Healing Starts with the Heart

I am Lonely

When our losses first occurred, we had family and friends descend upon us like a sea of people.   Although I appreciated their concern their presence was very overwhelming, and I found myself sitting alone on my front porch in search of a quiet place where I could be left with my pain. After a loss occurs the pain is so unbearable it seems only natural that you would want to isolate yourself and be alone. At times, that can be comforting because it’s hard to be around people when you’re h...

I Know How You Feel

Grief is ugly. Grief hurts. Grief will bring out the worst in you. Grief will bring out the worst in people around you. We were not taught how to grieve properly. Most of the people that have gone before you on this journey will still tell you that they never figured it out. But they will give us the worst advice ever..."I Know How You Feel My...Just Died" Please know that telling a griever that you know how they feel because you have just had your cat die is one of the most di...

Life Is Not Sunshine And Rainbows

Processing the pain from grief means allowing yourself to feel the pain, honestly communicating about how bad it feels and acting.  You must be an active participant in your grief and come to your own aide because there is no one out there who can save you.  You must be your own hero. You cannot get over the pain that is a true misconception, you have to go through the pain to get to the other side, which is recovery.  As soon as I started to allow myself to feel the pain and the tears to ...

How Do I Celebrate The Holidays Without You

The Joy of the Season and Grief When we lose someone we love, our hearts struggle on a daily basis to figure out how to navigate our world without them. When the holidays roll around, our hearts are on overload because everywhere we turn, we are reminded that this is a time for family, for love, and for being together. This holiday season will be particularly hard on all grievers because we now have to contend with our broken hearts as well. Your traditions and norms are already being ...

Just Show Up

We get this question all of the time.  How do I support my sister while she is grieving?  I do not know what to do... Just show up for the grievier.  Show up as the person that you would want to be your support if you were the griever.  Show up as the amazing person that did show up for you when your loss occured.   Supporting the griever is most likely one of the most important things you will do in your life.  I considered the support that I was giving Erica so powerful.  I called her ...

Grieving Who I Was Before My Loss

In 2006, I lost Austin. The grief from his loss was beyond belief. I could not breathe and there were days when I didn’t get out of bed. I did not think that I would ever live again.   The Erica from that day is forever gone.  I am not sure who she was and now as I think about that day, I know that I am a stronger, funnier, and yes sometimes sadder version of her.   So many people kept telling me to just give it time. But this was not helpful for me. How much time? WOULD giving it ti...

Trauma Response

  The key to healing from emotional wounds is to be able to release the pain from those wounds. The number one way to do this is to call it by its correct name.  Grief   When you’re hurt, your body responds by producing hormones and neurotransmitters which affect your emotions.  ~ Your heart hurts.   The tendency is to keep thinking about what happened to you. This causes your brain to produce more hormones and neurotransmitters, resulting in greater anxiety and depress...

There Are No Rules in Grief Planning

Funerals are not the only way to remember someone after they pass away. There’s a lot of alternatives these days- from memorial services and other creative expressions, all the way down to no funeral at all! The truth is there really any set rule for what you should do when it comes time plan your send off in life; so many different options exist just waiting on one person's preferences or ideas about how best commemorate their legacy. The death of a loved one is always an emotional time f...

Can You Blame Grief for Bad Behavior

When people experience the death of a loved one, they may feel that their world has come to an end. This can lead them into feelings such as anger and depression which are all very common in those going through grief though it's important not just for yourself but also other friends or family members who love you dearly when dealing with these tough moments -It’s normal at times feeling angry because your whole life changed right before your eyes - Some might say "I'm coping well" however ...

When Professional Get Grief Wrong

No Pill Can Fix This Grief can be uncomfortable, but it's important to remember that your grief is specific and personal. You might feel self-conscious or think you're not "doing it right" when there are no rules for how somebody should grieve - just as with any other life event! The best thing we could do during these moments of discomfort would probably lie on letting go so we don't get caught up worrying about what other people say instead thinking only about ourselves Grief, like any...

