Ruff Around The Edges

Mindset Episode 023 | When you can't find the muscle you're supposed to train

When you have to train something you don't know how to identify, where do you start? Can you even start? I share the experiences a friend of mine and myself have had doing physical therapy, the lessons I learned from it and how they apply to life with our dogs. How do you find which dials to tweak?

034 | Aimee of Pawfect Behavior on everything mindset and dogs and leaving the UK to be a Dubai dog trainer

How does a UK national end up a dog (and other animals) trainer in Dubai? Just listening to Aimee's backstory will have you in awe of the way she has stayed true to herself making big life decisions. We talk about how she tries to make clients feel like they can share everything with her as a trainer so that they don't have to hide their feelings and frustration. We discuss how breed stereotypes and other assumptions may prevent us from recognizing our dogs are in pain.  Are poodles simply...

033 | Agnieszka Janarek of Tromplo on errorless learning, (lack of) perfectionism and resilience in both humans and dogs

This episode is for you if you identify as a perfectionist. Simply talking with Aga, the short version for Agnieszka about the concept of errorless learning has given me another way to look at perfectionism and how it can (often but not always) be unhelpful. Aga talks about training behaviors to fluency which is different from perfection, and about the benefits of playing by someone else's rules now and then, just to get you out of your comfort zone. She will have you completely rethink th...

032 | Ninke Lemmens & Luka en Ellie over buitenlandse adoptie honden, de zoektocht naar hulp, en de rol van pijn

Als Ninke Luka adopteert heeft hij al twee jaar lang in een Russisch asiel gezeten. Eenmaal thuis in Belgisch Limburg durft hij niet eens binnen te komen, zo ontzettend moet hij wennen aan zijn nieuwe leven. Goedbedoelde adviezen als "da's een een scheper, die moet u wel bezig houden" blijken voor Luka helemaal niet te werken. Ninke vertelt over de omzwervingen die haar uiteindelijk naar Daniëlla van Paws in Touch leiden en wat haar overtuigde om toch nog weer meer geld in training te steke...

NEW: Mind's Best Friend Group Coaching, deadline for enrolment November 5th

A spontaneous unscripted ramble about my new Mind's Best Friend group coaching program. If you like what you hear on the podcast and you have been wanting to dig deeper, now is your chance. You can find more information here: https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/november-2023-group-coaching/ Or send me an email, or contact me on social media. I'll be happy to answer any questions. Do you want to start now and not wait for any New Year's resolutions to: Have better relationships Learn how you ...

Mindset Episode 22 | Thinking about changing is changing, so is relapsing, so is not thinking about changing.

Beating yourself up about being stuck in the "I kind of want to change, but I can't get myself to change, so I must not want the change bad enough" is one of the most counterproductive ways to talk to yourself. Change isn't all about action. It starts with you (and your dog) just living your life (or lives), followed by as much time as necessary to consider if there is something you want to change and how. Change is also about falling back into old patterns and trying again. When you come t...

031 | Georgie of Trickwoofs on compassion fatigue in the dog training world, the parallels with raising a human child, learning to love frustration and more

If you follow any kind of dog related social media, then you will know Georgie, where she posts under the handle @trickwoofs. You will have seen the lovely whimsical cartoons she draws about life with a reactive dog, which are so extremely on point they always make me laugh. A particular cartoon comes to mind that has the guardian and their dog navigating the urban jungle that is the city, James Bond style, ducking behind walls and sneaking around corners, all in an attempt to avoid trigge...

Mindset Episode 021 | Considering where the other person's coming from, when you feel triggered

Does your partner brush off your dog's reaction like it was nothing? Don't they understand the concept op threshold and the importance of limiting reactions? It's enough to make you fume! What could be going on on their end though? Is your partner shouting at the dog? Do you so want to get in their face and tell them that's not acceptable? What could they be going through? Are people telling you to stay calm, because it's your anxiety that is making the vet visits problematic for your dog?...

🇳🇱🇧🇪 030 | Isabelle Schippers & Thiseas, over omgaan met kritiek en trainen van probleemgedrag door er niet op te trainen

This 50th jubilee episode of Ruff Around the Edges is in Dutch! Come back next episode for more English language content. [Waarschuwing: Rond de 20 minuten horen we Thiseas even blaffen] Maak kennis met Isabelle, het baasje van Thiseas, een adoptiehond uit Griekenland  Na een stressvolle start in het leven (Thiseas wordt met 6 weken met een gebroken pootje langs de weg gevonden en nadien ook nog met het vliegtuig naar zij nieuwe thuis vervoerd) is al snel duidelijk dat Thiseas meer nodig ...

