Thot Topics
175 episodes - English - Latest episode: 13 days ago -Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Goodbye Whorses!
June 27, 2024 14:23 - 1 hour - 129 MBNa na na na.... na na naaa na... hey, hey, hey... gay priiiiiiiide Strap in (or on!) for the unique and incomparable stylings of THOT TOPICS! This week, we're in rare form to discuss all manner of gay guy bullshit happening on the timeline-- we're really playing the hits on this one. Thank you to all of the brain damaged middle aged homos who contributed their valuable thoughts! The table is piled high with crucial documents of pride month behavior. First, we discuss the 17 year old insist...
Wide and Prejudiced!
June 01, 2024 21:47 - 1 hour - 145 MBSometimes, the people who laugh the most, cry inside the hardest... they also have the biggest jiggliest boobs. 😥 RT if you cried Welcome to the Thot Topics podcast official Pride Month kickoff where we ask the question on everybody's lips (both sets!): Are YOU proud to be gay? We try our hand at "questions to ask an LGBT panelist", but before we do that, we air a few grievances around GETTING OLD and ALCOHOL AS A SOCIAL LUBRICANT. We're sipping from the fountain of youth this week y'all--...
On Second Thot - May 28, 2024 (Preview)
May 28, 2024 15:00 - 11 minutes - 21.5 MBHas anyone even TOLD you about our new weekly bonus show for paying sisters? ON SECOND THOT is our sexy little aftershow where put our hair in a pony, get cozy, and let the real freak shit fly. Each week, we select our definitive SLAYS OF THE DAY, FREAKS OF THE WEEK, and last but not least, discuss how God tested us over the last seven days. You too can enjoy these vital conversations on Patreon at patreon.com/thottopics for only 4 dollars a month-- PLUS the standard premium-only episode ev...
Sweat T-Shirt Contest!
May 09, 2024 16:11 - 1 hour - 158 MBWelcome to the Metropolitan Museum of Ass, Hair, and Titties. We'll kindly accept your donations up front, to support the continued growth of this vital field. We're BACK! And back in the New York GROOVE no less as we take on the many looks of the 2024 MET GALA, the theme of which was something about flowers or something? Hard to remember now girl. If you'd like to do a READ-ALONG with us, please enjoy your listening experience paired with photos from the good homosexuals at Vogue. Natural...
Anyway, Ni Hao!
April 25, 2024 16:10 - 1 hour - 146 MBYeah I don't know what the fuck was in the giggle water this week but this is a particularly cracked out episode lmfao WELCUM 2 THE JUNGLE! The girls return to discuss matters of utmost importance with international implications. As we pregame for the Nicki Minaj concert and spread our passports wet 'n' wide for entry to Gag City, we pay ten dollars to get in the ball and take a closer look at what the world is up to... First, we discuss the rates of LGBTness among Gen Z high schoolers, an...
Guncles and Gaggots! (Preview)
April 19, 2024 16:08 - 11 minutes - 21.5 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Welcome to the Thot Topics Brewhouse, where children and dogs alike will be killed immediately upon entry. Can we offer you a Michelob Ultra draft? The girls return to the booth for a vital tribunal on all the issues facing a young woman in the world today: SSRIs, feline dental health, immune system support, desktop gaming, marijuana legislation, HIV that turns into AIDS, and so much more. But naturally that's not all: we also discuss the photo that sent all kinds of tota...
R.I.P. Blowjay Simpson!
April 13, 2024 21:47 - 1 hour - 148 MBThe jury finds you in contempt of CUNT! Now it's time to SERVE! Welcome back to central booking at Thot Topics Regional Penitentiary. All fines will be processed to the window on your left, and visitation will be found to your right. Oh, you're here for a conjugal visit? Right this way, ma'am... This week, the girls convene on several matters of utmost importance-- sucking in your stomach, food safety, atomic habits, Joker 2, and so much more. We also do a quarter-year checkin on our most-...
All Worm and No Play!
