Step 6: Set Boundaries

I haven't always had boundaries. I didn't understand the concept of having boundaries until I found my first therapist over 10 years ago. Our sessions focused on me creating healthy boundaries with those I had relationships with. Before therapy, people in my life pretty much did whatever they wanted, talked however they wanted, and I just took it. 

I'm glad she taught me about boundaries because it was the beginning of truly creating a life I enjoyed living. When I started letting go of people who weren't for me and helping those who remained to understand that past behaviors I ignored or tolerated just weren't going to work anymore.

My top tip for moving towards creating boundaries would be to take time to sit and think about your interactions with those around you. Are your kids constantly interrupting you when you're in the middle of doing something important? If so, then you need to create some boundaries. Does a friend call you at all times of day and night with their emergencies? If so, you need to create some boundaries. Are you constantly changing your plans or shrinking so you won't offend, then you need to create some boundaries.

Seriously, take time to think about all the behaviors or expectations that make you feel frustrated, confused, or upset. Then take the next step of deciding how you would like for your relationships to look with these people. You may decide that some of the relationships should end because they are fruitful for either person. You may decide to keep your phone on do not disturb for certain times of the day. You also may decide to take some time to teach somehow to interact with you. For instance, if your children are constantly interrupting you could choose certain times of the day to do tasks, and you could teach your children that when you are doing x then they could do y. I work from home, and while I am working my daughters are usually doing their independent work or reading or painting or something, but whatever they're doing, they aren't constantly coming to me while I am in class. Now, I don't teach eight hours straight, but instead, I teach for an hour then if I teach another class on the same day, I have at least a 30-minute break in case my kids do need me so I have boundaries for my kids, but I also have boundaries for my work. 

Having boundaries gives me a sense of clarity for my life. It doesn't matter how others live their lives or if others understand my rigidness in some areas. What matters is that I am not constantly changing or shifting my needs for the sake of everyone else. 
So, will you work on creating boundaries so you can experience more joy in your ordinary days?

Thanks for listening to the Joy in the Ordinary podcast with Latonya.

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