191: Olivia A. - first call

🔸 Shaming, anxiety and plenty of others have objections to Olivia's excitement about IFS.



🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):

Shaming (manager), and Frustrated with Shaming
Exile: "my needs, being myself, is too much for them"
Caretaker
Agenda "hurry up", change them
Shaming thinks shes 11, needs Olivia to spend more time understanding.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

My first thought is "I'm talking too much". If you compared my approach with other calls, yes it sounds like I'm off. Got my own scrambler. 

 Some guesses why (and why it might not be too much): When first-time callers have anxious parts that won't step back, and express discomfort with silence, I have a choice: bring attention to those parts, or go along with them. Even if I have all the "right" responses, we risk overwhelming anxious parts if we keep directing focus there. Whereas "going along with it" is more like "you're uncomfortable with silence? Ok, I will be too", which, framed positively, could be called "meeting parts where they are".   

I shift from "help client work with parts" to "help client's parts feel alright with working with me again".  

When she suggested going to exile, I thought "we're not in the right space" but also "why not do some fact finding?", which is why I redirected to the protector's perception of exile.   

Olivia also knows her stuff, has done some parts-work and mapping, which can also pose a challenge for me. I'm trying to assimilate her preexisting language/map; I don't have the "home field advantage", opportunity to set the table / space, and be more directive.   

What do you think?



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