Interview with Dolores Meehan

Dolores is a beautiful soul with an amazing story of grief and healing. Thank you friend for sharing your life with us. More importantly thank you for sharing your healing journey with us.  Join the sisters as they sit in awe with Dolores as she shares her beautiful healing grief journey. www.BellaHW.org

Celebrate Legacy

Don’t you hate it when someone says, “I know how you feel” or you come across experts who haven’t met with you privately but are ready to diagnose or “fix” you and your grief. This ain’t that and that ain't this.   The Gone Too Soon Virtual Retreat was designed to affirm you wherever you are in your grief journey - so you come to understand that YOU are the true expert when it comes to YOUR grief.   After surveying those that have had such a significant loss, most tend to struggle wit...

The Want Vs Need

The Need: Need — require (something) because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable.  The need feels like you will not make it through this pain if you do not have the desired object near you. In grief there are things that we do because we need them as part of our healing process.  It is not uncommon for us to wear his favorite shirt for 30 days straight.  Because I need to feel his presence in my heart. VS The Want Want — have a desire to possess or do (some...

The Brain Plays Trick

What does your brain do when it's grieving? When you experience a traumatic loss, the part of our brains that handles emotions becomes active. This can affect how we think and process information; some people may find themselves overwhelmed with thoughts about what happened while others will be more focused on their feelings (and not remembering anything else).     Grief takes over your brain, altering how you think and feel. Your thoughts are filled with sadness or anger as well...

Circumstance Vs Thought

In the beginning we can feel responsible for what has happened.  My thoughts: “I should have been there.” Now add on the fact that we do not know how to do this grieving thing.  My Thoughts: “I don’t Know how to grieve.”   My friend these are your thoughts.  Trust me when I tell you that your thoughts are controlling this grieving process by sending you into areas of pain that you do not need to be hanging out in.   As humans, it is our privilege to think about what we are thin...

Grieving is Exhausting

We just shared this with a client this week because she is staying in bed longer than she ever has before. And it's worrying her husband. And she's been worried about it too because she's said she didn't want to get stuck in the debilitating depression. This exhaustion is so normal because grief consumes every fiber of your beam having to get out of bed, brush your teeth, make breakfast for your littles. This grief can make you feel the same amount of tiredness as if you would've run a full ...

The Grieving Experience Has An Ending

There's a lot of things that frustrate me, with being a Grief Specialist and working with grievers trying to help them through their grief.  We try to help them find their own personal path out and through it. But nothing frustrates me more sister dear then when I hear someone say, you will never get over this grief. You will never find an end to this pain. Grief never ends. You will feel this way for the rest of your life. That is so frustrating to me and to society that we buy into that BS...

I Feel Bad For Feeling Good

I distinctly remember having a, a huge bowl of vanilla ice cream. Now that I think back on it, I probably was trying to eat away my pain. This was right after Austin had died and the very first spoonful of vanilla ice cream that I put in my mouth was, so sweet and so cool. And I could literally, it was like the vanilla bean were, jumping off my tongue and my taste buds. And I remember thinking, oh man, this is so good. And instantly right afterwards, feeling guilty that I was enjoying life f...

Conflicting Grief Feelings

It's a concept. I don't think a lot of people think about the fact that love and hate can exist at the same time in our heart. Happy and sad can exist at the same time. That's where the term bittersweet comes from. We have opposite emotions or how we call them conflicting feelings. These can happen at the same time. And it's completely normal. It's natural, but people don't know how to interpret that. When it happens, they feel crazy, because it's like, how can I love this person, but hate t...

Prioritize Your Grief

We have to start prioritizing our grief. We do need.  No one wants to be without love. But when you have love and you have these relationships through death, divorce, and again, break up of a romantic relationship, you lose it. But no one wants to deal with it. They essentially want to throw their hands up or stick your head in the sand, be sad, be miserable or run out and get another love. We don't prioritize our grief and it will essentially bleed out into other areas of your life.

Uvalde

This episode was recorded just two weeks after the Uvalde, Texas shooting.  Sharon asks Erica to go back to the moment when she learned that Austin had died to help people understand what those parents might have been feeling in the moments leading up to finding out that their lives were about to be forever changed as a result of this tragedy.     

What Is Closure?

What is closure?  What does that even mean? What is closure and how did that come to be a term associated with relationships or brokenheartedness and why is it that I feel like you always hear it on the news? We gotta get all the newscasters together and tell them to stop using the word closure. Closure is a term used to describe the process of acceptance after the death of a loved one.  

Is Crying Required?