March 27, 2024 14:56 - 1 hour - 130 MBYou better worm girl! We're BACK for a lovely special springtime episode. (But really, aren't they ALL special?) This is a girls chat of VITAL importance: we really put our thinking boobs on for this one! We discuss everything on God's Green, from LESBIANS to DUNE 2 to what may be the FINAL DAYS OF THE TIKTOK TOP 50. Do you love the way we work it? HEY LADIESSS!!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Back it up and dump it on P...
Cowboy Cooter! (Preview)
March 21, 2024 16:21 - 7 minutes - 13.9 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Four goddamn American dollars get you access to full-length bonus episodes AND... new surprises coming soon :) Hold onto your whorses because it's time for another riveting episode of THOT TOPICS! We're back after losing or breaking literally every single piece of recording equipment we owned and are ready to begin a new chapter of excellence in inbreastigative reporting. This week, the girls discuss the Nickelodeon sex pest documentary QUIET ON SET and pick out a bra to t...
The Summer I Turned Pussy!
March 04, 2024 15:00 - 1 hour - 138 MBThe block is hot-- and we're about to turn it into the Summer of 69! (If you catch our drift...) Welcome back to the Thot Topics Studios where we are prepared to begin a new chapter of our happy little lives. We begin with a lengthy girly little chitchat about the simple joys of our young sprightly bouncy lives. We also reluctantly check in on the current season of Drag Race and the state of whale sex. Later on, we enter a ruthless battle of wits by answering famous questions from ARE ...
The Skeet Escape! (Preview)
February 26, 2024 02:01 - 15 minutes - 29 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com/thottopics. Wooohoo... YEEEEEEEEEEhoo!!!!! It's a leap year and you know what that means: there's one more day 'til the rent is due, pookie! Now, PUMP THE BEAT! First, we do a little bit of girly chitchat-- the weather was beautiful and the vibes were ERRATIC to say the least, so there was much to be discussed. What masculine traits are displayed in gay guys? Is there such thing as an Indian elephant? All will be revealed in the full...
Slut Pop Memphis!
February 18, 2024 18:46 - 1 hour - 156 MBHold on to your cloaca, cuz it's gonna be a bumpy ride!! We convene to discuss the state of The Bimbo: is her time finally over? Have the powers of the bimbo fallen into the wrong hands, exploited for her comically large breasts for TikTok cred? WHO can be trusted with the pure heart of the Bimbo... and how many must die... Naturally that's NOT all: we "review" Kim Petras's new uhh project SLUT POP MIAMI; and get to the bottom of the Ayesha Erotica situation. We really speak our minds ...
Megan's Law and Order!
February 01, 2024 01:06 - 1 hour - 179 MBIn the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially slaynous. In Boystown Chicago, the medicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as Thot Topics. These are their stories. We're back in business-- silly us, we were standing on it the whole time! We use our journalistic skills to unpack the Nicki Minaj vs Megan Thee Stallion situation. Using the latest technological advancements in forensic science, we get t...
Anatomy of a Doll! (Exxxtended Preview)
January 25, 2024 21:24 - 36 minutes - 67.3 MB**FULL EPISODE FOR PATRONS ONLY** PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Polizia! Help! I've been Margot ROBBED! We'd like to thank God, the Academy, and most importantly Dr. Pepper for their unwavering support in the making of this podcast. We simply couldn't have done it without you. We know we're supposed to wrap it up, but we also need to express our gratitude to this week's topics: BLUE LIVES, AAVE, BARBIE, FEMINISM, THE POD, THE BUGS, DOORDASH, THE 96TH ACADEMY AWARDS AND ITS DECORATED NOMINE...
Thot 'N' Cold! (Preview)
January 19, 2024 15:00 - 7 minutes - 14.2 MB**PATRONS ONLY** BRRR! It's cold in here! Must! be! Thot Topics in the ATmosphere! I SAID BRRRRR!!! Welcome one and all to the Thot Topics Plus-Sized Situation Room where several key talking points simply MUST be discussed for the good of our great nation. First, we circle back on corporate speak in the workplace: can we jump on a call and get crunktina? THEN, it's a rapidfire round. HAIR: Who's got it? Who wants it? Who's losing it? Who's growing it? All is revealed. (Especially ou...
