007 How many sliding doors are there in life? Making conversations about self belief count!

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How are you on your sense of self belief?

Do you wake up with pride about what a true rock star you are?

Do you do your daily affirmations?

If you answered any of these questions with, "no", you might want to listen to this episode!

We're making conversations about self belief count!

A true diamond, Buckso is very much aligned with herself and the many facets of her own personality. As an actor, speaker and coach, her mission in life is to help people connect with their higher self. Conversations are a huge part of what she does. Being aligned with yourself on a spiritual, physical and emotional level allows you to shine brighter in everything you touch.

Buckso Dhillon-Whooley is a well known actress, who has appeared in Disney's recent remake of Aladdin and is a frequent visitor to the cobbled streets of Coronation Street.

You will soon realise that Buckso’s pivotal moment was not so much about who she had it with…

https://www.instagram.com/justbuckso/

https://www.bucksodw.com/

00:00:00: Introduction

00:01:01: Your higher self

00:02:20: The lockdown - a blessing 00:04:29: The importance of conversation to Buckso 00:05:13: Exposing your vulnerability 00:06:43: Irrelevant conversation 00:07:34: Being Buckso 00:10:58: Surrounding yourself with the right people 00:13:18: The background to Buckso's pivotal moment 00:16:43: The diamond within 00:18:50: First wave immigrants 00:21:58: The influence of your parents 00:25:05: Final thoughts

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

Making Conversations Count - Episode 7

3rd December 2020

Wendy Harris & Buckso Dhillon-Wooley

Wendy Harris: Welcome to Making Conversations Count, the podcast that introduces you to business leaders who share their pivotal moment with you, aspiring entrepreneurs. These pivotal moments really can create turning points in your life and career and today, I have Buckso Dhillon-Wooley, an actor, a speaker, a coach to your higher self. I've known Buckso for a while; please introduce yourself Buckso?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: I connect with your higher self and our coaching sessions go via that avenue. There are a whole myriad of other things that I bring to the table as well, a little bit like the magician of the tarot card; they have a veritable banquet of tools that they use in their trade, and I too do that. I never limit myself by saying one thing that I do for people; it's a myriad of things; it's a holistic approach.

Wendy Harris: I think that perfectly sums you up, because not everybody needs one thing to help them?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Nobody needs that one thing; it's always a myriad of things. If only people realised that a bit more and were more open to that fact, that it isn't one thing that needs to be fixed in our life, it's a combination of things.

Wendy Harris: And I think sometimes, because you do think about it, it's not an alignment to other things that are going on, that what you think is the problem isn't always the root problem either?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Correct, and that's where you find that you continually come across obstacles. And, it's just not getting it right, "And I've followed this and I know it's that and I know it's that and I'm just not getting it right"; it's because it's not that thing that you think it is and a requirement to be more open and allow less control and

How are you on your sense of self belief?

Do you wake up with pride about what a true rock star you are?

Do you do your daily affirmations?

If you answered any of these questions with, "no", you might want to listen to this episode!

We're making conversations about self belief count!

Buckso Dhillon-Whooley is a well known actress, who has appeared in Disney's recent remake of Aladdin and is a frequent visitor to the cobbled streets of Coronation Street.

You will soon realise that Buckso’s pivotal moment was not so much about who she had it with…

https://www.instagram.com/justbuckso/

https://www.bucksodw.com/

00:00:00: Introduction

00:01:01: Your higher self

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

Making Conversations Count - Episode 7

3rd December 2020

Wendy Harris & Buckso Dhillon-Wooley

Wendy Harris: I think that perfectly sums you up, because not everybody needs one thing to help them?

Wendy Harris: And I think sometimes, because you do think about it, it's not an alignment to other things that are going on, that what you think is the problem isn't always the root problem either?

Wendy Harris: And being able to listen to what other people can hear is going on that you can't necessarily translate?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: And your higher self, in fact. We've all got one, whether we believe it or not doesn't mean it's not happening. There is a higher aspect to us that is without any sort of judgement; that doesn't have ego; that has none of the things that we have as human beings in this 3D world that we live in. It's a part of us that is totally devoid of anything. It's very impartial and we really do need to connect with that aspect of ourselves, but we don't allow ourselves because there's too much going on. We busy ourselves with stuff to create more problems and we don't need to.

And I'll tell you now; this lockdown has been a blessing for me to find more of that in myself, to be able to clear the debris that's the flotsam and jetsam that's come across from living as a human being in life generally. So, it's been a great time for me to be able to really clear out that debris; that stuff that no longer serves.

