Episode 2: Identity Part Two

Who are we?

Like, literally. Who are these people doing this podcast? But also, like, existentially? How do we identify?

In our second episode, we continue our discussion on identity, diving deeper into sexual orientation and wrapping up with conversation centered around our racial identities.

This conversation's a bit longer than our previous one, but we promise it's worth it.

There's so much we left out on so many issues we touched on, but we're confident we'll swing back around to it in future episodes.

We hope you enjoy the show!

[TRIGGER WARNINGS: bisexual/asexual erasure, sexuality, racism, religious indoctrination, sexual abuse, purity culture, rape, depression, mental illness]

Show Notes

Minute 01: We start off by talking about what we're drinking for the night, because why not? Vanessa is having a homemade concoction of 100 proof Vodka, Sparkling Ice Kiwi Strawberry and Classic Lemonade sparkling water with a dash of the Mio Strawberry Watermelon flavoring. Doug is drinking an Angry Orchard Rosé cider.

Minute 07: Next we have a brief conversations on crushes and squishes.

Minute 13: Then, we express our concerns over people close to us hearing the podcast. We're trying to be as honest as possible, but honest is risky...

Minute 16: We delve into a conversation on polyamory, discussing what qualifies as an "identity" or "orientation, and what merely qualifies as a "lifestyle" or "personal preference." Vanessa sees polyamory as central to her identity.

"Biology is not the end all be all of truth." - Vanessa [CLICK TO TWEET]

Minute 26: We transition to a discussion centered around BDSM and the kink community--another aspect of sexuality that some consider an orientation while others do not. Again, Vanessa sees it as an important part of her identity--and Doug agrees that the people he knows from the community feel the same way.

Minute 34: We talk about being sex nerds (including a reference to Sexplanations on YouTube). We talk about how strange it is that Doug, as an asexual person, is so involved in conversations centered around sex. We talk about how his understanding of his own sexuality grew out of his attempt to be an ally through the #FaithfullyLGBT community and the #Exvangelical community (the first group he came out to).

Minute 41: We talk about #BlackLivesMatter, beginning with Doug's awkward discomfort about having it in his Twitter bio and feeling like a cliché progressive white person. We talk about being white allies and how we SHOULD feel self-conscious about the language we use in describing ourselves. Vanessa talks about her identity as a biracial, white-passing African American woman--how confusing it can be to be African American without living the black experience. With Vanessa being the daughter of a black man and Doug being raised by a black man, we talk about the tension between identifying with black culture while being careful not to claim the black experience.

"Black people don't get to take off being black when it's inconvenient for them, or we'd have a lot more black people alive." - Vanessa [CLICK TO TWEET]

Minute 60: About 3 or 4 years ago, we reconnected with each after having been distant (due to circumstances/choices we'll inevitably get around to discussing in more detail) 6-8 years. In this segment, we talk about what we thought of each other before we reconnected. We talk about mental illness, religion, and the ways each of us has sought to escape our traumatic childhood.

Minute 77: Quiz time! In this week's quiz, we head over to Blog Things to find out the color of our minds. Doug predicts that Vanessa's mind will be yellow, and Vanessa predicts that Doug's will be green. Vanessa gets it right--Doug's mind is "green." Vanessa's turns out to be purple, but we both agree that the description aligns more with how we perceive "yellow."

This episode was recorded on May 13, 2020.