5 Tips on How to Enjoy the Holidays When Nothing Is Normal

Now it is time for the holidays and maybe you just aren’t feeling it. You miss the way your holidays looked last year. I get it. There is nothing wrong about grieving what you don’t have this year. Don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. That will not make your situation any better. Let […]

The post 5 Tips on How to Enjoy the Holidays When Nothing Is Normal appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Now it is time for the holidays and maybe you just aren’t feeling it. You miss the way your holidays looked last year. I get it. There is nothing wrong about grieving what you don’t have this year. Don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. That will not make your situation any better. Let yourself have your grief. Let yourself feel whatever you feel without judgment.

Now let’s talk about what you can do about it…

I was recently honored to be featured in an article in Cosmopolitan and Yahoo about how to take care of your mental health when you are missing everything normal this holiday season- so I thought that is definitely something we should talk about on the podcast.

In This Podcast

The 5 Tips to Enjoy the Holidays When Nothing Is NormalReframe how you think about the holidays this yearFind new ways to connectConnect with natureLet go of perfectionGive gifts from the heartBonus tips

Reframe how you think about the holidays this year

Start with your values. Decide what you want to remember about your holiday season this year. Who do you want to be for those you love? What is most important to you? Let these questions guide you like a compass and lead you to what you think about and what you take action on.

Find new ways to connect

We can think in all or nothing terms and say that if we cannot connect in our usual ways, then we will just not connect at all. This type of thinking is not helpful to our overall mental health and wellbeing. Instead, get creative once again, start with your values, then think outside of the box.

What ways can you connect that you have not thought of before now? Are there ways to be outside and distance from those you love? Can you bring your own food? Travel by car, eat together, staying six feet apart outside? If you want to badly enough, you can find a way.

Connect with nature

Nature has a way of helping us see the beauty in the world when we are under stress. When we are outside, it is easier to focus on something larger than ourselves and get out of our heads and into our bodies.

If you can take a walk in grass barefoot or on the beach barefoot, that is a great way to connect with nature. It’s possible for everyone right now. You will fear feel a deeper connection with something greater than yourself. Even if you can’t make it to a park or to a beach, walk around your neighborhood and try to notice details you have not taken the time to see before. Take in your surroundings, get out of your head and into your body.

Let go of perfection

Oftentimes we have unrealistic pictures in our heads of the perfect family, but no family is perfect. No family looks like a painting. No holiday is perfect.

Don’t try to make this year’s holiday perfect. Work on flexibility and expectations. Focus only on the most important aspects of the holiday for you and let go of the details. You may find that when you let go of expectations of certain results that you wind up having the best holiday season you have ever had.

Give gifts from the heart

With many of us might be struggling with finances this year due to COVID, there is no need to make a situation worse by going into more credit card debt or trying to outdo yourself with gifts for everyone. Those you love and who love you would not want you to do that.

Instead, spend some time thinking about those you love individually. What does they like to do? What is important to them? How do they show their love? Let the answers to these questions point you to something you can do for them, rather than something you can buy.

Think about when you’ve received handmade gifts. How did these gifts affect you and how you feel? Gifts of our own time, thoughts, love are so much more special than gifts of money.

Yep. Just because I’m a counselor does not mean that every relationship in my life is smooth sailing all of the time. So my daughter included many captions on a mock cover of Vogue with my picture on it, including mother of the year. I cannot express how my heart’s swelled when I received this gift. I almost tear up just thinking about it.

Bonus tips

#6 – don’t forget self-care. Let yourself feel how you feel so you can figure out what you need to feel better.#7 – complete a project so you feel a great sense of accomplishment. #8 – think outside of the box and start a new tradition. That’s going to create great memories of 2020. 

Blueprint to Thrive Quickstart

The holiday season is the perfect time for you to assess exactly where you are in your life- where you are very satisfied and where you might not be. I’m talking about your 8 domains. Being satisfied and fulfilled in your 8 domains, is the key to a happy life. The first step is always assessment. We must first know- actually be aware of- where we are not fully satisfied before we can begin to take action and become more satisfied. Click here to grab your Blueprint to Thrive Quickstart here -for free, I might add.

