Myopia Movies
612 episodes - English - Latest episode: 8 days ago - ★★★★★ - 50 ratingsWelcome to season 10 of Myopia Movies! Each week we watch the movies from the 80s and 90s we grew up watching to address the lies that our memories and Blockbuster video told us. Do they hold up?
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Episodes
Episode 58: Congo (1995)
October 15, 2015 13:34 - 54 minutes - 50.1 MBBefore we get started this week, I wanted to make a small plea, join us! Follow us on facebook, twitter (@myopiapodcast), and please review us on facebook. Our downloads are stagnating, lets fix that! Thanks guys! This week on Myopia Defend Your Childhood we learn that lightening didn’t strike twice for Michael Crichton and monster movies. We watched Congo, what would you do if attacked by CGI? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Matthew ...
Episode 57: Monster Squad (1987)
October 08, 2015 15:04 - 44 minutes - 41.1 MBThis week on Myopia Defend Your Childhood we learn that it is harder than you think to get five Universal Monster Licenses. We watched Monster Squad, so does a wolfman have nards? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Interview Defendant: Eric Szyszka of We Hate Movies and Blame it on Outer Space Panel: Thomas, Jon, Abbey.
Bonus: Interview - Eric Szyszka
October 01, 2015 05:01 - 35 minutes - 32.4 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood, we start what I hope will be a continuing series. I will go on to interview movie podcasters, reviewers, and theater programmers to talk about how they got into the business, what films they love, and see if we can't put a piece of their past on trial. This week we have Eric Szyszka of We Hate Movies and Blame it On Outer Space. Enjoy!
Interview Episode 1 - Eric Szyszka
October 01, 2015 02:01 - 35 minutes - 32.4 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood, we start what I hope will be a continuing series. I will go on to interview movie podcasters, reviewers, and theatre programmers to talk about how they got into the business, what films they love, and see if we can't put a piece of their past on trial. This week we have Eric Szyszka of We Hate Movies and Blame it On Outer Space. Enjoy!
Rerelease Episode 11: Dog Soldiers (2002)
September 30, 2015 23:08 - 41 minutes - 37.7 MBHey everyone, in honor of podcasting day or national podcast day, whatever they're calling it, and in honor of the upcoming October horror movie rush, I am re-releasing a classic episode, remastered for audio, the werewolf horror movie Dog Soldiers (2002). This is one of the first episodes we recorded and released as episode number 11. Listen to us in our awkward, unpracticed, and elbowy goodness. Also, tune in tomorrow for a special episode! As we begin the holy week of the movie podcasti...
Episode 56: Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
September 24, 2015 19:11 - 54 minutes - 50.2 MBBefore we get started this week, I wanted to make a small plea, join us! Follow us on Facebook, Twitter (@myopiapodcast), and please review us on Facebook. Our downloads are stagnating, lets fix that! Thanks guys! In honor of their return to television, this week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood, we learn that Kermit can sword fight. We watched Muppet Treasure Island, do you have cabin fever? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Daniel S. ...
Episode 55: Deep Impact (1998)
September 17, 2015 05:01 - 1 hour - 69.5 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood, we learn that it is possible to make a movie where literally every character makes bad decisions. We watched deep impact, did this seriously think it could beat Armageddon? ----more---- How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: David Panel: Daniel, Matt, Abbey, Will, Madison,
Public Defender Month 2015 - Episode 54: Armageddon (1998)
September 01, 2015 19:47 - 55 minutes - 50.6 MBThis week o Myopia: Defend your Childhood, it is week four of our Public Defender month and we learn that Michael Bay is in the Criterion Collection twice. We watched Armageddon, do you want to miss a thing? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Panel: Matthew Quinn, Matt, Abbey, Daniel, Zach, Kellie, Billy, Madison
Public Defender Month 2015 - Episode 53: Romeo + Juliet (1996)
August 25, 2015 18:48 - 59 minutes - 54.2 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood, it is week three of our Public Defender month and we learn that John Leguizamo can actually act. We watched Baz Lurhman’s Romeo + Juliet, Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn. Also, everyone in this movies acts like a douche. How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Panel: Abbey, Matt, Jade, Jon, Kellie, Lauren
Public Defender Month 2015 - Episode 52: Volcano (1997)
August 14, 2015 17:49 - 56 minutes - 51.5 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood, it is week two of our Public Defender month and we learn that Tommy Lee Jones makes a terrible baby sitter, we watched Volcano, the reason I will never take a subway in flip flops. How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Nathan Panel: Christina, Matt, Matthew Quinn, Thomas, Abbey, Jade, Daniel, Madison
Public Defender Month 2015 - Episode 51: Broken Arrow (1996)
August 07, 2015 17:40 - 47 minutes - 43.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood, it is week one of our Public Defender month and we learn that nuclear weapons and doves do not suspense make. We watched Broken Arrow, nukes over a promotion is a bit much, right? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Public Defender: Andy from Atlanta Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Panel: Daniel, Abbey, Matthew.
