Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
240 episodes - English - Latest episode: 15 days ago - ★★★★★ - 122 ratingsWhen pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.
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Episodes
Episode 239: Randy's Dad
April 11, 2024 12:35 - 1 hour - 49.6 MBWhat is a miracle? Many people have told today's guest, Freddie, that his son, Randy, was a living miracle. Few would have argued that point. Randy was diagnosed with cancer at 4 1/2 years of age. After conventional chemotherapy and radiation failed to treat his tumor, the family was told that Randy had 6 months to live. They turned to NIH studies, but none of those treatments ever made it out of the stage of clinical trials. His grandfather prayed over him and even instructed Freddie to r...
Episode 238: Blake S's Mom
April 04, 2024 12:38 - 1 hour - 41 MBWhen Sandy first contacted me after her son, Blake's death, I never imagined that less than 2 years later she would be sharing his story on the podcast. When Sandy wrote to me, it was only 6 weeks since Blake had died. The pain was palpable throughout her email. Her very last sentence to me read, 'This is the MOST excruciating pain ever!!' She was filled with anger toward the doctors who failed to diagnose Blake quickly enough and see just how sick he was. Sandy says that she was in a very...
Episode 237: Corban's Mom
March 28, 2024 12:46 - 1 hour - 45.2 MBLast July 4th weekend, I had the honor of going to a very sacred space with two bereaved moms, Dixie, and today's guest and dear friend, Michelle. We retraced the steps that Michele and her family took on that fateful day on July 4th, 2020 when Michelle lost her amazing 19-year-old son, Corban, who drowned in Lake Michigan. From the first steps walking along that trail, I knew that we were doing something very special. I could feel Corban, Parker, and Andy. I could feel God walking along bes...
Episode 236: Grief & Feeling Out of Control
March 21, 2024 12:38 - 1 hour - 56.7 MBRecently, Gwen and I have been starting to struggle to find new topics to discuss on our Livestream episodes. Eric suggested doing an episode about how bereaved people can feel like life is out of control, especially early in grief. After Andy died, I felt like our whole world was spinning out of control. Life was suddenly going really fast and I just wanted things to slow down. The world was no longer a safe place for my family, and everything suddenly felt so scary. As the podcast episod...
Episode 235: Jake's Mom
March 14, 2024 13:18 - 1 hour - 61.3 MBWe as grieving people often feel as if we are being judged by others. If I laugh or smile, will people think I am 'over' Andy's death? Will they think I don't care or think about him anymore? If people see me sad and crying, will they think that I should be doing better? Will they judge me and think that I should be able to keep my emotions in check? However, as much as we fear judgment from other people often we are the ones who are our biggest critics. We feel guilty if we laugh and smil...
Episode 234: Chad's Mom
March 07, 2024 14:24 - 1 hour - 68.8 MBWhen Susan's 19-year-old son, Chad, died in September 2020 during the pandemic, it was an extremely isolating time, but she and her family were also completely exposed. Chad was a healthy, young athlete who died from an extremely rare neurological disease called Weston-Hurst syndrome. This horrific disease is rapidly progressive and most often fatal as it attacks the central nervous system. Its specific cause remains unknown, but it is triggered by a viral infection. In this case, Chad contr...
Episode 233: Daniel's Mom
February 29, 2024 13:21 - 1 hour - 42.7 MBFrom the first minutes of listening to this week's podcast, you will feel an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. While in middle school, Marisol's son, Daniel, went on a church trip to Niagra Falls and fell in love. Now, you might think that he fell in love with the beautiful waterfall, but it was the people who impacted Daniel. He saw that beyond tourism, there were people who were truly in need. Daniel felt a strong desire to help. While in high school, Daniel knew he wanted to ...
Episode 232: Luella's Mom
February 22, 2024 14:08 - 57 minutes - 38.7 MBToday's guest, Carrie, and her husband Ben attended their first retreat for bereaved parents only two months after their toddler, Luella, died from bacterial pneumonia. They drove 10 hours from their home in central Illinois to Faith's Lodge in northern Wisconsin. Carrie said that it was the first time they had felt seen and held since Luella had died. The support they received was amazing and on that 10-hour drive home, Carrie and Ben decided they wanted to make their own retreats locally f...
