311: Olivia A. revisits

🔸 LSD, "Dying is an option" & The Big Realization.

🔹 Parts:

P: Gloom. Life is worthless, no point in continuing, constantly drowning
P: Agenda part has stepped back! "Stop being so serious about IFS"
P: Don't give me false hope that healing is possible

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

One of my first impulses (left unspoken) with un-deserver was “well, step back and let us try”. And that idea came up later. So part of me is thinking “we had the target, we had the MVSE (minimum viable self energy), we should have run w it."

Another part says “Olivia is right” in both her actions and words: she keeps at it and keeps getting results at her pace. Her pace, although her parts have felt it slow and sometimes impossible, is working. If un-deserver wants to be heard, who am I to argue?

And I do genuinely appreciate those questions. Too much? Is my philosophizing part kicking out Self? Maybe. But I’d rather explore than ignore. I'm learning here. I have my own skeptical parts, and although I meet them in most callers, it's a rare opportunity: sitting with so many great critiques.

What I didn’t say towards the end (I had said enough and didn’t want to deflect the grieving) was that what we are doing is how society gets support. Olivia and I can't have learned it any earlier than we did, but we are teaching it, now, to anybody with an internet connection. And we need the grumbly teen, the idealist, etc, at the table, to reach those parts in others.

The Big Realization from first principles! I can’t speak for her un-deserver, but mine is satisfied, we earned it.

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