Winter

Winter is God's way of saying, "Up yours." The sun didn't come out all day today. Can't blame it. It was way too cold. I walked outside to get the mail a little while ago, with my cup in my hand, and by the time I got back inside, I was enjoying a chunk of coffee.
You could freeze an egg on the sidewalk. That might be why hens were seen laying eggs from a standing position today. People with high fevers were renting themselves out as car seat warmers. Instead of saying "Have a nice day," courteous supermarket checkouts were saying, "I hope you go to hell." Flashers were just describing themselves. Priests all over the arch diocese couldn't get their cars started, because darn and drat weren't powerful enough encouragement words.
A little while ago, while I was putting a log on the fire, I noticed a little tiny frozen brown spot. The fire hit it just now and it went pop...and for just a moment, it stank something awful. It was probably a little tiny frozen squirrel fart. I'm sorry...flatulence. Can't be too careful...the forces for good in the community will tie a knot in my microphone cord, and I'll never be heard from again.