Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
242 episodes - English - Latest episode: 12 days ago - ★★★★★ - 122 ratingsWhen pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.
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Episodes
Episode 41: Johnny's Mom
June 24, 2020 21:49 - 58 minutes - 53.3 MBOn the night 7 year old Johnny was diagnosed with a brain tumor, his mom asked him if he was scared. He said that he was and went on to say that he was afraid that he would die. Johnny's mom tearfully held him close and told him that God desires to take the little and make it amazing. She then proceeded to open her Bible and tell Johnny the story of Gideon. After hearing that story, Johnny decided that whatever was happening with him and his life, he wanted to use it to 'make God famous.' ...
Episode 40: Dobbs and Reed's Mom
June 18, 2020 12:35 - 57 minutes - 52.9 MBSometimes I end an interview just feeling better - better about myself, better about God and better about life in general. Today is one of those days and one of those interviews. The first thing a noticed when I started talking to Hadley, the mother of Dobbs and Reed, via Zoom, was a wooden sign sitting on a table behind her. I could not read the entire sign, but knew in a moment that in it were the words to Psalm 46:10: Be Still and Know that I am God. She shared with me that those words ca...
Episode 39: Emily's Mom
June 11, 2020 12:52 - 55 minutes - 51.1 MBWinter Burgundy bushes Forest green pines Pale blue spruce white, white snow shadows bruised from winters tussles Oak leaves, stubbornly refusing to let go; Clinging like a shriveled cluster of dried raisins Green, green moss on textured trees Branches reaching up and out, each finger clearly seen Under all of this you lie Quiet now in true repose I cannot bear to think of you here…gone by now, flesh to dust Oh. So, I think of your dress Sky blue periw...
Episode 38: Haddie's Mom
June 04, 2020 15:54 - 54 minutes - 49.6 MBHaddie was a happy, bright-eyed, inquisitive baby. Her smile would light up a room. She was more quiet than her older sister, described by her mom as reserved and laid back. Even at a young age, she seemed to value relationships and enjoy one-on-one time instead of group situations. Her parents were completely devastated when they lost her at almost 10 months of age. Haddie died from an unsafe sleep situation at her daycare, so much older than the age when most people stop worrying about saf...
Episode 37: What is Lament?
May 28, 2020 14:17 - 42 minutes - 39.3 MBWhat is lament and what does it mean to experience lament? After Andy died, I would find myself on the floor in his room sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes, I was almost afraid that I might not ever be able to stop crying. I feared that I would just stay in that room on the floor and not be able to get up again. It was scary - scary to me and I'm quite sure scary to others as well. I had just called it 'the bad cry' or 'the ugly cry' and would hope that it wouldn't happen again. It was du...
Episode 36: Willow's Mom
May 21, 2020 12:00 - 58 minutes - 53.9 MBToday, I have the honor to introduce my listeners to my good friend, Willow's mom. I know her as Megan, but she shared that to so many people from 2012-2018, Megan was simply known as Willow's mom. She spent her life caring for her daughter, and that was really a major part of her identity. Although Willow was non-verbal, Megan says she could speak volumes with her eyes. She had a great sense of humor and a strength that blew people away. Willow's twin sister, Rowan, always seemed to be able...
Episode 35: Anna's Mom
May 14, 2020 15:45 - 59 minutes - 54.7 MBRecently, I feel like my grief journey has been harder rather than easier. It is difficult to know why that is the case. Is it because it has now been almost two years since Andy died? Others have warned me of that difficult milestone. Is it due to that fact that spring has arrived with its promise of trees, flowers and new life while my heart is still feeling such sadness and death? Is it the social distancing/quarantine that has now gone on for two months keeping us all isolated in our hom...
Episode 34: Dalton's Mom
May 07, 2020 12:37 - 58 minutes - 53.6 MBToday, I have the privilege to talk with Roni Lambrecht, the delightful, award-winning author of the book, Parenting at Your Best Without Regrets. She lost her only child, 15 year old Dalton, in an ATV accident 6 years ago. She talks about Dalton, the amazing relationship the two of them had, and what life has been like for her and her husband after Dalton's death. In the months and years after the accident, Roni began to have a significant Facebook following. She found herself answering ...
