If Not Now, When?
61 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 4 years ago - ★★★★★ - 7 ratingsAn ordinary woman bares her soul in order to force a self-reckoning. Middle-age caught me by surprise. Our nest had recently become empty, I was working in the same office job for the last seven years, and like so many others before me, I wondered— Is this all there is? I had lost track of my writing dreams decades ago. This podcast is a record of, not only the journey back to a writing life, but also the journey back to my Self. Who was I before alcoholism, marriage, parenting, career, and surviving consumed me? If I didn’t start living life on my own terms now, when was I ever going to begin?
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Episodes
S3 Ep. 59 INNW- A Final Goodbye
April 18, 2020 17:01 - 30 minutes - 28.3 MBI am closing the doors to this podcast, saying goodbye. Tune in to find out if I did what I intended with the podcast. You can still find me at these other places: onbecomingmaria.blogspot.com Instagram- @onbecomingmaria Pinterest- Maria Dreams Twitter- @MyVoiceOnWings Email- [email protected]
GOODBYE 2019 - S2 Ep 58
December 27, 2019 19:29 - 38 minutes - 35 MBMy creative journey: reflecting and looking forward https://onbecomingmaria.blog
A Little Something Extra # 14: S2 Ep 58
December 06, 2019 22:15 - 10 minutes - 10 MBA bid. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
A Little Something Extra # 13: S2 Ep 57
December 04, 2019 16:12 - 24 minutes - 22.5 MBSelf-Sabotage. Update on a writer's journey. onbecomingmaria.blog
How Crochet Amped Up My Writing Game - S2 Ep 56
November 04, 2019 17:00 - 29 minutes - 27.4 MBWe were all born to create, it’s wired into our DNA. Crocheting has become the latest crucial element for my writing inspiration. Crochet is the surprise secret magic of my creative journey. https://onbecomingmaria.blog Instagram: @onbecomingmaria For more on meditation, tune in to episode #40 A Little Something Extra
Burning Down the House- Part 2: S-2 Ep 55
September 27, 2019 00:01 - 36 minutes - 33.7 MBHow I changed everything in my thinking to begin again with new outlooks. Taking a look at the way smartphones, emails, and the internet can take over our lives without much notice from us. Why I needed to burn down my mental house. onbecomingmaria.blog
A Little Something Extra #12: S2-Ep 54
August 01, 2019 14:49 - 17 minutes - 15.6 MBDeleted the previous episode. Putting my ego in check. Learning to accept life's lessons without hiding. Book reference: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer onbecomingmaria.blog
A Writer's Life in Real-Time --- S2-Ep 53
July 03, 2019 16:59 - 36 minutes - 33.3 MBWhy have I been m.i.a. from the podcast? What does merging my online persona and in-real-life persona have to do with writing a book? Tune in to this episode to find out. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
052 A Little Something Extra #10- S2-Ep 52
June 07, 2019 00:17 - 8 minutes - 12 MBI'm learning how to accept the moments when life is going well, rather than anticipating an eventual turn for the worse. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
051 Burning Down The House- Part 1
May 22, 2019 16:30 - 26 minutes - 24.2 MBWhat it takes to burn down the house, to start all over and become the better version of who we are. The steps I took to cultivate fertile mental ground for a writing life. Removing the obstacles which often cloud self-perception. https://onbecomingmaria.blog/
050 A Little Something Extra #9- S2-Ep 50
May 01, 2019 17:48 - 13 minutes - 17.9 MBA confession. Deeper transparency makes me squirm. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
Nine Years Sober Today! S2-Ep. 49
April 12, 2019 19:12 - 26 minutes - 36.2 MBCelebrating my sober birthday in this episode. Uh-oh. I didn't realize how hard it would be to talk about my alcoholism. Sheesh! https://onbecomingmaria.blog
Season Two Opening Show- A Sophomore Welcome- S-2 Ep. 48
March 29, 2019 22:54 - 38 minutes - 52.4 MBNew year, new me: bringing a little more truth and a lot more chutzpah. The truth about my season one struggles. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
