7| Your Sexual Blueprint w/ Dr. Stephen de Wit

Quote From the Episode: “There is no right way! There is no wrong way! There is just your way!” – Dr. Stephen de Wit About Dr. Stephen de Wit: Dr. Stephen de Wit is a Sexologist with a PhD in Human Sexuality. His specialty is taking sex from a social construct down to a personal […]

The post 7| Your Sexual Blueprint w/ Dr. Stephen de Wit appeared first on Men's Dating Mastery.

Quote From the Episode:

“There is no right way! There is no wrong way! There is just your way!”

– Dr. Stephen de Wit

About Dr. Stephen de Wit:

Dr. Stephen de Wit is a Sexologist with a PhD in Human Sexuality. His specialty is taking sex from a social construct down to a personal level that is authentic to the individual. He coaches individuals and couples, works in clinical settings and makes frequent media appearances to talk to people about their sexuality.

The Highlights:

How to determine and rewrite your sexual blue-print in order to get the sex life that you want.
Men have been falsely conditioned to believe that they can access sex in only one of four ways: 1) inside a relationship; 2) by cheating; 3) in the form of a one night stand or 4) by force.
There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want.
Infants have only two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else has been conditioned.
Pursuing a life with multiple sexual partners unapologetically but with trust and honesty.
Challenging the notion that men need to have sex to feel intimacy and that women need to feel intimacy to have sex.
Sexual compatibility and what it means.

Show Summary:

We kick this episode off by breaking down socially constructed norms about what sex should be in order to make room for the kind of sex life that you want.

Stephen explains that as infants, we only have two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noise. Everything else has been conditioned, including our relationship with sex. The fact that we live in a sex negative society does not help the matter. We have been taught that sex is acceptable only if it is between a man and a woman, within a committed and monogamous relationship, ideally married and in love, for the purposes of procreation, and that anything different is “less than”.

In order to break out of this mold, you first need to determine your sexual blueprint. That is, how the experiences from your formative years are running your life today. Stephen outlines three ways in which this has occurred: 1) Explicit messages that you received while growing up; 2) Observing how others around you interacted with their partners and; 3) Emotional incidents that left a mark. Once you have identified and understood how these past experiences are impacting your sex life, you can start to re-write your sexual blue-print. That is if they are preventing you from the having the kind of sex life you want in the first place.

We explore how a man can pursue multiple sexual partners in a healthy and honest way. This is a question that comes up often in Stephen’s profession. He suggests shedding your preconception about what women want and realizing that no matter what your sexual desires, there are women out there that will share them with you. He then outlines how you can achieve what you want through the process of building trust. First with yourself and then with your sexual partner(s).

Stephen shatters the commonly accepted belief that men need sex in order to feel emotional intimacy while women need emotional intimacy to have sex. He shuns pigeon-holing people and explains that as complex creatures, both genders are prone to approaching sex in many different ways. A concept that is supported by my conversation on the “Evolutionary Psychology of Modern Day Mating Practices” with Caelin White, in episode 4.

We also discuss the notion of sexual compatibility which, is a real and complex thing. However, Stephen calls out men who use it as an excuse just to get laid and challenges them to just be real about what they want. He suggests that sexual compatibility is something that can be created with the commitment of both partners. He also cautions that what ruins sex more than anything is baggage from past experiences.

Advice:

Stephen explains the process of figuring out what you want and owning it; whatever your sexual desires, do not make them wrong.

Contact Dr. Stephen de Wit:

Dr. de Wit’s webstie: www.drdewit.com

Twitter:   @drdewit

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Comments:

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The post 7| Your Sexual Blueprint w/ Dr. Stephen de Wit appeared first on Men's Dating Mastery.