Is crying required in order to grieve?  Absolutely not. Isn't it funny how people think that if you don't cry, then you haven't grieved or they associate their grieving with crying. Like we put the two together. When people see you out in public and you're not doing the ugly cry walking around the grocery store, they say, oh, you're doing so good. You're so strong. It's so insulting because we are totally grieving.  Our hearts are broken. Crying is not required inorder for somene to grieve.

Grief and Abortion

The Sisters discuss the choices that a woman and a man have to go through when making the decision of whether or not to have an abortion and the grief that is connected to that.   

I Miss the Sound of Your Voice

The Sisters talk about the griever resisting healing, resisting the pain. In the first few weeks and months after the loss, the most important thing that the griever can be doing is allowing in the pain, but no one ever tells them that.  One of the ways is to  bring the grief up, like bringing it up when the time is appropriate. And one of the ways we do that is with a voice recording of Austin.  You can use pictures or videos of your loved one as well, it's just important to make sure it's ...

What Grief Healing Looks Like

Erica is 100% the poster child of what true healing looks like. True healing does not look sad. If you are truly healed from a broken heart, you are living your best life. You're living the best life that you can in honor of your loved one. That's what true healing looks like. The things that people say, the things that people do can be so funny when it comes to grief.  Grief is sad but when you do healing work you will be able to find a life that is worth living.

I Am In So Much Pain

The Sisters interview Erin Burden owner of Yoga with Erin B.  Erin shares how she was so devastaed by the loss of her daughter Dakota who ended her life in 2018.  It was Erin and Dakota's plan to teach yoga together, however once Dakota's death Erin could hardly get out of bed because her grief was debilitating.  Her desire to get back into yoga was to keep her connection with her daughter but she soon realized it was also helping her with her grief.  Today Erin strives to work specifically ...

Prolonged Grief

Prolonged grief is a condition that occurs, according to the medical industry, grief that lasts over a year. Prolonged grief is a disorder that was just added to the DSM five, the diagnostic statistical manual of mental disorders. The DSM five is, whatever disease you can come up with and until recently, grief was never in it because grief is not a mental disorder.  www.healingstartswiththeheart.com  

Mother Daughter Conflict

This year for mother's day, we're not gonna talk about the joy of being a mother. We're gonna talk about the pain of being a mother. The pain of being a mother to a daughter, the pain of being a mother to multiple daughters, the pain of conflict that comes along with being in a relationship with your daughter this year were gonna take on a tough subject for mother's day. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com  

Getting to Neutral

Neutral not helping or supporting either side in the conflict. That's the adjective neutral, the noun, an impartial or unbiased person. Neutral can also be a color. What is getting to neutral in your grief? Erica and I often help grievers get to neutral. In the middle, not having an emotional reaction or emotional feeling one way or the other you're just there. You're just in a neutral state where prior to that state, you had a ton of emotions going on. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com ...

Getting Neutral

Betrayal

Betrayal in your marriage could be a betrayal in a relationship. All of a sudden you discover sexual betrayal and suddenly you're plunged into loss and grief at such a deep level that you never knew could even happen.  There are so many layers to betrayal and they can go so deep. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com  

The Slap Heard Around the World Pt.2

The Sister's breakdown the Will and Jada Smith dynamic.  Specifically how the challenges in their marriage is a grieving experience.  When there's pain in your heart that is a grieving experience.  A struggling marriage can cause extreme pain in the heart.  It's important to acknowledge this pain and to find a path towards healing.     www.healingstartswiththeheart.com

The Slap Heard Around the World Pt.1

The Sister's discuss the infamous Will Smith/Chis Rock slap.  They break it down into grief components such as childhood trauma, infidelity, change in health and bullying.  Although there were a lot of different options on who was right and who was wrong, the one thing that was not up for debate is the pain all who were involved experienced.     www.healingstartswiththeheart.com

Grief Avoidance

Grief Shock

Don't Tell Me I'm Strong

This is not a compliment for a griever.  When a griever loses a loved one they are in survival mode.  They were not given the choice to prevent their loss from occurring, yet they still have to perform the activities of daily living.  In general, grievers are on auto-pilot when they experience a loss, when they are told how strong they are it is not because they want to be it's because they have to function.   www.healingstartswiththeheart.com  

When Families Fight

It is not uncommon for families to fight during a grieving experience.  Grief is unique and individual to the griever and every griever is struggling with the individual relationship they had with the loved one that has passed away.  Everyone should be given the space to grieve the way that they need to and should not be told how to grieve.  Emotions show up for everyone in a different way. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com  

Reviewing the Relationship

Every griever has the experience when they lose a loved one or even a less than loved one that their brain automatically starts reviewing the relationship.  We spend time looking at everything we wish we would've done different, better or more.  The griever automatically identifies the feeling the are having as guilt for all the things left unsaid and the the things left undone.  It's not guilt, but regret the griever is left with and this can add another layer to the grief and the pain in o...

