Walk-Don't Walk-Run

The next time your hat pops off because your head is expanding to keep up with your ego, do one of three things. #1-Try telling some other guy's dog to roll over and play dead, #2- Walk down the beach trying to catch the attention of someone in a bikini while you're wearing your 40 or so year old Speedo. Or #-3 push the pedestrian crossing button to change the sign from don't walk to walk.
I have done #s 1 & 2 before several times, and today I hit the trifecta. I stood pushing the damn change the crossing sign button on a busy street, and I pushed and pushed, and pushed and it totally ignored me. I hate ignorance. I especially hated it this time because there was a lot of traffic, and I had to get across the street to a gas station that had a men's room. I mean I was starting to hop from one foot to the other. I really had to get across that street. By the way, I don't make a habit of hanging out in men's rooms, but I feel you might like to know there is a sign in the Denver airport's men's room that reads, "Don't forget to flush. L.A. needs the water." I know the sign is there because I saw Big Louie put it there last week.
Big Louie is the star of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. He devotes his life to helping us lead happier, healthier hotter and sometimes funnier lives. He's always saying stuff like, "If you have any moving parts left, for cryin' out loud move ‘em." And "Who needs tooth paste if your teeth aren't loose." And "If your kid wants to learn to drive, you should never stand in his way." I should have listened to him when he said, "Pedestrian crossing sign buttons are like computers. You must never let them know you're in a hurry."