The Top in the Striped Pajamas!
January 05, 2024 14:45 - 1 hour - 154 MBLADIES AND GENTLEMEEENNN WELCOME TO GYPSY ROSE NIGHT AT TAO SPONSORED BY CASAMIGOS TEQUILAAAAAAAAA!!!! EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW It's time to be a WHORE in twenty twenty FOUR! In our first episode of the new year, we get straight to business. That's right: we're talking about CONDOMS. Is there such a thing as "safe sex"? How much is too much when it comes to CUM, HUH? Also: we celebrate the return of Gypsy Rose Blanchard to polite society...
Cockwatchers (UNLOCKED!)
December 23, 2023 00:36 - 1 hour - 182 MBNon-paying girls... we're taking a Christmas sabbatical to truly give our hearts to the Reason For The Season, but in the meantime, PLEASE enjoy this episode from beyond the paywall... talk to you soon girly! Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tanki...
Pink Friday Gworls! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi) [Preview]
December 17, 2023 16:54 - 8 minutes - 16.4 MB**PATRONS ONLY** FULL AXXXESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS These bitches fuck E V E R Y B O D Y We're truly tickled to welcome back the talents of the one and only Zach Langley Chi Chi to the Thot Topics Plus Size Creators Regional Headquarters! We've called an emergency conference to discuss what is perhaps the year's most critical event: the release of Nicki Minaj's PINK FRIDAY 2. This is the most in-depth coverage on the subject you're going to find anywhere, lovingly crafted by the indus...
Thotline 6: She.T. Phone Home!
December 08, 2023 21:38 - 1 hour - 161 MBIt's 10 P.M... do you know where your sistas are? Right here silly! Welcome back to the hotline wing of the Thot Topics Megaplex, where we're convening to settle the nation's most pressing questions. We take voicemails from our beloved listeners-- women and gay guys and all in between-- and do our best to set them on the path to suckcess. And we've got some VERY interesting dilemmas this time around: What's the easiest sport to learn about so you can be relatable to straight men? How do y...
Cockwatchers! (Preview)
November 30, 2023 14:00 - 8 minutes - 15.2 MB**PATRONS ONLY** THROW AN UNEMPLOYED HO A BONE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis! But it's not all doomington and gloomington sweetheart. It's Spotify Wrapped Day, so we do each of our Top 10 countdowns to share...
Osama Been Laden!
November 21, 2023 15:00 - 1 hour - 168 MBMore like Tate McGay... more like... Bate... McSlay... Uhhh We're BACK! And we came on this bitch mad as hell... things are changing in the Thot Topics Universe and it's NOT LOOKING GOOD, BITCH! After a little bit of career ranting and general sisterly catch-up, we segue into the hawtest topics of the week. First, we diagnose the Tate McRae situation: is she the real megadiva servalicious giver? Or is it nothing more than a hair show?! Plus, how do you really *tell* if a pop star is a STAR...
Splendor in the Ass! (feat. Morgan) [Preview]
November 13, 2023 18:09 - 11 minutes - 21.5 MB**PATRONS ONLY** JOIN THE CLURB AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS. Pass the cranberry sauce and open wide cuz this ain't your mother's Thanksgiving hoe! We hope you left room for dessert! Oooooooh! We're joined in the house of merry-making by returning guest and sista of the pod Morgan to discuss all things turkeylicious and festive. We recognize it's a little early but we were really in the Giving mood, okayyy?? We discuss our holiday wishlists, Dula Peep's new single, "Taylor's Version," the p...
Puerto Freako!