047 A Little Something Extra #8
December 28, 2018 16:23 - 17 minutes - 24.7 MBBonus episode. https://onbecomingmaria.blog/2018/12/21/america-a-problem-to-puzzle-through/
046 INNW Season 1 Finale
November 15, 2018 20:38 - 50 minutes - 68.7 MBI had so much fun recording this episode, it was a party of one indeed! More private reveals about my life and the road which led me to podcasting. My TOP NINE podcast lessons learned in 2018. This secret episode is a gift to my subscribers. See you in 2019! https://onbecomingmaria.blog
045 My Podcast Journey-- Looking Back
October 30, 2018 18:45 - 31 minutes - 43.2 MBHow and why I began podcasting. Hear details about this creative journey that I had not felt brave enough to share until now. What quitting the day job revealed to me about who I thought I was. An FML moment for sure. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
044 Triggered & From the Hip
October 10, 2018 15:52 - 31 minutes - 43.4 MBUnscripted and unplanned, today I merely turned on the mic and let my thoughts fall out. I am talking about recent triggers, but not the kind some of us are prone to discussing. Sexual abuse comes up only as an aside. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
043 From TV Watching to Cable Cutting
September 26, 2018 10:00 - 23 minutes - 32.4 MBAfter more than fifty years of faithful television watching, why I decided it was time to cancel our TV cable subscription. And how cable cutting became an important component of my creative journey. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
042 A Little Something Extra #7
September 12, 2018 09:00 - 10 minutes - 14.9 MBHousekeeping announcements about the podcast and blog content schedule. Also, a little insight into my podcast positioning. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
041 Rolling With The Punches
September 04, 2018 14:40 - 32 minutes - 44.7 MBHow I went from being privately emotional about life's sucker punches to being calmer in my mental responses. Work life as a black woman in all-white work spaces. Also, noticing the differences in the routines of big city lifestyles versus small-town living. AA Twelve Steps rescued me from alcoholic thinking. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
040 A Little Something Extra #6
August 31, 2018 09:00 - 14 minutes - 20.3 MBMy meditation journey: how I started, why I stopped and how recommitting to daily meditation changed everything in a good way. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
039 Chatting From My Cave
August 28, 2018 09:00 - 33 minutes - 45.7 MBA talk about the quiet and solitudinous ways of an introvert. Recognizing, in retrospect, how important alone time had always been for me in the workplace. Also, a look at how introverts tend to draw close to each other in the outside world. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
038 Comfort, The Enticer
August 21, 2018 09:00 - 20 minutes - 28.2 MBA talk about embracing change and stepping out of our comfort zones. How daily routines and the sameness of old habits can lead to falling into ruts. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
037 The Closing Window
August 14, 2018 08:00 - 19 minutes - 26.7 MBHow pursuing my dreams as an older woman makes me feel like the window of opportunity might be closing. Being worried about racing against the imagined clock and running out of time.
036 Who Do You Think You Are?
August 07, 2018 19:03 - 17 minutes - 23.5 MBOld ways of thinking get in the way of my writing, causing me to feel like I don't belong. Lately, I have so many creative tasks in the works, my inner trash-talker wants me to pump the breaks. Fear wants to slow me down. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
035 Autonomy
August 01, 2018 08:00 - 33 minutes - 46.5 MBWhose idea was that decision? Are we really calling the shots in our lives or have we been giving our power away? The magic and brilliance in each of us can shine a whole lot brighter if we let it. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
034 A Little Something Extra #5
July 25, 2018 20:18 - 16 minutes - 22.1 MBAn emotional hangover and a bit of panic. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