Mindset Episode 020 | How to believe in overall success so you can work through setbacks

If only you knew you would get there in the end, then the setbacks wouldn't be so hard to bear. If you just had someone who could guarantee you that, yes, your dog's going to go after a couple more cyclists and there will be 4 more periods of regression, but for sure 100% guaranteed they're going to get there, then that would probably make it easier to deal with the hard times, wouldn't it? Knowing that spring is coming makes it easier to get through the winter (well, the winters in my nec...

029 | Ali & Indie of Rebarkable, on becoming and being a dog trainer and not burning out

Ali was from London but now lives in Maryland We talk about how she got into the business of dog training, which has a little something to do with her German Shepherd cross Indie. We talk about the widespread misunderstanding that all dogs should love all dogs and I may or may not tell an anecdote of me hugging a stranger to try and show them that they wouldn’t appreciate being crowded either. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.   Ali also explains something that I think is amazing: She tell...

Mindset Episode 019 | The best way to relax is not what you think

Do you ever have a hard time relaxing after something stressful happens? You want to be in control of your emotions so your bad mood doesn't rub off on your dog or others around you. If you're angry at something, you want to calm down so you don't accidentally start a fight by lashing out at another person or so that you don't end up being unnecessarily harsh with your dog. My guess is that one of your strategies is to focus on regaining calmness as quickly as possible, by doing some vers...

028 | Jumy on no longer wanting to be the only R+ horse trainer in the U.A.E.

Jumy is a positive reinforcement horse trainer from  the U.A.E.  who opened her own livery yard, malath paddock paradise, 3 years ago, but she’s been in the industry for 13 years already. I ask lots of no doubt cringe worthy questions, as I know nothing about horses, and we touch upon a ton of things. Of course I want to know how Jumy ended up in the force free training world. Unlike many dog guardians it wasn’t because she had exhausted punitive methods or because her horse had behaviora...

Mindset Episode 018 | When something or someone always suffers because you're juggling too many things

This podcast episode is a reply to an email I received from someone on my email-list. They wrote: I was constantly trying to manage between work, my dogs, my almost adult kids, my house, a big yard with a lot of plants, my husband, my extended family, and some time for myself! Sound familiar? You're juggling all the things, but no matter the effort, it seems like something or someone is always suffering, because you never manage to get it quite right.  Guilt is inevitable. Spend time on o...

027 | Haley & Scout (and Sean), on finding out where you and your dog fit in the (dog)world

Grab your dog and plan a dog walk or two.  Better yet, sit down, grab pen and paper and take notes. This episode is long and chock-full of wisdom.  Here are just some of the things Haley of @paws.andreflect talk about: Why  we choose to train the behaviors we train Choice points: recognizing what you’re feeling and choosing to do something about it in a healthy and productive way rather than letting your feelings ruin your day. (What Haley describes are actually techniques you will learn...

Bonus Episode 017 | Stress, how to feel it and think about it differently

Would you categorize stress as a negative emotion? Are you willing to feel it?  What do you do when something stressful happens on a walk?  The answer to that question might already give you the answer to the first two questions. Do you compound your stress with anger at the dog guardian of the out-of-control dog accosting yours? Or do you blame yourself for having gotten yourself and/or your dog in that situation? How could you handle things differently? One of the answers is to look at ...

026 | Grace & Piper, on being a veterinarian as well as the guardian of a reactive dog

UK veterinarian Grace and I talk about her Romanian Rescue dog Piper and how being the guardian of a challenging dog has impacted her work as a veterinarian. What were the advantages she had, being a vet already, in dealing with her dog? We also talk about all the terms and certifications being thrown around that relate to animal behavior and training. Are there vet behaviorists in the UK? Who can call themselves that? Did you know you can do a master's level studies in animal behavior in ...

Bonus Episode 016 | Stop chasing the wrong goal and limit frustration

Are you going after the wrong goal? Is your goal to be able to trust your dog? Is your goal to not want to be afraid of something bad happening to your dog or because of your dog? Is your goal to be able to have relaxed non-training dog walks? Or is it to be able to be calm under all circumstances? You might be chasing after the wrong thing. You wouldn't tell someone who's been in a car accident that the goal is for them to get to believing that driving is perfectly safe again. You wou...

025 | Marissa Martino & Sully, on why “fixing” your dog’s behavior as a way out of discomfort won’t work

After she had gotten several shoutouts on the podcast already, it was about time I interview the one and only Marissa Martino of Paws and Reward herself. Or rather, I got lucky enough to have her on the show. If I were you, I would listen to this show twice. There are so many gems in there. Listen to it once, just to absorb what Marissa is saying, and then listen again and ask yourself how what she says applies to you and your situation. It will be time well spent. Marissa describes how u...