Wendy Harris: I tend to agree. It's been a blessing in disguise for me as well. What it's actually done is given me back time to be able to clear my head and think about where I want to be, what I want to do, and to appreciate the priorities that perhaps aren't a priority, or haven't been. You say that they are, but do you really treat them as such?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: And, I was speaking to a friend today about a scenario that she picked up on with one of her clients that was having a bit of a tough time at home. And I said to her, as a thought, I said, "If you'd have been living in your normal life, doing your job like you're doing now, would you have had the luxury of time to be able to connect with that person, pick up on that?" and she said, "Probably not". And this is the thing.

We are so much more able to be more in tune with what's going on in our lives so, guys, you really have to make the most of this time, because this is the time where you really get to tune in with that; those assets of your life which never see the light of day, which will always be on the dark side of the moon.

Wendy Harris: It's like most things though, isn't it; we need light and dark for things to stay in balance?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Always. You have to, and people don't want to work with their shadow self because, "It's horrible down there", or, "It's unknown; I don't know what that involves", and it's not always bad.

Wendy Harris: No. I think the fear is that that bad will take over. It's like anything; it's in equal parts and you think that, well, if I've got to stay in the light and keep that in the dark, then that's never going to surface. But in actual fact, by actually seeing and recognising that dark, you can take its power away, can't you, and it can still be dark?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Correct. At the end of the day, it doesn't control you. And you have to have that balance of light and shade. Wherever you cast a light, there is no shade. So, once you do that in that aspect and area of your life, it removes the very thing that you fear, you know, straightaway with the fact that you've shone a spotlight onto it. "Oh, it doesn't seem as bad; it doesn't seem as bad as I thought it was".

Wendy Harris: And, that's all through conversation, isn't it?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Absolutely.

Wendy Harris: It's all through sharing, fears, emotions, thoughts, logic. It's breaking down all the barriers by using conversation and techniques. How important is that for you with what you do in your role, Buckso?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: I would rather have no clients at all than have people coming in front of me and not speaking their truth, and not showing their vulnerability. There is no point in me and you exchanging time, that valuable thing that we can never get back. There's no point in us doing that if you aren't going to make that promise to yourself to show every aspect the dark aspect, the hidden aspects, without any shame.

There's no shame to it, or guilt; it's about the vulnerability. If you cannot be vulnerable in a conversation that you're having, do not expect the desired results.

Wendy Harris: Do you think that that's, in part, because the way that society judges, that people keep those things back?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Primarily, it starts because of how they've been brought up. Primarily, it starts because of the conversations we've been exposed to as kids, and who we've come to spend our time with; and, how much of that time we spend with those individuals will make a bigger impact than what we think about that thing which exposes us.

What do we think about vulnerability? Well, the environment you're brought up in, if it's not been encouraged or seen to practise yourself by example, you know, nobody's led by example for you to be able to do that, you're not going to do it. So, it always starts at home, and it's further compounded by the friends you keep.

And, Dan Peña, he always talks about, "Show me your friends, I'll show you your future", and that's what it is. People are scared to show their vulnerability because of what they're exposed to, more often than not. You're quite right; it is judgement, but it's not --

Wendy Harris: Yes, in a different form. I'm guessing that that bridge between the vulnerability and the judgement is the fact that you have a consciousness that is trying to connect why that happened and why this is happening, and whether it's right or wrong?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: There's too much of that going on. When you think about it, 98% of what you do and think is done through the subconscious anyway. So, we spend too much time that doesn't actually garner any rewards; it's irrelevant.

Wendy Harris: I do see a lot of energy wasted in irrelevant conversation; I see that in the workplace as well. Yes, I do believe that there is a place for small talk, and I mean that in the nicest possible sense in terms of icebreaking and generally getting a feel and a flavour for a character or a personality, and this sort of thing. But, by goodness, when it's used to actually get out of doing what they should be doing, it's so frustrating.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Yeah, because it's easy, isn't? It's easy, it doesn't upset the apple cart, it maintains the equilibrium, they can function in that space and they know how this works if they do this this way. And, they will continue to do that because of fear. But, it's always in place a fear for any of us, why we don't do something; it's fear, it's fear of it and what it will bring about.

Wendy Harris: Now, Buckso, when we first met, through the Love Ladies Networking Group, wasn't it, in Derby, that was one thing that I noticed about you, was that you are not shy at coming forward. There was no fear in you going up to somebody and just being totally you. And, a lot of people that go networking are not necessarily themselves. They go with worry, they go with fear, they're anxious. What came about for you to be able to just be so Buckso?!

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Do you know what, because it isn't something I turn on and off, it's just that's it; that's the steady baseline that I operate at. I just turn it up in public a little bit, like you would on stage. I am fundamentally who I am all the time, unless I'm really having a bad time of it and I'm in a bit of a dark place, which I visit now and again myself, because I'm human. And, you know, anybody who says they don't has reached the height of enlightenment and should actually be sainted.