Episode 33: Aria's Mom
April 30, 2020 14:45 - 58 minutes - 53.1 MBUpon opening Aria's mom's website, meganhillukka.com, the very first words read, 'One day, I was the mother of 3 children, then in one moment I wasn't.' Aria was 15 months old when her mother, Megan, walked into her bedroom one morning to find that she had inexplicably passed away in her sleep. Those opening words caught me the second I read them. I, too, knew that moment, the moment that changed everything forever, the moment where life as we knew it before, ended. That moment began a ver...
Episode 32: Leart's Mom
April 23, 2020 12:00 - 58 minutes - 53.1 MBOn today's episode, I have the privilege to talk with Rezarta, Leart's mom. Leart died just this past November on the 21st from complications following a kidney transplant. He was born with Schimke Immune-Osseous Dysplasia which is a type of dwarfism that also includes immune deficiency and kidney disease. Leart was almost 8 years old when he died, but certainly seemed wise beyond his years. You will hear that he was certainly an amazing kid. (Click this Link to Leart sing a his kidney song ...
Episode 31: Ryan's Mom and Dad
April 16, 2020 15:37 - 53 minutes - 48.9 MBRyan was almost 7 years old and on a typical father/son bike ride with his dad, Andy, when he was hit by a truck and killed while crossing the street during a green walk signal. Andy, a firefighter, desperately tried to save his son as his coworkers raced to the scene. They were unable to save Ryan that evening 10 months ago. Ryan's parents, Stacie and Andy talk with me today about that night and the days and weeks that follow. They talk about the community rallying around them and the way...
Episode 30: Tatum's Mom
April 01, 2020 20:27 - 53 minutes - 48.6 MBTatum was 13 months old when he died early Christmas morning just over three months ago. Much of Tatum's short life was spent in the hospital due to complications of biliary atresia, a rare congenital disorder of the liver and biliary system that leads to liver failure. At 6 months of age, it was determined that Tatum would need a liver transplant to survive. The last few months of Tatum's life were spent awaiting a liver transplant that would never occur. Liz talks about their family's lo...
Episode 29: Grieving in a Pandemic
March 26, 2020 15:52 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBAfter a week off due to the COVID pandemic and the stresses surrounding it, I decided to restart the podcast. I tried stuffing my grief down deep into myself, feeling like it was not important enough to give any attention to during these trying times, but that is not a successful approach. Grief does not go away when you ignore it; in fact, for me, it builds up and makes me feel even worse. I imagine that it feels that way to others as well. Given that fact, I felt that the first episode b...
Episode 28: Max's Mom
March 11, 2020 17:31 - 57 minutes - 52.2 MBToday on Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Shan, whose first-born son, Max, died at 15 months of age from Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy. Max was a healthy, growing boy until having his first seizure at 8 months of age. Over the next few months, they adjusted medications and appeared to have his seizures under good control. Then, suddenly, Max did not wake up from his nap one day. Shan and her husband were devastated. Their perfect, newly formed little family was destroyed. Shan's story...
Episode 27: Andy's Director/Charlie's Brother
March 05, 2020 14:08 - 1 hour - 55.9 MBMusic. It carries such emotion for me and so many others. I remember thinking even at a young age that Andy 'felt' music. When all three kids would be practicing the piano, I could always tell when it was Andy's turn. He certainly wasn't the best at playing all of the correct notes, but when he played, it truly sounded like 'music' and not just notes on the piano. Once, while at a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert when Andy was 5 years old, I turned to Andy and found him weeping. When I asked...
Episode 26: Eddie's Mum
February 27, 2020 03:33 - 49 minutes - 45 MBIn today's episode of Always Andy's Mom, we go international for the first time. My guest is Eddie's mum, Jennifer from the UK. Jennifer reached out to me over Twitter last month. It is her goal, as well as mine, to help change society by removing the stigma of talking about child and infant death. We, as grievers, need support from everyone around us and only by spreading the message far and wide can we hope to achieve this goal. Imagine for just a second being new, first-time parents of ...
