What's Lightsabers, Precious?
96 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 12 ratingsIn this inspirational, hyper-informational encyclopodcast, husband-and-wife team Ryan and Joanna attempt to explain their respective nerd passions to each other. Each week, Joanna schools Ryan on one topic drawn from the web's oldest J.R.R. Tolkien resource, the Encyclopedia of Arda. In return, Ryan learns Joanna a thing or two about one topic drawn from the deliriously comprehensive Star Wars database, Wookieepedia. Will they turn each other into Lord of the Rings and Star Wars aficionados or get swallowed alive by two of the most complex fictional universes of all time? There's only one way to find out!
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Episodes
WLP Episode 82 - Khraniteli (Soviet LOTR)
April 25, 2021 20:07 - 1 hour - 87.7 MBEMERGENCY POD! What happens when you get a chance to adapt Tolkien's epic for Leningrad TV with no budget, two horses, and a prog rock band right before the fall of the Soviet Union? Khraniteli, the recently excavated 1991 2-part miniseries! It's a weird one, so buckle up, buddies!
WLP Episode 81 - Rise of Skywalker & Mandalorian Spoilercast
January 30, 2020 20:08 - 1 hour - 70.3 MBSPOILER WARNING! In this special episode we talk in-depth about Rise of Skywalker and The Mandalorian, but mostly about Klaud the Banana Slug Monster.
WLP Episode 80 - Christopher "Daddy's Books" Tolkien
January 28, 2020 03:06 - 31 minutes - 34.5 MBIn this special episode, we pay respects and look back on the life and career of Christopher "Daddy's Books" Tolkien, the patron saint of the Middle-Earth half of this podcast. Plus, important info about the future of the show!
WLP Episode 79 - Festive Fanfic Extravaganza 2019
December 25, 2019 16:22 - 1 hour - 86.7 MBHow long have Gimli and Loki been dating? How do you teach Darth Maul about Christmas? Answers to these questions, plus pregnant Frodo, Luke Skywalker in Barbie pajamas, and other holiday tales to warm the cockles of your heart.
WLP78 - Forodwaith/Yoda's Species
December 16, 2019 17:59 - 1 hour - 77.7 MBHow was the Witch-King like Elsa? Canonically, how many toes does a Yoda have? Answers to these questions, plus flossing, Balto discussion, and Werner Herzog telling it like is.
WLP Episode 77 - Arnor/Mandalorians
November 25, 2019 16:35 - 1 hour - 81.8 MBWhat's the hoary history of where hobbits habitate? What's the backstory behind the bounty hunting beskar badasses? Answers to these questions, plus Witch-King waggery, anti-Jedi jetpacks, and yet more yarns from Yahoo Answers.
WLP Episode 76 - Angband and Utumno/Doomsday Ship
November 12, 2019 21:45 - 1 hour - 85.3 MBWhat were Morgoth's bud holes like? What happens when you mix Titanic, 2001, and WarGames with a sprinkle of terrible decisions? Answers to these questions, plus shilling for Disney, loving lamps, and the glorious return of Dash "The Man" Rendar.
WLP Episode 75 - Mordor/The Swarm
October 31, 2019 17:52 - 1 hour - 69 MBHow is Mordor like Florida? How many chapter cliffhangers involving bugs can your book have before actually being scary? Answers to these questions, plus a rare Lord of the Rings-Star Wars news crossover, Tolkien's heavy metal streak, and the return of the skimboard.
WLP Episode 74 - The Unseen/The Brain Spiders
October 27, 2019 15:13 - 1 hour - 73.5 MBIt's time to get SPOOKY! What's scarier - naked Nazgul or Clay Aiken? When will Tash Arranda learn the meaning of stranger danger? Answers to these questions, plus THE SPARAT WALD, Boba Fett being cool, and seriously, Clay Aiken?
WLP Episode 73 - Thorin and Company/Thrawn
October 05, 2019 19:02 - 1 hour - 84.2 MBDoes Bombur have a personality besides "fat guy?" Who's the shrewd blue dude Disney was wooed to include? Answers to these questions, plus in-depth discussions of Force Friday, real Norwegian TV shows, and art appreciation gone wrong.
WLP Episode 72 - Behind The Hobbit/Splinter of the Mind's Eye Part 2
September 20, 2019 15:49 - 1 hour - 90.8 MBWhat are the secret origins of J.R.R. Tolkien's breezy children's novel "The Hobbit?" Why should Splinter of the Mind's Eye actually be a movie? Answers to these questions, plus pacifist coward heroes, DBZ battles, and cool teen boys at the movie theater.
