6| The Link Between Neediness, Sexual Attraction and Masculinity w/ Steve Horsmon

Quote From the Episode: “When a man is having trouble with women, it’s a metaphor for what is going on in his life” – Steve Horsomon About Steve Horsmon: Steve is a Relationship Expert and Certified Elite Life Coach who specializes in working with men on masculinity in the context of long term relationships. He […]

The post 6| The Link Between Neediness, Sexual Attraction and Masculinity w/ Steve Horsmon appeared first on Men's Dating Mastery.

Quote From the Episode:

“When a man is having trouble with women, it’s a metaphor for what is going on in his life”

– Steve Horsomon

About Steve Horsmon:

Steve is a Relationship Expert and Certified Elite Life Coach who specializes in working with men on masculinity in the context of long term relationships. He set out on this path after being married for 28 years and undergoing a painful divorce. So he not only brings valuable knowledge in this area but also wisdom that can only come about through life experience.

The Highlights:

How men exhibit neediness without even knowing it: one of the most common ways is doing things to please her just to get sex.
Men who don’t know who they are and where they stand in life, will look to fill their confidence bucket by seeking affirmation from women.
Treating a woman like a sexual Rubik’s Cube is an insult in its denial of her sexuality and will turn off even the most sexual woman.
Why women flirt with other men while denying their own partners sex.
The link between neediness, emotional safety and sexual attraction, and concrete steps to create an emotionally safe environment.
A man’s relationship with women is a reflection of what is going on in other areas of his life.
What is a PhD in pleasing women and where does it come from.
How to deal with a disrespectful woman.
The formula for attraction inside of a long term relationship is the same formula for success in life.

Show Summary:

Steve and I begin by talking about men’s neediness with concrete examples of how they exhibit it without even knowing it. Neediness usually stems from a man not knowing who he is and where he stands in life which, leads him to rely on the affirmation of women to feel confident.

A common signs of neediness is doing things to please your woman just to get sex. This will not only turn off even the most sexual woman but by treating her like a sexual Rubik’s cube, you are denying that she is a sexual creature. This is insulting and may even lead her to act out by flirting with other men while denying you sex.

We draw a connection between men’s neediness and emotional safety. In order to feel attraction and be intimate with a man, a woman needs to feel emotional safety. Neediness makes her feel unsafe. Steve provides some specific things that men can do in order to create that sense of emotional safety for a woman.

Steve then makes a very powerful observation by explaining how a man’s relationship with women is really a reflection of what is going on in other areas of his life including his relationship to other men and work. This is my favorite part of the episode in which we discuss how the skills for successful relationships with women are the same skills required for success in other areas of life. One key take-away is that in order to stand up to your woman, you first need to be very clear on your values, mission in life and your personal boundaries within a relationship. This foundation will earn her respect. She wants you to stand up to her in order to feel your strength. Lots of other insights here.

We also discuss why some men who, apparently strong and confident in other areas of life, allow themselves to be bullied by women. Steve has an explanation for this, which he calls a PhD in pleasing women. He states that having been raised by mostly women (in addition to mothers, our teachers were also mostly women), men have developed a sub-coconscious belief that they are good men only if women tell them so. The irony of course is that this belief is actually a turn off to women.

Advice:

Steve provides two pieces of advice: 1) the value of being present when in the company of women and 2) the value of surrounding yourself with other initiated men who have been down your path.

Resources

Steve’s article on the three signs of Neediness: 3 Signs of Neediness Women Can Smell a Mile Away

Books recommended by Steve:

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire by David Deida

Contact Steve Horsmon:

Steve’s website for men: www.goodguys2greatmen.com

Steve’s website for women: www.whatswithhim.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/goodguys2greatmen

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Comments:

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The post 6| The Link Between Neediness, Sexual Attraction and Masculinity w/ Steve Horsmon appeared first on Men's Dating Mastery.