Myopia Movies

Missing In Action

This week, we were going to make a podcast about a Chuck Norris movie, but he roundhouse kicked the podcast into submission. We watched Missing in Action! The only movie more misguided than a Ross Perot Campaign. How will Missing In Action hold up? Host: Nic Hoffmann Panel: Matthew Quinn Directed by Joseph Zito Starring: Chuck Norris, M. Emmet Walsh, David Tress, Lenore Kasdorf, James Hong, Ernie Ortega

Killer Workout (Aerobicide)

This week we get fit, but not tanned....We watched Killer Workout!  Just release podcast and stop showing off your tits and your tight little ass! How will Killer Workout hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew Directed by David A. Prior Starring: Marcia Karr, David Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, Teresa Van der Woude, Richard Bravo

Multiplicity

This week watch a movie with the great Michael Keaton, the excellent Michael Keaton, the awesome Michael Keaton, and the mediocre Michael Keaton. We watched Multiplicity, how does he afford any of this? How does Multiplicity hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew and Nur Directed by Harold Ramis Starring: Michael Keaton, Andie MacDowell, Harris Yulin, Richard Masur, Eugene Levy, Ann Cusack, John de Lancie, Brian Doyle-Murray

Crocodile Dundee

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a documentary about what may or may not be a knife. We watched Crocodile Dundee, betcha you don't think "Academy Award Nominated" when you watched this, but you, my friend would be wrong.  How does Crocodile Dundee hold up? Host: Nic  Panel: Matthew, Nur     Directed by Peter Faiman Starring: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, David Gulpilil

Leviathan

This week on Myopia, Daniel Stern turns on the sexual harassment, we finally get to Leviathan, and wow, what a picture!  How will Leviathan hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew Panel: Candace Directed by George P. Cosmatos Starring Peter Weller, Richard Crenna, Amanda Pays, Daniel Stern, Ernie Hudson, Michael Carmine, Lisa Eilbacher, Hector Elizondo, Meg Foster  

The Room (2003)

As this celebration train continues, we make a stop over in Wiseau World. We watched The Room, we're the experts, Mark!  How will the Room hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Candace, Lauren, Nur, Daniel. Read the Disaster Artist Directed by Tommy Wiseau Starring: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero, Philip Haldiman 

Waterworld

This week on Myopia Movies, we get a might soggy. For episode #400 we watched Waterworld, Mad Max for people who like it wet.  We want to thank you for listening and subscribing. We have a global audience that encourages us to continue this project. We do it for you happily because you are out there. Please rate and review us wherever you listen and let's keep this going for 400 more!  How will Waterworld hold up? Host: Nic Co-host: Matthew and Daniel  Director by Kevin Reynolds Starrin...

Critters (1986)

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a movie that watched Gremlins, we watched Critters, M. Emmett Walsh at his most blustery!  How will Critters hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Charlie Directed by Stephen Herek Starring: Dee Wallace, M. Emmet Walsh, Billy Green Bush, Scott Grimes, Nadine Van der Velde, Billy Zane

Dragonslayer (1981)

This week we watched Dragonslayer (1981), despite being scheduled months ago and requested by Matt years ago, it happens to corespond with the 4k release! So, in honor of a good timing, let's talk Dragonslayer (1981)! How will Dragonslayer hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matt

City Slickers

This week we watch the miracle of life as Billy Crystal gives birth to a calf. We watched Academy Award Winning Picture City Slickers, the movie where Daniel Stern knocks up Lisa Simpson. How does City Slickers hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew Directed by Ron Underwood Starring: Billy Crystal, Jack Palance, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby, Helen Slater, Noble Willingham, Josh Mostel, Jeffrey Tambor

When Harry Met Sally

This week on Myopia, we fake an orgasm at a diner. We watched When Harry Met Sally and learn a valuable lesson; sex would ruin the podcast.  How does When Harry Met Sally hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew Panel: Nur Directed by Rob Reiner Written by Nora Ephron Starring: Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Carrie Fisher, Bruno Kirby, Steven Ford, Lisa Jane Persky