November 07, 2023 16:03 - 1 hour - 139 MBBEND THAT ASS OVER! LET THAT COOCHIE BREATHE! SHAKE THAT ASS BITCH! HANDS ON YA KNEES! We're back in the booth and better than ever-- as we enjoy some lovely iced cafecitos and prepare for a night out on the town, we turn to the good people at Billboard to take another look at the TikTok Top 50. A LOT has changed since our last check-in on the chart. Naturally, we do what we do best and take a delicate rectal thermometer to the culture and spoiler alert: IT'S HOT! Naturally, that's not all...
The Bottom in Me! (Extended Preview)
October 26, 2023 15:50 - 16 minutes - 30.6 MB**FULL EPISODE AVAIL FOR PATRONS. SORRY, WE MISSED A PAID WEEK AND HAVE TO GIVE THE PAYING GIRLS SUMTHIN. JOIN IN!** One Naysha Lopez, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all... We're back after an accidental week off so we're giving the reins over to the girls at home to decide what absolutely NEEDS to be settled once and for all. We talk about The Pick-Me's Dilemma, Britney's memoir THE WOMAN IN ME, whether you would feel some type of way if your top made less money than...
The Israel Housewives Rejewnion! (Preview)
October 14, 2023 15:00 - 5 minutes - 9.8 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Join the frontline in the 100 Year Idgaf War on Patreon. Bitches must be Jewish cuz they pockets israelite... We must be thinking outside the bun because we're living HaMás! We heard there's a situation in the middle east. Not to worry-- we're on our way. Period. We attempt to explain what's going on in Gaza to the breast of our abilities. Can't promise it'll be cogent whatsoever but we have a lot of dumb gay guys to address! Naturally, that's not all: we take to the Tho...
Good Girls Go Chad!
October 07, 2023 16:51 - 1 hour - 184 MB"Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." -Deuteronomy 23:1 We tried being good... but sometimes a girl needs to let her hair down and let LOOSE! As a cold lace front sets in on the beautiful city of Chicago, the girls settle in for a fireside chat of cosmic proportions, discussing everything from gym memberships to apartment hunting to the Roman Empire to fear to death to Rihanna! It's a big juicy one so get those teef ready! We answer some leftover listen...
All Scat and No Cattle! (Preview)
September 30, 2023 23:31 - 10 minutes - 18.4 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Get up in the exclusivest Thot Topicsest Clurb on the planet on Patreon. For $4/month, you get access to every exxxclusive episode! PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS This week, the girls have smeared coconut baby oil on their breasts to send a powerful message about consent. The message? It's simple: {motorboating noises} We're back to discuss all the happenings of our precious young lives. From feeling immune to emotional music, to weight loss, to our inevitable 26th birthdays, we'r...
Troy Savants (feat. Sydney) [UNLOCKED!]
September 23, 2023 23:34 - 1 hour - 147 MBHappy Birthday Sydney! We're unlocking her previously paywalled genius in honor of National Sydney Day and the new Troye Sivan single too... get into the festivities girl! This is the hand that gives... and this is the hand that's taking it... We're back and joined by the honorable Judge Sydney in the courtroom of the mind's eye, AKA the newly expanded Thot Topics Plus-Sized Creators Studio. There's MUCH to discuss and many beers to drink before we have to start our intermittent fast-- so ...
Gyal vs. Wild AKA The Girls Go to Rainforest Cafe (Preview)
September 18, 2023 17:18 - 7 minutes - 13.8 MB**PATRONS ONLY** SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS WELCUM 2 THE JUNGLE BABY! To celebrate our 150th freakin' episode, we do a little bit of GORILLA podcasting and bring our white asses to the TRUE Ape Escape: The Rainforest Cafe! Swaddled in the lush acoustics of the jaguars, toucans, chimps and elephants, we do what we do best and share our truest feelings over some questionable cuisine. We involved our sisters in the celebration by soliciting topics and questions from...
Insane Clown Pussy!
