S3 EP10 Kevin Waite: Living with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, Imposter Syndrome & dealing with suicidal thoughts

Words from Kevin Waite February 6th 2020:

"I survived a suicide attempt 2 weeks ago. No sympathy needed, I'm sharing to help others. It wasn’t a cry for help or me just being selfish.  I live with a crippling illness every minute of every day.  It just happens to be in my head.  Just like any serious illness, it has the potential to kill me. That day, I couldn’t live with it.  The illness hollowed me out, pinned me to the floor, and drained all my strength.  I wasn’t thinking of what my death may cause to other people, I didn’t have the capacity for that in my mind.  It was the only thing I felt I had control of, after months of inner turmoil.  That day it seemed like the only logical answer to end the crippling pain in my mind.  On the day, it was a complete stranger that helped me. 

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I’ve talked about this in two big mental health talks I’ve done since... again, to complete strangers. The support I’ve received from these complete strangers has been massive to me, but sadly it’s been more support than some of my close family and friends have shown. What I’m trying to say is... Lazy & selfish attitudes towards mental illness is killing people. We’re living in a mental health crisis, with people trying to take their own lives left right and centre... all the stats are out there. If you don’t know what to say, then just listen. 

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Listening is the most powerful thing when someone is feeling at their lowest point - they don’t need your opinions or agenda as that piles even more pressure on and patronises them.  By not even listening or showing some level of support, can have a serious negative impact.  If you’ve never been suicidal then you have no right to judge. A lot of my good mates have just said “what do you need from me Kev? Tell me what you need and I’ll be there”  That’s massive and that’s all I needed.  
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I don’t need to hear that I’m upsetting people, as I’m so deep into my illness at that point. I never hide behind my mental illness and I believe I’m a very mentally strong person by doing what I do and fighting what I fight in my head.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still have a serious illness (which has been diagnosed by 3 separate psychiatrists by the way). Sometimes, just like any other serious illness, the fight becomes too much.  It’s taken me a lot to write this and if you’re still reading then I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t need to hear about “the things I have to live for” or “things can’t be that bad” ...because no one knows how bad things are unless they listen. There’s so many organisations out there now supporting mental health because WE ARE in a crisis.  It’s just ignorant and very dangerous to not try and educate yourself if someone close to you is struggling. 

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Sharing to help others helps me. Thank you to those who have shown love and support. I’m now back on top of it and fighting good" Kevin Waite
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Kevin bravely opens up about how it is to live with type 2 bipolar disorder, imposter syndrome and dealing with persistent suicidal thoughts. He is the founder of Move Mind & Body. His business is built to help other people with their minds as well as their bodies www.movemindandbody.co.uk

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