Michael

This week we learn that archangels just want to get laid. We watched Michael, at least Travolta gets to dance.  How will Michael hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew, Daniel Panel: Lauren Written and Directed by Nora Ephron Starring: John Travolta, Andie MacDowell, William Hurt, Bob Hoskins, Robert Pastorelli, Jean Stapleton, Teri Garr, Joey Lauren Adams, Carla Gugino, Richard Schiff

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Sleepless in Seattle

As we continue our Nora Ephron month, we return to Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, the film where a child hacks the airline industry to pull a pervy Kevin McCallister and hook his dad up with a stranger.  How will Sleepless in Seattle hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew, Daniel Written and Directed by Nora Ephron Starring: Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Rita Wilson, Victor Garber, Bill Pullman, David Hyde Pierce, Frances Conroy

You’ve Got Mail

This week, we fall in love with Tom Hanks as he becomes the world's biggest catfisher. We watched You've Got Mail, TimeWarner couldn't keep AOL together, what hope did HBOMax have.... How will You've Got Mail hold up? Host: Nic Hoffmann Co-Host: Daniel, Matthew Panel: Nur Written and Directed by Nora Epron Starring: Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Greg Kinnear, Parker Posey, Jean Stapleton, Steve Zahn, Dave Chappelle, Dabney Coleman, John Randolph

Karate Kid (1984)

This week we talk the Karate Kid (1984)! In honor of the renewal of Cobra Kai and the announcement of the Academy Award Nominees, we talk about the Academy Award Nominated film, Karate Kid! Nominated, of course, for Pat Morita's masterful performance as Mr. Miyagi! How will Karate Kid (1984) hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew   Directed by John G. Avildsen Starring: Ralph Macchio, Pat Morita, Elisabeth Shue, Martin Kove, Randee Heller, William Zabka

Ewoks: The Battle for Endor

Wilfred Brimley? In Star Wars? It happened in Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! After the bloodbath beginning, join us for magic, talking Ewoks, and Brimley calling kids beggars.  How will Ewoks: The Battle for Endor hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew and Daniel Panel: Charlie Rose Directors Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat Starring: Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Siân Phillips, Carel Struycken, Niki Botelho, Paul Gleason, Eric Walker

X-Files: I Want to Believe

This week we ruin a beloved franchise and ask the question, can pedophiles be heroes? We watched X-Files: I Want to Believe, or alternate title, X-Files: Where are the !@#$@#$!@ Aliens?  How will X-Files: I Want to Believe hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew Panel: Candace   Directed by Chris Carter Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Billy Connolly, Amanda Peet, Xzibit, Mitch Pileggi, Callum Keith Rennie, Adam Godley

X-Files: Fight the Future

This week on Myopia Movies, we open the vault to release the movie that makes you love the X-Files, so that next week we can cover the movie that made you hate the X-Files. X-Files: Fight the Future is tight, fast, entertaining and exciting. Someone who didn't watch the show could understand it, but the sequel? Oof. Anyway, enjoy the first movie, because next week may have some rage. How will X-Files: Fight the Future hold up? Host: Nic Directed by Rob Bowman Starring David Duchovny, Gil...

The Star Wars Holiday Special

This week we end the year suffering for your pleasure. We watched The Star Wars Holiday Special where we learn that Chewbacca just kind of bails on his family for the entirety of the Skywalker Saga.  How does The Star Wars Holiday Special hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Daniel Panel: Candace, Nur, and Lauren https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hH8rxarVG8   Directed by Steve Binder and David Acomba Written by Rod Warren, Bruce Vilanch, Pat Proft, Leonard Ripps, Mitzie Welch Actors: Mark Hami...

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn that there was no need to make The Mean One, there had been a horror version of the Grinch since the year 2000. We watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Jim Carrey went through torture training for this role, but what could the audience do? How will How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Charlie, Matt, and Daniel Director: Ron Howard Starring: Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Kelley (the dog), Jeffrey Tambor, Christine Bar...