033 I'm A Creative Entrepreneur!
July 18, 2018 18:14 - 19 minutes - 26.7 MBA look at some the mind-resistant yo-yoing along the journey to calling myself a creative entrepreneur. What it has taken to pursue the dream chase in middle-age. The official business I now find myself in. https://onbecomingmaria.blog/2018/07/18/body-image-blogging-content-other-updates/
032 Rough Around the Edges
July 11, 2018 08:00 - 33 minutes - 45.6 MBA reckoning and reconciling update-- New Maria continues her merge with parts of Old Maria. A look back on blogging days while active in alcoholism, a little potty mouth history, lamenting lost friendships, and bragging about my Brooklyn roots. https://onbecomingmaria.blog/2018/07/09/a-slice-of-ramble/
031 Two Angels On Assignment
July 05, 2018 09:00 - 34 minutes - 47.3 MBThe complicated relationship I have with my mother is one filled with all the things, pain, a little bit of joy, humor, a lot of sadness, and a smidgen of regret. Society's messages about motherhood. This was a hard episode for me to record. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
030 A Little Something Extra #4
June 29, 2018 15:34 - 14 minutes - 19.4 MBTriggered by a song which reminded me how different life is today and how much I've changed in two years. I recall frequent teary days when I was miserable in a job I had grown to hate. https://onbecomingmaria.blog From my morning run playlist, These Days by Angel Snow-- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTw4OXG4eEA
029 A Little Something Extra #3
June 26, 2018 15:24 - 13 minutes - 18.6 MBA little bit of talk about my sex life. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
028 The Untangling of a Life
June 24, 2018 18:36 - 31 minutes - 43.2 MBUntangling my mind from patriarchal programming. Being on this creative journey has revealed how securely I had locked my mind into a mental prison of my own making. A look at old me versus new me. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
027 How Social Rules Divide Us
June 07, 2018 15:49 - 33 minutes - 46.6 MBA very introspective episode about my old life versus my new life and the lessons learned. How I navigated going from life as a social worker to working in NYC as a corporate employee. Using the podcast to start a self-love revolution. https://onbecomingmaria.blog
026 The Reckoning Continues: Unpacking My Shame
May 29, 2018 17:37 - 35 minutes - 48.4 MBRecalling my days as a sell-out. How and why (in my old life) I sold myself out, sold my sister out, and sold fellow black people out. The choices made due to wounding become inevitable reckonings for us all. How I have been discovering grace. http://whenigrowupcoach.com https://onbecomingmaria.blog/2018/05/16/courage-not-guaranteed/
025 A Call to Love Action
May 22, 2018 15:47 - 26 minutes - 37 MBWhat do any of us really know about expressing LOVE? Do you love intentionally or are you just going through the motions? I used to think the idea of a love quest was ridiculous until I actually tried it. onbecomingmaria.blog
024 A Little Something Extra #2
May 17, 2018 17:03 - 12 minutes - 16.5 MBI'm making a confession about a secret I am intentionally keeping on this creative journey. onbecomingmaria.blog
023 Truth-Telling Can Set Us Free
May 12, 2018 19:20 - 31 minutes - 43.8 MBHow being a truth-teller informed my blogging style, podcasting style and changed my life. How it also helped me to leave shame and secret-keeping behind, to become a woman who is an open book about her experiences. An update on my Love Journey. A look at crying with intention. onbecomingmaria.blog
022 Having Been Both Victim & Perpetrator
May 04, 2018 22:22 - 31 minutes - 43.6 MBThis is not the show I had planned for today but life happens, so I'm sharing something a little tender which I have been dealing with lately. onbecomingmaria.blog
021 All The Things
April 30, 2018 23:52 - 27 minutes - 38.2 MBLearning how to embrace all of my differing personas. Staying true to who I am, even the shadowy parts which tend to elicit shameful feelings. How a conversation - about a racially charged article - in mixed company made me feel like I dropped the ball on honesty. onbecomingmaria.blog
020 A Little Something Extra #1
April 26, 2018 14:07 - 16 minutes - 22.9 MBBringing forth my Essence; allowing who I really am to shine through. onbecomingmaria.blog
019 These Rose-Colored Glasses
April 21, 2018 06:00 - 29 minutes - 41 MBA plug for daily meditation and quitting your day job (if it makes you miserable). A reminder that there is brilliance and talent inside all of us, without exception. We've been misled to believe that only some of us have gifts. 10:24 The chip I used to wear on my shoulder at the workplace 15:40 My old paranoia about friendships in the workplace; questioning motivations behind kindness 19:50 My weakness and fear around having rose-colored glasses 27:55 It's easy to have a chip on you...