Bonus Episode 015 | Spinning in Indecision, Why You Do It, and How to Get Out of It

If you agonize over decisions, research purchases to death before buying, and weigh the pros and cons seemingly endlessly, then this is the episode for you. There’s a reason your brain does this. It’s trying to be kind to you. And its kindness often hurts more than it helps. All is not lost though. We’re not at the mercy of our brains. We actually have a say in things, which is what I explain in the episode. There may or may not be an anecdote in there about me having to decide on the col...

024 | Marijke Riddering (and Scott) & SupDog, a 1600-mile decompression walk on the Pacific Crest Trail

You’ve heard of decompression walks, letting your dog enjoy nature and sniff away from the hustle and bustle of urban life. How about a 1600-mile decompression walk? Luna (Marijke) and Werewolf (Scott) hiked the Pacific Crest Trail (2650 miles)  for their honeymoon and after clearing the desert section in Southern California, their dog SupDog (“real” name Balu) joined them for the remainder of the trail. Marijke tells us about the mindset they needed to be in (Hike Your Dogs Hike), the ac...

Bonus Episode 014 | Curiosity, Collar Pops, Caesar Milan and Crumbs

This episode is all about how staying curious can help your dog, your relationships, and yourself. It was triggered by a conversation I had with a friend who wanted to know why I didn't use Caesar Milan's training style, because it seemed to be working for her. My conversation with her once more drove home the point I always try to make, which is that curiosity is the best antidote to judgment, both judgment of your dog, human others, and yourself. It's how we keep communication open betw...

023 | Megan and Luna, on the intersection of pica, food indiscrimination, and reactivity

Megan and I talk about all things complex dogs: - Labels and when to use them. Is Luna, reactive, aggressive, complex, or "simply" a dog dealing with health issues? -What are her health issues? What's causing her extreme pica and food indiscrimination? -Is pica a cause or symptom of Luna's anxiety? -What's behind her resource guarding of her own vomit? And what is making her vomit in the first place? -The importance of having a great primary care veterinarian, especially a force-free on...

Bonus Episode 013 | Overcoming perfectionism when learning languages and training our dogs

Being perfectionistic is a badge we often wear with pride, but perfectionism mostly doesn't serve us. It doesn't serve us if we're learning new languages and it doesn't serve us when we are training our dogs. Have you ever refrained from saying something or asking a question because you didn't know how to word it quite right? Do you know you would make more progress if you didn't care about getting things perfect but you don't know how to get over that perfectionism? If you're a self-pro...

022 | Logan, Nobu and Mona, on getting a new puppy after going through behavioural euthanasia

TRIGGER WARNING: behavioral euthanasia There are so many different ways I could have titled this episode. The title could have said: on dealing with haters and threats, or on processing grief, or on the power of friendship and love from both friends and strangers, or on paying it forward and helping others by sharing their story. Logan, like so many of us, got way more than they signed up for when they rescued Nobu who was a victim of the dog meat trade. Not just in terms of having to...

Bonus Episode 012 | A different way of looking at training mistakes and regret

Do you sometimes feel yourself end up living in a place of regret about things you wish you had done differently for and with your dog? Are you extra hard on yourself for having made mistakes? Do you go to the place of what ifs a lot? Then this episode is for you. I talk about what regret is and most importantly about the thought error you are probably making when it comes to what specifically you are blaming yourself for. Plus I give some practical tips as to how you can stop beating you...

021 | Sara Rafai and Kiwi, this Dubai team teaches us the importance of communication

What do most guardians of our podcast dogs have in common? They go down the dog training rabbit hole, learning all there is to learn about dogs and dog training. At some point most of them have the thought:  “I might as well become a dog trainer now!” Sara is no different. We talk about that, but also about the importance of communication in her journey with Kiwi, a desert mix, as Dubai’s strays are often referred to. What made her discontinue training with the balanced trainer that had b...

Bonus Episode 011 | How we think about our dogs matters for our own mental health

020 | Life Coach Rachel Hudson interviews Kajsa van Overbeek (me) on everything coaching, family and dog

Bonus Episode 010 | Weaponized incompetence, when you believe someone is sabotaging your training on purpose

Weaponized incompetence, had you heard of it?  Until recently I  had honestly never heard the term. It’s when someone pretends to be really bad at something in order to not be able to do it, like training or walking the dog… In this episode, I examine how mindset plays into that. Can incompetence be a weapon if we choose to not let it be? https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/bonus-episode-010-weaponized-incompetence-when-you-believe-your-training-to-be-sabotaged/

019 | Lauren and Stella, when you live in New York City with an anxious dog

Imagine living in New York City with an anxious dog. I was pretty curious as to that experience and so when I found Lauren and Stella on Instagram,  asked them to come on the podcast, and were there stories to tell.   First of all we talk about how Lauren ended up choosing Stella, who is a she when she had set out to adopt a male dog. This had everything to do with Sammy her previous dog, who was also a little Ruff Around the Edges. Then there is so much more, from the practicalities of l...