Episode 231: Ruben's Mum
February 15, 2024 14:41 - 1 hour - 43.6 MBRituals. Different cultures have rituals for various life events. There are beautiful, lavish rituals associated with marriage and births. In Latin American culture, a girl's 15th birthday, her quinceañera, is celebrated as her social debut as a young woman. Rituals abound in many aspects of life, but some of the most powerful rituals are those surrounding death. I have heard many stories of funerals and celebrations of life after the deaths of children all over the world. Some are small a...
Episode 230: Grieving in Community
February 08, 2024 13:30 - 1 hour - 55.5 MBAs the new year began, I was asked a question. 'What is your goal for the podcast this year?' I thought for a minute and then answered, 'I want to help create more of a community of grievers.' I know that many people tune in to listen to me each week, but I want more than that. I want people to feel that they are an essential part of the Always Andy's Mom community. I want people to feel less alone in their grief. On this week's Livestream podcast, Gwen and I discuss the blessings of finding...
Episode 229: Blake's Mom
February 01, 2024 13:53 - 54 minutes - 35.4 MBGrief first entered Danielle's life when her dad was killed in a car accident when she was home from college for Easter. She had never experienced grief and said she felt paralyzed. Danielle went on and met and married her husband. When they decided to start a family, grief entered Danielle's life again when she suffered numerous miscarriages. She said it was a horrible and tumultuous time, but then Danielle and her husband had their daughter, Emily, followed 15 months later by their son, Bl...
Episode 228: Regina: A Sister's Grief
January 25, 2024 13:50 - 57 minutes - 39.9 MBAs you know, I primarily speak with bereaved parents on this podcast, but occasionally, a story touches me and I feel nudged to share it with you. This is most certainly the case with today's guest, Regina. My regular listeners will also notice that this week's podcast is titled differently than others. We do not list by name the sibling that Regina lost because Regina actually lost FOUR siblings at four different times, two as infants and two as young adults. She lived the grief and watched...
Episode 227: Chelsea's Mom
January 18, 2024 13:23 - 55 minutes - 33.4 MBWhen Melissa's youngest daughter, Chelsea, died of an accidental prescription drug overdose, Melissa was devastated. In an instant, her baby was gone and she did not know what to do with her life. She had never faced anything like this and felt overwhelmed. Then, only a week after Chelsea died, Melissa became the full-time caretaker of her younger brother in the end stages of liver failure. I wondered what was going through her family's mind when Melissa took her brother in. What came to m...
Episode 226: Kole's Mom
January 11, 2024 14:44 - 58 minutes - 42.2 MBAs parents, it is natural to want to know what our kids are experiencing. That is probably why at the beginning of every new school year, schools will have an open house where the parents can go to their child's classrooms, meet the teachers, and see where their child will be spending each day. I know the open house is an event that I look forward to each year and have never missed. That is one of the many horrible things about Andy dying. I no longer 'know' where Andy is. In my heart, I k...
Episode 225: Theo's Mom
January 04, 2024 14:21 - 1 hour - 87.5 MBWhen you go to Karla's website, karlahelbert.com, you will see these words - 'We all need a little help sometimes. You are not alone.' You might look and think, "Karla, I need more than a little help. My child died. I am a mess." However, Karla understands. Karla knows the mess because she lives the mess. Karla has lived with grief every day for almost 18 years when her son, Theo, died at 9 months from a brain tumor. You may notice this interview is longer than most. I honestly think I cou...
Episode 224: Tattoos, Trips, & Toys
December 28, 2023 01:43 - 1 hour - 57 MBWhen I saw that December 28th was a podcast release day, I immediately thought of my mom and of the 'Be Still' tattoo that I got last year in honor of Andy on the anniversary of my mom's death. I knew that I wanted to do a Livestream the week between Christmas and New Year's as I usually do, but I worried about the logistics as we were going to be traveling and would be in Florida at the condo of my in-laws. This combination of circumstances got me thinking. What about doing an episode hon...
Episode 223: Manny's Mom
December 21, 2023 13:31 - 58 minutes - 53.5 MBFor those unfamiliar with the popular Christian poem, 'Footprints,' it relates the story of a person who is at the end of life. They are looking back through their entire life's journey as a walk along a beach. Most of the time, there are two sets of footprints in the sand. The first are their footprints and the second represents the footprints of God. This person notices that when they are going through their deepest struggles there is only one set of footprints. The person questions God, '...