But, for me, it's like one of those situations where I can go into any place and be myself. Don't get me wrong; if I went into a place where I thought people were in there that were of a higher academic status, different kettle of fish, because they're all going to be talking in a way and behaving in a way that actually isn't befitting for me. So, I wouldn't necessarily turn it up in there; I'd turn it down.

So, if you'd seen me in another environment that wasn't my chosen environment, you would have seen a different Buckso.

Wendy Harris: That's interesting that you would share that, because I think that's pretty similar to how I am. I would class that as a WYSIWYG; what you see is what you get. No matter what the environment is, you kind of mirror that environment so that it's pertinent. But, there's one thing that I learnt a few years ago and that is that really, it doesn't matter. The harder you try to fit, the harder it will be to fit.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: So, how do you sustain it?

Wendy Harris: You can't.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: How do you sustain that?

Wendy Harris: You really can't.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: That's how burnout kicks in; that's where imposter syndrome kicks in, because you shouldn't have started out like that in the first place.

Wendy Harris: Yes.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: You started out up here; it's not sustainable. And, for me, how you described how I was at the meetings and stuff, for a lot of people that is off-putting as well. And I remember somebody telling me, from the networking group, that they suggested me to somebody to help them with their business, and right down my street regarding videos and lives and things like that. And they were a bit, "Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure about Buckso".

And, when she told me this, I was very taken aback because it's not ego-based, but I assumed that because of who I am and how I am, I expect everybody would like me when they met me, because I'm not offensive. But, because of my gregariousness and my nature, to some people they see that as a reflection of what they're not.

That turns them off me, because I'm reminding them of what they're not; not intentionally. That's on them; that's for them to go away and deal with. But, they chose to see that as something that was external, "It's her that's the problem. I couldn't have her helping with my business, because I'm not sure about her". Well, actually, it's going on within.

Wendy Harris: I would say I've been in similar situations and know that I'm not perhaps everyone's cup of tea, and I get that.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: But, that's okay.

Wendy Harris: That's fine, because I can't please everybody. And anybody that tries is, you know, going to find it hard work. But then equally, that wouldn't be the right person for me to work with either?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Correct. In lockdown, I've fallen in love with that aspect of it.

Wendy Harris: Yes.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: I've really got to be best friends with that element and really got to appreciate -- because I was finding so many different ways to describe what I did and I was like, "What if they don't know what that means? What if that puts people off?"

I was just like, "Do you know what, I don't care; this is it; the coach to your higher self. If you've never heard of what the higher self is --"

Wendy Harris: Google it.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: "-- go and find out, or ask me because you're intrigued. Don't just say, 'What the [beep] that? What's that rubbish?'". Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it rubbish, doesn't make it anything else, or any less of a thing. So, I've just decided that's okay. That's okay, my people will come.

Wendy Harris: I think you're right that we are born into a family, so we don't choose them, but we can certainly control who we surround ourselves with. And, I do think there is a lot to be said with the people that you do allow into your inner circle as well?

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Absolutely. And a lot of people, through fear of loneliness, which is another topic that I've touched on today, through loneliness will accommodate and allow everything and anything, just so that they're not alone.

Wendy Harris: Yes, and that's where bad behaviour creeps in.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Yes, that's when you get your wrong clients; that's when you get your wrong colleagues; everything, because you are compromising your core values, the very essence of you, which you haven't actually got to find out yet. So, people should start with that first as well; find out who the bloody hell you are; who are you, really? Find out what your core values are and you'll have a starting point.

Wendy Harris: This all comes out in conversation, doesn't it? And, it's about being able to sit and take notice of the things that you're saying, maybe for the first time, or maybe you've said them a lot, but you're not really taking notice of what it is that you're saying that you ought to be doing. I've been guilty of that. Certainly in the last few years, I have made sure I am only doing the things that bring me joy.

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: That's it. And it's unfortunately, I mean, maybe it could come to us when we are younger, but I didn't have anybody in my circle that could show me the way. I wish I had known about it more in my twenties and given less of an F. Why is it that I have to get older and grey round the edges before I start getting like it, you know?

Youth is wasted on the young. Why am I saying that? I never thought I'd say that, but it so is. Why am I finding this out at the age of 48?

Wendy Harris: We're now speaking like our mum and dad!

Buckso Dhillon-Wooley: Oh, for God's sake, you know! Why...

Twitter Mentions

@bucksodw

007 How many sliding doors are there in life? Making conversations about self belief count!

Making Conversations Count: Honest, relatable conversations with business leaders

Twitter Mentions