Bonus Episode 009 | When there is no specific recipe for training

There’s nothing more maddening than working off of a recipe that doesn’t properly specify the ingredients, or their quantities. It’s like when someone tells you to add a “dollop” of something and you wonder: Big dollop? Small dollop? Teaspoon full? Ladle? Internally you. are screaming for someone to please just give you an exact measurement already! We want the same when it comes to our dogs. We want a specific step by step training plan. All bases should be covered. We want every if-then-...

018 | Jay Gurden & Finn, how an anxious dog turned their guardian into a canine author who rallies to create awareness around imposter syndrome

Very fittingly. I learned about Jay, whose a canine author, blogger and freelance Writer, and her dog Finn through a piece of her writing. It was an article that Jay wrote for Dogs Today a while ago, but that still makes the rounds among guardians of challenging dogs. What she wrote resonates deeply with most of us. You can read the full article here: https://dogstodaymagazine.co.uk/2019/02/19/the-emotional-toll-of-reactive-dog/ But here are two quotes: There are any number of articles ...

Bonus Episode 008 | Worry about being too emotional and passing stress down the leash

In this episode, I address the concept of passing stress down the leash to your dog and all of its variants. I ask you to question what's the chicken and what's the egg? Which came first? Your stress or the dog's behavior? Is your stress the result of your dog lunging or the cause? What does worrying about your stress, sensitivity or emotionality do for you? Does it make you doubt yourself? Judge yourself? Try to change yourself? Are you believing that your work is to become less emotional...

017 | Airen & Pili, on the intersection of life as a trans and queer person and life with our challenging dogs

Do you have to deal with comments from others when you’re out and about with your (challenging) dog? Do you get remarks on working with food rewards? Made fun of for “rewarding” your dog for lunging or barking?   Imagine going through that and getting snide remarks about your sexuality thrown into the mix. Like how of course it’s the dyke who brings a rug for their dog to relax on at a cafe. Airen has had to deal with experiences like this for a long time. He is a queer and trans perso...

Bonus Episode 007 | Are you categorizing your dog walks as good or bad?

If you’re someone who comes home from a dog walk to then classify it as good, bad, great, a disaster, or only a step shy of Valhalla, then you want to listen to this episode. Consider that it is actually you who makes your dog walks “bad” or “good”. And I say that very lovingly. Because it’s good news. Awareness is everything.  I explain some strategies you can follow to help you feel better about your dog walks, without having to resort to toxic positivity. Did you know you can just thi...

016 | Jennifer Cook & her motley crew of her own, foster and dog-walking dogs, a laid back Aussie attitude goes a long way

I loved this interview with Jennifer. Talking with her I understand 100% how she manages to work with all of her canine companions (and their people) so well. We talk about how she went from IT specialist to having a dog walking service and how she hasn’t regretted it at all. She talks about what it is like to foster dogs (and mentions that all of you who have adopted a dog from foster care should definitely feel free to keep photo updates on your dog coming indefinitely). Each one of them...

Bonus Episode 006 | Does doing the best for your dog have to feel hard?

Sometimes we imagine that doing our utmost for our dogs has to feel like we are making a real effort. In other words, it has to feel hard. But does it really have to? Are we stressing ourselves out unnecessarily? Is it simply because we are not used to the fact that doing our best can feel like smooth sailing too? That’s what this episode is about.

015 | Meaghan Marton, Sunny & Puppy, on setting Sunny free from his troubled life on earth, and celebrating all that he was.

Trigger Warning: behavioral euthanasia   This episode is full of amazement, wonder, celebration, grief, sadness, guilt, love and I want to say almost any and all of the emotions from all over the spectrum.   It’s long and unedited because a story like that of Meaghan and Sunny, which unfortunately does not have a happy end, needs to be told in full.  As you listen to the episode you’ll hear how close happiness and sadness really are. You may judge or not, you may find relief in the stor...