WLP Episode 71 - Rings of Power/Splinter of the Mind's Eye, Part 1
September 04, 2019 12:25 - 1 hour - 88.5 MBRegarding Sauron's rings of power, who wore it better - elves, dwarves, or men? How do you write a low-budget sequel to one of the biggest blockbusters of all time? Answers to these questions, plus more baffling musical cues, the dreaded return of horny paragraphs, and two separate references to Kamala Harris being a cop.
WLP Episode 70 - Translations
August 21, 2019 17:10 - 1 hour - 68.3 MBDid Pippin have god-like powers in the Swedish Lord of the Rings? Who is Ratio Tile and what does he have to do with the Presbyterian Hopeless Situation Warriors? Answers to these questions, plus Master Thief King, Reaching the West of Reaches, and some actual interesting stories from the world of language translation.
WLP Episode 69 - Ralph Bakshi Bonanza
August 12, 2019 15:20 - 1 hour - 107 MBRotoscoping: the economical future of animation or weird uncanny garbage? Is using literal Nazi propaganda to represent evil a little too on-the-nose? Answers to these questions, plus butterfly balrogs, fairies vs. Hitler, and the secret origin of the WLP theme song in our NICEest episode yet.
WLP Episode 68 - LOTR and Satanism/Real Life Jedi
August 05, 2019 16:52 - 1 hour - 77.6 MBHow is 9/11 connected to Lord of the Rings' satantic agenda? Is there a religion out there that allows one to wear a hood in public? Answers to these questions, plus taking a stand, George W. Bush's magic ring, and the Dark Mageocracy.
WLP Episode 67 - Figwit/Watto
July 01, 2019 15:31 - 1 hour - 77.8 MBHow did a fresh-faced extra launch a fandom phenomenon? Is a greedy, big-nosed human trafficker a problematic character? Answers to these questions, plus medicine balls, vintage 2000s internet posts, and the art of the deal.
WLP Episode 66 - LOTR Dads/Order 66
June 24, 2019 18:04 - 1 hour - 91 MBWho deserves a Middle-Earth's Greatest Dad coffee mug? Would anyone actually read something titled Document CO(CL) 56-95? Answers to these questions, plus ninnyhammers, Shirley Temple bugs, and Khan, all in this special Father's Day episode guest starring Joanna's mom!
WLP Episode 65 - The Cutting Room Floor/Ryan's Guys, Prequel Edition
June 10, 2019 12:31 - 1 hour - 76.9 MBWho the heck is Sharkey? How is Gragra the Gorgmonger the unsung hero of Mos Espa? Answers to these questions, plus Glorfy Baby, Dex's flying diner, and character actor Bruce Spence.
WLP Episode 64 - The Science of Middle-Earth and Star Wars
May 31, 2019 16:54 - 1 hour - 66.2 MBHow would the DSM describe Smeagol's mental state? Are AT-ATs just walking death traps? Answers to these scientific queries, plus red tickets, Aragorn's arterial partial pressure, and Australian tank-men.
WLP Episode 63 - WORST NAME THUNDERDOME & Space Dive
May 15, 2019 14:53 - 1 hour - 87.7 MBThe conclusion to the WORST NAME CHALLENGE THUNDERDOME has arrived! We count down the contenders from best to worst and discuss our adventure into Detroit's SPACE DIVE. 28 names enter, 1 leaves... AS THE WORST!
WLP Episode 62 - Siblings/Jaxxon
April 30, 2019 13:01 - 1 hour - 79 MBWhich dreamy brother caused Pippin to go through puberty? How far can you push Looney Tunes references before it becomes unbearable? Answers to these questions, plus spires, weird elf twins, and furry crack teams.
WLP Episode 61 - Stewards of Gondor/Star Tours
April 14, 2019 21:19 - 58 minutes - 65.1 MBCan one act of bro-ish one-upsmanship end a line of kings? Should you be wary if a pilot droid offers to show you "something neat?" Answers to these questions, plus TEN THOUSAND YEARS, references to Ruben Studdard, and the shocking truth behind Joanna's Mountain Dew experience.
WLP Episode 60 - Tolkien & Hippies/Max Rebo Band
April 08, 2019 20:34 - 56 minutes - 63.6 MBCan you call yourself an anarchist if you support the idea of a stamp-lovin' king? What do Max Rebo and Celine Dion have in common? Answers to these questions, plus hot dugs, Secret Stoner Saruman, and the iconic cargo shorts of Droopy McCool.
WLP - Tolkien Exhibit at the Morgan Museum
March 31, 2019 03:03 - 42 minutes - 38.8 MBWith Ryan parasailing with manatees in Florida, Joanna takes it upon herself to eat some chips! Oh, and also call up her friend and fellow Tolkien nerd Teresa to discuss the Tolkien exhibit at the Morgan Museum in NYC. What do World War I, seven-year-old boys sitting on their infant sisters, and a strange man who can't stop talking about Watership Down have in common? They all featured in this exhibit--listen to learn more!