September 16, 2023 19:45 - 1 hour - 177 MBAnd the Nookie Tight Nookie Clean Award goes to... We're back and wetter than ever! The girls convene at the top of the charts to take the cultural temperature through the top 15 of Billboard's new TikTok Top 50. We share our official stance on Christianity and make am embarrassing admission about Taylor Swift. SkeeYee! Of course that's not all gworlfriend! We do a little chit-chattington about anti-semitic coworkers, Doja Cat and Nicki's VMA performance, and soooo much more. The give ...
New Millennium Broadz! (feat. Alex Kazemi) [UNLOCKED]
September 11, 2023 18:56 - 2 hours - 256 MBIn honor of our sister Alex Kazemi's pub week, we're unlocking our double-long extra thick and juicy interview for all our divas to enjoy <3 Get your copy of New Millennium Boyz, out tomorrow, Sept. 12 2023! THANK U GOD 4 ALL THIS POD We're joined in the atrium of the Thot Topics Literary Institute & Creative Learning Center by novelist and good-time gal ALEX KAZEMI, author of the forthcoming New Millennium Boyz! Lots of spoilers ahead so listen with caution (and with your tits out!) We ...
New Millennium Broadz! (feat. Alex Kazemi) [Preview]
September 05, 2023 15:34 - 6 minutes - 12.7 MB**PATRONS ONLY** GET FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS THANK U GOD 4 ALL THIS POD We're joined in the atrium of the Thot Topics Literary Institute & Creative Learning Center by novelist and good-time gal ALEX KAZEMI, author of the forthcoming New Millennium Boyz! Lots of spoilers ahead so listen with caution (and with your tits out!) We talk about pop music's middle class, the dying art of celebrity, the R-word, weird ketchup, huffing household products, men only capable of being "ga...
Let’s Get Biblical!
August 26, 2023 19:12 - 1 hour - 132 MBIt's time to crack open the oldest and boldest book in history. On the first day, God said "Let them give cunt!" We are back to address the rumors, the drama and conflamma-- but that's not even the most important thing. We also play a few good old fashioned rounds of the Noah's Ark game, in which we decide who is allowed on the boat to God's New World, and who is most definitely not invited. Did it give Leviticus sweetie? We also present our bold new vision for public transportation acros...
Men in Blackface! (Preview)
August 15, 2023 14:24 - 6 minutes - 11.6 MB**PATRONS ONLY** Subscribe on Patreon for full uncut raw access. Trust us when we say this one's worth the four dollars... We're back with a newly expanded soundboard and a newly inflated fucking RACK and we're ready to take in the news. Owww! First, we ask the audience some pertinent questions about Steamworks and do a little bit of oversharing as a group. Then, we turn to former president Barack "Misdemeanor" Obama and analyze new findings regarding his potential faggotry. All signs poi...
Lizzo’s Big Fat Humongous Giant Plus-Sized Bananarama!
August 06, 2023 18:51 - 1 hour - 160 MBBad news y'all we figured how to make a soundboard Pardon Nick's weird gross sick voice, but we are back in the booth for an emergency transmission on all things big, huge, gargantuan, ginormous, and whaleish! We take Lizzo's accusers to task and address the haters head-on: would these "dancers" have a job without Lizzo? Does it sound kinda fun to eat a nana out the na-na? Should pop stars have HR coordinators? LET'S SETTLE THIS: SUMO STYLE! THEN, we talk about Doja's new single and the di...
Box Office Bombshells! (Preview)
July 27, 2023 18:35 - 10 minutes - 19.1 MB**PREVIEW. PATRONS ONLY. SUB FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS** We're about to turn Hiroshima into HiroSHEma, OKAYYY???? Welcome back to our Barbieful Dark Twisted Fantasy-- we reconvene in the sweltering heat of Chicago summa to let our brains cook and let the takes fly like the free birds they are. We have a LOT of ground to cover this evening folks: we discuss our rapturous experience at Beyonce's Renaissance tour, and review Greta Gerwig's billion dollar BARBIE. Spoiler...
Asparteens Pt. 1: The Big Girl’s Dilemma!