Bonus Episode 005 | Get-there-itis, parallels between flying and life with our dogs

014 | Annie Phenix & her dogs, the shifts in our thinking about dogs and the sad topic of behavioral euthanasia

Trigger Warning: Behavioral Euthanasia Many of you will know Annie as the author of the book “The Midnight Dog Walkers” and as a dog trainer who specializes in dealing with reactivity and aggression cases and we do talk about that, but in this episode she also talks about life with her own dogs, Radar, Echo , Zimmie , Cooper and Finn (the latter two also being known affectionately as “the hooligans”). Annie explains how she shifted her thinking around what she wants from and for her dogs a...

Bonus Episode 004 | Looking at training setbacks differently

Remember the star charts for kids?  You only add stars for good behavior and never remove any for bad behavior. How come we don't treat our dog training "star charts" with the same respect? When we are working with our challenging dogs, every setback makes us tear down the star chart and start from the beginning again. Why? And, also... stop it! What's a way to know if you're doing that? Listen to your self-talk. Anytime you hear yourself say "We were doing so well up until now...", that'...

013 | Karolina Joniec & Lou, a life altering travel souvenir from Nicaragua

A travel souvenir from Nicaragua Imagine falling in love with two abandoned 5 weeks old street dog puppies whilst abroad in Nicaragua. The second you lay eyes on them you know you’re in trouble because you’re not going to give these dogs up. So you crowdfund in pre-crowdfunding days to get the money together to bring these dogs to the Netherlands. Once they get there you find out, that the vet abroad provided you with falsified papers and you lose your now-teenage dogs to a 4 months quaran...

Bonus Episode 003 | Why trying to keep everyone in your household happy doesn't work

Are you always trying to keep everyone in your household happy? I was. In this episode, I talk about how that can backfire and create the opposite of what you want with examples from my own life. Fair warning, it was recorded on the fly, while walking Rusty, so the audio is not awesome, but the message might resonate. If you want to learn how to have a happier household without trying to keep everyone happy, then sign up for a free consult with me and learn all about how coaching can do j...

012 | Tara Stillwell & Eva, Curri and Duke

So much good stuff in this episode! I want to turn half of the quotes in this episode into memes. Like, how learning how to do agility with a border collie is like learning to drive in a Lamborghini. Meet Tara Stillwell and her dogs Eva, the red and white border collie, Curri, the sable border collie and Duke the mini-Aussie. It’s absolutely clear to me that Tara has put a lot of effort into reflecting on how her dogs have affected all the relationships in her life. How the expectations...

Bonus Episode 002 | How solid is your own drop it cue? Can you drop your expectations?

Do you have a drop it cue? Not your dog, you… Can you drop your expectations? Can you drop your frustration? Can you drop your anger? Can you drop your schedule and improvise when something doesn’t go according to plan? I know that you can. That you can be a champion at “drop it”. What if you could drop the idea of what life with your dog is supposed to be like and take life as it comes? No expectation, no disappointment, no frustration.

011 | Nicole den Broeder & Haley, Living Next Door to the Dog Who Attacked Your Spanish Rescue

Nicole den Broeder & Haley Imagine falling in love with a rescue dog from Spain, who started life by the side of a road, and then spent some days in the vet clinic fighting for her life. You decide to help find her a home by spreading her picture online. You then figure, why not foster her? And finally, she just becomes yours, but not without overcoming many difficulties. Imagine living in a flat, an apartment complex, the farthest from the elevator and the staircase. Now your dog gets at...

Bonus Episode 001 | How feeling frustration can help you be less frustrated with your dog

In this episode, I go a little meta on you.  Do you know what frustration feels like for you in your body? I talk about the importance and benefits of being able to pinpoint different emotions in your body. How can being able to describe the physical sensation of frustration help you feel less frustrated about life with your challenging dog? The books I mention in this episode are: Burnout Burnout: The secret to solving the stress cycle, by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski Dare to Lea...

010 | Liz & Titan

In this episode I talk to Liz about her amazing blue heeler Titan. Titan was Liz’s obedience champion prospect and Liz had visions of him and her Shetland Sheepdog Tucker getting along and being best friends. Alas, the universe had different plans for all of them. Liz is able to articulate something that is dear to my heart as well. Teaching “obedience drills” or tricks is very different from behavior modification. We also talk about her moving away from positive reinforcement training i...

009 | Kajsa van Overbeek & Rusty

In this episode, I get interviewed by previous podcast guest Leana Mayzlina about my dog Rusty, the Mascotte of the podcast. We discuss why I decided to get a puppy from a breeder rather than a rescue. We talk about starting out with positive reinforcement dog training and all the doubts that go with it, and how I wish I would have had more practical advice in the beginning stages. We also look at why regular puppy classes might not have worked as well for Rusty.  We talk about the doubt...