Episode 50: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
July 30, 2015 17:47 - 1 hour - 64.1 MBWelcome to season 2 of Myopia Defend your childhood! A very special crossover preview episode with the Geekly Oddcast! This week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that just because you could act in the 90’s doesn’t mean you can still act today. #AprilDies. We watched Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, is anyone going to bother to watch the fourth? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defender: None Panel: Matthew, Matt, Abbey, Daniel, Christina, Thomas
Episode 49: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze!
July 23, 2015 16:12 - 46 minutes - 42.8 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that just because you could have a plot and have weapons strapped to your shell doesn’t mean you need to use either of them. We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze, you guys dealt with us for a year for this? What were you thinking? Oh, and thanks for one wonderful year! How will you stand when your past is on trial! Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Scott Panel: Matthew Quinn, Daniel, Erin, Candice Read the D...
Re-release of Episode 1: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.mp3
July 16, 2015 06:01 - 44 minutes - 40.9 MBWelcome to the terrifying world of 1990, where evil karate is practiced, people are not nearly freaked out enough about giant talking turtles, and pizza men get ripped off. Cowabunga, dude. How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Nicolas Panel: Nicolas, Matthew, Candice
Episode 48: The Great Mouse Detective
July 09, 2015 21:40 - 55 minutes - 51.2 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that every movie needs a Vincent Price Musical number. We watched the Great Mouse Detective. In the human version of this, the robotic queen would be as convincing as a Speak and Spell and Rattigan would have to be played by a giant non-human, like a bear or Dwayne, the Rock, Johnson. How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Abbey Panel: Daniel, Jeremy, Thomas, Matt, Matthew, Kalyn, Madison
Episode 47: Live and Let Die (1973)
July 03, 2015 17:14 - 58 minutes - 53.3 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that James Bond does not need to try other formats, please, one Blaxploitation film is enough. We watched Live and Let Die, shut you mouf, I’m just talkin’ ‘bout Bond! How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Thomas P, Matt P Panel: Thomas H, Matthew Q, Abbey, Madison
Episode 46: Jurassic World (2015)
June 26, 2015 03:08 - 1 hour - 65.1 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that you can make thousands of people wave their hands at pets like idiots because they forgot that Chris Pratt was waving at a tennis ball on a string. We watched Jurassic World, anyone interested in my undeserved and unnecessary sequel to a 1993? It to will make a billion dollars! I call it Super Mario World! forgot that Chris Pratt was waving at a tennis ball on a string. We watched Jurassic World, anyone interested in my undeserved and...
Episode 45: Jurassic Park III (2001)
June 18, 2015 18:40 - 59 minutes - 54.6 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn how to play God, but not how to direct a film. We watched Jurassic Park III, who knew Turok for N64 could hold up better than a movie? How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Madison Panel: Jade, Abbey, Matthew, Jeremy, Daniel
Episode 44: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
June 11, 2015 06:01 - 45 minutes - 41.2 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that anyone can be Richard Hammond. We watched the Lost World Jurassic Park. Who got screwed worse by this, Steven Speilberg, Michael Crichton, or Jeff Goldblum. How will you stand when we put your past on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Matthew W. Quinn Panel: Matt P., Abbey, Thomas, Daniel
Episode 43: Jurassic Park (1993)
June 04, 2015 06:01 - 47 minutes - 43.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that the only way to get out of a workman’s comp dispute is to hire a mathematician. We watched Jurassic Park. Are you a Clever Girl? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Shea and Mark Panel: Emily, Steve, Emmie, Daniel, Jade, Abbey, Matt
Episode 42: Titan A.E. (2000)
May 28, 2015 16:43 - 1 hour - 55.3 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that racism can be taught to any age, wait, didn’t I use that joke last week? Did we do two racist animated films in a row? Why is there a space station only filled with minorities? Why do the generic Asians on it all wear rice patty hats? We watched Titan A.E., the only movie we have do that looks better as a windows background or screensaver. How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Matthew Pa...