Episode 222: Jimmy & Chrissy's Mom
December 08, 2023 02:13 - 56 minutes - 52.6 MBLegacy is defined as the long-lasting impact of particular events or actions taking place in the past or in a person’s life. I have been thinking a lot about that word recently. On December 5th, we had the first Andy Larson Memorial Concert. Our featured artist, Will Liverman, along with his accompanist, Jonathan King, gave us an amazing night that will never be forgotten. A tradition has been started that will honor not only Andy's legacy but that of so many children whose lives were cut sh...
Episode 221: Nick's Dad
December 07, 2023 13:43 - 1 hour - 58.2 MBWhen David's son, Nick, was 7 years old, he was having struggles in school causing him to have self-doubt. One night, Nick asked, "Dad, Is there something wrong with me?" Before David laid him down to sleep, David told him, "You're the best 7-year-old boy in the whole wide world, and your daddy loves you." The next morning and every morning afterward before he went to work, David would go into Nick's room and repeat this phrase. Each year the number would go up by one, but the every morning ...
Episode 220: Lydia's Mom
November 30, 2023 13:11 - 56 minutes - 52.1 MBAfter Daphne's 5-year-old daughter, Lydia, was killed in a car accident 15 years ago, Daphne struggled to find any hope. She dreaded looking at her daughter's closed bedroom door. Her therapist gave her a bit of advice that she still lives out all these years later. Daphne's therapist told her to 'sprinkle a little bit of Lydia' throughout the house so Daphne did. She put Lydia's favorite nail polish on the counter and hung Lydia's feather boa on her curtains. She worked to leave little bits...
Episode 219: Thanksgiving Grief
November 23, 2023 13:29 - 1 hour - 60.3 MB‘What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?’ This is a question that I have been asked dozens, if not a couple hundred times over the past month. They want to know if we are traveling. They want to know if we are hosting for Thanksgiving. They want to tell me their Thanksgiving plans. It is simply polite conversation during the month of November. What’s interesting for me is that no one in my life has thought to ask me, “How are you doing this Thanksgiving?” No one has asked...
Episode 218: Devin's Parents
November 16, 2023 13:21 - 1 hour - 60.5 MB'What if?' This question haunts many bereaved parents long after their child dies. My 'what if' questions tend to be: What if I hadn't let him change before we left for the game? What if I had picked up the ticket so we didn't need or stop at the office? Or even what if we picked him up from soccer practice instead of carpooling home? For others, the 'what if' questions might be: What if I had taken him to the doctor sooner? What if I had listened more? Or what if I had done this one thing...
Episode 217: Dane's Mom
November 09, 2023 14:07 - 1 hour - 53.4 MBSome of my favorite interviews are ones where the child whose story we tell reminds me of my Andy. I tend to get a little more emotional during those interviews because I am reminded of stories in my own past. I feel a special connection to these mothers as I see a little of myself in them. This is one of those special interviews, and Jackie is one of those moms who I feel like I already have a deep connection with despite having only an hour long Zoom conversation. Dane, like Andy, was a ...
Episode 216: Artin's Mom
November 02, 2023 11:41 - 1 hour - 55.2 MBVickielly's son, Artin, lived for only 20 hours when he was born last year, but those 20 hours changed her forever. The compassion that she developed for others who are suffering reached new levels. From Vickielly's 20 week ultrasound, she and her husband knew that Artin would not be a 'normal' baby. With hypoplastic left heart syndrome, they expected a long NICU stay and multiple surgeries. Unfortunately, complications developed during birth and Artin suffered severe brain damage. Their lon...
Episode 215: TT's Mom
October 26, 2023 13:48 - 1 hour - 52.1 MBIf you watch the video of this week's podcast on YouTube or watch clips on the AlwaysAndysMom Instagram account this week, you will see a beautiful picture of Andrea's daughter, Taylor (also known as TT) sitting right behind her. On the picture, are these amazing words, 'You will never be forgotten. I promise.' That is our goal as bereaved parents, isn't it? We want to make sure that however short or long our child's time was on this earth, we want it to have mattered. We want them remembere...