Useful links:

The Little School of Big Change with Dr. Amy Johnson | IT 048Imperfect Thriving Facebook GroupImperfect Thriving on InstagramImperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I’m Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I’m enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the “shoulds” like “women should always care for others” and “taking time for yourself is just selfish”.

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

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Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Nothing is, or has been normal in 2020. And there’s no denying that. Right. Well, before we jump in to today’s episode, I really want to thank you for listening, whether you’re brand new to the show or have been with me since the beginning. Thank you very much. I cannot believe we are almost 50 episodes. 

It means a great deal to me that you’re here with me and I would love it if you would reach out on Instagram @imperfectthriving and direct message me, let me know who you are, where you’re from, what you have going on in life, and what topics you would like to hear more about. So go ahead and hit me up on Instagram. 

I was recently honored to be featured in an article in Cosmopolitan and Yahoo about how to take care of your mental health when you’re missing everything normal this holiday season.

So I thought that is definitely something that we should dive into on the podcast. On today’s episode, I will share five tips on how to enjoy your holidays when nothing is normal. But wait, there’s more. Stick around for the end, because I actually have three additional tips that I will share with you.

But first, this holiday season is the perfect time for you to assess exactly where you are in life, where you are very satisfied and where you might not be. I’m talking about your eight domains. Being satisfied and fulfilled in your eight domains is the key to a happy life. The first step of which is always assessment.

We must first know and actually be aware of the places in which we are not fully satisfied before we can begin to take action and become more satisfied. So go to imperfectthriving.com and get your Blueprint to Thrive Quickstart today. For free, I might add. This is your quick, five minute assessment in which you will understand all areas of your life in which you are not completely satisfied and must take action if you want to become fully satisfied.

And then if you’re not exactly sure what action to take, just reach out to me, DM me on Instagram, or shoot me an email at [email protected] and we’ll chat about it. So let’s dive in to today’s episode. Shall we? 

Now it is time for the holidays and maybe you just aren’t feeling it. You miss the way your holidays looked last year.

And I get it. There’s nothing wrong about grieving what you don’t have this year. Don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. That will not make your situation any better. Let yourself have your grief, let yourself feel whatever you feel without judgment. This without judgment part is the key. 

Oftentimes the misery we feel is because of the judgment we heap upon ourselves for how we initially feel. It’s not the initial feeling that causes us so much struggle. Let me explain with an example. Say you’re bummed out that you didn’t get to spend time with your extended family for Thanksgiving. So you feel sad or blue. That doesn’t feel good by any means, but then you chastise yourself for being sad because so many others have it worse. You have a nice meal and a roof over your head, so you tell yourself there’s nothing to complain about. It is this comparison to the plight of others and the guilt and the shame that you heap on your original thought and feelings that make you feel much worse than the original sadness you are feeling.

Now you feel badly about who you are, not just how you feel. So let’s all give ourselves a break. Let yourself feel what you feel without judgment. And if you have it pretty great in life overall, and you have many blessings, instead allow yourself your feelings and take action to share it with others instead of comparing.

Give to a food bank or a shelter. I guarantee you will find yourself feeling much better, if you allow yourself your feelings, then take action toward helping others versus having your feelings, chastising yourself for them and sitting in that guilt. So feel what you feel. Then, if you want to make the most of your holiday season, focus on what you can do this year to make your holidays special.

Maybe you’ve already canceled your regular holiday plans due to health issues of loved ones or due to financial constraints brought upon by the pandemic. Maybe you’re missing family or friends more than ever after this extended period of lack of connectedness and distancing for others from others. As a whole, our mental health in America is suffering due to the pandemic.

We are social creatures by nature. So we crave interaction with others on a deep level. If you’re in high school or college, this has been a particularly rough year. Nothing about your experience this year has looked the way you thought it would, but you made it. No matter how difficult it was for you, you have made it this far. Pat yourself on the back for making it through your struggles.