We Don't Compare Losses

The Sisters discuss how inappropriate it is for people to compare their losses to another person's loss.  When grievers have unresolved grief they will put their pain on a new griever by saying "I know exactly how you feel."  This is one of the most disrespectful things you can say to a new griever.  It's time to normalize the concept that grief is unique and individual an no one will ever know exactly how you feel.   www.healingstartswiththeheart.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope...

I Don't Have an Emergency Contact

This is an extremely sensitive topic for some grievers when they find themselves in the situation of not having someone to list as their emergency contact.  The void of not having someone who will show up for you increases the grieving experience tenfold.  It is up to the griever to do the necessary work to find healing so that they can find someone to show up for them. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com      

Grief Funk

The sisters define and discuss what a grief funk really is and how it affects grievers.  There are times when we make a certain amount of progress and then something like an anniversary or holiday drags us back down into a grief funk.  When this happens it can make the griever feel like they are not getting better and it often discourages them from continuing on their healing journey.   www.healingstartswiththeheart.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover    

Give it Voice

The Sisters discuss how important it is to give voice to the negative emotions you are carrying in your heart.  Grief carries such negative emotions but because we as a society are not trained how to properly talk about grief we try to push it all down and avoid the feelings.  Not being able to communicate how you are feeling will delay your ability to heal. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover  

A Brother's Grief- Erica and Jordan

Erica gets an opportunity to interview her youngest son Jordan.  Jordan explained in his own words what it has been like to lose two brothers at such a young age.  He also shares what he has learned form his grieving experience and how he tries to help others when they are grieving.  https://linktr.eeSharonandErica      

Taking Accountability for Your Grief

With a new year upon us the Sisters deliver a very important message about the griever taking accountability for their own grief.  Like a lot of things in life there is no manual that tells us how to grieve and everyone's grief is different.  Sharon and Erica share that they made a lot of mistakes on their grief journey.  It is from their personal experiences with their own grief that they deliver this message to you. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope...

I Miss Mothering You

The Sisters discuss the challenges that continue to plague mothers after their child passes away.  This can also happen when their child moves away.  There is definitely no comparison, but the emptiness and the isolation still occurs.  We are gifted with these beautiful beings and we pour all of ourselves into raising them to become successful members of society.  Mother's are never prepared for the day when they can no longer give their children all of their love. www.healingstartswiththe...

Our Mother is Getting Married

Sharon and Erica share their experience handling the news that their mother is getting remarried.  Their father has been deceased since 2013 so this was quite the unexpected turn of events for their family.  However, they truly want to see their mother happy and embrace her decision.  This is not often the case in families when one parent decides to pursue a new relationship after losing a spouse. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com    

Struck By Lightning Twice

Grief is a part our human experience here on earth.  No one will leave this world without a grieving experience.  And sadly some of us will have back to back grieving experiences which we compare to being struck by lightning twice. It's devastatingly painful to experience one grieving event let alone two or more.   www.healingstartswiththeheart.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover  

Insensitive Comments

The Sisters discuss how much more challenging grief can be when you are surrounded by people who make insensitive comments.  As a society, we are not taught how to talk about grief which is so sad because grief happens every single day and yet it's uncomfortable to talk about.  This often leads to the griever feeling unseen and alone. www.healingstartswiththeheart.com www.https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

I Didn't Want to Make You Feel Bad

The Sisters discuss how it's so common for people to avoid calling grievers for the special days and anniversaries that honor their loved ones and the most common response they get is "I didn't want to make you feel bad." But what's so widely misunderstood is that grievers feel bad every minute of every day without their loved one.  What grievers want most is to be able to talk about their loved ones without all of the unsolicited advice given to them by others.   www.healingstartswiththeh...