Failure is GOOD! And Why You Should Try to Fail

Ethan joins me today to talk about failure. Why it's tough, but why it's also part of the learning and growth process, and part of the success process!

And we discuss the WORST kind of failure.

Why mistakes hurt and continue to hurt, and why we HAVE to learn from them.

Oh, and of course Ethan compares failure and learning to personal training!

Transcription:

[00:00:02] spk_1: uh huh. Hey everyone and welcome to the Life Next Level podcast. I'm your host, jay with our co host Ethan. How are you doing today? Eat

[00:00:13] spk_0: doing good man. How are you?

[00:00:15] spk_1: Yeah, awesome man. It's time to record another podcast. Always a good day. I enjoy this. Yeah, we're gonna have a pretty big topic I think today, so we're just gonna jump right into it. We're going to talk about the misunderstanding of failure because I believe it is inherently misunderstood and I think honestly, um it's just another reason it's getting big because it's like misunderstood since birth. Um yeah, we are taught since we're like two years old to not fail and it really kind of messes with us because then we're taught as bad and then through school society education or have to fail and uh and I think that that's the wrong way to look at everything. So I'll just kind of started off by saying that, I think that failure is a complete misunderstanding and I think that is the opposite is true, that we should be trying to fail. And that failure actually brings us a step closer to success in almost everything that we do in our, in our strict avoidance of failure is is uh detrimental to our success. Um so what do you think?

[00:01:27] spk_0: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's cool to find anything that a person can discover or rediscover that there was a misunderstanding there, you know that that maybe um that something can be reinterpreted because failure is such a scary thing and can picture scenario where we've all heard of someone having a tough time dealing with some kind of failure, but failure is absolutely yeah, part of the process. And so it's exciting to think about uncovering that notion. Yeah, being able to approach it differently I think is just yeah, just exciting, you know?

[00:02:14] spk_1: Well, I think so, I'm gonna love mistakes in here too because that any mistakes, the major malfunction with mistakes is that we're all going to make them, we all regret them, but not so many of us learn from them and I think that's what makes us continue to regret them. We don't learn from them and then move on. We keep making the same mistake over and over again really, at the end of the day, the only, I read a quote somewhere and I'm totally, I don't remember who said it, I'm going to slaughter it, but it's basically saying like if you make a mistake and you don't learn from that mistake, you just made two mistakes, you know, and we all make them. It's unfortunate and we all look back on them, you know, with regret and all this stuff, but really we made him, it's in the past, learn from it and move on and don't make that mistake again. And I think failure can be lumped in that category as well, in that it is a necessary step on your way to success because it's going to happen, you're going to fail in multiple ways on your way to having a successful venture, whether you're, you're starting a business, whether you're um you know, you want to uh you're going to school for something, right, You're gonna, you're gonna fail on a quiz or an exam or something and it's a necessary step because then you learn from that failure and that that won't happen again.

[00:03:36] spk_0: Exactly. It's uh interesting thinking about just how failure, even paying attention to a different way to look at it and how the failure is the scapegoat usually, but the failure isn't the issue, it's the subsequent judgment usually that comes through and makes that failure no longer effective or something you can learn from. Uh and I think that's so important to pay attention to because usually usually rooted in a person, the judgment that comes after is wanting to not fail, wanting to ultimately succeed, but then identifying with how it happened in the past so intensely that it makes it hard to picture any different kind of functioning and so then your failures with you all the time and you just wanted to be there and then be able to learn from it and then and then know that you can make a different choice. So I think that judgment part is especially nice to pay attention to

[00:04:44] spk_1: it is because again, like going back to when you're a kid or in school or societally failure is your ultimately judged for that failure and that's part of the worst part of it is that when you consider yourself a failure because you failed, and do you think everybody is judging you for it and some are, and you know, that's just how it happens. But it's very, it's an important distinction to make between the act of failing and labeling yourself a failure because once you label yourself a failure, that's, that's way more incriminating than just saying, hey, I failed. I think that that's inherently what happens. You end up labeling yourself a failure or even you, you think outsiders label label you as a failure because you failed, but that is ultimately not what it is. And so if you can make that distinction, I think that's a big way to get over the fear of failure, because that's what happens then is you get scared to fail because of your failures and because of those labels and because of not not making that distinction and then you're scared to try anything. And ultimately that's probably the worst kind of failure is that you never try because you're scared or whatever, you're scared of a failure. So you don't try it.

