How Therapy Equips You With The Tools To Rise Above Crises - with Lakiesha Russell

Hey, everybody, it’s Akilah Marie, thank you again for coming to spend some time with me and dive deep into life. I am so honored and blessed that you decided to spend a little time and dive a little deeper into life and love and career with me today. Gosh, guys, we are in a pandemic still and if you listened to the previous episode, where I gave you a little insight on who I am, I definitely hope that you were able to grasp the understanding that therapy was the tool and the vehicle that got me to my next place. In doing some self-reflection on what I wanted to go into for Episode Two of Grit and Grace, it was only natural to bring one of my greatest inspirations and friends and sisters in so many areas of life here today. I would like to introduce to the world and the Grit and Grace podcast, Lakiesha Russell! 

Please tell the Grit and Grace world a little bit about yourself.

I am a licensed mental health therapist here in the state of Wisconsin. I'm a mompreneur of two, I have a tweenager and a teenager, so y'all pray for me. I'm a speaker and what I do primarily is focus my work on working with children and teens on emotions, life transitions, trauma, and working with moms and parents helping them heal their own emotional wounds to raise emotionally healthy children.

Before we get into mental health and all that you do as well as some tips and tricks for the grit and grace of family, talk to me about motherhood for you raising children and especially during these times.

Listen, I feel that struggle those pains and those challenges for sure. So my kids’ school actually started off in person just like all together and right now they're virtual just because grandparents and us wanting to be considerate of them and their health. That was a big fight, because they were just like, "Ce can't go in person and see our friend?" I think for us as parents understanding, too, that the emotions that our kids feel are real, and how do we validate that and acknowledge what they're feeling? For me, it was, okay, let's talk about it, let's process this. At the end of the day, this decision that we're making is for everybody involved. So looking at the bigger picture of it, and that helps them to be a little more accepting of it, of course, they're still like, "Oh, we're ready to go back to school mom," and like "Mmm not quite yet!" We'll kind of just see how things transpire. The more people that practice social distancing, and all of those great things. Even for them, they're athletes, so they can't even play their sports that they want to play so that's another thing for them not having those own personal outlets. So it's finding those things that they do enjoy, and how do we pivot? Focusing on that pivoting piece, and what does that look like for you in real-time? Even as a mom, I'm still seeing clients in person, and some virtually so I'm able to get out of the house, right? So how do you stay sane during all of that, and it's finding those moments of your peace? So what does that look like? So how do you stay sane during all of that, and it's finding those moments of your peace? So what does that look like? Is that you getting up maybe 30 minutes before you get all the kids together, just for you to get your peace and your sanity and calm down? Or is it you taking a lunch break? Because I think it's hard to really like separate working from home and doing those things we would typically do in the traditional office setting of taking the lunch and working away from our laptops. But now really practice and put those things into place, because you're gonna burn out. 

Let's talk about zoom fatigue. Have you been hearing a lot about that with your clients or just in general in the field?

Yeah, I feel like it's just an increase because even for me at times having virtual sessions back to back to back, looking at a screen can be so daunting and energy draining. I feel like our brains are working 10 times harder because we're trying to watch people's facial expressions, or what might be popping up on the screen. So your brain is trying to work extra hard versus if you were in person with that person right across from you where you don't have all of these outside forces and variables in play. So what I've been encouraging people to do because even now we're still trying to find ways to connect with our family and our friends and all of that. Sometimes maybe switching it up and not doing like a virtual happy hour, maybe it's like just something audible where you're just listening to each other. Really just giving your brain even a vacation from having to work so hard after you've worked an eight-hour a day, virtually looking at a screen all day. Even if it's not in meetings all day, you're still looking at a screen. While we are blessed to be employed, because we know that there are people who aren't, that doesn't negate the fact that this is still difficult. I've learned through life that my difficulties are my difficulties. While I still can sympathize with other people in their circumstances and give in order to help better them, I still can validate my feelings by allowing myself to not feel guilty, because there are other people that may have it worse or whatever. I think that happens a lot with women in general, men, you can have that as well. But women in general, we always have this weight of like, "Okay, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, but I know, there are 5 million other moms that are worse off than me so I shouldn't feel this way." You can still feel this way!

