How to Stop Caring About What Others Think

with Dr. Robyn Graham, host of The Robyn Graham Show and author of the book, You, Me and Anxiety.

 

Do you worry about what others think of you? Does the thought of public speaking make you physically ill? Are you someone who dreads dinner parties because you’re so afraid of saying the wrong thing? Or, perhaps you worry about being humiliated because you’ve dressed inappropriately. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We all have moments of doubt and at times, might question what others think of us. That’s not uncommon. But if we’re constantly worrying about what people think of us, that could make it harder to trust others or develop intimate friendships. The very thought of “being judged by others,” could make us unwilling to try new experiences because we’re afraid of failing. It might even cause us to decline social invitations or avoid going out in public altogether. Living with the constant fear of how others might interpret your words or actions could actually cause you to miss out on life’s best moments. While we may spend more time living our lives online, by doing so, we make ourselves vulnerable to negative commentary through social media.

 

In its most extreme form, if someone frequently experiences intense and unrealistic fears of being watched and judged negatively by others, that individual might be suffering from social anxiety disorder. But it’s important to recognize that social anxiety or social phobia is a debilitating mental health condition that can begin in childhood and, if not treated, may only get worse with time. Can social anxiety be overcome? How can we learn to stop caring so much about what others think? If you want to learn the answers to these questions and more, you’ll want to listen to my interview with Dr. Robyn Graham, host of The Robyn Graham Show and author of the book, You, Me and Anxiety. Robyn is going to share with us tips, tools, and strategies for our children who suffer from anxiety and how we, as parents, might help support them.

 

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

 Why do we care so much about what others think?

How do we “should” ourselves so much that we actually hold ourselves back?

What makes someone get anxiety?

What is a panic attack?

How can anxiety manifest in physical symptoms?

Are there people that are more susceptible to worrying about what others think of them?

What can we do about teaching parenting in schools to help children understand and manage their anxiety?

What was Dr. Robyn’s experience with anxiety and how did she finally learn more about the brain to apply it in ways that would help her?

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and how can it help someone?

How can journaling help us change our negative thoughts to more positive ones?

How medication along with therapy can prove helpful for those suffering from anxiety.

How should we respond when someone says something that makes us feel hurtful?

Possible signs of anxiety amongst children and teens, and the possible long-term effects of untreated anxiety.

 

Today’s Takeaway:

It’s hard not to notice when someone says something rude or unkind about us because it’s hurtful. Sometimes even if the comment was made in jest, we may find ourselves questioning if what they said has any merit. But just because someone said something mean doesn’t make it true. They could have been teasing or perhaps were deliberately trying to hurt us out of anger or spite. Even if their words weren’t spoken in anger but rather meant as constructive criticism, they might have been wrong in how they saw the situation. At the end of the day, it’s within our control to determine how much credit we give their words. There’s an old saying that states, “What someone else thinks or says about me is none of my business.” As odd as that sounds, it’s true. They’re only stating their opinion, which they’re entitled to have. But we don’t have to agree with it. In all likelihood, we can’t change it, so the only thing we can do is let it go. Remember that every day is a gift and we have the gift of choice. If we are making healthy, honest choices for ourselves by behaving in a kind, intentional, and respectful manner towards ourselves and others, then there is very little anyone can say that will hurt us. Just hold your head high and keep doing the next right thing for yourself. I’m Florine Mark and that’s “Today’s Takeaway.”

 

Quotes:

“There are a lot of physical manifestations. And so it's really important to identify what those are, and what you're experiencing, and then what's triggering those experiences or those symptoms.” — Dr. Robyn [7:01]

“It wasn't until I was an adult that I actually got the help I needed to navigate my anxiety and manage my anxiety in a more positive way.” — Dr. Robyn [12:05]

“You can catch those thoughts and start challenging them. This takes a lot of practice and intentionality.” — Dr. Robyn [16:01]

“When you write down that negative thought and write the opposite positive thought next to it, your brain is going to see that positive thought, your brain will start to then be able to be better controlled. You will have more control over those negative thoughts to catch them sooner, and change them sooner so that you end up having more confidence and believing more in the positive situations in your life versus the negative.” — Dr. Robyn [17:10]

“Keep in mind that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand.” — Dr. Robyn [20:47]

“Sometimes we need that chemical change in our brain in order for our brain to accept that therapy.” — Dr. Robyn [21:02]

“If someone says something to you that was hurtful, you can say, ‘You know what, I'm really sorry, you're having a bad day. If there's something I did to make you feel that way about me, could you tell me what it is because I would like to make it better’.” - Dr. Robyn [23:21] 

“When anything happens to us in life, we have a choice. We have a choice to be positive, or we have a choice to be negative.” — Dr. Robyn [23:24]

“The worst possible thing you can do is say, I'm sorry, but…” — Dr. Robyn [25:33]

“We need to be aware of anxiety, and we need to stop the stigma around mental illness.” — Dr. Robyn [27:49]

 

Brought to You By:

Gardner White Furniture

 

Mentioned in This Episode:

Dr. Robyn Graham

You, Me, and Anxiety

The Robyn Graham Show