Whatever your reason you can sit in thoughts of what the holidays cannot be for you this year, or you can turn your attention and focus to what they can be. Let’s all decide to make the holiday season of 2020 memorable in a good way. What do you think? I know I’m in. So here is the first tip on how to enjoy your holiday season when nothing is normal.

Number one. Start by reframing how you think about the holidays this year. Start with your values. Decide what you want to remember about your holiday season this year. Who do you want to be for those you love? What is most important to you? Let these questions guide you like a compass and lead you to what you think about and what you take action on.

If you let your values be your guide this season, you will be happy and satisfied with the results. My kids have one set of grandparents who do not live in the same town that we do. They don’t get to see them that often, just because of the activities in the school schedule that they have going on. So this means only seeing them really once or twice a year in person. 

Of course, they haven’t been able to do this due to COVID. So they have been meeting via zoom and quite frankly, I think they have established a deeper connection this year because they are seeing each other’s faces via zoom and talking more often than they did before. More often than when they could only see them see each other in person a couple of times a year. And this is actually strengthened their relationship and it’s gained some momentum and they expect to see each other more often, to speak more often, and they are more connected.

So I really love that my children have done this during COVID. So the first step is start by reframing how you think about the holidays this year, and really focus on your values. 

Let’s move on to number two and number two is find new ways to connect. Okay. So once again, none of us can connect in the ways that we want to this year.

And that’s a fact. We can think in all or nothing terms and say that if we cannot connect in our usual ways, then we will just not connect at all. This type of thinking is not helpful to our overall mental health and wellbeing. Instead, let’s get creative once again, start with your values, then think outside of the box.

What ways can you connect that you have not thought of before now? Are there ways to be outside and distance from those you love? Can you bring your own food? Travel by car, eat together, staying six feet apart outside? If you want to badly enough, you can find a way. One thing is for sure: we will remember the holidays this year because they are so different from the holidays in the past.

Let’s make these memories, good ones. So the second tip is find new ways to connect. 

Let’s move on to number three, connect with nature. Nature has a way of helping us see the beauty in the world when we are under stress. When we are outside, it is easier to focus on something larger than ourselves and get out of our heads and into our bodies.

I have found that if you can take a walk in grass barefoot or on the beach barefoot, that is a great way to connect with nature. Now I know that it’s not possible for everyone right now. If you live in the middle of a city, or if you’re landlocked, you can’t get to the sand or you may not have grass. If you live in a city, you can still go to a public park and probably find some grass to walk in.

Even if it’s cold, take your shoes off and just walk for a few minutes barefoot. And I guarantee you, you will fear feel a deeper connection with something greater than yourself. So connect with nature, even if you can’t make it to a park or to a beach, walk around your neighborhood.

 Try to notice details you have not taken the time to see before. Maybe it’s a building or a house that you’ve never noticed. Maybe you come upon a neighbor who you’ve never met and you introduce yourself from a distance. Take in your surroundings, get out of your head and into your body. So tip number three is connect with nature.

Let’s move on to number four, and this is a big one. Let go of perfection. Oftentimes we have these pictures in our heads of the perfect Norman Rockwell family holiday. Did these ever really happen? Even in the best of years? No family is perfect. No family looks like a painting. No holiday is perfect.

Don’t try to make this year’s holiday perfect. Work on flexibility and expectations. Focus only on the most important aspects of the holiday for you and let go of the details. You may find that when you let go of expectations of certain results that you wind up having the best holiday season you have ever had.

So number four is let go of perfect. 

Moving on to tip number five, focus on giving gifts from the heart. So many of us might be struggling with finances this year due to COVID, don’t make your situation worse by going into more credit card debt, trying to outdo yourself with gifts for everyone. Those you love and who love you would not want you to do that.

Instead, spend some time thinking about those you love individually. What does your favorite aunt like to do? What is important to her? How does she show her love? Let the answers to these questions point you to something you can do for her, rather than something you can buy for her. Maybe it is a handwritten letter reminding her of special past memories you have together.

