 minutes - 49.9 MBSince when did Bilbo Baggins have a wife? Since when was Star Wars about Vietnam? The answers to these questions, plus Chuie Two Thorpe, Bingo Bolger-Baggins, Beber Fever, and George Lucas' long-suffering friend Jeff.
WLPRPG - Raechil's Rescue, Part 2 Finale
July 07, 2018 12:00 - 1 hour - 55.4 MBIt's another special edition of WLPRPG - the show where we play roleplaying games based on the fictional worlds our podcast dissects! This week we're finishing our Tolkien-themed game of Dungeon World, with Joanna as game master and Ryan as Raechil the trust-fund Elf. In part 2 of 2, Raechil faces Balrogs, Dragons, and the pettiest of Petty Dwarves, all in an effort to save Nargorthrond from the forces of Morgoth and his half-wit friends from themselves. Will his daring rescue succeed, or wil...
WLPRPG - Raechil's Rescue, Part 1
June 30, 2018 12:00 - 54 minutes - 50.1 MBWhile we're away on vacation, we've prepared another special edition of WLPRPG - the show where we play roleplaying games based on the fictional worlds our podcast dissects! This week we're playing a Tolkien-themed game of Dungeon World, with Joanna as game master and Ryan as Raechil the trust-fund Elf. In part 1 of 2, Raechil is summoned to the Elvish city of Nargothrond to defend its inhabitants from the dragon Glaurung. This would be easier if the leadership of Nargothrond wasn't stupid. R...
WLP Episode 28 - Orc Liberation Front/Droid Uprising & IG-88
June 24, 2018 03:34 - 48 minutes - 51.4 MBAre orcs really that bad? What do droids fear more than a memory wipe? The answers to these questions, plus pranking Emperor Palpatine, heavy use of sarcasm, and an exciting alternative to Independence Day.
WLP Episode 27 - Tom Bombadil/Jar Jar Binks
June 17, 2018 13:43 - 1 hour - 69.7 MBWhat the heck is Tom Bombadil? Why the heck is Jar Jar Binks? The answers to these questions, plus too many songs, the galaxy's greatest monster, and Joanna finally saying the singular of "Maiar" correctly. George R. Binks - http://thebristolboard.tumblr.com/post/135475800303/forgotten-masterpiece-george-r-binks-by-tony
WLP Episode 26 - Wizards of Arda/Witches of Dathomir
June 09, 2018 23:26 - 49 minutes - 53.5 MBDid a bunch of witches teach rancors to read and write? Just how many names did Gandalf have , anyway? The answers to these questions, plus lesser gods, man slaves in leather aprons, and five hot grandpas with attitude.
WLP Episode 25 - Hobitit 6-9/Battle for Endor
June 02, 2018 22:28 - 1 hour - 76.9 MBWhat happens when an unstoppable giant spider attack meets an immovable lack of budget? How about when a sequel completely negates the premise of the original within its first ten minutes? The answers to these questions, plus froggy throats, diabeetus, and wizards drinking colloidal silver. Ewok GIF - https://media1.tenor.com/images/469126777839af709d3c31be14e54636/tenor.gif
WLP Episode 24 - Hobitit 1-5/Caravan of Courage
May 27, 2018 03:37 - 1 hour - 75.2 MBWhat do you get when you mix insane wigs, ultra-low budget graphics, and a pudgy man in a thong? How about when you mix teddy bears, minotaurs, and the world's whiniest teen? The answers to these questions, plus killer pub songs, large adults sons, and poorly-crafted Ewok ropes.
WLP Episode 23 - LIVE at DENNY'S! Prominent Hobbits/Young Han Solo
May 20, 2018 14:43 - 56 minutes - 73.9 MBDid Bush kill Frodo's mom? Did Han Solo cause a man to permanently need to wear a diaper on his head? The answers to these questions, plus jalapeno poppers, pop rocks on pancakes, and more fun at Denny's!