[00:06:01] spk_0: Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, I always want to relate things to the personal training aspect of stuff, but you know, I've always not right there's, there's just so many times even working with the client where I can sense this sort of disappointment when a movement doesn't go, especially if it's a balanced movement, balanced movement and the person walls around a little bit, they'll a lot of time to be like, oh you know, darn it, oh gosh dang it and, and wow, of course we want to do this stuff correctly. The first of all, the point is that our body usually within a set, we'll get better at doing that movement as we're doing it. It's just so much more about, there's so many more things going on. And so I think that that paying attention to just simply what feeling being in the moment, seeing how it felt, remembering, you know, remembering there's a moment to be in and continuing to apply it that way because the growth comes from the failure. The fact that the muscle is getting stronger is only because it failed at the task you asked it to do and realized it needed to grow. If it, if it doesn't have any reason to fail, it's not gonna it's gonna be like, oh there's no reason to grow that, so it's important, it has to be there, It doesn't happen without the growth.

[00:07:32] spk_1: Yeah, so so I mean I think actually uh personal trained, well we've already talked about a little bit, but personal training is a very, very closely related to personal growth and development. So um I mean like the brain is a muscle, right? So if you, if you compare that like how many times even did you or I have to fail before we did, I don't know like I'm trying to think of a difficult exercise, but how many times did we have to fail before we actually got it right in our body did what we wanted it to do and you know many and in that that I think is a very good correlation to failing and personal growth as well because you have to fail many times. Anybody who's successful, I don't care who you asked. They failed so many times. Uh Some of them maybe they failed on a different path to success but learned from it on this path, but many of them failed on this path to success. Uh You know, if you own a multi, multi million dollar business, they probably failed many times on the way during that business. They just failed and they rerouted, they went around that boulder that dropped in because it was unknown.

[00:08:37] spk_0: Mhm failing also gives access, you kind of said it, but failing in one category of thing, whatever that might be, you'll usually always be able to take some data or notes about that scenario and apply it to completely different somebody. Yeah, completely different scenario. And so failing in one way it helps a person to be like, oh, you know, this is how I can uh helps I feel like it helps link experiences uh and and kind of show the similarities and the differences. Um and the better a person can identify that than kind of, the more that it happens to the cycle.

[00:09:23] spk_1: Yeah, absolutely. So, so let me ask you, I'm gonna put you on the spot here. So tell me about a time that you failed that you learned something from it. If you can think of something. I know we both talked about it, we both have them, but I'm actually putting myself on the spot here too because I was

[00:09:38] spk_0: totally uh there was a class that I was going to start teaching, there was a class that I knew I was going to start teaching than it was more focused on kind of cardio kickboxing. And so that was modality that I wasn't as used to doing as other ones. And so I was really kind of anxious about doing it for a little while, but just it was okay. And then I taught the class and basically just you always the class is just more awkward than I wanted it to be. Usually I wanted to be like, okay, cool, that felt good and sure this is that and this was that. But I yeah, there's a lot of times I feel like where you prepare for something and it's always like, okay, this is gonna be good, it's gonna be great, you got nothing to worry about. And then you go in there and I was kind of like, yeah, this is this is as awkward as I anticipated. Uh like that. Uh basically, you know, whatever. And so Right.

[00:10:43] spk_1: All right, everyone sorry about that. We had a false fire alarm here. I waited it out like an idiot, but now we're good. I don't know if you remember exactly what you were saying, but by the way, don't do this at home. Don't don't wait out a fire alarm. I don't do that.

[00:11:01] spk_0: It

[00:11:02] spk_1: uh So we'll let you try to pick up. I know it's going to be a little discombobulated, but what we got the gist of it. So yeah,

[00:11:10] spk_0: so long story short had a tough time

[00:11:12] spk_1: teaching a new

[00:11:13] spk_0: modality. It was more awkward than I wanted. Didn't roll off my tongue. Like I would have liked and I I was hoping that that wasn't going to go that way and and yeah, and it did. And so that's got to happen sometimes and that is something that I do offer in in the classes that I teach now. And I think it's a part of the class that the people really enjoy. And so yeah, I think the biggest thing about the misunderstanding of failure is letting it be a roadblock road bump and not a roadblock.