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

This week on Myopia Movies, we get heavier. We watched Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, comin' in glory at the turn of the tide!  How will Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers hold up for its 20th Anniversary? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Daniel, Candace, and Lauren Directed by Peter Jackson Actors - Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin, Cate Blanchett, Billy Boyd, Brad Dourif, Christopher Lee, John Rhys-Davies, Andy Serkis, Liv Tyler, Karl Urban, David Wenham

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings

In honor of the 20th Anniversary of the release of the The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, we are covering The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings and the Two Towers back to back. Will we make it? CAN WE SURVIVE? WILL IT MAKE ME WANT TO WATCH THE HOBBIT TRILOGY FINALLY?  WILL IT BE THE FARTHEST FROM HOME I HAVE EVER BEEN? Host: Nic Panel: Daniel, Charlie, Kellie Directed by Peter Jackson Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean, Sean Astin, Billy Boyd, A...

Willow (Movie 1988)

This week on Myopia Movies, in honor of the new TV show, we celebrate the Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer in a LucasFilm and Ron Howard classic. We watched Willow and the last thing we are going to want is a hairy chest! How will Willow hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Daniel and Matthew Guest: Charlie, Nur, and Candace   Directed by Ron Howard Written by George Lucas (story by) and Bob Dolman(screenplay by) Starring: Val Kilmer, Joanne Whalley, Warwick Davis, Jean Marsh, Billy Barty, Gavan O'...

Addams Family Values

This week on Myopia Movies, in honor of Tim Burton's Addams Family reboot, we watched the classic sequel to the classic 1990s movie, the Addams Family Values! Join us as we talk about the hilarious cast and a trip to summer camp! How will Addams Family Values hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Jon and Daniel Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld Starring: Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Joan Cusack, Christina Ricci, Carol Kane, Jimmy Workman, David Krumholtz, Peter MacNicol, Peter MacNicol...

Punisher: War Zone

This week, in honor of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, we revisit Marvel Town. Now, the original Black Panther is too good for what we do here, so instead we visit the Ray Stevenson bloodbath that is Punisher: War Zone. Does this have torture? People bleeding out from axe wounds? Hell yea! Take that Disney! How will Punisher War Zone hold up? Host: Nic  Guests: Dan and Evan Directed by Lexi Alexander Starring  Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Julie Benz, Doug Hutchison, Wayne Knight

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

This week on Myopia Movies, we visit merry old English with Englishman Robert Downey Jr.!  Witness the raw sexual tension between Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr., sexual tension between Rachel McAdams, and Jude Law, the camera and Jude Law, and the audience and Jude Law! How will Sherlock Holmes hold up? Hosted by: Nic Co-Host: Daniel Guest: Nur, Charlie, and Candace Directed by Guy Ritchie Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, Eddie Marsan, Robert Maillet

The Great Mouse Detective

This week on Myopia Movies, we release a classic episode from the archives, The Great Mouse Detective. Disney in the dark years tackling Sherlock Holmes, with a musical number by Vincent Price. Yup. Also, some interesting early CGI and mice in lingerie in a kickline. How will The Great Mouse Detective hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Daniel Directored by Ron Clements, Burny Mattinson, David Michener Starring: Vincent Price, Barrie Ingham, Val Bettin, Susanne Pollatschek, Candy Candido...

The Howling

This week on Myopia Movies, we get seduced by a werewolf while helping our wife recover from emotional stress after nearly being killed by a serial killer. Yup. We watched the Howling, the Werewolf movie where werewolves don't show up for almost 45 minutes.  How will The Howling hold up? Host: Nic Co-Host: Matthew, Daniel, and Nur   Directed by Joe Dante Actors: Dee Wallace, Patrick Macnee, Dennis Dugan, Christopher Stone, Belinda Balaski, Kevin McCarthy, John Carradine, Slim Pickens, E...

Green Lantern

This week we watch Ryan Reynolds fight CGI nonsense! Which of course is different from the fact that his suite here is CGI or X-Men Origins Wolverine where he becomes CGI nonsense. We watched Green Lantern: In Brightest Day and Darkest Night, yada yada yada, I HAVE THE POWER!!!!! Or something like that.... We wanted to visit the DC Cinematic Universe in time for Black Adam! So we turn to Goldeneye, Mask of Zorro and Casino Royale's own Martin Campbell. How will Green Lantern hold up? Hos...