I can honestly say gifts from the heart from those who love me are my most cherished gifts. In fact, I have a big storage container full of them that I’ve been saving ever since my children were old enough to make anything for me. And sometimes when I’m not feeling my best, all I have to do is look under my bed, pull that out and go through it and I realized just how loved I am. 

I can think of two particular recent gifts that I’ve received  that I keep in my office that bring me joy daily. One is a mock cover of a Vogue magazine with my picture on it that my daughter made me after a year in which the two of us really struggled in our relationship.

Yep. Just because I’m a counselor does not mean that every relationship in my life is smooth sailing all of the time. So my daughter included many captions on this cover, including mother of the year. I cannot express how my heart’s swelled when I received this gift. I almost tear up just thinking about it.

Another wonderful gift that my children gave me recently is a mason jar with a label on it that says, we love you because and it is filled with Popsicle sticks that each of them hand wrote exactly why they love me. 

So I’m sure many of you have probably received handmade gifts at some point in your life. How did these gifts affect you and how you feel? Gifts of our own time and our own thoughts and our own love are so much more special than gifts or money. So this year, especially think about what you can do or make and give from your heart to those you love. I have a feeling that could make this holiday season more special than anyone before it.

So let’s move on to the bonus tips. That’s right. I said, if you stuck with me until the end that I would have three additional tips on how to enjoy the holidays when nothing is normal.

Here is number six. Don’t forget self-care. Of course, like we said earlier, let yourself feel how you feel, get in touch with how you feel so that you will know what you need. Not just for the sake of feeling what you feel, but so you can determine what you need to feel better.

And when you determine what you need, don’t just think about it, make it happen. If you need connection with a friend. Find a way to make this happen. Virtually if you need to. You can cook together. You can cook dinner together while having a glass of wine via Zoom or portal.

I think portal follows you around the room. So as you’re cooking and talking, you don’t even have to pay attention to where you are on the screen. Your friend can just be able to follow you on portal. You can watch a favorite holiday movie together. If you avoid your feelings, it will be difficult for you to know exactly what you need. If you don’t know what you need, the chances are of getting it are not good.

So tip number six is don’t forget about self care, let yourself feel how you feel so you know what you need to feel better. 

Let’s move on to number seven, complete a project. When you need to feel good about yourself or lift your spirits, tackle a project. Think of a project you’ve always wanted to do, but have told yourself, you don’t have time for. 

Take that big end result that you want and reverse engineer it into tiny bite-size steps. Chances are the reason you’ve procrastinated and not started this project is because the end result seems so big that it’s unattainable. We want to break it down into tiny bite-sized steps and just look at one step at a time. Now you can just focus on completing that first small step.

It will no longer look unattainable and overwhelming, so you will no longer have to procrastinate. This is how you get big projects done. Just forget about the result and take the first tiny step. Soon you will gain momentum and be unstoppable. And there is nothing like the self-satisfaction in getting something accomplished to make you feel good. So tip number seven, complete a project. 

Now we are on to our final tip. Number eight, start a new tradition. It is really easy for us to focus on what traditions we might miss out on this year. Traditions are so important. They connect generations. They help us know what to expect and they bring us joy.

So instead of focusing on what traditions we might be missing out on with loved ones this year, let’s change our focus to what new traditions we can create this year. Let’s be creative instead of of what happened in 2019 being our focus, let’s focus on what tradition we can create in 2020. Now let’s go back over and sum up all eight tips.

Number one, start by reframing how you think about the holidays this year. Number two, find new ways to connect. Number three, connect with nature. Number four, let go of perfection. Number five focus on giving gifts from the heart. Number six, don’t forget self-care. Let yourself feel how you feel so you can figure out what you need to feel better.

Number seven, complete a project. So you feel a great sense of accomplishment. And number eight, think outside of the box and start a new tradition. That’s going to create great memories of 2020. 

I hope this helps you make the most of your holiday season. I appreciate you so much, and I’m hoping that you create such a special holiday season full of fond memories for you and those that you love this year.

And I will see you right back here next week. Until then I want you to go out and take imperfect action toward the life that you want to have.

The post 5 Tips on How to Enjoy the Holidays When Nothing Is Normal appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.