Episode 25: Anne Cathryn's Mom
February 20, 2020 05:47 - 1 hour - 60 MBEpisode 25. It is sort of hard to believe that I have met this milestone. Overall, I know that I just started publishing episodes 5 short months ago, but what has been accomplished actually blows me away. I now have listeners and guests from across the country and even in other parts of the world. Even more important, is the impact of the show on the lives of grieving parents. Every week, people share with me how the show has helped them. People post on the andysmom.com website, write an iTu...
Episode 24: Tommy's Mom
February 13, 2020 02:34 - 57 minutes - 53 MBTommy was a joyful 2 year old with a contagious belly laugh. He always raced around the house and neighborhood chasing after his two older brothers (ages 4 and 5) trying to keep up. His mom, Meredith, shared in today's episode what their family of six was like leading up to Tommy's death. They were in what she describes as 'a beautiful season in life.' They had completed their family and had just decided to dedicate their life to missions and Bible translation. After a mild fall about 3 we...
Episode 23: Connor's Mom
February 06, 2020 14:03 - 59 minutes - 54.6 MBToday's episode of Always Andy's Mom is, for me, one of the most emotional episodes I have had to date. Connor's mom, Nan, describes him in a way that reminds me of Andy. He was the middle child of three, all born two years apart with extremely close relationships with his siblings. The bond between Connor and his mother was also very similar to my relationship with Andy. My husband and I always laughed that Andy was 'my' kid in a way that the others were not. I understood Andy, his emotiona...
Episode 22: Alec's Mom
January 30, 2020 15:10 - 57 minutes - 52.5 MBToday, I talk with Tara, Alec's mom, whose story is actually more similar to mine when compared to any of my guests so far. Alec, like Andy, was an energetic, emotional, full-of-life middle school boy who died as an 8th grader (although Andy was only 5 days from 9th grade). Alec was an extremely athletic kid who thoroughly enjoyed his one mile walk to the middle school each day. Never in a million years, did his mother think that one day while on this morning walk, Alec would be hit and kill...
Episode 21: Dustan's Dad
January 23, 2020 14:21 - 1 hour - 58.4 MBToday on Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I have the pleasure to speak with Dustan's Dad, Jason Colyer. Dustan was a very special young man who accomplished much during his short life of 23 years. He and a few of his high school friends started an organization called DC Strong, a charitable organization that works to help kids who are battling childhood cancer. They provide care packages for pediatric cancer patients that 'fit their unique personalities.' Dustan's dream was that this would...
Episode 20: You're NOT going crazy!
January 16, 2020 14:02 - 54 minutes - 49.8 MB'I think I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. I am definitely going crazy!' These are the thoughts that would go through my head starting several weeks after Andy's death and peaking about 6 months afterward. Now, thankfully, these weren't actual voices that I was hearing, but that voice in my head, the one that used to motivate me to try something hard, was now always negative. I think that I used to start almost every conversation with my therapist along these lines. "I am going crazy." ...
Episode 19: Caleb's Mom
January 09, 2020 16:00 - 1 hour - 58.1 MBToday, as I publish this episode, Crissy's beloved son, Caleb, has been gone for 150 days, having died by suicide last year on August 12th. Undoubtedly, these has been the longest, worst days of Crissy's life, of her whole family's life. I didn't even know whether to ask her to share when her grief was still fresh and raw, but she really wanted to tell her story for two reasons. First of all, she wanted to share when she was still early because most people on my show and in books, etc, are m...
Episode 18: Andy's Dad - A New Year
January 02, 2020 16:33 - 59 minutes - 54.1 MB'Happy New Year' is a phrase that has been said a lot over the past day and a half all over the world. I used to throw that phrase around, too, along with 'Happy Holidays' and 'Merry Christmas.' Nowadays, I don't say those phrases nearly as often. In fact, I think that only time I wished anyone a happy new year was when I said it almost in jest to Eric when recording this podcast. I am so thankful for this holiday season to be over and for it to be January 2nd. I am so relieved to have peopl...
Episode 17: Messages of Hope
December 19, 2019 14:08 - 1 hour - 56 MBTo be honest, last Tuesday when I was scheduled to meet with other grieving mothers to record this episode, I was not feeling very hopeful at all. As I share in the episode, the days prior to this had been filled with many tears. Although I had tried to do my best to prepare for the holiday season, I felt like I was failing. I had been doing my best to follow Gwen's recommendations that she discussed in our Surviving the Holidays episode. It didn't seem like enough. My whole family sat dow...