What are some ways that we as moms can cope with this whole thing that's going on?

Just think of our daily challenges and struggles that we have as moms. I think the biggest thing I want moms to take away from listening to your podcast, is acknowledging those emotions. Because when we avoid them, we aren't dealing with it. We're just sweeping it under the rug and do you want to continue to be a rug sweeper, or do you really want to get it out there? It's gonna be ugly, not pretty at all, but acknowledge those emotions and process those things will help you to get through them and be able to handle them. Secondly, you want to build some kind of self-care routine, to protect your mental wellness. to protect your spiritual health. and your physical health because all those things are connected and work together. So what kind of self-care routine are you creating for yourself? I know people are like, "I get my nails done and I get my hair done,"  which is all great and fine because I do those things too. But me and another friend laughed because we're like "But that's more like maintenance." Find those things that don’t cost anything, and that refuels your spirit, rejuvenates you from the inside out. That could be creating a journal, and it doesn't have to be written form it can be drawn.

 So there are different types of journals out there, could you explain this to the Grit and Grace Crew? 

Typically, what you might always see people is like, more of that narrative form. So like the storytelling of the journal like, "Well, today, I had a great day, I wish so and so what I did that," you know, the "Dear Diary" stuff we see on TV. If that’s what works for you that’s totally fine! If you just want a brain dump, and just write down all your thoughts that you're feeling at that moment, go ahead. If you just want to write descriptive words, just how you're feeling do that, too. Journaling doesn't have to be this complete thought-out sentence or paragraphs of things. But doing what's best for you is perfect. Even like the drawing piece, if you're like, "I really don't feel like writing." Just draw it out, or doodle, scribble something on that paper, but to get all that energy out that you have stored. 

Could you talk a little bit about the importance of therapy, not just when things are crumbling, but just maintenance in general? 

Yeah! And again, I know people think, "Oh, I need to see a therapist when I'm in crisis," but oftentimes, when you're in crisis, we're trying to tackle what you're going through right now. But we want to also provide you with the skills and tools so when you get into those situations, you're already equipped as you've already got your battle armor on your sword, whatever it is to slay those dragons that come your way because you've been practicing for it! We think of like these athletes, they can't just go out here in the NBA and just be like, “I got it ya'll, I ain't practice, but I'm gonna make these three-point shots!” We operate the same way when situations come into our lives and that's the importance where therapy comes into play, even before you enter into a crisis. It's giving you those preventative tools before you have to react to a situation.

When you think about people who have this great opposition against therapy, even if it's like a family member or friend, what can you say against that opposition to help them understand?

Yeah, if you had family members that struggle with understanding the importance of therapy, it's sharing your experience with it and how big of a help it was to you, for you to be the best you can be. So the word of mouth is the best way I tell people to really help people understand, especially loved ones on how important therapy is by giving them another perspective. But you know, therapists are unbiased, very neutral, and can think with a solid, clear mind. Knowing and having that person that's neutral and that has the skill set, the capacity to hear and listen to you. Because if you're talking to your homegirl or your family member, they gonna be running down their experiences like. "If I was you, I would do this." A therapist ain't gonna give you the answers. We're gonna lead you to the water, but it's everything we're helping you piece together that you've already been thinking about. We're just helping it make it be a little more clear for you to really decide on what you want to do.

When I think about kids and their needs and how their brains aren't even fully formed. What you do in your work to help them through that I think it’s going to change the world and they're truly going to pass that on to people as well. They will definitely do that. Have you seen any return on that investment with the children that you counsel?

Most definitely and I think those are the rewarding pieces. One thing too I do highlight to parents is that this is not overnight. Especially with kids, it takes them a little longer to learn these skills, because a lot of times it's repetition. I also empower and encourage the parents like I'm gonna teach you these skills so when you're at home, you can implement them. They're seeing me once a week so I have no control outside of them seeing me for that time. So I need the parents to work with me, it's a collaboration. Oftentimes, yeah, the child is my client, but I'm working with the whole family because it's a nucleus. I can't work with the kid, and give him the skills, and put him back into an environment that's not equipped to support these new skills and these new behaviors.

And so much more…