Episode 7: BDSM

In this episode, we take a deep dive into BDSM. Vanessa identifies as kinky and is actively involved in the BDSM community. Doug, on the other hand, is "vanilla" and struggles to understand what he perceives as moral ambiguities involving the imagery power dynamics used in BDSM relationships.

As a result, this conversation turns out to be an interview of sorts--with Doug expressing his concerns and Vanessa graciously meeting his ignorance with clarifying explanations from her own experience regarding how cathartic and redemptive BDSM can be.

If you are a non-kinky person who has struggled to understand the appeal of BDSM, it might be helpful for you to listen. That being said, the conversation does bring up some fairly intense subjects, so definitely be mindful of the trigger warnings and take care of yourself first.

If you are a kinky person, hopefully this conversation will help you feel seen and valid where you may have only been met with condescension, disgust, and moral outrage in other discussions you've encountered.

Whoever you are, we hope you enjoy the episode. Listen with care!

[TRIGGER WARNINGS: Explicit discussions on kink/BDSM including DDLG, edgeplay, bloodplay, raceplay, wearing collars, master/slave relationships, wax play, bondage, consensual non-consent, and total power exchanges, as well as comments on lynching, domestic violence, physical/emotional abuse, and patriarchy in Evangelical Christianity]

Show Notes

Vanessa was repping the Crime Junkie podcast during recording. If you're into true crime, you should check it out!

Vanessa mentioned a BDSM educator she follows on YouTube named Evie Lupine. Specifically, she mentioned her recent video, "Should People with ADHD/Autism Do BDSM?"

Doug mentioned several resources he received and reviewed prior to the episode. These include:

"Your NO BS Intro to BDSM": a short and simple primer on the subject

"Non-Sexual BDSM": an article addressing Doug's question about whether BDSM is inherently sexual

"BDSM vs Abuse": a list of articles addressing a question Doug had about whether and when BDSM could be abusive. The article Doug reads in the episode confirming that consent is the bedrock of a BDSM relationship is called, "Can I Be Abused in a BDSM Relationship?" The article Doug reads that makes him feel super uncomfortable is called, "The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent."

One last thing: in writing the show notes, Doug found simple BDSM glossary on Wikipedia--that may be helpful to the uninitiated.

This episode was recorded on June 18, 2020.