July 24, 2023 15:15 - 1 hour - 142 MBThey feed us poison (Vegetables) / So we take their "cures" (Wellbutrin XR) / While they suppress our medicine (Diet Dr Pepper) Live from the top of the food pyramid, it's Thot Topics! We pregame for the Beyonce concert by once again talking about our inability to feed ourselves properly, but there's so much more TEXTURE to it this time. We also review a big weekend of new music, from Ice Spice to Slayyyter to NewJeans to Britney. Join us in a few days for our super deluxe BARBIE review an...
Troy Savants! (feat. Sydney) [Preview]
July 15, 2023 16:51 - 6 minutes - 11.8 MB**PATRONS ONLY** SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS This is the hand that gives... and this is the hand that's taking it... We're back and joined by the honorable Judge Sydney in the courtroom of the mind's eye, AKA the newly expanded Thot Topics Plus-Sized Creators Studio. There's MUCH to discuss and many beers to drink before we have to start our intermittent fast-- so let's get crackin'! We talk about vaping, racist middle schoolers, Skai Jackson, Shane Dawson, Disney...
Over-The-Shoulder Ijbolder Holders!
July 06, 2023 15:00 - 1 hour - 152 MBWe the ijbol, in order to form a more perfect union, find these justices in contempt of CUNT! Ready to hear the wind whistle through the skulls of two gay guys as they attempt to form a cogent opinion about politics? This week, the girls unpack the week's big Supreme Court decisions. We heard the jury was hung so we HAD to investigate. Gay websites and gay wedding cakes, affirmative cracktion, and student loan debt are picked apart and snacked on. Naturally that's not all-- we predict ...
Ghetto Gaggin’ AKA Happy Meat Week! (Preview)
June 27, 2023 14:15 - 10 minutes - 18.8 MB*PATRONS ONLY! SUBSCRIBE TO THE THOT TOPICS PATREON FOR ACCESS TO THE FULL 2 HOUR EPISODE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS* Get in faggot we're going to Arby's! This week, the girls convene unda da sea to discuss all things sub-marine and on dry land! For starters, we cover all the new music that's come out since we last had a girly little chitchat: Kim Petras's "debut album" FEED THE BEAST, the Barbie soundtrack, and quite a few more hits and misses. And that's not all: what the fuck is going on...
The Great Aslaykening! (feat. CuteAnon)
June 13, 2023 18:14 - 1 hour - 201 MBLive from the deep slayyyte, Chris from CuteAnon joins us in the studio and we have a total caBALL! I'm just a mole, sir! I'll keep it real and say that this is just some good old fashioned gay guys talking over a couple of cold ones. Isn't this what you came for!? With a little help from Truth or Drink, we really get to know each other in a wet and wild way. Pillow fight!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Take us to ...
(Preview) Gay Little Monkey Hour #7: I Hate You Fat Ariana Grande AKA Midriah Carey
June 09, 2023 18:21 - 4 minutes - 7.49 MB**PREVIEW ONLY. FULL 2-HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA ON PATREON!** Welcome to the jungle baby!!! We're finally back in (monkey) business and ready to swing from tree to tree! This week, we come to you bearing a double-length episode that's all about FAME, CELEBRITY, STAR POWER, and FUN!! First, we review the new HBO series THE IDOL: is Lily-Rose Depp a good actress? Would that "I'm Just a Freak" song be a hit? Isn't it kind of gross to smoke a cig in the SAUNA? Things get heated... Then, we execute a...
Thotline 5: Opening the Malebox!
May 26, 2023 17:36 - 2 hours - 236 MBYou already know what time it is! We asked the Thot Topics community to pick up the phone and buss open their inner worlds-- and boy did they deliver! Over the course of this double-long extra thick episode, we hear the homosexual and female voices of listeners like YOU and get to the bottom of everyone's most pressing issues. How can you get gay guys to ogle you to make your girlfriend jealous? When everything seems to be going just fine and you're still unhappy, what's a hoe to do? D...
