Perfectly Imperfect

The strive to fit it to a group over leads us to act outside of our values.  The longing to feel recognized, appreciated, valued can drive to to thoughts, behaviors and habits that are really about trying to make other people feel comfortable at the expense of our own well being.  I grew up believing that being perfect was the only way to be. That if I did not do it correctly, or the right way, I would not be accepted.  I went out of my way as a child and even as an adult to do everything for everyone all of the time without much regard if it was something that I truly wanted or even believed it.

This is not sustainable and it is damaging to the self.  The more I felt appreciated then more I wanted that attention and the less I felt worthy of myself if I was not given that positive feedback.  In fact, criticism was the sharpest weapon that could be wielded against me and I intentionally avoided it because it hurt so much.

For me, perfectionism was just a mask for my low self-worth and fear of rejection.

That is not a message I want my children to learn.

I want to be acutely aware of my children's emotions and perceptions of relationships because I want them to intrinsically want to participate in activities because they want to and because they find it enjoyable, not to impress someone else.  And the contrary tis true too, even when my children don't want to do something that they really need to do, i.e. clean their room; eat vegetables,; be kind to their siblings; I want them to reflect back on their values and develop their own self worth, to choose courage over comfort and stand in their values for respect for self and others.

What values do you hold? And how are your modeling those to your children in small ways every day, because these are the moments when connection is made with our children.  These are the Sparkler Moments!