Episode 214: Ethan's Mom
October 19, 2023 12:41 - 58 minutes - 47.7 MBTiming. It is said that timing is everything. Although timing may not be everything, it does make a great impact on so much in life The other day, I lost a precious earring that my husband had given to me as a gift. We looked and looked for the earring thinking it was gone forever, but timing (with perhaps a little help from heaven) saved my earring. At the moment that it fell out of my ear, I had a grocery bag over my right shoulder even though I normally carry bags on my left. That earring...
Episode 213: Eric C's Mom
October 12, 2023 11:48 - 54 minutes - 42.8 MBWhen faced with a storm, cows and buffaloes react in quite different ways. As the storm approaches, cows gather and attempt to run away from the storm. By doing this, the cow actually ends up running with the storm, thus spending more time and misery in the storm itself. A buffalo, on the other hand, waits for the crest of the storm to arrive and then runs straight into it. Although the buffalo may actually feel the intensity of the storm more acutely, it will actually spend less time in the...
Episode 212: Vulnerability and Grief
October 05, 2023 13:25 - 1 hour - 60.4 MBVulnerability is defined by dictionary.com as 'willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known; willingness to risk being emotionally hurt'. It is a wonder that anyone would ever allow themselves to be vulnerable. If you are a grieving person who is already in seemingly unbearable pain, why would you ever even want to put yourself in a position where you put yourself at risk for being emotionally hurt? If we believe that definition, we would likely all build a bi...
Episode 211: Austin & Kurt's Mom
September 28, 2023 12:10 - 1 hour - 57.4 MBNo one wants to be a drug addict. No one would choose that for themselves. It is a really hard life. Each day is spent worrying about how you can get more drugs or get the money to get more drugs. After the addiction takes hold, it no longer feels like a choice to take the drug. It is a need. The most tragic piece is that as the addiction takes hold, the risk of death by overdose increases as well. Today's guest, Christine, has a tragic story of two sons, Kurt and Austin. Kurt began using ...
Episode 210: Alonna's Mom
September 21, 2023 12:11 - 55 minutes - 47.1 MBFor the first three months after Angela lost her daughter, Alonna, Angela said that she was in a fog and did not move. Alonna was shot and killed just as she was being dropped off to attend a bonfire at a friend's house. Unbeknownst to her, Alonna was arriving just as an altercation was beginning in the front yard. Angela's amazing, talented, and beloved daughter was gone, and Angela didn't know how to continue living herself. Months passed without Angela even being able to stay in her...
Episode 209: Shrinidhi's Mom
September 14, 2023 12:00 - 57 minutes - 44.8 MBSilence is deafening. Freedom is imprisonment. These are the first words that today's guest, Suma, wrote in her journal after her 18-year-old daughter, Shrinidhi died. Although Shrinidhi was never able to walk, talk or even use her hands, the family's home was always bustling with noise and happiness. After Shrinidhi unexpectedly died in her sleep, the silence was indeed, deafening. Since Shrinidhi's diagnosis of Rett syndrome at the age of 2, Suma's life revolved around helping her daught...
Episode 208: Vincent's Dad
September 07, 2023 11:59 - 1 hour - 49.4 MBWhen I see a cardinal flying around me, I believe it is a little 'sign' of Andy. I have many stories of cardinals, including two recent ones that came just when I needed them. Friends of mine who are bereaved parents have similar stories of things that remind them of their children. Seeing hearts in nature, rainbows, and the colors orange and purple are just a few of them. Now I have another thing to add to the list - pacifiers. Yes, pacifiers. I have spoken to a lot of dads over the past ...
Episode 207: Cadence's Mom
August 31, 2023 11:32 - 58 minutes - 45 MBAlly's life changed in the blink of an eye just 6 months ago when her 20-year-old daughter and best friend, Cadence, was killed in a tragic car accident. Talking with Ally last month brought me back to those early days, weeks and months after losing Andy. Outsiders may have a hard time understanding this, but after losing your child, you feel like you are living your whole life in a fog. Nothing about life makes sense anymore. Things, places and activities that brought you comfort and joy ...