WLP Episode 22 - Concerning Hobbits Part 2/Spice
May 13, 2018 03:32 - 1 hour - 65.1 MBHow did war-time decapitation lead to the modern game of golf? How does huffing paint lead to god-like powers and no ill effects whatsoever? The answers to these questions, plus glitter stim, town holes, and daring to keep kids off drugs.
WLP Episode 21 - Concerning Hobbits Part 1/More About Ewoks
May 06, 2018 04:47 - 1 hour - 71.7 MBAre Hobbits actually the most dangerous game? Are Ewoks actually a bunch of man-flesh-eating psychopaths? The answers to these questions, plus shamans, weed, and a lesson in basic Ewokese. Star Wars narrated by Ron Howard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XERmXsP-U Ewoks gallery - https://imgur.com/a/p7g4qpt
WLP Episode 20 - Dwarves/Jawas
April 28, 2018 21:38 - 52 minutes - 55.3 MBWho was the sleepiest Dwarf? Who was the stinkiest Jedi? The answers to these questions, plus stripping the clothes off dead Jawas, escaping from dragons only to get killed by more dragons, and J.R.R. Tolkien's possessed mummified finger. Jawa actor kids -https://starwarsblog.starwars.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2016/12/EP4_BTS_1636.jpg
WLP Episode 19 - Rohirrim/Greedo
April 22, 2018 14:17 - 57 minutes - 61.8 MBHow is Greedo like Alexander Hamilton? What should you do if a Dunlending asks for your daughter's hand in marriage? The answers to these questions, plus refugee crises, horses on stage, and an identified Rodian without jacket. Rhovanion map: https://dnd-wiki.org/w/images/1/16/4-6.jpg Unidentified Rodian with Jacket: http://darth.wikia.com/wiki/Unidentified_Rodian_with_jacket
WLP Episode 18 - Aragorn/Mos Eisley Madness Part 2
April 14, 2018 23:57 - 52 minutes - 52.6 MBWhich of Aragorn's many alternate names was the funniest? Which of Star Wars' many interspecies relationships was the weirdest? The answers to these questions, plus Tolkien Society goodies, blaring airhorns, and the winner of Mos Eisley Madness! Mos Eisley Madness gallery - https://imgur.com/a/AonMH Mos Eisley Madness bracket (episode spoilers!) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aEoSBMGcuXG5OA-2OJwa0St2DFHxf2GD6NB7ZudPMQk/edit?usp=sharing
WLP Episode 17 - Men Part 3/Mos Eisley Madness Part 1
April 08, 2018 16:03 - 49 minutes - 53.8 MBWho's the biggest baller in Mos Eisley? Who's the heavyweight champion of the Siege of Barad-dur? The answers to these questions, plus botched surgical procedures, Winnie the Pooh crossovers, and the big man having the rock. Map of Arda in the Second Age (including Numenor): https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/lotr/images/4/4f/Arda_in_Second_Age.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20100220150708 Map of Gondor: http://7a6972656f5f74637568.killerhor.net/maps/gondor_color.jpg Map o...
WLP Episode 16 - Men Part 2/Prophets of the Dark Side
March 31, 2018 22:58 - 57 minutes - 62 MBWhat's the grisliest way to execute a Grand Moff? What was Samwise Gamgee's real name? The answers to these questions, plus the secret of Ken's parentage, a Middle-Earth culture war, and an elevator that drops you into lava.
WLP Episode 15 - Beren and Luthien/Wilhuff Tarkin
March 25, 2018 13:12 - 54 minutes - 58.9 MBWhat can we learn from Beren and Luthien about Tolkien's wolf phase? What can we learn from Grand Moff Tarkin about dealing with in-laws? The answers to these questions, plus bad parenting, talking dog friends, and pink ladies' slippers. (Man-Elf romance! Now that's what I'm Tarkin about!)