Episode 16: Grief Reiki
December 12, 2019 15:49 - 1 hour - 55.6 MBUntil a few weeks ago, I had never heard of the term, reiki. I noticed that I was being followed by a woman on Twitter, @GriefReiki. I began following her back and noticed that she and I would often post things that were very similar. She would retweet something and I would as well. As this continued to occur, I thought that maybe I should look into her a bit more and try to find out what 'reiki' is. First of all, I looked up the definition of Reiki online and found the following: 'a heali...
Episode 15: Alexander's Mom
December 05, 2019 15:15 - 1 hour - 70.7 MBOn today's episode of Losing a Chid: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Alexander's Mom, Nancy. She is one amazing lady with an amazing sense of humor. I have to apologize right away for the length of the episode. I usually try to keep episodes just under an hour, but this one goes fifteen minutes past my normal limit! As much as I tried to edit it down further, I just couldn't do it. Believe it of not, I already took off 20 minutes of awesome conversation, hoping that Nancy will forgive me. B...
Episode 14: Derek's Mom
November 28, 2019 12:49 - 1 hour - 60.1 MBToday is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States, a day in which we are supposed to feel grateful and thankful for all that we have. For a grieving parent, feeling thankful seems like a foreign concept, a distant memory. After Andy's death, those grateful feelings are slower to come. They can still be there, but they are buried under the heaviness of grief. Although everyone thinks about being thankful on Thanksgiving, there is another half to this word. The giving half is often overlooke...
Episode 13: Camilo's Dad
November 21, 2019 15:10 - 1 hour - 55.7 MBOn today's episode of Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk to Camilo's dad, Doug Van Doren. Since recording the first episode with my husband Eric, I have only spoken with women, so it was nice to get another dad's perspective. We discuss the societal differences in how men and women are expected to grieve. Although all parents experience feelings of helplessness after the death of their child, Doug thinks that these feelings are especially difficult for a man. Men are expected to be 'd...
Episode 12: Gwen - Surviving the Holidays
November 14, 2019 15:45 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBOn today's episode, Gwen and I discuss the struggles of getting through the holidays with a heart that is grieving and broken. Grieving is hard work with days that are good and other days that are terrible. Triggers come. Sometimes the triggers are out of the blue and sometimes they are expected. Family gatherings and holiday traditions are so difficult after the death of a loved one in your family. I know that last year after Andy died, I felt completely lost. I really had no idea what to...
Episode 12: Surviving the Holidays
November 14, 2019 15:45 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBOn today's episode, Gwen and I discuss the struggles of getting through the holidays with a heart that is grieving and broken. Grieving is hard work with days that are good and other days that are terrible. Triggers come. Sometimes the triggers are out of the blue and sometimes they are expected. Family gatherings and holiday traditions are so difficult after the death of a loved one in your family. I know that last year after Andy died, I felt completely lost. I really had no idea what to...
Episode 11: Nathan's Mom
November 07, 2019 14:27 - 55 minutes - 50.7 MBOn today's episode, I talk with Michele Shedd, Nathan's mom. Michele knew from her 20 week ultrasound that her infant son had a condition that would not allow him to live more than a few hours at most. Despite this fact, she and her husband made the difficult decision to continue on with the pregnancy even though there was an increased risk to her health. She said that she felt her mothering instinct kick in, and she was determined to protect little Nathan for as long as she could. A secon...
Episode 10: James' Mom
October 31, 2019 13:58 - 51 minutes - 47.1 MBOn this the last day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, I have a guest who understands this loss in ways that most people never will. Jessica Tosh lost her infant son, James, after just 2 months of life. Young James was never able to leave the hospital, but Jessica has been working to use her tremendous love for James in ways that spread that love to others. At Jessica's 20 week ultrasound, she and her husband learned that one of James' legs was far larger than the other. The do...