An American Werewolf in London

This week we watch some damn incredible Rick Baker effects. We watched An American Werewolf in London, who doesn't love a horror comedy that is actually funny?  How does An American Werewolf in London hold up? Host: Nic  Co-Host: Nur, Matthew and Daniel   Written and Directed by John Landis Starring: David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Joe Belcher, Griffin Dunne, David Schofield, Frank Oz

Twilight New Moon

In an effort to fully break the mind of my co-host Daniel, we tackled the second Twilight Saga Movie: New Moon, the moon is for werewolf! In fact, I haven't listened to his edit yet, it may just be 90 minutes of screaming and sobbing, like a creepypasta or post hot wings night bathroom review.  This week we learn that Edward is a liar: "This is the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back, and you can go on with your life without any interference from me. It'll be like I never existe...

Silver Bullet

This week we visit Stephen King with Silver Bullet. This movie has it all, one of the Coreys, Gary Busey, and a werewolf. Enjoy! How will Silver Bullet hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Daniel Directed by Daniel Attias Starring: Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Corey Haim, Megan Follows, Robin Groves, Leon Russom, Terry O'Quinn, Bill Smitrovich

Masters of the Universe

This week we have the power! We watched The Masters of the Universe, The universe is power - pure, unstoppable power! And I am that force, I am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Will Masters of the Universe hold up? Host: Nic Co-host: Daniel  Guests: Candace and Charlie  Directed by Gary Goddard Actors: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Billy Barty, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Jon Cypher, James Tolkan

Soylent Green

In honor of the fact that it is taking place now, we watched 1973's Soylent Green! It's podcast, SOYLENT GREEN IS A PODCAST!  How will Soylent Green hold up? Host: Nic Hoffmann Co-host: Daniel, Matt Guest: Charlie   Directed by Richard Fleischer Starring: Charlton Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors, Joseph Cotten, Brock Peters, Paula Kelly, Stephen Young, Lincoln Kilpatrick

The Happening

This week on Myopia Movies, the Lorax gets his revenge! We finish our M. Night Shyamalan Month with the Mark Wahlberg vehicle, The Happening! All I want to know is if hot dog guy makes it! How will the Happening hold up? Host: Nic Co-hosts: Matthew and Daniel  Written, Directed, and Produced by M. Night Shyamalan. Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Spencer Breslin, Alan Ruck, and M. Night Shyamalan.

The Village

This week we tackle the movie that made me stop watching M. Night Shyamalan The Village! Enjoy monsters! Blindness! And whatever developmental issue that Adrian Brody is supposed to have! How will the Village hold up?  Host: Nic Co-host: Matthew  Written, Produced, and Directed by M. Night Shyamalan Starring Sigourney Weaver, William Hurt, Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, Adrien Brody, Brendan Gleeson, Cherry Jones, Judy Greer, Michael Pitt, Jesse Eisenberg and M. Night Shyamalan   

Lady in the Water (Audio Corrected)

Note: There are audio issues with this file. I have cleaned them up some, but, there is still some artifacting. Sorry about that. Nic This week we continue the M. Night-a-thon with the first M. Night movie to lose money, Lady in the Water! This movie has it all! A mostly naked Bryce Dallas Howard (who is mostly mute), a starring role for M. Night, and Paul Giamatti with a stutter because his family was slaughtered...look out for a scrunt! How will Lady in the Water hold up? Host: Nic Co-...

Lady in the Water

Note: There are audio issues with this file. I have cleaned them up some, but, there is still some artifacting. Sorry about that. Nic This week we continue the M. Night-a-thon with the first M. Night movie to lose money, Lady in the Water! This movie has it all! A mostly naked Bryce Dallas Howard (who is mostly mute), a starring role for M. Night, and Paul Giamatti with a stutter because his family was slaughtered...look out for a scrunt! How will Lady in the Water hold up? Host: Nic Co-...

Signs

This week on Myopia Movies, we start our M. Night Shyamamonth! The twist is that it will start halfway through the month and end halfway through the next! In honor of the 20th Anniversary, we are going to talk Signs, the reason I haven't gone to a birthday party in South America. As we have been doing, we will announce in advance the next film! In fact, in honor of the theme month, we will tell you the whole line up of this Shyamalan-ebration! Signs 18-Aug Lady in the Water 25-Aug The Vill...