A Parent’s Guide to Serving Cunt! (Preview)
May 19, 2023 14:00 - 9 minutes - 16.9 MB**PATRONS ONLY** We return to the booth with clear minds and open hearts, ready to do a little bit of Matty Healing. Love WINS! This week, we have a big girls' cocktail powwow to discuss Taylor Swift's pivot to NAZISM after fraternizing with KNOWN PORN WATCHER The 1975's Matty Healy. What does this mean for Taylor? Is being a porn star empowering or degrading to these people? What are Inuit people? Nick gives Cris a crash course in Cum Town/Red Scare history. Next, we discuss Kim Petras's...
Miss Jewniverse AKA Genie in a Butthole!
May 11, 2023 15:00 - 2 hours - 253 MBPretty hurts... and ugly kills 💔 RT if u cry everytime... We're back! This week, the girls take to the stage and channel their poise, beauty, grace, and tact to see how well they'd fare in the face of the Top 25 most commonly asked Miss Universe interview questions. From role models to world peace, we put our heads (and breasts) together to find an answer that will please the judges. But that's not all: we wonder what the fuck is going on with movies right now, pop a fat bottle of cham...
The Mother-Briggs Test!
April 24, 2023 01:07 - 1 hour - 214 MBIt was a slow news week AGAIN (let's fucking look alive people!!) so we decide to turn to the world of social science to discover what sort of surprises lay in wait. Brought to you by THEE original diva-doll Isabel Myers-Briggs, this episode features the girls diving deep into their sick and twisted psyches to find out which of the 16 personalities describe them best. Could we be E for Extra Juicy, or I for Ignant? Could we be S for Sexy, or N for... Nevermind Could we be T for Titillatin...
Tits Out for Toyotathon!
April 08, 2023 19:38 - 1 hour - 204 MBNot a lot of topics this week... we went in with a game plan I swear! This week, we convene for a wine-drunk Girls' Summit and discuss everything that's on our sick and twisted minds. Honestly, what DON'T we cover? The difference between people who come out in high school vs college, the Super Mario Movie, this spring's new and very off vibe, being more famous than Bob the Drag Queen, being clockable, using hotness to get ahead in the world, PUSSY HOLE BY DJ NASTY, and SOOO much more. We ge...
Kuntsugi (Preview)
March 30, 2023 14:15 - 20 minutes - 37 MB**PATRONS ONLY!!** Subscribe for full backdoor access. I mean backstage access. Or do I? Hey girl! Did you know that uhm. There's a tunnel under ocean boulevard?? Believe it or not we thought we were going to have time to talk about the TikTok ban and school shooters LOL! This week, we deliver the definitive two-hour-long deep dive into Lana Del Rey's new album. In a track by track evaluation, we assess the good, the bad, and the fugly: and deliver some takes that we really think you're ...
Oops! All Thots!
March 20, 2023 14:00 - 2 hours - 284 MBOOF! We take our big, feathery female investigative journalist hats off and place them FIRMLY on the rack this week in the name of hot, wet FUN! This week, we forgo all reporting and take-making duties to play an intense game of TRUTH OR DRINK, revealing more personal details than we ever have in our podcasting careers. I don't want to spoil anything but we get literally so wasted on this episode and I don't remember anything we said so I can't be held responsible. Maybe you guys can t...
Gomorrahning America! (Preview)
March 10, 2023 15:13 - 11 minutes - 21.5 MB**PATRONS ONLY. SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL LENGTH EP!** We just got HIV!!! WOOOOOO! Ayyy! The boy's a liarrrr! Oooh! The boy's a liarrrr! HEYYY!!! This week is all about sin: who's got it? Who wants it? Who's taking it out on consenting unconscious adults? Only one podcast has the answers. Following a brief State of the Podcast address, we get down to business. First, we psychoanalyze the HIV Twink. Is it cool to have a yassified response to a diagnosis? Should HIV be treated like gonorrhea? Are...