Episode #23: FREE Audiobook, chapter one and back cover (35minutes) ~ Daddy, Why Were You A Drug Addict?

A read-aloud of chapter one from the new book. Partial text:

My scars represent my best lessons…my stumbles hurt me, while teach me. 

Growing into the learned weathering of up’s and downs, aka residing in the middle, this my greatest challenge awhile my greatest opportunity. I try, I really try, I try to remain honest that even when low, an up period is on its way coming to me, fricking always.

With or without placement of middle, we all do it our way. No other way is available to us except our way. Our way is the correct way for us, aka there is no wrong way, aka there is no wrong way…there is no…wrong…way.

During a bumble, I try to hold on and keep from making my down any worse. During a down, using my finest emotional shovel I dig to my deepest place of best try, to start shaking the hard thing, or least avoid giving the hard thing more power over me. 

To arrive at the bottom of my best try well, if able to act, even whilst bleeding…if able to rise, even whilst broken…maybe I can begin, if willing. If willing, if willing…if I can try, if I can start, I most certainly initiate movement, and quite possibly maybe movement in the direction of betterment, aka less down. I just need to try, I just need to try and start.

This rollercoaster ride, a puzzle.

This puzzle a game, this puzzle game called life.

Rollercoasters are designed to shock and scare. 

Puzzles do not include directions, no directions exist for puzzles, just start. 

Games never include certain and definable outcomes and if so, it’s not a game.

Life comes with no owner’s manual, only to learn that life is a rollercoaster puzzle game.

Retaining the known that up periods always follow down periods, I land in a better place.

A better place where I feel safer, warmer, and grow a little stronger. 

A better place, a better place instead of remaining stuck within the turmoil. 

A better place than the tumultuous untruths of Whatever, Why bother, and Why me?  

A better place, confident and reassured I am not the only one hurting. 

A better place, confident and reassured I am not doing it wrong as once thought.

This rollercoaster puzzle life game, I am not doing it wrong.

I am not doing it wrong, there is no wrong way, there is no wrong way, there is no…wrong…way. 

There is no wrong way rather just play the game, just start, futz with the puzzle pieces until they begin to fit together, hah…then hang on, it’s gonna be a hell of a ride, sometimes shocking, sometimes scary, but remember, it was designed that way.

 ~

Querying my darling daughter Birdy’s formidable unknowing, these my bare all writings are for her, my lovely Lauren. Revealing a plethora of never before recognized truths concerning my addiction, I also dedicate this ramble to my son Travis aka Boyd awhile you my preciouses, you my beloved sisters and brothers of the world. 

Sharing these here my lived knowings, I try to help. Help locate a sunnier path, or least shake the damn shadow. Help to find, see and embrace the straight-up factual possibility…it…is…possible you can do it, you can do it, I know it, you really-really can, I fucking know it, I know it deep in my heart, you are strong-stronger than you even realize, I believe in you, I am fighting for you and I love you.