Episode 206: Maksymilian's Mom
August 24, 2023 13:24 - 1 hour - 48.7 MBToday's guest, Aga, compares her life of grief to living in a deep, dark forest. She says that she longs to see light. Occasionally, bits of light do find their way down through all of the darkness, but then, in an instant, the light disappears, and she is left in the darkness again. I love this analogy so much because it emphasizes the unpredictability of having those moments of light and how brief and fleeting they can often be. Aga will be the first to say that she had a stressful l...
Episode 205: Five Years Later
August 17, 2023 13:19 - 1 hour - 56 MBFive years later. There aren't words to describe the heaviness of this day. I got an email from my father-in-law saying that he felt like their lives ended when they received the phone call that night. I couldn't agree more. The family we are now is not the one we were 5 years ago. From the outside, we may look the same. We still go up north to the cottage, go tubing in the boat, and eat Grandpa's famous ribs, but we aren't the same. There is a hole there that people don't want to acknowledg...
Episode 204:Ashley's Mom
August 10, 2023 10:48 - 1 hour - 51.6 MBEvery week before I release a new podcast episode, I listen to the full episode one last time in order to get one or two take-home points that I can write about to accompany the podcast release. I know that some people will never listen to the episode and only read these paragraphs either through Facebook, Instagram, or my email list. I have been told that sometimes listening is just too painful and reading the little introduction is all that people can handle. Today, I have a problem. I w...
Episode 203: Corban's Dad
August 03, 2023 13:13 - 55 minutes - 50 MB"I'm gonna leave." This is such an innocent phrase. It is something that Chester's son, Corban, likely said to his parents hundreds of times over his 21 years of life. It meant that he was going somewhere - to school, to the movies, maybe just out with friends. He was going somewhere specific. That is why it was so healing for Chester when he learned that these were the last words that Corban said to the first responders seconds before he died. Corban had been in a car accident and had bee...
Episode 202: Delia Grace's Mom
July 27, 2023 13:10 - 1 hour - 52.7 MBWhen someone asked Elizabeth what her grief felt like in the months after her 9-week-old baby, Delia Grace died, she described it as if her body was on fire, but that the fire was invisible to others. She says that she tried to continue functioning, but that it was impossible to do the 'normal things of life' when you felt like you were on fire. You can't think. You can't focus. You can't understand what others are saying to you. It's just too painful to function. Since Delia Grace died 7 ...
Episode 201: Aaron's Mom
July 20, 2023 12:39 - 58 minutes - 49 MBI first met today's guest, Destia, when I was a guest speaker for Lisa Boehm's Hope and Healing Together Community last year. I learned that Destia's son had died of Moyamoya disease, and that, in her grief, Destia was trying to educate the medical community about Moyamoya in order to help save lives. Destia decided to come on the podcast to continue this process of educating people about this rare genetic disorder as well as get to talk about her amazing son. After recording, I often hear...
Episode 200: Recapping 200 Episodes: Creating a Community
July 13, 2023 12:42 - 1 hour - 64.1 MBWhen starting this podcast almost 4 years ago now, I had a goal. I wanted to create a resource for bereaved parents, a platform for parents to tell stories of their children and their personal grief journeys. I wanted it to feel safe and encouraging, offering a little bit of hope as they traversed through the dark, lonely road of grief. I realized while recording this special 200th episode that we have together created so much more than a resource. We have created a community. As Gwen read...
Episode 199: Andy's Mom
July 06, 2023 12:05 - 51 minutes - 50.3 MBAndy's Mom. These are such sweet words for me to hear. When today's guest, Mary, wrote me a few weeks ago, and she introduced herself as Andy's Mom, we had an instant connection. She was not Andrew's Mom or Drew's Mom; she was Andy's Mom, and I immediately had tears in my eyes just reading the words. I recently had a Caleb's Mom write to me to tell me how listening to another Caleb's Mom on the podcast affected her. I have had other moms say similar things. I had experienced something close ...
Episode 198: Officer Katie's Mom
June 29, 2023 13:17 - 49 minutes - 41.9 MBI love how timing so often works out perfectly. Tracy should have been on the podcast months ago, but due to computer issues, this episode comes out one week after our coping strategies one. Tracy's daughter, Katie, was a girl with a smile that would light up a room. She was an inspiration to many as an amazing friend, mother, and police officer. In fact, Tracy said that Katie was so kind that when she would make an arrest, by the time they got to the police station, the arrested person woul...