WLP Episode 59 - Aldarion & Erendis Part 2/Jabba's Palace Madness Part 2
March 26, 2019 18:53 - 1 hour - 70.4 MBCan you justify being a deadbeat dad if you're secretly fighting Sauron? What would Freud say about Jabba making a dancer look like his mom-dad? Answers to these questions, plus trees & seas, Gamorrean detective work, and the conclusion to the Worst Name Challenge (for now!)
THE KYLOCAST!!!
March 17, 2019 03:50 - 14 minutes - 19 MBDARK GREETINGS!!! KYLO REN HAS ARRIVED WITH YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DESPAIR IN THE KYLOCAST!!! THIS WEEK'S SEGMENTS: *KYLO'S HIGH-LOWS *REN-LATIONSHIP ADVICE *BB-9E'S RANT OF THE WEEK *PISSIN' ON THE RESISTANCE *KYLO RAPS DO YOU DARE LISTEN TO THESE DARK TRUTHS?? SHARE LIKE SUBSCRIBE OR SUFFER!!!
WLP Episode 58 - Aldarion & Erendis Part 1/Jabba's Palace Madness Part 1
March 11, 2019 01:29 - 1 hour - 71.8 MBWhat happens when you have a son whose only mood is "boats"? How far will a traffic control droid go to get revenge? Answers to these questions, plus yacht rock, de wanna wanga, and ye.
WLP Episode 57 - Ents/Sentient Plants
March 04, 2019 20:21 - 54 minutes - 58.8 MBWhat's an entwife look like? What do you get when Groot shops at Hot Topic? Answers to these questions, plus the truth about Lord Farquaad, girlfriend in the Brown Lands (you wouldn't know her), and an unidentified talking tree species.
WLP Episode 56 - Random Article Roulette
February 22, 2019 03:24 - 44 minutes - 47.7 MBWhat shocking revelations are contained in Tolkien's last recorded letter? Should you sleep with a H'menthe? Answers to these questions, plus lots of other fun facts about Tolkien's only friend, Sullustan skin care routines, and lots more as we spin the Random Article Roulette!
WLP Episode 55 - Treason of Isengard Part 2/Star Wars Sports
February 12, 2019 00:18 - 1 hour - 64.1 MBWould Gandalf's return be as glorious if he emerged from a shallow moat after biting the balrog? Is there anything in the rulebook that says a blob can't play golf? Answers to these questions, plus Gollum's spider dance, Ted Sandyman's Cookie Factory, and lots of completely original sportsgames.
WLP Episode 54 - Treason of Isengard Part 1/Podracing
February 04, 2019 01:09 - 1 hour - 68.9 MBHow does one set up a tryst with a wizard on Weathertop? Is it possible for just your ears to melt off in a podracing crash? Answers to these questions, plus Pippin hating mpreg, man-sized balrogs with gorgeous hair, and lots of funny Star Wars noises.
Lady Mara Jade
February 04, 2019 01:03 - 3 minutes - 4.01 MBA tribute to Mara Jade, set to the tune of Patti LaBelle's Lady Marmalade.
WLP Episode 53 - The End of All Things/Mara Jade
January 28, 2019 12:07 - 55 minutes - 61.2 MBWhat was the alternate, more heavy metal ending to Return of the King? Is Mara Jade incredibly cool or just a Mary Sue? Answers to these questions, plus Sam-dad, Tatooine as a right-to-work state, and some heartwarming reader's theater.
WLP Episode 52 - Magic/Hyperspace
January 21, 2019 15:53 - 1 hour - 67.3 MBWhat is considered "magic" in Middle-Earth anyway? Is hyperspace really the safest way to travel? Answers to these questions, plus homeopathic evil, hyperspace buffalo, and lots and lots of song cues.
Ninja Scroll Podcast (NSFW)
January 18, 2019 03:33 - 1 hour - 127 MBIn this one-off special, Eric (of Vertiguys), Connor, Joanna and Ryan (of What's Lightsabers, Precious?) talk NINJA SCROLL, the 1993 anime movie with a lot of ninjas and a distinct lack of scrolls. Is it awesome, awful, or somewhere in-between? We aim to discover the truth in this amoral world! WARNING: If you don't want to hear discussion of sexual situations or snakes in places they shouldn't be in regards to the female body, you might want to sit this one out.
Suddenly, Xizor
January 14, 2019 22:47 - 3 minutes - 4.32 MBA song about Prince Xizor being a pheromone pervert. Sung to the tune of "Suddenly, Seymour" from Little Shop of Horrors.
Dash
January 14, 2019 22:44 - 1 minute - 2.31 MBA tribute to Dash "The Man" Rendar to the tune of Queen's "Flash."