[00:11:45] spk_1: That's good. I was like, you miss said roadblock. No, you're right. That's that's a good way to put it. Um I think that I had one. I mean, I have a few thought about him when, when you were talking about, I think one of the big ones kind of to your point is that like, I was always a pretty damn shy person. Um Probably not as much when I met you because I had kind of gotten thrown in the wringer at my job. Like I never had any aspirations to really manage people to, I've never had any aspirations to do this, which is crazy. I was just I was I was in my comfort zone man for so long and I got kind of thrust out of it. They pulled me aside at work and they said, hey look, we want you to manage this team and it was a team and I'm not even kidding you of like two people that had managed me before, we wanted me to now manage them plus like there was so the one team was like 10 people and there was a team of like seven or eight, so it was like 18 people in all two different teams and the first time and I was like, I reluctantly did it because I was like, it's just an opportunity. I didn't have the mentality that I have now that like, yeah, I'll just do anything to grow whatever it is. I mean, I mean, I'll do it, I'll figure it out. And uh and man, I was I was so scared man, and I remember the first meeting and I had to talk and I had to run this meeting and all these people and I was like stuttering. I think my face was just like uh you know, brick wall red and it was I was sweating or not much of a sweater man. Like even when I'm working out, I don't sweat that much, but it was just like porn, I think I have to like change shirts after like uh I walked out and I'm just like, I went to my boss and I'm like, man, like, I can't, nope, like that's that's I don't think that I can literally just like, j man, you got this, it's fine, it's gonna be fine, you'll be just fine. Just go go at it again tomorrow and you'll keep getting better. And I reluctantly did. And then um uh you know, I wanted to give up, that's that's that's that's the sad part. I would never do that today, no matter how badly it went, I wouldn't give up. But I wanted to give up. He didn't let me or rather he convinced me not to. And I said, okay, I'll see how it goes tomorrow and the next day and I just got better and better and and and then, you know, uh I don't know, a year and a half a year later, they sent me to china to build a team in china and then a year after that I came back and like, what's next for you? They were they were like, see like, look, you had this inside you the whole time and now we want to give you more promotions. Like you're doing great. And then I was then they gave me like three other teams to manage like all over the U. S. It was it was awesome and it would have never happened. It would have never happened if I didn't if I didn't get over that failure, which again to be clear, I didn't want to that was ready to give up. And that is why um really the only failure is giving up. We're not trying. Those are those are the two. Another quote. I'm just full of quotes that I just never know exactly who said them or or not exactly but I will figure them out. But it's like uh most of us who quote unquote fail never know how close we truly were to success something around those because um you know if I had given up there that would have been a failure and I would never be where I am today. Ever. Not even close like I probably would have never I won't be doing that. Like it's just crazy how that little that little change in mentality that if I had given up right there, I probably won't be here today. Yeah. I mean I would be here but I won't be doing this today. I won't be on this podcast with you. I want to start a business is I want you know what I mean?

[00:15:28] spk_0: Yeah.

[00:15:29] spk_1: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway I rambled. I ran. It

[00:15:35] spk_0: was very good. Keep your composure after the fire. Alright.

[00:15:39] spk_1: I thought I was going to be totally flustered after that. It was good. I should actually look outside, make sure people are out there. Just get the fucking drugs coming. Alright, But the podcast is more important. Even

[00:15:56] spk_0: podcast or die. I

[00:15:59] spk_1: Alright, well we've talked a lot about this and I know that we've already touched on failure to in other episodes and we will continue to touch on it because it's obviously a big personal girls topic. Anything else you want to throw out there?

[00:16:14] spk_0: No, I don't I don't think so, yeah, I'm going

[00:16:18] spk_1: okay, Yeah, I'll get on my set. I I guess the only thing that I'll leave you with and I know that I said this in another episode but but is uh the crap the owner of Spanx, the starter of Spanx Spanx and I know I said this to you before, right? Um uh I'm blanking on her name right now, but I'm going to figure it out. I know I will uh sara blakely.

[00:16:43] spk_0: Okay,

[00:16:45] spk_1: so so she it's like the reverse of what we all went through when we were Children. And it's that her father, they would sit around the dinner table at night. Her father would ask the family how they all failed that day. He didn't care about the successes. He wanted to know that they failed that day and what they did and he would congratulate them on their failure and she credits that with how successful she is in life because she got rejected for her Spanx idea so many times and she just kept going at it because it's just, it's just to her, it was just a step, it didn't have this negative connotation that it does for all of us. It wasn't there, she accepted it, she accepted it and moved on and it was just a step in her mind. Um it wasn't even a thing, it was just a step In the direction of success and I think that that's truly where we should all be, but I know that she's the 1%, but it's because how her father raised her to accept failure and to try to fail because that would eventually lead to success. I would just leave people at that exotic, that's an incredible story.

[00:17:50] spk_0: Yeah, absolutely, Absoluteal gave me one thing uh what it gave me is is that that is such a cool and inspirational story because she got that mentality through training, right? Uh but the thing that's especially cool is that that's like a big burden off a big load off I feel because it simply makes the person gives, gives access to just sitting with failure, which is usually what we're always so worried about in the first place and we can just let that worry go away because if you look at it like you want to fail just to see then yeah, things a lot of doors open. So, yeah,

[00:18:34] spk_1: you're absolutely right. It's crazy because it's almost impossible for me to comprehend like what she thinks about failure because it doesn't, it's not a thing to her. Whereas everyone, both of us and everyone listening to us, like if you fail, it's a big deal in getting over. It is a big deal. Every every still when I do, it's a huge deal and getting over and getting up to try again the next day. It's hard. But to her, it's nothing, you know, just to have that mentality. I mean, you could do anything, right? Yeah. I think that's what we're kind of driving at here. Like, if you can get, if you can think about failure in a different way and get over it and get up the next day and just go again, you can do anything. We'll leave you with that. All right, Y'All signing off. I hope you have a great day. Hope you enjoyed the Life next level podcast. We'll see you next time