Episode 41: Duck Tale: The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990)
May 21, 2015 16:41 - 40 minutes - 37.4 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that racism can be taught to any age, we watched Duck Tales: The Movie, Treasure of the Lost Lamp. They know that ‘Dijon’ is French and not Arab, right? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Thomas Panel: Lauren, Matt, Scott, Daniel,
Episode 40: Mean Girls (2004)
May 14, 2015 05:01 - 50 minutes - 46 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that the High School can be sooo crazy that even Lindsay Lohan can be the even keeled one. We watched Mean Girls, some of these High Schoolers look really old, don’t they? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Madison and Jade Panel: Abbey, Matt
Episode 39: Air Force One (1997)
April 30, 2015 12:20 - 27 minutes - 45.5 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that terrorism can be really boring? We watched Air Force One, Gary Oldman is chewing the scenery, can someone get him a raw hide. How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Madison Panel: Abbey, Matt, Daniel, Jeremy
Episode 38: The Last Starfighter (1984)
April 24, 2015 03:04 - 39 minutes - 36 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that the playing video games in the 1980’s was literally the most exciting thing in the whole trailer park? We watched The Last Star Fighter, who knew effects could be this special? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defending: Matthew Quinn Panel: Madison, Thomas, Abbey, Jeremy
Episode 37: Mystery Men (1999)
April 16, 2015 14:44 - 59 minutes - 54.1 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that literally anyone can make a super hero movie, whether they should or not. We watched Mystery Men, who thought this was a good idea? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defender: Emily B Panel: Steve, Daniel, Madison, Thomas, Emily
Episode 36: Clueless (1995)
April 01, 2015 22:35 - 47 minutes - 43.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we read a classic 19th century novel. AS IF! We watched Clueless, and learned it is a far far better thing doing stuff for other people. How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Candice Defense: Erin Panel: Bridgett, Abbey, Kellie, Emily, Jade #TBT #AprilFools
Episode 35: The Flight of the Navigator (1986)
March 26, 2015 14:04 - 50 minutes - 46.4 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that before Sex in the City you advertise for McDonald's and New Coke. We watched The Flight of the Navigator, can you have a child abduction farce? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Madison Panel: Daniel, Jeremy, David, Jon, Jade, Abbey, Matthew, Matt
Episode 34: Conan the Barbarian
March 19, 2015 19:05 - 46 minutes - 42.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that body oil is in no short supply in the dessert. We watched Conan the Barbarian, and it is good, but what is the best in life? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Erin Panel: Matthew, Scott, Daniel, Madison
Episode 33: Mortal Kombat (1995)
March 12, 2015 14:36 - 47 minutes - 43.9 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that you can make a movie exclusively based off the booklet in the front of a 90’s video game cartridge, technically. We watched Mortal Kombat, how does the video game have two writer credits? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defendant: Steve Panel: Daniel, Matthew, Kellie, Josh, Jade, Jeremy
Episode 32: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
March 08, 2015 22:37 - 57 minutes - 52.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood, in honor Leonard Nimoy, we watched a little picture where three baffled men have to take care of one little baby. We watched Wrath of Khan, because that other movie is terrible. How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Abbey Panel: Matthew Quinn, Matt P, Daniel, Jade, Madison, Jeremy
Episode 31: The Sandlot (1993)
February 27, 2015 03:20 - 59 minutes - 54.3 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that the 1960s was a time of racial peace and harmony, I mean around baseball, right? We watched The Sandlot, this movie is set a year before Selma, right? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Billy and Daniel Panel: Jade, Madison, Emily, and Jeremy
Episode 30: Face/Off (1997)
February 20, 2015 01:21 - 46 minutes - 42.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn that all Nic Cages are Nic Cage, but not all John Travolta’s are Nic Cag. We watched Face Off, the movie that inspired Nip/Tuck, wait, how do faces work again? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Jeremy Panel: Daniel, and Madison
Episode 29: Cliffhanger (1993)
February 12, 2015 19:17 - 45 minutes - 41.6 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend your Childhood we learn what Sylvester Stallone actually does for your movie, he literally burns it. We watched Cliffhanger, Love is a killer, isn't it? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Zack Panel: Daniel, Mark, Matthew, Madison
Episode 28: Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest (1992)
February 05, 2015 18:13 - 44 minutes - 40.8 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learn that not all singing Robin Williams are created equally. We watched FernGully: The Last Rain Forest, do you remember when rain forests were a thing? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Candice Panel: Daniel, Matthew, Tom
Episode 27: Tremors (1990)
January 29, 2015 14:59 - 40 minutes - 37.3 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learn that Kevin Bacon's hair can defeat the elements, themselves. We watched Tremors, how armed is your basement? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Patrick Panel: Matthew, Zach, Daniel, Josh, Jade P.S. We are sorry about the audio quality, we think we have fixed it and it will be better from here on out.