WLP Episode 14 - Children of Hurin Part 2/Queen of the Empire
March 17, 2018 19:02 - 56 minutes - 61 MBWhat do you call a meeting of Grand Moffs? Who was the pettiest bish in Middle-Earth? The answers to these questions, plus tax audits, the seventh stage of grief, and the triumphal(?) return of Baji. A very good illustration - https://i.imgur.com/IMaGbix.jpg
WLP Episode 13 - Children of Hurin Part 1/The Forgotten Solo Kids
March 10, 2018 21:56 - 55 minutes - 60.8 MBWhat happens to force-sensitive teens who don't play sports? Who had the toughest-sounding name in all of Middle Earth? The answers to these questions, plus naked forest running, Elven musical chairs, and Han Solo being the world's worst dad.
WLP Episode 12 - Men Part 1/Mission From Mount Yoda
March 03, 2018 19:50 - 54 minutes - 58.7 MBWhy are men so scared of the dark? How long does it take for a baby to be born in a galaxy far, far away? The answers to these questions, plus beetle noises, magic tricks, and 70's novelty act The Weather Girls.
WLP Episode 11 - Oops, All Dragons
February 24, 2018 20:03 - 47 minutes - 51.2 MBWhat's a dragon smell like? What's the best way complete your tusken raider coming-of-age ceremony without getting eaten? The answers to these questions, plus dragon kids, the truth about moon dragons, and Butch. Star Wars dragons: https://imgur.com/a/5MQbB
Gonkian Droid Choir - Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1
February 18, 2018 20:19 - 23 minutes - 26.3 MBPresenting "Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1", as performed by the Gonkian Droid Choir. Track list: 01. The Gonk 02. Amazing Gonk 03. Awesome Gonk 04. Barbie Gonk 05. Cantina Gonk 06. Gonkcerning Hobbits 07. Gonke Maria 08. Gonks Just Wanna Have Fun 09. Never Gonka Gonk You Up 10. Since U Been Gonk 11. The Gonk (Reprise) Download tracks here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1CeNaQPKM0hnKLtv26sU4M38SUPP4oH3k?usp=sharing
Gonkian Droid Choir - The Gonk
February 18, 2018 20:13 - 38 seconds - 2.8 MBPerformed by the Gonkian Droid Choir. Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1 available here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1CeNaQPKM0hnKLtv26sU4M38SUPP4oH3k?usp=sharing
WLP Episode 10 - Fall of Gondolin/GONK
February 18, 2018 02:48 - 46 minutes - 47.4 MBWho's the biggest Incel in Middle-Earth? How do you get a droid cultist off your doorstep? The answers to these questions, plus Disney meta, robot hymns, and untrustworthy goth kids.
WLP Episode 9 - New Zealand/Zorba the Hutt's Revenge
February 10, 2018 21:10 - 1 hour - 62.3 MBJoanna's back from New Zealand, so it's time for the low-down on Tolkien tourism. Meanwhile, Ryan delves into the aggravating third installment of the Jedi Prince series. All this, plus braze, violations of property rights, and desiccated corpses. Zorba the Hutt's Revenge illustrations - https://imgur.com/a/RXfGR
WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 3 Finale
February 03, 2018 13:05 - 58 minutes - 59.5 MBThis week on WLPRPG, we're finishing our Fantasy Flight Star Wars adventure with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In this thrilling finale, Jub-Jub finally comes face to face with Trioculus. Will she be able to stop him despite only having two eyes? Listen and find out... More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/
WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 2
January 27, 2018 13:22 - 39 minutes - 48.6 MBThis week on WLPRPG, we're continuing our Fantasy Flight Star Wars adventure with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In part 2 of 3, Jub-Jub tries to stunt her way out of Cloud City with the lightsaber of Darth Vader. But she runs into some trouble along the way... More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/
WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 1
January 20, 2018 14:25 - 36 minutes - 45.3 MBWhile Joanna is in New Zealand, we've prepared a podcast within a podcast for you - WLPRPG, the show where we play roleplaying games based on the fictional worlds our podcast dissects! This week we're playing the Fantasy Flight Star Wars system with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In part 1 of 3, Jub-Jub runs afoul of Gorja the Hutt as she and her "padawan" Skiv Darson attempt to steal a mysterious white cylinder for Willrow Hood... More info about Fanta...