Episode 9: Brooke's Mom
October 24, 2019 12:19 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBOn this episode of Losing A Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Brooke's mom, Judy Breen. Unlike most of my previous guests, Judy's daughter, Brooke, died as an adult in her 30's. She was married with three children of her own. I admit that initially I felt jealous of Judy and other parents who lost their children when they were grown and out of the house, but I now realize that this comes with its own set of problems that I will never face. Although I will never have Andy's children to ...
Episode 8: Eric's Mom
October 17, 2019 14:52 - 58 minutes - 80.6 MBKim Harm's 19 year old son, Eric, looked like he had everything going for him. He was a smart, talented jazz pianist who had just finished his first semester at Columbia University. He had been elected to the student council, was getting excellent grades and had a girlfriend he adored. Two weeks into the second semester, his girlfriend broke up with him, and 45 minutes later, he died by suicide. Kim and her family, as well as so many friends, were devastated. For Kim, this was the third s...
Episode 7: Jenny and Angie's Sister
October 10, 2019 12:29 - 1 hour - 94.4 MBOn today's episode, I speak with my dear friend, Michele Thorson. Michele and I became friends shortly after I moved to Grand Rapids, 15 years ago. Michele's mother had recently died and my mother had died about 10 years prior to that so I was able to offer some comfort to her in her grief, and she was able to offer friendship in a place where I knew no one. Fairly quickly into our friendship, we learned that we had even more in common than we initially knew. Cancer was unfortunately a big...
Episode 6: Jack's Mom
October 03, 2019 15:56 - 54 minutes - 50.2 MBIn today's episode, I speak with Jack's mom, Anna Whiston-Donaldson. Jack died in 2011 at the age of 12 in a freak flash flood while playing at a neighbor's house. Anna had (and still has) a very popular blog post at the time entitled An Inch of Gray. After Jack's death, the family's whole world was turned up-side-down. As we all know, each family member had to find different ways to try to cope with their grief. For Anna, this meant continuing to write her blog. She said that 'her readers k...
Episode 5: Gwen - The Early Days
September 27, 2019 01:31 - 1 hour - 55.1 MBToday's episode is the first of several where Gwen and I discuss specific topics related to grief. We decided to start at the beginning, those horrible first few days after the death of a child or another loved one. Originally, I planned for this to be Episode 7 of Always Andy's Mom. As I began to listen to it again, I knew that it could not wait. This is such an important topic, and so many people can benefit from hearing Gwen's insights. Experiencing the death of a close loved one and h...
Episode 4: Seth's Mom
September 22, 2019 01:29 - 59 minutes - 54.4 MBIn this Episode of Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Jolynn Van Wienen and hear the story of her son, Seth. Seth was killed in 2007 when he was 10 years old. He was struck by a car while he was running across the street following a soccer game. Jolynn's journey through her grief has been long and hard, but she again is able to feel true joy in her life. For Jolynn, it is her strong faith in God that has been able to get her through each day. She talks about the day of Seth's death being the d...
Episode 3 - Keyan's Mom
September 15, 2019 01:06 - 52 minutes - 47.7 MB[et_pb_section][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text] In this episode, I talk with Stephanie Hogan, whose 12 year old daughter died two years ago. Stephanie's daughter, Keyan, was born as a premature quadruplet and although her three sisters were all relatively healthy, Keyan had medical complications from birth. Keyan was unable to eat and required IV nutrition for many years, which caused additional complications and pain. Stephanie discussed Keyan's death, and how she and...
Episode 2 - Gwen Kapcia on Grief
August 29, 2019 00:13 - 46 minutes - 42.3 MBGwen Kapcia, a social worker and certified thanatologist (study of death and dying), will be a regular contributor to the Always Andy's Mom podcast. She has been working with grieving families for years and has so much to teach others. In today's episode, we start with an overview of the grieving process and the unique issues facing parents who suffer the death of their child.
Episode 1: Andy's Dad
August 28, 2019 01:50 - 1 hour - 60.2 MBIn this first episode of Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, Marcy interviews her husband Eric, and they discuss the death of their son, Andy, who died tragically in a car accident in August 2018. They discuss how they have been working to cope with their grief and help their family start the long journey back from devastating loss. They share their experiences while on this emotional rollercoaster. Eric and Marcy also offer feedback to others about what loved ones can do to support mourning ...