Episode 26: The Mask (1994)
January 22, 2015 13:30 - 1 hour - 59.3 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learn that Jim Carrey stop acting because he tossed his mask into the river. We watched The Mask, are you the king of the Rumba beat? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Daniel Panel: Josh, Jade, Emily, Steve, Madison
Episode 25: D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)
January 15, 2015 12:50 - 54 minutes - 50.1 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learn that Icelanders sound an awful lot like Germans. We watched D2: The Mighty Ducks, have you paid your dues? Time after time? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Emily Panel: Jamie, Matthew, AJ
Episode 24: The Mighty Ducks (1992)
January 09, 2015 03:43 - 53 minutes - 49 MBAs we return triumphantly on a throw back Thursday, this week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learn that Pauly Shore impressions never get old. We watched the Mighty Ducks, quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth! How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Shea Panel: Emily, Steve, Daniel, Matthew
Episode 23: Scrooged (1988)
December 24, 2014 17:44 - 49 minutes - 45.6 MBOn the final episode of the year, this week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned how much you need to like a girl to get her sharp knives. We watched the Scrooged, did you know Bill Murray is a schmuck? (Apparently, the Jews taught him that.) How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Madison Panel: Billy, Daniel, Erin, Scott
Episode 22: The Santa Clause (1994)
December 23, 2014 14:03 - 1 hour - 57.8 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that the 90's were all about teaching kids bad spelling and puns. As Disney takes on Mortal Kombat, we watched the The Santa Clause, did you know Santa was legally obligated to give you toys? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Emily Panel: Jade, Daniel, Madison, Steve
Episode 21: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
December 22, 2014 14:02 - 52 minutes - 48 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that Henry Selick got hosed by Tim Burton. We watched the The Nightmare Before Christmas, do you deny that what I do I am the best?? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Jon and Kalyn Panel: Kellie, Abby, Daniel, and Matthew Quinn
Episode 20: The Hobbit (1977)
December 11, 2014 17:52 - 48 minutes - 44.1 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that Peter Jackson really dropped the ball with a lack of folk music! We watched the Hobbit, do you want to go on an unexpected journey? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Candice Panel: Ben, Emily, Matt, and Steve
Episode 19: Batman and Robin (1997)
November 27, 2014 00:01 - 1 hour - 60.8 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that sometimes puns can be a force for good, at least the best thing in a terrible movie! We watched Batman and Robin, did you know that George Clooney has an Oscar? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Daniel Suddes Defense: Nicolas Panel: Matthew Quinn, Lauren Quesnel, Jon, Jade
Episode 18: Batman Forever (1995)
November 19, 2014 22:59 - 51 minutes - 47.4 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that you smash cut to a codpiece! We watched Batman Forever, who's afraid of the big black bat? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Scott Panel: Matthew, Daniel, Eric
Episode 17: Batman Returns (1992)
November 12, 2014 20:12 - 1 hour - 64 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we throw our support behind Cobblepot 2016! We watched Batman Returns, did you confuse your pistols with your privates? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Jon Panel: Daniel, Tom, Jeremy, Matthew, and Jade
Episode 16: Batman (1989)
November 05, 2014 20:30 - 54 minutes - 49.9 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned how to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? We watched Batman, where does he get those wonderful toys? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Daniel Panel: Steve, Emily, Jon, Jamie
Episode 15: Sleepy Hollow (1999)
October 29, 2014 22:18 - 53 minutes - 49 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that, if properly nurtured, trees can bleed. We watched Sleepy Hollow, Tim Burton's experiment in Coloring Book Movies, Just Add Color! (TM) How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Mark Panel: Daniel, Erin, Matthew, Emmie
Episode 14: Hocus Pocus (1993)
October 23, 2014 01:24 - 41 minutes - 38.2 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood we learned that despite what the liberal media will tell you, zombies are actually quite nice. We watched Hocus Pocus, seriously, though, do I need braces? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Erin Panel: Nicolas, Erin, Kellie, Jon, Scott, and Daniel P. S. Sorry about some audio at the very beginning, it gets better after the defense. I blame witchcraft!
Episode 13: Beetlejuice (1988)
October 15, 2014 22:42 - 45 minutes - 41.7 MBThis week on Myopia: Defend Your Childhood, we learn that in the original script Batman had died and haunted parents. We watched Beetlejuice (1988), why don't you call anymore? How will your past stand when we put it on trial? Host: Nicolas Hoffmann Defense: Daniel Suddes Panel: Nicolas, Daniel, Jon, Emily, Steve, Patrick