XXX (2002)

This month we continue the celebration of the return to new episodes and talk the first Vin Diesel starring vehicle, XXX! We live for this shit! Well, maybe not this movie in particular.... How does XXX (not pornography) hold up? Host: Nic Starring: Daniel Guest Star: Charlie Rose Directed by Rob Cohen Starring: Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Roof, Richy Müller

Black Hole

This week on Myopia Movies we watch the first time Disney tried to do Star Wars, we watched Black Hole! Coming out 20 years after it look like it should have! How will Black Hole hold up? Host: Nic Hoffmann Starring: Daniel Suddes Guest: Charlie Rose Directed by Gary Nelson Starring: Maximilian Schell, Anthony Perkins, Robert Forster, Joseph Bottoms, Yvette Mimieux, Ernest Borgnine

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

This week, in honor of the twentieth anniversary of the final Austin Powers movie Goldmember, (despite reports for 15 years saying another is coming soon), we are watching Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. Yea baby! How will Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery hold up? Host: Jon Panel: Nic, Daniel

Never Say Never Again

Since we are covering Austin Powers later this week, we figured we should release a silly Bond Movie as well. Enjoy this coverage on Never Say Never Again, a remake of Bond's most boring movie Thunderball. Sean Connery returns as Bond to spite the Broccoli's in what was supposed to create a new Bond Spin-off to challenge the Timothy Dalton movies. Oof. How can the director of Empire Strikes Back make a movie this boring! How will Never Say Never Again hold up? Host: Nic Directed by Irvin ...

Tropic Thunder

This week, we head to the beach for two films from the back catalog and former patreon to celebrate the beach. We watched the most recent role in black face to get nominated for an academy award and the last time Tom Cruise got to act nutty. We watched Tropic Thunder. I don't drop character 'till I done the DVD commentary.  How will Tropic Thunder hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Fitzy, Nic, Charlie Directed by Ben Stiller Starring: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., Jay Baruchel, Bra...

Muppet Treasure Island

This week, we head to the beach for two films from the back catalog and former patreon to celebrate the beach. This episode we go to a movie that learned all the wrong lessons from its predecessor. After the success of previous episode A Muppet Christmas Carol they thought they could do another classic. The novel Treasure Island is a layup, right? Well, replace Michael Caine with Tim Curry and we are off to the races. Also, have it led by a child in his first role and you are in trouble alre...

The Lawmower Man

This week, we have done it. As I said Monday, we worship the beautiful specimen that is Pierce Brosnan. From the heights of James Bond, to the depths of The Lawnmower Man, we focus on everyone's favorite Irish Bond. This time we review the Stephen King adaptation SO bad, he sued to remove his name, twice. How will The Lawnmower Man hold up? Host: Jon Panel: Nic and Daniel Directed by     Brett Leonard Starring: Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Jenny Wright, Mark Bringelson, Geoffrey Lewis, Je...

Goldeneye

This week on Myopia Movies, we worship the beautiful specimen that is Pierce Brosnan. From the heights of James Bond, to the depths of The Lawnmower Man, we focus on everyone's favorite Irish Bond. This week we watch Goldeneye and learn who is Invincible! How will Goldeneye hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matt, Thomas, Daniel Directed by Martin Campbell Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Robbie Coltrane, Tchéky Karyo, Gottfried Joh...

Baby’s Day Out

Today, as a father, we learn that babies are pretty much indestructible. We watched John Hughes' Baby's Day Out, is this the worst mafia on film? How will Baby's Day Out hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matt, Daniel Directed by Patrick Read Johnson Written by John Hughes Starring: Lara Flynn Boyle, Joe Mantegna, Joe Pantoliano, Brian Haley, Cynthia Nixon, Fred Thompson

Adventures in Babysitting

This week we visit the city of Chicago and visit a jazz club while running from the mop. We saw Adventures in Babysitting. How does Adventures in Babysitting hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Daniel, Matt Directed by Chris Columbus Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Maia Brewton, Keith Coogan, Anthony Rapp, Vincent D'Onofrio, Penelope Ann Miller, George Newbern, Bradley Whitford