How To Handle Gaslighting And Manipulation

Nothing empowers us more against gaslighting and manipulation than a firm grasp of the facts. If we want to become highly resistant or impervious to gaslighting and other high-conflict games, we need to be dedicated to facts, evidence, and rational thinking.

Lots of online advice encourages you to keep “feelings journals” and to tell yourself affirmations about “knowing your truth.” Far better is keeping an accurate and consistent fact journal and letting the data affirm your knowledge of the truth.

Write down quick summaries of key things that are said each day. Write down bullet points of events and behaviors. Keep the entries strictly factual and brief. To go up against gaslighting and manipulation you need to approach it like a scientist... facts, facts, facts.

The ONLY way to successfully see the gaslight games is to diligently track data and to stick to only the facts. I also found recording very helpful...to counteract the self-doubt of accuracy between when something was said and when it was written down. The solution is to quietly drop a small recorder in your pocket and flip it on at data collecting times. Then listen to it later and write down exactly what was said on key points and nothing more.

Once you see the patterns and distortions it will feel like stepping out of a cave into the sun. Truth sets free...not the woo-woo trendy self affirmed “my truth”...but actual facts that can be set next to distortions and tracked over time.

When you see a pervasive pattern of distortions, you can start to distance yourself and start working to get away from the situation. You can also start healing yourself through seeing that you are not losing your mind.