018 "Confidence Is A Stain They Can't Wipe Off"
April 14, 2018 06:00 - 32 minutes - 44.1 MBA look back on my activities of the last few months and how they relate to the direction of the podcast. The confidence title is taken from the lyrics of rapper, Lil Wayne's Rebirth album, appropriately titled-- especially in light of the changes I've been making in my own life. I also reference a recent experience with racial terrorism and how we show up for each other in the aftermath of these kinds of awful events.
017 The Awkwardness of Love Talking
April 09, 2018 06:00 - 16 minutes - 23.3 MBA look at how I arrived at my understanding of what love is based on mixed messages from a dysfunctional childhood and conflicting definitions via entertainment media. I admit to some feelings of entitlement due in part to my initial anger as a victim of abuse and the habitual thoughts inspired by those feelings. Finally, how an aging, oft-incontinent dog became my love-teacher. onbecomingmaria.blog
016 The Pitfalls of Caring
April 04, 2018 14:18 - 26 minutes - 36.8 MBI am beginning to go a little deeper with self-reckoning. Referencing the last episode: sure, I was triggered in my book research recently, but what was it about? I discuss what it was that sent me back to therapy last week. I talk about my carefree days as a young reporter and how my reporter attitude has changed now that I am having to do research as a middle-aged woman. My embarrassed surprise at having to deal with the L-word.
015 Codependency: It's Not Just Me!
March 29, 2018 15:57 - 28 minutes - 39.1 MBExploring the triggers I have been facing on this podcasting and writing journey. Realizing how my own codependent tendencies run parallel with the larger collective malaise: a largely codependent society which enables a patriarchy. onbecomingmaria.blog
014 How I Lost my Self in the Patriarchy
March 25, 2018 08:00 - 25 minutes - 35 MBInside the patriarchy I thought I had the wrong body, wrong skin color and wrong gender. Nope! It's the patriarchy that has had it wrong all along about so many of us. onbecomingmaria.blog
013 The Unhiding of a Life
March 20, 2018 09:00 - 26 minutes - 36 MBHow scary it feels to begin to come out from behind all the different masks I have spent my entire life (so far) wearing. Picking up where I left off from the last episode about calling myself on the bullsh*t. Learning how much more vulnerable I feel as a personal journaler through podcasting versus blogging. How does one show up as their Truest Self when one is so practiced at hiding in a world which encourages false and partial personas? Realizing that authentic living is easier said t...
012 Calling Myself on the Bullsh*t
March 15, 2018 17:40 - 27 minutes - 37.4 MBTaking a closer look at some of my motivations, especially as it relates to the latest post on my blog. I discuss the work of soul-searching, disclosing my dismay over being unable to turn back now that it's begun. A look at shadow work, which is used as a guiding technique and principle by some spiritual coaches and therapists. I'm also sharing about my social awkwardness, offering specific examples of recent interactions with women from my life. My continuing AA 12-step work. How w...
011 The Good and Bad Idea of Social Media
March 12, 2018 19:01 - 20 minutes - 28.6 MBIs social media an excellent way to help us flourish or is it poisoning our minds against self-expression? What does it mean to be social? Some of us are good at being social and others (like me) are sometimes awkward. How can we show up as our truest self in the busy, fast-paced and noisy world of social media.