WLP Episode 8 - Elves Part 3/Hutts
January 14, 2018 02:56 - 49 minutes - 50.1 MBHow do you keep your bros from entering your magical Hot Babe zone? What's the one thing a Sarlaac won't eat? The answers to these questions, plus greedy Dwarves, brood pouches, and J.R.R. Tolkien's favorite shape. First Age Middle-Earth map - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/lotr/images/1/12/Map_of_Beleriand.jpg Huttese Dictionary - http://www.completewermosguide.com/huttdictionary.html
WLP Episode 7 - Elves Part 2/Lost City of the Jedi
January 07, 2018 02:24 - 57 minutes - 52.4 MBCan you sue a god? Are there cats in a galaxy far, far away? The answers to these questions, plus hot gos, tubular transports, and the horrors of the Ho'Din. Lost City of the Jedi illustrations - https://imgur.com/a/xOzSx
The Willrow Hood Rap
December 30, 2017 23:21 - 2 minutes - 1.85 MBA tribute to the Ice Cream Maker Guy of Cloud City. Written by Matt, performed by Willrow Hood. Backing track sampled from Credits Where Credits Are Due by Jared Emerson-Johnson, featured on the Star Wars: The Old Republic soundtrack.
WLP Episode 6 - Elves Part 1/Mr. Cloud City
December 30, 2017 23:19 - 45 minutes - 41.5 MBHow are Elves and Orcs related? Who is the most eligible bachelor on Cloud City? The answers to these questions, plus nice shirts, workplace harassment, and a rap about Willrow Hood.
WLP Episode 5 - Winter Holiday Spectacular
December 24, 2017 03:45 - 47 minutes - 43.6 MBDid Hobbits celebrate Christmas? What's in a Wookiee Cookie? The answers to these questions, plus heartwarming letters from Santa, drug-fueled Wookiee spirit journeys, and the Star Wars Christmas album. Tolkien illustrations - https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/tolkien-favorite-father-christmas-santa-holiday-letters Wookiee Cookies recipe - https://www.starwarsholidayspecial.com/text/wookiee-ookies.htm Oral history of the Star Wars Holiday Special - http://mentalfloss.com/article/72863/da...
WLP Episode 4 - Silmarils/The Glove of Darth Vader
December 17, 2017 00:49 - 51 minutes - 46.7 MBWhat happens when a giant spider suffers a nasty breakup? How many eyes does Trioculus have? All this, plus interracial romance, whale operas, and an interstellar wormhole-hopping glove.
WLP Episode 3 - Two Trees of Valinor/Endor
December 09, 2017 23:38 - 48 minutes - 44.6 MBHow is Morgoth like a Captain Planet villain? Who builds a nature preserve next to a black hole? All this, plus spider baby-daddies, Ewok blood rituals, and too much Joh Yowza in our first ever All-Tree Extravaganza! 9 Best Trees in Tolkien - https://www.tolkiensociety.org/blog/2014/08/9-best-trees-in-tolkien/ Dulok - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/9/97/Dulok_from_SWE.png Yuzzum (Joh Yowza) - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/a/a1/Yowza_Jedi_Rocks.png T...
WLP Episode 2 - Valar/Force Powers
December 03, 2017 03:09 - 49 minutes - 45.5 MBWhich of Arda's gods is the most kissable? Should the Jedi be outlawed for manipulating time and space? All this, plus blue dinosaurs, Ewoks in Middle-Earth, and a very special guest! Map of Valinor: http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/v/valinor.html News Goblins: https://www.newsgoblins.com/ Vertiguys: http://vertiguys.blubrry.com/
WLP Episode 1 - Arda/Wookiees
November 26, 2017 19:44 - 44 minutes - 40.9 MBDid Sauron have a dad? How powerful were Chewbacca's thighs? Our hosts discuss these issues, with brief digressions into Flat (Middle) Earth Theory and the injustices of Mad Claw. Arda map - https://i.imgur.com/1maPijp.png Wookiee concept art - https://i.imgur.com/3O9aKn1.jpg