#75 How to Talk About the Dark Side of Social Media - Smart Social Week by SmartSocial.com with Josh Ochs

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As parents, it’s important to talk to your children about the dark side of social media before they learn about it from untrusted (or dangerous) sources. We believe that no safety resource is better for parents than having an open dialog with their children about digital safety. While technology can be a tool for students to use in a positive way, it’s impossible to ignore the dangers of social media. So, we asked 5 experts to share ways parents can talk to their kids about the dark side of social media and tips for keeping families safe online.

1. Even if your children aren’t on social media, educate them on the dangers

Teana McDonald, 3E Connections, Inc., @3EConnections

There’s a dark side to many things in life but social media is the most talked about in the current landscape. As a social media company and a mom of 2 (who don’t have social media), I have to educate them on the dangers of it all. For the kids who are fully engaged and using tons of platforms, it’s important to show them real life examples of what’s happening in the world as it pertains to social media: bullying, kids being targeted via video games, chat rooms, kids being kidnapped and lured to meet – all of it. Most kids relate and rely on the internet, social media, and YouTube for their content. Parents should use the same platforms as their children to understand the underlying dangers and consequences they face every day (there are tons).

Children who are not permitted to engage on social media are still at risk if they interact and engage through video games, YouTube, and with kids who are active on social media. As a parent, you should teach them that there is always a camera around and their friends might not understand the risk and impact of posting a picture or video. It’s important for parents to teach their children to be aware, ask questions, and behave appropriately.

There are serious dangers to consider before allowing others to have videos and photos of your children. What if they use your child’s image and videos on their social sites to engage with other strangers?

The dialog about the dark side of social media should happen a few times a week in a very casual setting. Consider having a discussion around the dinner table when you’re talking about school, activities, their friends, etc. As parents, we don’t want to come across as nosey and bossy, but more so as a supportive advisor and listener.

2. Find relevant news stories to share with your teen

Kevin J. Roberts, Cyber Addiction Author

Parents must begin teaching digital safety early on. Technology and the Internet must be a part of the conversations you have with your child from perhaps 3 or 4 years old. Talk about other children whom you know are addicted to screen time and the negative consequences that resulted. At this time, parents must also model a healthy relationship with technology. If parents spend hours a day on Facebook or Instagram, they will lack credibility in their child’s eyes. Parents establish credibility by becoming a model themselves, and by setting limits for their entire family.

Here are five easy steps all families can put into practice:

Have at least some tech-free time as a family. Don’t allow smart phones at the dinner table, for example.
In addition to tech-free time, have tech-free zones. Many families I work with choose to use the family room for this purpose. Cell phones, video game consoles, laptops, iPads, and computers are not allowed in there.
Set a maximum time allowed on video games and the computer. I recommend no more than two hours a day.
For each minute spent on the computer or video game, require a minute of exercise. This will allow you to combat the tendency for technology to create sedentary children.
No TV’s, computers, or video game consoles in the bedroom.

Incidentally, parents must follow these rules too! If you allow your children to police you as well, it will empower them, and serve to create a more harmonious and balanced family. With these steps, parents can communicate the all-important principle that Internet access is not a right, but rather a privilege. Meeting target behaviors and certain expectations are required in order to receive and maintain that privilege.

These early school years are also a good time to start teaching children about digital safety. Students need to be made aware of several important factors:

Passwords are not to be shared.
Never give out your address, age, or phone number online.
Report any bullying activities to a parent.
If someone you do not know is trying to converse with you online, do not respond and tell a parent.

As your child gets close to their teenage years, this discussion should include the legal ramifications of sending out inappropriate material via text, social networking, and email. In addition, parents should warn their teen that anything they post online could become part of an enduring record that might come back to haunt them. Do a simple Google news search and find relevant stories to share with your teens. Just as we alert to stranger danger in other contexts, we must have frank discussions about the dark side of social media and the internet.

3. Have a conversation with your children about what is considered private information

Jaynay C. Johnson, MFT, Teen Talk Therapy, @DearTeenSelf

Have a conversation with your children about what is considered private information. Many teens may not know what private information is and how sharing it could create a dangerous situation. Similarly, they may not recognize how one of their choices could impact their family’s safety.

Set social media limits. Parents can start a social media platform rule by only allowing their teen to be on one or two social media platforms that they monitor. This gives the parent an opportunity to engage with the content their teen is sharing and to see any potential safety issues.

Consider creating social media contracts. Create a contract with your teenager around social media usage. This is especially useful if the teen has struggled to use social media appropriately in the past.

Parents should use real stories about compromised safety when talking to their teen. While fictional stories are helpful, a real story allows the teen to ask questions about what happened, making it feel more relatable. Choosing a real story that has a variable related to the teen is also helpful (eg. same city, age, favorite media platform and etc…).

4. Just like with driving, parents must prepare students for the dark side of social media

Ayinde K. Williams, Author

Social Media has some confusing rules, but no one wants to block their kid from using social media. Would you refuse to give your child driving lessons because you automatically assume they’ll venture off into bad neighborhoods? Just like with driving, you have to prepare your teen for the real world.

Open communication is best. Ask them questions about what they’re seeing online (no judgments on how they got there), and how they feel about it. The goal isn’t to shield them from the dark side of social media, it’s to help them come to the conclusion that the dark side isn’t worth the risk. That should be balanced with tips and tools on using social media as a portfolio for college and beyond. Convince students that the bad stuff isn’t worth it; show them how being positive on social media is much more worth their time.

5. Rather than banning social media, supervise your kids’ and teens’ use of it

Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, Mental Health & Substance Abuse Expert

Social media has many positive aspects for both teens and adults. You have access to worldwide news and knowledge. Adolescents and teens can learn about different nationalities all over the globe. They learn about other cultures’ music, traditions, and way of life.

However, there is also a dark side to social media. Most social media is based on image — Snapchat, Instagram, and Pinterest are all based on images. There is a constant stream of damaging images and videos from friends and advertisers.

There are a lot of damaging images out there. One dangerous behavior in particular that was highly promoted on social media among teens was eating Tide Pods. Many kids and teens were seriously harmed participating in these challenges and posting about them on social media.

Kids and teens will find a way to access social media even if you prohibit it. Rather than banning social media, supervise your their use of it. Make sure that they are using age-appropriate apps and sites that you can monitor. Keep up with social media trends that are popular with adolescents and teens. Have a conversation with your teen about the dangers of engaging in behavior that they see on social media.

Conclusion

Regardless of whether or not your children are on social media, it’s important to discuss the dark side of social media regularly. Banning social media is not realistic in many cases, so you have to work diligently to ensure that your children know how to handle (and avoid) the dark side of social media. When you talk about the dangers of social media, your children become better prepared for any incidents that may arise. The goal of these conversations isn’t to shield your children from the dark side of social media, it’s to help them come to the conclusion that the dark side isn’t worth the risk. If you follow the steps above, you can help your child make wiser decisions online.

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Read this episode on our blog