My First Marriage: A Cautionary Tale – Bob Conlin
World Game-Changers
English - July 11, 2022 23:00 - 14 minutes - 13.1 MBBusiness Education Homepage Download Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed
On this episode guest host Bob Conlin presents another of his relationship episodes, this time he tells a cautionary tale about how he destroyed his first marriage. He shares three things that, in hindsight, he’s noticed he was doing that were not supporting what he was committed to with his first wife.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
While they were happening I was so in my own context and my own story about our relationship and marriage that I couldn’t see. If you’re in the jar how can you read the outside label? I was so in my experience of relationships I couldn’t see what was happening on the outside.
The first thing I noticed at the beginning of the end of my marriage was resentment. Resentment is the number one offender that will destroy everything that you have. It started to pull me away from her until she became the problem for me. That’s not true, of course, but it’s how it felt at the time. I was unhappy, overworked, I needed help in lots of areas of my life and I didn’t know how to ask for it and I was using drinking and substances to self-medicate which added fuel to the fire.
The second thing I noticed was that I would make her wrong. She couldn’t do anything right, from the way she cooked dinner to the way she paid our bills, you name it I had an opinion about everything. That started to rob the safety of our relationship from her which also pulled her away from me as well. In hindsight I was trying to make something safe and secure for us, but I was coming at it so sideways.
The third thing was that I was pretty controlling in the sense of what she should and shouldn’t do. Not that she needed permission from me, she could do whatever she wanted to do, but I knew what was right, I knew what made her wrong and I’d also try to fix, manage and control certain situations. For example, if we were out with friends and I wanted to go but she wanted to stay I’d say she had to come home with me, I’d make her feel like she didn’t love me, respect me, how dare she, she should come home. Again, that robbed safety from her and in hindsight I can see how I created every possible opportunity from her to pull away.
BEST MOMENTS
‘I just wasn’t ready to be in that level of commitment, that level of marriage and she probably wasn’t either, we were both very young when we got married.’
‘I very much look back on my first marriage as one of the places where I learned so much about what not to do in a relationship.’
‘That poor woman! I have a lot of empathy for her now having to be with me at that time in my life before I’d done the work I’ve done and learned more about myself as a man and in relationship is so strong. There was a time too that I really apologised as best as I could fully about how things went down. We’ve also both thanked each other too because we both learned a lot from this process.’
‘What ultimately happened is that I was self-medicating with alcohol and substances and that really started to increase the more I was discontented, and the harder work got. I needed to get professional help and I got it, but it was the last straw for our relationship. Why is she putting up with all of this? Why would she want to help this monster? She was kind and helped through the process, but she was done and I don’t blame her for that. It was courageous for her to end that relationship and ask for a divorce.’
VALUABLE RESOURCES
Paul’s Story: Emerging From The Forest (UK): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272
Paul’s Story: Emerging From The Forest (USA): https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272
Mastering The Game Of Life Book (UK): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679
Mastering The Game Of Life Book (USA): https://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679
Speaking From Our Hearts Books: Volumes 1-3 (Available on Amazon)
World Game-Changers Group
ABOUT THE GUEST
Bob is a Life, Love and Leadership champion, author, coach, trainer, husband, father, and a professional certified coach with the International Coach Federation.
His philosophy is that we are in relationship to everything and the top three opportunities for growth exist in self, loving others, and career. As a relationship coach, he’s doing the work that he was meant to do, in order to fulfil his life purpose.
As the author of the forthcoming book ‘Why Your Relationships Suck: How to Create Strong Relationships with Courage and Heart’ – and as a devoted student of the relationship development he preaches – Bob enjoys a rewarding and fuller life being a husband, coach, leader, musician, and traveller. He and his family were featured in Episode 3 of CBS’s “The Greatest #AtHome Videos” in August 2020.
Website: www.conlincoaching.com
ABOUT THE HOST
Paul has made a remarkable transformation from existing for many years in dark, desperate despair; to now living a really healthy, happy and fulfilling life.
From an early age, he was in the vice-like clutches of the demon drink and constantly embroiled within a dark cocktail of toxic beliefs, self-hate and destructive violence.
Along with his empathetic and dedicated team of world-class coaches and mentors, Paul’s purpose is deeply transformational:
Contributing Significantly To World Peace…
He is extremely passionate about helping others to find their purpose, have a voice and ultimately, make a real difference.
This has been built on a long and distinguished history of heart-centred coaching and mentoring. He has also been responsible for raising significant amounts of funds for many charities and good causes around the world; positively impacting and inspiring thousands of children – mainly from challenging backgrounds – within the UK & worldwide.
Through this World Game-Changers podcast and books, he has been involved in – including being a best-selling co-author – Paul also helps others to get their own inspirational messages and stories out into the world; as well as offering support to many charitable organisations, in their development & fund-raising.
CONTACT METHODS
Tel: +44 (0) 7958 042 155
E-mail: [email protected]
Web: https://www.Paul-Lowe.com
Web: https://www.worldgamechangers.org/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IamPaulLowe/