Episode 197: Unhealthy vs. Healthy Coping
June 22, 2023 15:15 - 1 hour - 65.7 MBAfter the death of a child, grieving parents continue to function. We get up out of bed (most days). We usually shower. We eat at least something. Some of us even try to work. How do we do it? We cope and each person has different coping strategies that we rely on to use during these dark times. I remember so many people saying to me after Andy died, "You are so strong. I would never be able to do what you are doing." Honestly, those comments really just made me mad. I didn't know how t...
Episode 196: Adam T's Mom
June 15, 2023 12:42 - 1 hour - 51.9 MBThis week's episode was an emotional one for me as will be quite obvious to anyone listening. As I was listening one last time before releasing it, I think I realized why this week's guest impacted me so intensely. I felt like I was talking to myself 20 years from now. There were so many similarities between our boys and our lives, but Linda is almost 26 years into her grief journey while I am just about to hit the 5-year mark. The first similarity that I noticed was that Linda's son, Adam...
Episode 195: Becca's Mom
June 08, 2023 12:11 - 56 minutes - 49.7 MBEach week, I usually find one main takeaway point from the podcast episode. After talking with Chris though, I learned two key things. As much as I tried to get it down to one point, I couldn't leave one out. They were both equally important. The first lesson Chris learned many years before she even had Becca, she was in the Pediatric ICU with one of the cardiac children that her family fostered from Korea. While there, Chris witnessed a family with a perfectly healthy child who went in fo...
Episode 194: Ryan's Parents
June 01, 2023 12:20 - 55 minutes - 47.8 MBAfter Greg and Cathy's adult son died unexpectedly by suicide, every part of their lives was impacted by the grief. Day-to-day tasks seemed almost impossible. They were now looking at the world through the lens of grief. Cathy says that some days she would drive to the grocery store only to sit in the parking lot for a few minutes, realize that it would just be too hard, and then drive back home again. Now, many people said to Cathy during these first weeks and months, "Call me if you need...
Episode 193: Patricia's Daughter - A Grieving Teen
May 25, 2023 12:16 - 50 minutes - 46.3 MBOne of the most commonly asked questions that I get from listeners is, 'How do I help my surviving children in their grief?' and even more specifically, 'How do I help my grieving teen?' When I was contacted by Olivia's dad a few weeks ago, I initially wondered if her story was one that would resonate with my listeners. As I continued reading, however, I realized how much Olivia had to offer. She is a grieving teen. She did not lose a sibling, but she lost her mom and best friend and knows g...
Episode 192: Resilience in Grief
May 18, 2023 12:39 - 1 hour - 57.5 MBResilience is a word that we don't often think about before encountering tragedy. When we see people face difficult trials and then go on to triumph, people call them resilient, but what is resilience? How would we define resilience? As I was preparing for this podcast, I thought that I should probably look up a true definition so I did just that. Merriam-Webster discusses the word resilience in this way: 'In physics, resilience is the ability of an elastic material to absorb energy (such as...
Episode 191: Baby Jessica's Mom
May 11, 2023 12:57 - 58 minutes - 53 MBSince starting the podcast, I have often discussed how the mind and body are closely intertwined and how during our grief, one affects the other. Grief doesn't just make us sad. It impacts every aspect of our lives including our bodies. Just a few weeks ago, Gwen and I did an entire episode focusing on how our bodies are affected by grief. As we were preparing for that episode, Gwen suggested talking with today's guest, Cindi, due to her expertise in the area. Unfortunately, numerous schedul...
Episode 190: Lee's Dad
May 04, 2023 12:47 - 56 minutes - 51.7 MBWhen listening to today's episode, you will likely not believe the number of times the word 'hope' is spoken. From the very first day that Jimmy's 22-year-old son, Lee, was killed in a car accident 16 years ago, Jimmy has clung to hope. Initially, that hope was given to him by another bereaved father who stayed with him in his home after Lee died. He said that although Jimmy could not feel it at that moment, the pain would not always be so intense and that his family would experience joy aga...