WLP Episode 51 - Queens of Numenor/Shadows of the Empire Part 3
January 14, 2019 01:02 - 1 hour - 72.6 MBAre sheep better than men? Does a wookiee life debt entitle you to a wingman even if you're stuck in carbonite? Answers to these questions, plus a guy named after a crystal ball, slight hooting noises, and a couple of musical numbers.
WLP Episode 50 - Middle-Earth POC/Shadows of the Empire Part 2
January 07, 2019 01:09 - 57 minutes - 62.6 MBJust how racist is Middle-Earth? What makes a relaxed-fit smuggler lose his swagger? Answers to these questions, plus wepwethentatives, BEARS SHOUTING, and gross paragraphs.
WLP Episode 49 - Rhovanion/Shadows of the Empire Part 1
December 31, 2018 14:05 - 58 minutes - 63.5 MBWhat phat loot dropped from the 40-man raid of Dagor Bragollach? How many incredibly cool and normal dudes can one introduce in a single book? Answers to these questions, plus Numenorian jellyfish, Breaking Bad analogies, and snacks.
WLP Episode 48 - Festive Fanfiction Extravaganza
December 24, 2018 16:04 - 53 minutes - 55.6 MBCan male elves get pregnant? Who's a guy gotta kill to become the Pumpkin King? Answers to these questions, plus filk, sea longing, and other heartwarming holiday tales.
WLP Episode 47 - Princesses/Rebel Starfighters
December 17, 2018 15:37 - 1 hour - 69.8 MBWho says princesses are for girls and starfighters are for boys? Do you want an Arwen doll or an X-wing toy? Your personal answers to these questions, plus semi-appropriate Disney songs, looking at plastic spaceships, and blowing up the Happy Meal dichotomy.
WLP Episode 46 - Trolls/Salacious B. Crumb
December 10, 2018 12:49 - 46 minutes - 50.6 MBIs a troll that lives in a cave in the mountains a cave troll or mountain troll? What's Salacious Crumb's middle name? Answer to these questions, plus sqwiwwels, the high price of comedy, and pressing F to pay respects.
WLP Episode 45 - One Year Anniversary Special! HOBWOKS! Feat. Abbey and Jack!
November 28, 2018 16:25 - 1 hour - 67 MBTo celebrate our one-year podcast anniversary we created a game called HOBWOKS and played it with our special guests Abbey and Jack! Stay tuned for the Worst Name Challenge, a preview of what's to come, and completely real ads not recorded for comedy purposes! Download HOBWOKS here: https://goo.gl/xRa8Rp
WLP Episode 44 - Harvest Festivals/Army of Terror
November 17, 2018 22:26 - 1 hour - 68 MBHow does Middle-Earth calculate leap years? Where do egg babies come from? Answers to these questions, plus unfriends, pet teens, and Richard Slap.
WLP Episode 43 - Palantiri/Ghost of the Jedi
November 12, 2018 14:34 - 1 hour - 68.4 MBHow do you get the best reception with a palantir? Is it safe to meet with strangers from the Holonet? Answers to these questions, plus Sauron's buddy profile, Dannik Jerriko's FurAffinity, and Daddy Longshanks.
WLP Episode 42 - Balrogs/The Nightmare Machine
October 28, 2018 19:02 - 1 hour - 63 MBWhat's the most contentious argument in the Tolkien legendarium? Can a hologram eat a guy? Answers to these questions, plus balfrogs, poker night, and naming someone after a stomach gurgle in our last week of SPOOKY OCTOBER!
WLP Episode 41 - Spirits and the Dead Marshes/Planet Plague
October 22, 2018 16:25 - 58 minutes - 60.5 MBWhat category of ghost do the Dead Marshes fit into? Can you trust an organization called the Imperial Biological Welfare Division? Answers to these questions, plus two Sherlocks, monster blobs, and possibly our worst intro ever as Spooky October spooks along!
WLP Episode 40 - Paths of the Dead/City of the Dead
October 15, 2018 02:25 - 49 minutes - 53.1 MBWhy are there ghost dudes trapped in a mountain full of skulls? How do you retell Re-Animator for kids who love Star Wars? Answers to these questions, plus Isildur's giant dad, a trip in the Numenoran Delorean, and jetpacking away from conversations as SPOOKY OCTOBER continues!
WLP Episode 39 - Barrow-wights/Eaten Alive
October 07, 2018 21:24 - 56 minutes - 59.4 MBWhat happens when the Witch King's demons gentrify your neighborhood? What's your creepy shape-shifting uncle doing all day? Answers to these questions, plus Tom Bombadil's fire tracks, Hey Chood, and other thrills and chills in our first installment of Spooky October!